AN; Inspired by lyrics from " Good To You" by Marianas Trench ft Kate Voegele
Alone in my room I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling and tried to figure out how I had gotten to this point. How did I become one of the few who manages to get expelled from high school. I knew I wasn't a bad person, though I definitely was no angel. There were people out there who did worse things than I did. Teens that stole, were messed up with drugs, or carried knives or guns.
That wasn't me. It wasn't who I was though apparently I was on my way to becoming that. How far of a step was it really from pushing people smaller and weaker than into lockers and getting into bar fights or worse.
Maybe I had never been a straight A student but I had always gotten decent grades. My parents had taught me to be courtesy to others and to lend a helping hand when needed. I still helped Mr. Kolensky, our elderly neighbor, help carry in her grocery bags every Saturday. I was a decent athlete and would have had a legitimate shot at playing football in college - except now no college was going to take a guy who got expelled from school for bullying.
And for what? Threatening a kid who posed no threat to me. Except that he did. Kurt threatened to destroy the persona I had built around myself to hide who I truly was. The image I had cultivated to hide the personal secret that I hid in shame. The secret that Kurt knew because in one desperate moment of wanting to be honest with myself I had kissed him - and that kissed had felt right to me. But it shouldn't have. Guys weren't supposed to be kissing guys according to society. It wasn't acceptable. And yet Kurt held his head up high and in defiance of society's expectations was who he was and dealt with the consequences.
I knew I could never be that strong. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be popular. I wanted to fit in.
None of that would happen if people knew who I really was.