Chapter 23
"Ms. Star?" The secretary called to Amber. "Doctor Moreno is ready for you."
Amber stood and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. Fear and dread flowed freely through her until she shook. "I know I said I wanted help and I do, but I'm not sure I can do this."
Seth pulled her against him, holding her tight. "I know you're afraid, but you have to find the courage within yourself to face this. After what happened a few days ago you can't afford to back out."
She nodded. "I know and I will, I'm just scared of what she's going to do to me."
"Whatever she does it will be with the intent of making you healthy again." He pulled her to arm's length. "I love you and I'll be in the waiting room if you need me."
She lifted a shaky hand and threaded it through her hair before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Thank you." Then taking a deep breath, Amber opened the door and stepped into the doctor's office.
A middle aged woman with long dark curly hair and glasses stood up from behind her desk and smiled. "Come in Amber." She motioned to an empty chair. "Please have a seat."
On shaky legs, Amber crossed to the chair and sat, then placed her hands in her lap.
"So," Doctor Moreno began. "Lexi has filled me in on the Christmas Eve incident." She leveled a look at Amber. "She's very concerned and rightly so."
Amber nodded. "I know she is and I'm honestly not sure what came over me that night. I'd never considered suicide before."
"What made you think of it that night?"
Amber thought back on that night. "I don't know for sure. I just felt so lonely. It seemed that everyone had turned their backs on me. Or at least it felt that way." She began to fidget now. "I now know that all I needed to do was admit I needed help and they would have been there, but in the moment I really felt alone."
Doctor Moreno tapped her pen on Amber's chart. "Why do you think you need help?"
"My mind...it has this way of twisting events around until I've convinced myself that whatever the situation is, it's my fault. Even when I try not to, I'll worry about stuff that's out of my control."
"Does this worry you do interfere with your sleep or you relationships with others?"
Amber nodded. "I have terrible insomnia and I have a bad habit of pushing people away."
Doctor Moreno cocked her head to the side. "When do you first remember this habit of feeling guilty?"
"After my father died," Amber replied and immediately felt the tears well. This was exactly what she didn't want to talk about and she knew, was exactly what she needed to talk about. "I was eighteen," she offered.
Doctor Moreno arched a brow. "How did he die?"
Amber blinked at the first tear fell and the memories she desperately tried to bury slowly began to surface. As hard as she'd tried, she couldn't outrun her past. It was time to stand and face it head on...
Seth let out a heavy sigh and tossed the magazine onto the table before glancing at the clock high on the wall. He'd skimmed damn near every magazine in the place, even taken a 'do you have a good boyfriend' test in some girly magazine in an attempt to amuse himself, yet his mind continued to wander back to Amber. It had been a little over an hour and he was dying to know how she was making out.
Just as he stood to pace, the inner door opened and Doctor Moreno appeared. "Mr. Rollins?"
He spun on his heel to face her. "Yes?"
"Would you come in please?"
Nerves dancing, Seth headed into the room, where he found Amber sitting in an over sized chair. She appeared shell shocked and her eyes were red from crying. He reached for her and was more than a little relieved when she stood and slid into his embrace. He pressed a kiss to her temple. "It's okay."
She sniffled against him. "I know."
Seth eased into the chair and pulled Amber onto his lap.
"This first session was a little intense," Doctor Moreno began. "However, it was necessary in order for me to make an accurate diagnosis."
"And?" Seth asked as he pulled Amber a little tighter against him.
"And I believe that Amber is suffering from depression brought on by untreated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."
"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" Seth frowned. "I thought that was something only soldiers suffered from."
"Anyone who has suffered from a traumatic event can suffer from PTSD," Doctor Moreno clarified. "Amber has suffered from several traumatic events over the past several years."
"But you can fix this, right?" Seth asked.
Doctor Moreno nodded. "I'm not sure fix is the correction word, but I can help her. We'll set up regular sessions and you're not in town, I run them via link like I do for Lexi, so you can stay on the road. I'm also going to prescribe some medication to start."
Amber shook her head. "I don't want to take any drugs."
Seth tightened his grip on her. "But it will help."
"And you won't have to stay on them forever," Doctor Moreno added. "This is a step I feel will help to jump start your recovery. Once you've been in therapy for a few months and I see you making progress, we'll start weaning you off the medicine."
She glanced from Seth to Doctor Moreno. "You really think I need them?"
"I do," Doctor Moreno confirmed. "They'll help you sleep and lift your mood and overall they'll make you feel better."
Amber sighed. "I do want to feel better." She turned her attention to Seth. "What do you think?"
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I think you need to do whatever the good doctor thinks is best."
"Okay, I'll take them," Amber agreed. "I'll do whatever it takes to make myself better."