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My eyes would never be able to un-see the ladder of welts that criss-crossed my mother's back. My ears would never ever forget the shrill voice of the grandmother. And as I stood there in shock, Soda's hand still clenched like a vice over my mouth, I felt something inside me break.
A flurry of movement could be heard on the other side of the door and grandmother reentered with a look of pure venom.
"I gave her 35 lashes- one for each year that she has been alive. 15 over that for the years she spent living in sin with your father. 4 for each little burden that was hatched from the very depths of hell." She clenched her teeth at the end of this and my chin wobbled, despite Soda's hold on me.
"God looks upon each and every one of you as a sin, capable only of sinful behavior... this house will provide you food and shelter, since I am a woman of God. But you shall never receive kindness, sympathy or love- those are reserved only for things that are whole." She directed this at each of us- even Dally, Johnny, Two-Bit and Steve.
It was in that moment I let go of every foolish notion I had had of God. I erased the memories of church with mom and dad and erased the moments when I would pray to him, groveling for father, finding solace in the warmth of his presence. I knew that this women had some inextricable connection to God and that he thought us sinful as well.
Grandmother saw all; and if she didn't, then he surely did.
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Awhile later, the door creaked and the key turned in the lock. When Mother limped in, everyone stayed slumped in their respective spots.
"I've come back, my darlings. I have a story I want to share with you... to make you understand."
I leaned my head against my palm and noticed that even my brothers seemed both angry at our mother and devastatingly sad for her.
Nobody looked at her and I heard her mouth open-
"He was my half-uncle. Darryl. He came to live with us since his widowed father died and left him alone. He wasn't vey rich-ha"- a dry laugh- "my parents always made him feel like a poor relation, although his father had been cheated out of money. Rightfully, he deserved more than half of what we had.." She stopped, a sad, reminiscing look in her bright blue eyes.
"The moment that I saw him at the stair landing... I just knew. His clothes were worn, all he owned was in a suitcase. I was fourteen then, I guess at a ripe age to fall in love with a beautiful man..." I thought she would stop, but she didn't, and so I refocused on the mesmerizing story.
"The moment our eyes met... a spark was lit. When it was announced I was his half-niece and forbidden- well, apparently that didn't stop us in the long run. We started talking in the garden for hours, we would push each other on the swings and read together using silly voices... the spark became a furnace." Mother's face was flushed and she smiled, but then it faded and left her looking like a faded Van Gogh.
"After my parents put him through Yale- he was 19 then and I 16- we eloped. It was hard for a long time since he couldn't keep his certificate. We had to hide our true identities from the whole of the world. But I'd do all of that again, I'd take all these whippings again to be with your father and with all of you. Even though we aren't blood-related." She nodded to Johnny, Two-Bit, Steve and Dally.
After she had finished, I mulled it over in my head. I decided that I liked this language- fairy tales and love at first sight and beautiful men. I was fourteen- ripe for love- so why couldn't I meet my prince charming? I realized that I wanted that so badly- to have a prince and to have a love at first sight. Love was essential, love kept us from withering away and dying. For a few moments, these thoughts glued me together again, only to have me fall apart worse later. For, in the future, I would come to realize that love for me was a whole different story to the love that happened to our Mother.
She cut into my thoughts, telling us how we each could behave until she could gain the forgiveness of her father. She also spoke of going to school and learning to be a secretary.
"We can all live under one roof... I swear to all of you that I will save every last penny I don't use in order to buy us a house so that we can be a family again!"
As she left, the signature gleaming grin radiated from her and she whispered excitedly,
"I've almost got him my darling's."
That was the last time a hope of leaving could actually be reached.
Kind of a filler chapter, sorry! NEXT chapter though will FOR SURE FOR SURE start in on the M-rating-not quite there, but there will be some action. Tell me your opinions on TIME ELAPSES! I may or may not do one...