Author's note: I don't think I've ever left a story this long to update... What is wrong with me? My only excuse is that I've been working on other stories and really busy etc but that isn't really excuse at all... *Bows head in shame* Sorry!
scrappy8: Thank you! You're too kind. I'm really glad you liked it x
iluvtwilight60: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!
GrandmaBeth: Thank you very much! I'm really sorry I made you cry! I'm hoping they were tears of the good-fandomy kind though?! THANK YOU! xD
flipper887: Thanks! I'm so happy you enjoyed it, and I'm afraid I've kind of failed at regular updates... But thank you anyway!
readingsloth: (cool pen name by the way. I love sloths... xD) I'm really, really glad! What does the 'Z' stand for in ZOMG? I found it quite cool, and now I'm curious. And thank you very much!
illuminatus101: Thank you! That's really nice of you to say. I will most definitely continue writing this, it's just how regularly that's the problem... I feel really, intensely guilty for neglecting it for so long. Hopefully more frequently than I have been! xD
I don't own Harry Potter, shocker as that must be for you all.
Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse... and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.~ Rick Riordan
"Mum?" Bill called, sliding out of his boots by the front door and flinging his overnight bag onto the table in a lackadaisical way that had Fleur scowling at him. "Mum, we're here!"
"Are we early?" Fleur wondered aloud, looking around the kitchen as if expecting six- five, Bill reprimanded himself, feeling overwhelmed by sorrow and shame and grief as he thought about it, Weasley children to pop out from behind the oven. Forcing aside thoughts of Fred, he gave a slight laugh.
"No, we're perfectly on time. But this is the Weasleys we're talking about here. Best to add on at least half an hour to the allotted time, love. I remember when we were kids. Used to take us at least three hours to get out the door, usually because Fred-" He stopped mid sentence, the pair of them frozen looking at each other.
No bombs went off. No catastrophic explosions, no crying orphans, no burning buildings. The world did not come to an end at the mention of Fred Weasley's name. But there was an unnatural stillness to the kitchen as the two of them stood there, a heart wrenching emptiness to the home as the pangs of loss hit fresh and real once more.
On reflex, Fleur glanced at the clock, and felt her heart plummet.
The moment was glossed over when Andromeda Tonks came bustling into the kitchen.
"Oh, thank goodness! I wasn't sure if anyone would be here yet! Molly's just had to dash to the shops to pick up some things last minute, Arthur's in the garden, and I think the others are watching Ginny's tryout- it's overrun. You wouldn't mind holding Teddy for a minute would you, Fleur? I just have to get some stuff out of the oven for Molly."
With that, the squirming infant was dumped unceremoniously into Fleur's arms.
His hair was as red as any of the Weasley's today, and his eyes were bright blue as he beamed at Fleur, unaware of the nerves fluttering in the pit of her stomach.
She wanted to drop him, staring in wide eyed panic at Bill. Wanted to put him down as soon as she'd picked him up. This wasn't her child, could never be her child, and that very fact resonated deeply throughout her veins.
This child, however, was no one's child. And maybe it was there that the problem lay.
"Bill." She let out a strangled whisper. "Bill, mon dieu, what do I do?"
He smiled gently, putting a hand on her arm. "You're doing just fine on your own, sweetheart."
Teddy reached out towards one of the long blond curls tickling his cheek, and grabbed it with his chubby toddler fingers, giggling in delight. It was infectious, beautiful, and Fleur couldn't help but laugh along as he waved his fistful of hair.
Fleur had always been fine around children. Loved them, even. When she was younger, and her maman had been unable to get Gabrielle to sleep, she had always been the one able to tell her a simple story and convince her little sister to drift off. Later, with her little cousins, Fleur had played nursery maid, rocking them to sleep and feeding them bottles in her lap. Her mother had called her a natural, and her aunt had beamed and told her she'd make some child a stunning mother.
But now that her and Bill were trying, were actually considering a baby for their very own, everything seemed different. Teddy Lupin seemed to symbolise something much more than just an adorable little cousin to play with and nurture. He seemed to symbolise all that could be hers. And all that, ultimately, could not.
"Bill-" She whispered softly as she stared into the infants face. "What if it does not work?"
Bill didn't have to ask what she meant. He took her hand. "We've only been trying for 2 months, Fleur. It's not that long."
"I know, but-"
"Remember what your mum said? About worrying? I promise you, nothing is wrong. It's natural, after everything we've been through, after losing-" He choked on his brother's name, got it caught somewhere in his chest, and instead just shook his head, eyes swimming with tears. "It's perfectly find to be anxious. But there is absolutely nothing to indicate that everything's not- well, perfectly alright. And every sign that it's all perfect."
"I know it is silly to worry."
Bill smiled, and pressed his lips against the top of her head, Teddy squirming in between them. "Yes, it is. Normal, but silly. And the sooner you stop-" He smiled, eyes twinkling. "The sooner I can call myself a dad."
Fleur offered him a dazzling smile. "You will make a wonderful daddy."
He grinned in reply, and turned to Teddy. "Alright there, Teddy? Not crushed to death by Uncle Bill's ridiculous hugging? Or drowned in Aunty Fleur's incessant worrying?" Teddy just laughed, and turned his eyes brown, to match Bill's. Bill chuckled in return, bringing his hand down to cup the baby's cheek. "Merlin, he'd have loved you."
"Say his name, Bill." Fleur whispered. Bill looked at her.
"What?"
"Say his name. You are allowed, you know. It is not illegal to say his name, to acknowledge that he existed. You are allowed to miss him."
Bill smiled sadly. "I bet he's having a good laugh, wherever he is, don't you?"
Fleur smiled. "Indubitably."
Bill sighed. "And Tonks and Remus... Bet they're having a good time. Watching this little guy grow up without them. Knowing that he's alright. That he's loved."
Fleur's eyes filled with tears. "I'm sure they are."
"Fred's going to be an Uncle, Teddy." Bill whispered. "Someday soon. But you can't tell anyone yet, okay?" He grinned at Fleur. "It'll be our little secret."
ℓℓℓ
"Go on. We'll catch you guys up." Ginny told Ron and Hermione. Hesitating only to ascertain that they'd better not be long, or Circe knows how many angry Weasley brother's Harry would have at his throat, they apparated ahead, leaving Harry and Ginny on the outskirts of the forest. Alone for the first time in what seemed like years, but in reality was only a couple of weeks.
"Mum's going to kill us for being late to her first official Weasley family lunch, you know." Ginny smiled.
"Yeah, well. She's always liked me anyways." Harry grinned.
Ginny smiled, standing on tiptoe to peck him on the lips. "I wanted to talk to you, actually. About Teddy."
"Oh?" Harry asked. "What about him?"
"It's just that Andromeda loves him to pieces, of course she does, I'm not disputing that. But she's lost her husband, her daughter, her son in law, all in one go, and it's been so incredibly hard on her. Don't you think that we should take Teddy off her hands a bit more regularly?"
"Yeah, I was actually thinking about that... I don't know, going to the park with him or something? It's be nice for him, to get some fresh air. It can't be easy, staying cooped up in that house of theirs. On him or Andromeda."
Ginny nodded, biting her lip. "He's still too little to appreciate any of it, of course. But there's a park near the Burrow that mum used to take us to when we were younger. We used to go and feed the ducks, play on the swing set. Maybe we could take him there one day next week? Let Andromeda go out and see some friends or something. Or just visit their graves, you know? It might help with the healing process. Merlin knows, I miss Tonks. And Remus. And Fred..." She trailed off, and Harry squeezed her hand.
"When did life get so hard, Ginny?"
She laughed lightly. "I'll have you know, Mr Chosen One, that life has always been hard."
But, as they apparated back to the Burrow, Ginny realised that that wasn't exactly true. That, for all the talk of war and Voldemort and the Order, never before had she lost a brother, a friend and a teacher, all in one go.
Never had she been so happy, and yet never had she felt so empty.
ℓℓℓ
"You're good with him." Andromeda remarked, watching Harry with Teddy from across the room.
Harry smiled. "Yeah, well. I've had a lot of practice, by now."
Molly smiles. "Not that much, dear. Teddy only comes around about once a fortnight. That's not much experience, so far as most babies are concerned."
Andromeda sighs. "I think Teddy's too much like his mother to be like most babies. Excellent in small doses."
It's a painful moment. Everyone holds their breath, staring at the careworn woman in the armchair, shivering despite the warmth of the July evening.
"He's beautiful." Ginny smiles, leaning into Harry to look at Teddy. "I'm sure he'll grow up to be just like her."
And there's sadness in her eyes, but joy too, as Andromeda nods at Ginny gratefully.
The dead shouldn't be taboo, Fleur decides. They should be celebrated. Because, no matter how you looked at it, all of them had been humanly flawed, but lived unquestionably full lives. Had conquered fears, held grudges, possessed unequalled stubbornness, hated with passion and loved with fire to the very edge of their existence.
Teddy Lupin, after all, was proof of that.
ℓℓℓ
Teddy's hair was blue, the day Harry took him to the park. Harry was ever so slightly panicked that perhaps it might draw too much attention to them, but he needn't have worried- this was a wizards park, and there were far stranger sights than a blue haired baby.
"I wonder where the ducks are, Teddy. Didn't Aunty Ginny tell us they were this way? Oh, here we are. I miss her, you know, Ted. She's only been gone 3 days, her and Hermione, and I'm already missing her so much I fell partially inclined to jump on the Hogwarts Express after her. Which is insane, since I spent most of last year doing my best not to think about her. I don't really know why I didn't go back to Hogwarts for my last year, with Hermione. I guess because Ron didn't. And because Kingsley offered me a place on the Auror program without NEWTs. And because of you, I guess. But to think... I've always counted Hogwarts as a home. More so than any other I've ever know. It seems weird to voluntarily not return. And especially weird to think of Hermione going without me and Ron. We've never been apart for this long in, well, ever..." He looked at the baby in the pram, smiling bemusedly as he sucked on his fingers. "You're a good listener. Has anyone ever told you that? Alright, let's see what else I could tell you... Oh! Ron and I are going to go look at a flat in the centre of London next week. Maybe you could come with us, I'd imagine your decision making skills are unequalled..."
He carried on like that all the way back to the Burrow.
ℓℓℓ
"Tired, Harry?" Molly asked innocently as he walked into the kitchen. Teddy had spent the rest of the day alternately crying, sleeping and eating. Not a bad life, from where Harry was standing.
Being the person who ran around after him, however... "You have no idea."
Molly laughed. "I'll bet. I tell you what, why don't you and Teddy go up to mine and Arthur's bedroom and get a couple of hours sleep before Andromeda arrives? It's only 5 o' clock."
"I think-" Harry broke off with a wide yawn. "That might be a good idea. Thanks, Molly."
Unbeknownst to Harry, Molly crept up with one of Arthur's muggle camera contraptions whilst the pair were curled up asleep on the master bed, Teddy's hand wrapped around Harry's finger as they slept peacefully on.
This would be an excellent accompaniment to their next letter to Harry and Ginny. Perhaps, even, a piece for the scrapbook besides...