Ichigo tried to concentrate on his homework. His time in Hueco Mundo hadn't really been that long – time passed differently between the realms – but he'd still lost almost three months. It was hard to catch up but his dad and friends were helping. Ishida was tutoring him all the time, now.
But he couldn't concentrate. The sun had already set and the moon was up, shining with a silvery light. Leaving the computer he turned out the lights and sat on his bed, gazing out the window. Looking at the moon gave him a strange, melancholy feeling. He wasn't sure he liked it but he was powerless to resist.
Ichigo, are you well? Zangetsu asked, worry tingeing his voice. Ichigo sighed, not taking his eyes off the crescent moon.
"I'm fine." He said briefly before going silent for a moment. Then he spoke again, letting his thoughts flow. "What happened to me there, Jii-san? Why do I feel so… lost?" All he knew about his time in Hueco Mundo was what the shinigami had told him. That had included a recording of him speaking to Rukia and Renji, so he knew it was true… as far as it went. But why had he been so desperate to go back to Hueco Mundo? And why did he feel so empty now? "I wish I could speak to my hollow." Zangetsu couldn't tell him much. His connection to the zanpakuto had died to almost a whisper, in his time in Hueco Mundo. And the sword spirit seemed strangely reticent about the things he did know. All he would say was that he and Grimmjow had become close.
And his hollow was completely unreachable. Ichigo had tried to use his power sparring with Renji and failed completely. He didn't like it – it felt wrong – but the soul reapers assured him that eventually his connection to his hollow would recover. Apparently, this had been necessary to restore his memories of his friends and family.
Then he frowned as his badge went off. Picking it up he placed it against his chest and left his body. There was a hollow somewhere in Karakura town and he needed to take care of it. Business as usual.
Business as usual turned highly unusual, however, when he saw the hollow. It was flying through the air on great, batlike wings and mumbling to itself. Ichigo actually caught a few words and blinked. Was the thing complaining about the air? Pausing, he studied the monster. There was something vaguely familiar about it but he was sure he'd never seen it before…
Oh no. Ichigo, flee! Ichigo felt a moment of shock at Zangetsu's urgent plea. What on earth…?
"What? I need to take care of the hollow before it hurts anyone!" He hissed at his zanpakuto, concentrating on taking the thing by surprise. For some strange reason, he'd gotten much better at concealing his reiatsu.
He's not here to harm anyone. He's here for you! That made him freeze up momentarily and as good as his skills were, the hollow suddenly veered and banked, clearly detecting him. Ichigo immediately acted, ignoring Zangetsu and trying to crack the thing's mask.
He didn't even come close. It dodged with an elegance that was almost breathtaking before swooping away to land on a nearby building. The great wings were not suited to hovering, although the hollow could probably manage it with reiatsu alone.
"Ah. I thought I would have to find you, but you came to me." The monster sounded pleased and Ichigo scowled as he landed across from it, quickly calling on his bankai. He had a feeling he would need it. "Of course, it is impossible to completely hide a garganta so perhaps I should not be surprised."
"What do you want with me, hollow?" He snapped out and the dragon like creature tilted his head slightly, regarding him through black and gold eyes. They were strangely like his own when he donned his mask… and just like the other Visored. Ichigo suddenly frowned as he thought of that. He'd never seen a hollow with eyes like theirs before, not really. The black sclera were unusual.
"I want you to return to your mate and child, Shiro-hana." He said and the name meant nothing to Ichigo. The hollow seemed to read that in the confusion on his face. "You can't remember anything, can you?"
"No. What do you mean by mate?" The teen asked, feeling a bit of fear rise as he thought about Zangetsu's reticence and his own feelings of loss. "Child…?" Had he actually had sex with an arrancar in Hueco Mundo? But how could that produce a child? He knew he was gay, he'd known for a few years now. The hollow looked away and seemed to consider something.
"There is no time for this. You will come with me, now." He said and Ichigo yelped in surprise as a lightning fast attack followed. Sparks danced along his blade as the hollow drove him back. An immense reiatsu was rising, dark and heavy yet also strangely clean. "We must talk privately."
"This… isn't how you start a friendly chat!" He growled, eyes narrowing in concentration. "Getsuga Tenshou!" His power ripped through the air and the hollow vanished in a sonido so quick it was terrifying. Ichigo found, to his shock, that he could barely keep up even in bankai. It reminded him of the first time he'd faced Grimmjow, but a bit better and a bit worse. Better in that the hollow wasn't trying to beat the shit out of him, just subdue him. Worse in that he was even more overmatched than he'd been the first time.
It didn't take long for him to have a massive failure and he went crashing to the ground. He only made it halfway, though, before he was caught by the same hollow that had knocked him down. Great wingbeats slowed them both and Ichigo was just trying to orient himself before lightning flashed across his vision.
Then there was nothing.
Vandular sat cross legged in the field of grass and waited for the shinigami to awaken.
It was hard for him to judge time in the Living World. Hueco Mundo had no seasons, so whenever you entered it was a bit of guesswork. But Van knew the spot he had taken the shinigami intimately. And by his reckoning, it was late in the summer, verging on autumn. There was a bite in the air, a hint of coming snows. If he had been a living man he would have worn a light leather jacket to combat the chill. But he was not and his hierro easily defeated any such minor considerations.
The shinigami lying in the grass shivered, but Vandular had no real comfort to offer him. He glanced towards the upraised mound nearby and considered excavating it before discarding the idea. True, he had no doubt been buried in a covering of fine fur. But fur rotted and he was old. If it was still intact after being placed on a corpse then covered in dirt for centuries, he would be shocked.
"Nnngh… stop it goat face…" Van tilted his head as Ichigo muttered in his uneasy sleep. Goat face? That sounded like an insult but it could hardly be directed towards him. Lizard face, perhaps, but he didn't resemble a goat in any way. "Unh… what…" Eyelids fluttered as the shinigami really roused from his forced slumber. "Why is it so cold… hey!" He sat bolt upright, his brown eyes wide as he looked around at the alien landscape. "Where am I?" He seemed a bit stunned. No doubt rolling grasslands, stretching as far as the eye could see, were not something he encountered every day. Vandular cleared his throat and the shinigami staggered to his feet, looking for his sword. "You!"
"Me. Please, seat yourself. If you are too cold I can start a fire." He said gently. It was a rather chilly night. Well, early morning technically. There was a time difference. Ichigo swallowed and shook his head.
"I'm fine… where is Zangetsu?" Ichigo asked but Vandular disregarded the question. The sword was actually buried in the far side of his burial mound, point first. Ancient knowledge and instincts, as well as his blood connection to this ground had let him link the sword to the earth beneath it. Ichigo would not be removing it from the mound until the ancient hollow allowed it.
"It is safe." He said instead and the teen scowled. Then he suddenly started off towards the blade and Vandular wondered if he could sense it. But then, he knew that shinigami zanpakuto were quite literally part of their soul. So perhaps it would not be surprising.
It seemed he could, because Ichigo found the sword effortlessly. Vandular stood nearby and watched with some amusement as he tried many, many things to remove the sword from its spot in the dirt. It was hilarious to watch, particularly when the shinigami braced himself and pulled extremely hard… just to lose his grip and go tumbling down the hill.
"It won't work. This is my burial mound. I have great power over this land." He said and Ichigo looked up at him with a scowl. Vandular couldn't help but contrast his attitude now to the happy young man he'd been in Hueco Mundo. But then, he thought he was facing an enemy. "Please, come sit with me. I will build a fire." It might give the young man some time to relax. Ichigo hesitated but finally went with him, taking a seat in the small clearing he'd made in the long grass.
It didn't take Vandular long to locate what he needed, which was dried animal dung. His sense of smell and eyesight in the dark were much better than they had been when he was alive. Bringing back an armful of the material he set it down, creating a proper spot for the campfire. He could tell from just a glance that the grass around them was tinder dry. He would not allow a spark to escape. With handfuls of grass to act as tinder he finally lit the fire, with just the barest brush of his reiatsu. A trick he'd known as a mortal man, he'd used it sometimes when everyone was exhausted. Van had never believed in showing off his power but helping his kinsmen came first.
"…What is that stuff? The fire smells strange." Ichigo asked, although he wasn't moving away from it. Vandular seated himself with a chuckle.
"Dried dung. There is nothing else to burn here." He explained as the shinigami looked a little horrified. "In Hueco Mundo there is nothing to burn at all." There, of course, they made do with body heat. But he highly doubted that Ichigo would be willing to accept that form of warmth at the moment. "Now. You must remember, Ichigo." He said in a gentle tone and wasn't surprised when the boy scowled.
"So my hollow can make me forget my friends and family again?" He snapped, which surprised the ancient hollow.
"Is that what happened?" He mused, rasping a claw across his bony chin. "That does make sense. Shiro-hana could always be rather selfish." He'd loved his son but knew he had flaws. Everyone did, even himself. "But you have another family, Ichigo." He said and Ichigo looked away, slightly disturbed.
"I… don't really disbelieve you. I asked Zangetsu and he's refusing to answer so that must be at least partly true." He said in a low tone. "But you mentioned a child. How could I have a child? I'm gay." He said with a slight blush and Van nodded. He understood the term and what it signified.
"Hollow reproduction doesn't work that way. Hollows are composed of male and female souls in equal measure, so a 'male' hollow is capable of bearing a child." He explained and Ichigo swallowed hard. "Adjuchas are actually both genders, fully functional hermaphrodites, although mentally they do have a gender. Vasto lorde take on a fully male or female appearance, but they are still capable of functioning as the other gender."
"Wait… so a female vasto lorde could, um, impregnate someone? How?" The shinigami asked, a bit distracted from his original question. Van shrugged.
"Generally by forcing their reiatsu and genetic material through their tongues." He answered and Ichigo looked fascinated and a bit revolted. "Or they can briefly convince their body to change to a male form. That's difficult, though, and requires a very fine control of reiatsu and souls. I can do that – "
"Please don't demonstrate!" Ichigo said hastily and Vandular rumbled a laugh. He wasn't eager to show his son his feminine side, in any case. Shiro-hana had been capable of making a terrible joke out of anything. Ichigo seemed to be more serious but he wasn't eager to test that.
"It isn't necessary for a male hollow in any case. If reiatsu and DNA are accepted, female organs will form to accommodate the fetus." He said and Ichigo shook his head. "And that brings us to you. Your mate was Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, and possessing an inner hollow as well as devouring many hollows made it possible for you to conceive."
"What?! That's absurd!" Ichigo rejected the thought out of hand and Van sighed to himself. This was going to be extremely difficult. "I would never sleep with Grimmjow and I couldn't possibly have been pregnant! I'm human!"
"You are a human who has absorbed the essence of a natural born vasto lorde." He corrected the shinigami who frowned at him. "My little Shiro-hana, my son. Apparently, Aizen Sosuke was responsible. Something I will have to look into… but for now, you are no normal human." Vandular paused, judging the look on Ichigo's face. "…This won't mean anything to you unless you can remember." Even if Ichigo believed him completely, it would be all too easy for him to abandon the mate and child he couldn't remember. "Do you know how to perform Jinzen?" He asked and Ichigo gave him a puzzled look.
"Of course. How do you know about Jinzen?" He asked, which was a rather good question. An unbroken vasto lorde would have no real use for such knowledge. Vandular gazed into the fire for a moment, watching the crackling sparks reaching for the heavens.
"A long time ago, I mated a shinigami woman for a time. She came to me… it was an exciting and dangerous time in my life. Perhaps I will tell you about it some other day." He said, remembering that insanity. It had been a ridiculous thing to do, accepting her offers but he wouldn't change it for the world. "But I know how shinigami powers work. Let us meditate together and try to find your hollow. Not to let him overwhelm you, but so you can remember what was lost." Ichigo frowned, looking into the fire. Vandular gave him time to think about it.
"…Zangetsu thinks I should. Alright." He finally said and Van pushed himself to his feet, moving so he was sitting across from Ichigo. Then he took the teenager's hand and gently offered a bit of his energy. There was a brief resistance and a great deal of suspicion in those brown eyes, but then the youngster relented. Van could have forced his power on the other but that was not the point. This needed to be an awakening.
Closing his eyes, he concentrated on helping Ichigo reach the spirit within.
"Where am I?" Ichigo whispered as he turned around.
This was his inner world, of course. There was no other place he could be. But this was still nothing like he had ever seen before. Instead of skyscrapers or Karakura town, he was in a room of endless white. It vaguely reminded him of Aizen's fortress but the styling was different. Well, inasmuch as the place had a style. Really, it was nothing but blank white walls and large white floor tiles, also painfully white.
Ichigo finally started walking. There had to be something here… but there were no doors, nothing but this endless white hallway that seemed to stretch on forever.
But then things began to appear. Little snapshots, floating in the air. His eyes wide, Ichigo stopped and watched as they began to float past him. Some of them fluttered to the ground, lying face up and he swallowed as he saw the pictures.
Masaki. Karin and Yuzu. Isshin, Zangetsu, Rukia, Renji… even his hollow, grinning wickedly. These pictures were memories. Reaching out he gently touched the image of his mother…
"Aren't they beautiful Ichigo?" He looked up with a smile into his mother's beaming face.
"Uh huh!" Then he looked at the two babies in their crib. "I'll protect them mama!"
"Of course you will, Ichigo." She said before hugging him and he giggled at the warmth of her arms…
"Mom." Ichigo whispered as the replay ended, his brown eyes dark with pain. Taking a deep breath, he kept walking. He needed to find the memories of Hueco Mundo.
But he couldn't. The only memories he found of Hueco Mundo were the ones when he'd gone to rescue Orihime and the only memories he could find of Grimmjow involved trying to kill the bastard, not… mating with him. Ichigo still wondered how that could have happened. Even if he'd been the one on the bottom, why would Grimmjow agree? He'd thought the Espada hated him…
Something jolted him and he looked down at the floor, seeing he'd nearly stumbled over a line of red and black. Surprised, he followed it to the source and saw a little white box. It was closed with a combination lock, but that little line of red and black power had managed to squeeze out. Kneeling beside it he took the lock into his hands. It was strangely familiar.
"It's my lock from school." He realized and hesitated a moment before turning the dial in a familiar motion. He wasn't sure it would work, but it clicked into place. Ichigo hesitated for another moment before carefully opening the lid.
As soon as he did that line of red and black moved. It darted forward and took the memories inside with it, scattering photographs across the floor. Ichigo looked at them, feeling almost helpless. Pictures of Grimmjow, Nel… a strange hollow he didn't know… the dragon hollow and a fox… picking one blindly he braced himself as the memories hit him.
Walking forever.
The sands were cold and the mountains were colder, but his companion was warm. Ichigo smiled to himself, admiring Grimmjow's profile. The vasto lorde was oblivious but he'd decided. He was going to mate with him. The thought of those arms around him, those teeth on his throat was just too enticing.
He was going to have Grimmjow tonight, he thought. When they went to sleep. His released form was so beautiful, and he took it every night…
Ichigo shook off the memory, dropping the photograph with a stunned feeling. Staring at it wide eyed for a moment, he reached out for another…
"Wee!" Nel laughed as she was chased by an armored hollow. Ichigo sat back against his rock, enjoying the heat and watching them play. The hollow was letting her stay in front, although he could easily have caught her and put an end to the game. "Catch me Rocca, catch me!"
"I'm trying!" The vasto lorde said playfully before finally scooping the eternal child up. "Gotcha! Now it's… tickle time!" Nel dissolved in gales of laughter as the hollow tickled her, her little feet kicking…
"Rocca." Ichigo whispered as he let the photograph go, blinking rapidly. "Are they…?" Suddenly terrified, he began working through the memories at a frantic pace.
He saw everything. His eyes filling with tears, he reclaimed the memories of his hollow friends, his 'sire', Grimmjow… and Masahiko. Those memories hurt the most. The sharp recollections of that tiny weight in his arms, the black and gold eyes that seemed to radiate absolute trust and love. He had a child. He'd never expected to have a child…
But as painful and as overwhelming as his memories were, there was something strange in the box. A set of things that weren't photographs… they were little pieces of carved stone and bone. They had scattered on the ground right in front of the box and Ichigo looked at them dubiously for a moment. It looked like they were half-shattered. Some had even been partly melted, and others were cracked and crazed. Almost none of the little tiles were intact. Reaching down, he carefully brushed his fingers over one of the more intact pieces.
"Papi! Fly higher!" He demanded, tugging on brown and gold fur. There was a chuckle beneath him as great wings flapped on either side of his little body.
"I'm already very high, Shiro-hana. Do you want to touch the moon?" A warm, pleasant voice asked and he beamed at the thought. Touch the moon!
"Yeah! Yeah! Let's touch the moon!" He said enthusiastically and there was a laugh beneath him as the hollow he was riding began to go down. "Awww, papi!"
"Your mother is waiting for us. She needs the kill and has milk to feed you." That distracted him nicely. Milk!
"Food!" He exclaimed, hunkering down on his sire's back. "Go faster papi! Faster!"
"So demanding…" But the speed increased, to his pleasure and he squealed as white hair flew in the wind. His papi was the best papi ever…!
"What…?" Ichigo whispered as his hand left the tile of stone. His hand shaking, he reached out to touch a shard of shattered bone.
"Fuck you!" His voice was weak and filled with terrible pain. His wrists were tied together behind him, then hung from the ceiling with a chain. Shackles held his ankles in place and his body was stressed from the unnatural position. The shinigami with the dark skin and darker hair just looked at him before touching something. "AUGH!" Pain shot through him again, feeling like it was ripping at his very soul. "S-Stop… please…" Begging came hard to him. He was a prideful creature. But it just hurt so much.
"A worthless creature like you should be privileged to serve us." The shinigami said and he lifted his head with a feral snarl. He knew exactly what his papi would say to that!
"Fuck you! Yer defilin' yer mission. Ya should be purifying my soul not – SHIT!" The pain came again, searing him from the inside out. This time he couldn't stand against it, his head and mind reeling. Before he passed out he heard that cool, uncaring voice speak again.
"I believe he is almost ready Aizen-sama…"
"Aizen?" Ichigo whispered, staring at the broken piece of bone. It was cracked and crazed, brutally burned on one end. Then a hand fell on his shoulder. "AH!" His surprise was total. Jerking away he jumped to his feet to face the other.
"Woah! Having a spaz attack King?" The stranger in front of him asked and his eyes went wide as he stared at him. "What, can't you recognize your Horse?"
"…No?" He said after a moment, shocked. His hollow had changed completely. Instead of his white copy, he was a handsome man with a heart shaped face and a rather cute, pert nose. Ichigo thought of himself as handsome enough, but this man was… adorable? Black and gold eyes rolled.
"Oi. Just because I remembered and got my real looks back… not that I looked like this in Hueco Mundo." He examined himself thoughtfully for a moment. "Sorta like I'm an arrancar." He said and Ichigo nodded, glancing the rest of him over. He had very long hair, cascading down his back and stopping just at his buttocks. The clothing he was wearing was white and looked like a variation of Aizen's Espada uniforms. This one was a close fitting jacket that covered his arms and part of his chest, but left most of the alabaster skin bare. His pants were tight fitting trousers and his boots were the typical black and white things all the arrancar wore. There were no mask fragments and no hole, but interestingly, he had a golden stud in the left side of his nose.
"Wait, so you had amnesia too?" Ichigo asked his hollow and the creature sniggered, then laughed. It was his usual insane cackle, not the slightest bit different.
"Too? What d'ya mean too? I've always had amnesia, I only started rememberin' when you forgot!" He said with a sneer and Ichigo scowled. He liked the looks but not the attitude. That was pretty typical of his hollow, though. "And then those fucking shinigami had to ruin it! I was just getting my life back!"
"By taking away mine!" Ichigo snapped back, angry at his hollow. What had Vandular said? He'd always been selfish. But his hollow came right back at him, sounding almost anguished.
"You always have everything! All I get is the fucking scraps, if I get anything at all! And I gave you things! I helped you find a mate and make a pup! You've always wanted a pup!" His hollow said and Ichigo faltered. It was true, he'd always wanted a child… he'd just resigned himself to not having any, except possibly by adoption. And even that was doubtful. He'd met a few other men who were gay, but they weren't spiritually aware and Ichigo was keenly aware of how hard life would be with someone who didn't understand the demands on his time. "Fuck you and fuck Aizen for doing this to me! I'm nothin' but a fuckin' ghost in your head and I hate it! I hate it!" His hollow turned away, hugging himself and Ichigo was shocked into speechlessness for a moment at the pain and anger on his face. His hollow had never seemed so human before.
Of course he didn't. He couldn't remember. With his memories, it seemed his hollow had regained his identity and at least part of his… humanity. A strange word to apply to a hollow but he was vasto lorde. Ichigo could see just from Grimmjow how much that jump meant to a hollow's mental maturity. Swallowing hard, he reached out to gently touch the hollow's shoulder. But he pulled away.
"I don't need your fuckin' pity!" He snapped and Ichigo lost his patience. He really didn't like this guy.
"It's not pity you jackass! I'm just trying to comfort you. Not that it's worth trying." He snapped back and the hollow snarled, pale lips lifting away from sharp fangs. "What the hell are we going to do now?" He asked, trying to move things along. "I have a family here but I have a kid there…" It was all a nightmare. He couldn't leave his human family but how could he take care of Masahiko? And Grimmjow… Soul Society would never accept a former Espada as his lover. He looked at his hollow but the white man just shrugged.
"How would I know? I don't have your memories. I don't have anything in here except these bits and pieces of the past." He knelt down beside the little tiles of stone and bone, running them through his fingers and letting them fall onto the white tiles. They made sharp, staccato little sounds. "This is all I have…" He said softly and Ichigo swallowed at the pain on his face. Then he closed his eyes and concentrated, pulling himself out of Jinzen.
His hollow couldn't help him but maybe Vandular would have some ideas.