The Past, The Present and Perhaps a Future
Chapter Seven: The Most Important Step
Texts

"When will he be arriving?" Sherlock's eyes darted around the suite, there was no sign of a child anywhere yet he doubted that Talis would have come to London without him, perhaps he was with her former nanny who still lived in Notting Hill.

His question reminded her that she had told Nick's au pair there had been a change in plans. Pulling out her mobile she tapped out a message.

London is back on. I'll explain later. See you guys at Heathrow tomorrow. Tell Nick I love him and will see him soon! xoxo

The reply came moments later, as if the outcome had been expected.

Glad it's been sorted, see you soon.

"He's on the red eye tonight, he'll be here around noon tomorrow."

"He's flying alone?!" Sherlock blurted out, belatedly surprised at the surge of worry and parental concern he felt.

Talis hid her smile behind her mug of coffee, "Sherly, he's only 9 years old, even if he is incredibly bright for his age, he's still just a boy." She moved to the living room, motioning Sherlock to follow her, "His au pair is bringing him." Sherlock nodded, still looking a bit apprehensive as he removed his coat, placing it neatly on a chair. "It's amazing isn't it." He cocked his head to the side, a silent request for her to elaborate, "How easy the worrying comes." She sat down on the couch and curled her feet underneath her.

Sherlock nodded somberly, "Does it ever go away?"

"No Sherly, it doesn't."

Sherlock sat down heavily, "That's pretty much what Molly said." He turned his body towards her, his knees brushing hers.

"Ah," Talis nodded wisely, "So she's the one I have to thank for you being here." She smiled, "She's good for you Sherly, I'm glad she's in your life." The look she gave him made him fidget a bit, like she knew something he didn't, but her Cheshire cat grin let him know asking her about it would be pointless; she was better than the dead at keeping secrets.

"I've put together a digital album, if you'd like to see it." She picked up her tablet from the end table. "I wouldn't be surprised if he's already figured out you're his father. He's a carbon copy of you." She tapped away on the device, finding the proper album, "except for his eyes," she handed Sherlock the device, "He has my eyes."

Any lingering anger that Sherlock felt over her not telling their son about him died as he caught a glimpse of the photo on the tablet. Taking the Samsung device he had to concentrate on controlling the shaking of his hands as he looked at the nearly 10 year old mini-me.

If he had any inkling of doubt that Nikolai wasn't his, it disappeared at the sight in his hand. Talis was right, Nikolai was a miniature replica of himself, looking exactly as he had at that age, right down to the unruly curls, lanky build and cupids bow lips. His eyes however were mirror images of his mothers, Talis' enigmatic emerald eyes stared back at him from a face so similar to his own.

"He's beautiful." Sherlock's voice nearly cracked and his throat tightened with emotion.

Talis smiled, swiping through the photos as Sherlock held the device, "He's also incredibly smart," motherly pride making her glow, "I have no doubt he'll out smart you some day." She nudged him playfully.

"Is he- is he like me?" Pain and fear clouded his eyes as he recalled his own tormented childhood, teases and taunts on the playground because he hadn't been like any of the other children.

Talis reached out to soothe the worried look on his face, "No," her voice was soft and comforting, "He's engaging and funny, and personable," her eyes lit up, "He's charming and sincere and loving." She smiled gently, "He really is the best of both of us."

Talis' heart broke a little as Sherlock sighed in relief, he had been so worried that their son was socially inept like he and Mycroft had been (and at most times still were).

"Why didn't you tell me?" his voice was raw as he looked through the digital album of their son's life, "I was your husband," he paused, "still am." He nodded to the wedding band still adorning her finger.

Talis let out a bark of laughter that expanded to a fit of giggles at Sherlock's annoyed expression, "Sherly, we were married by a Ringo Starr impersonator on a wild week long bender in Vegas." She stared at him in confusion when she realized he was serious, "You were always telling me that it didn't mean anything, that it wasn't real." She cupped his cheek, forcing him to look at her, "You told me that you were going to get it annulled as soon as we got back to London."

"I didn't mean it." He confessed, "I only said those things because I thought it was what you wanted, I wanted to give you a way out just in case you regretted marrying me."

Talis' face was unreadable as she processed the new information.

"But, when I told you I wanted to get clean, check into rehab, and that I wanted you to come with me, you- you laughed at me." Her voice cracked and Sherlock knew that 10 years had not eased the pain of his words that day. "You told me-"

"Being with you is just a physical release, a temporary distraction, one necessary to keep me from overdosing. Burying myself in you is second to the high and just satisfying enough to keep me from shooting up more than my system can handle. Your services will be easily replaced, Nevada after all is one of the few places with legal prostitution." He closed his eyes as he repeated the words he said all those years ago, he could not take the wounded look on her face.

The truth of the matter was that the drugs were his distraction from her. Once he had a taste of her, he was hooked, and although his addiction to her worried him, he wasn't about to stop.

Drugs were the only time he could stop craving her, his desires muted enough for him to calm him racing mind and focus on whatever curious case crossed his path.

He had however underestimated his addiction to her and had fallen further and further down the proverbial rabbit hole that when she told him she was getting clean and wanted him to come with her, he had jumped at the chance of a separation, never imagining at the time it would be permanent.

Sort of.

She took a moment to collect her thoughts, before answering his original question, "I couldn't even get you to choose me over getting high, what were the odds you'd choose me and a baby?" she reached out and took his face in her hands, thumbs gently stroking his cheeks, "We had never discussed children, not really anyway, hell we never really discussed the fact that we were married! We were all about partying, getting high and solving the occasional mystery." She bit her lip, wondering how to continue,

"You've always leaned towards the complex, except when it comes to emotions," Sherlock didn't bother to deny it, "Pregnancy, the hormones, the baby… that's emotional and sensory overload, and quite frankly I was afraid you'd reject us both, so I struck first by leaving, when you didn't come after me and I convinced myself you didn't want me."

"By the time Mycroft got me clean and off the drugs you had already faked your death." He took her hand in his, fiddling with the wedding band on her finger. "When Mycroft told me you were dead, when all my research concluded the same, I fell back into drugs." This time he lowered his head in shame, "It was easier to numb myself than to deal with the reality of losing you." He confessed.

Talis looked away guiltily, "I know." She smiled sadly, "If I had known then that my death would have affected you so much I would have tried to do things differently," she lost herself in the should've-could've-would've for a moment before returning her gaze to his, "In any case I couldn't just sit idly by as you returned to your self-destructive ways."

Sherlock narrowed his eyes in concentration, and Talis could see the pieces falling into place.

"The Romanian Gypsy case." She nodded in confirmation a small smile playing on her lips, "You sent that case to me?" another nod, "You told that crazy old bat everything she'd need to convince me that she was clairvoyant." Sherlock pieced everything together, a little upset at the trickery, but more relieved that the gypsy lady hadn't been all knowing.

"I had to do something to keep you from killing yourself, speaking to you from beyond the grave seemed like a good way to get your attention." She smiled smugly.

"It was childish." He pouted.

"It worked didn't it?" she laughed, as she got a glimpse of what Nick would look like when he got older, no doubt the famous petulant child pout would be something he'd never lose, seeing as Sherlock at 37 could still pull the look off quite flawlessly.

It made her heart ache.

"Well the next time a gypsy approaches you claiming to have a message from me, you'll know it's the real deal." She gave his knee a patronizing pat.

He frowned at her, not wanting to face the reality of her limited time left just yet.

"Why did you fake your death?" he asked again.

Talis closed her eyes, debating whether or not to tell him, taking a deep breath she knew she couldn't keep that secret any longer. "When I left you in Vegas, I came back here, to London; I ran a more conclusive pregnancy test and fled to Italy when the results came back positive. No one knew I was pregnant, and I couldn't stay here in case your brother somehow found out, and I've always adored Florence." He smiled, they had spent two weeks at a villa in the Tuscan hills, he knew how much she loved the ancient city.

"Lucky for me, I didn't even start to show until I was nearly 7 months, and by then, winter had rolled around, so it was easy to hide underneath bulky jumpers." Sherlock's gaze dropped to her now toned tummy, trying to envision it swollen with their son.

"About a month after I moved to Italy, I ran into another Brit, by the name of James Moriarty." Sherlock's blood ran cold. "He befriended me and somehow we realized our common bond… you."

The thought that Moriarty had been so thorough in his research of him made Sherlock sick, and he wished not for the first time that he had been the one to kill Moriarty, suicide had been far too quick and painless for the monster.

Sherlock was grateful that when they had escaped on their "Lost Days" adventure, that they had been smart enough to hide where they were well enough that even Mycroft hadn't been able to find them. It had started off as a joke, to see if they were capable of besting the elder Holmes boy, turns out with their minds put together they could, and it seemed in doing that it spared the lives of Talis and his son.

"I'll admit, I was a bit slow on the uptake, at first I thought he was one of Mycroft's minions, making sure I stayed away from you; but eventually I realized that he was unhealthily obsessed with you. Thankfully it was before he figured out I was pregnant with your child." She held out her hands, "My fingers were the first things to swell up, they didn't get noticeably big," she shoved them in his face, "but to me they felt like little sausages!"

He took her hand in his and gently slipped the ring off her finger and analyzed it. Judging from the imprint it left on her skin and the fact that it revealed signs of wear as well as regular cleaning, there was only one logical conclusion.

"You wear it often," he pointed out, reading the inscription before placing it back on her finger.

"The only time I took it off was when I was pregnant, which turned out to be what kept me safe. I'm positive had Moriarty known we were married, I wouldn't be here today." She shivered at the thought of what might have happened had Moriarty known. "I made some inquiries into his past and knew the only way to keep our son safe was to disappear, and that the only way to fool someone as intelligent as him was to fake my death so well I had to fool you too."

"I tried to get some type of message to you, to warn you about Jim, but he figured out that I knew he wasn't right in the head, and I had to put everything in motion sooner than I would've liked, leaving me unable to warn you." She looked at him with such sadness, "Please forgive me for not trying harder to warn you."

Tears slipped down her cheeks, "You have no idea how it destroyed me to let you go." Her voice broke, "Once it was all said and done, I felt like dying for real, I had effectively cut myself off from you and everyone I cared about, I wasn't sure I wanted to live being forever separated, never to return." She opened her eyes, and Sherlock handed her a tissue, "but then he kicked me," she smiled, "Your son, kicked me good and hard and I knew I had to meet him."

She picked the tablet off his lap and flipped to a photo of her in the delivery room, a brand new pink wrinkly babe with a mop of curly black hair cradled close to her chest. "He came a week early, December 18, it figured your son wouldn't follow anyone's schedule but his own." She smiled, "He was 8lbs even and 22 inches long."

Seeing the digital album made Sherlock anxious and excited to meet his son in person. He marveled at the feeling, Molly had been right, he had never experienced anything in all his 37 years that held a candle to what he felt for his son.

"I'll be heading to Heathrow on the tube to pick him up tomorrow, I think we should let him adjust to being in London for a couple days before I introduce you to one another."

Sherlock nodded, "Whatever you think is best." As much as he was dying to meet his son, he knew it was a delicate subject that needed to be approached cautiously. "Would it be alright with you if I went to the airport? Not with you, but I just- I want to see him."

Talis smiled, "Of course," she squeezed his hand, "I'm taking the tube in, but I've hired a car service to bring us back to the hotel. We'll be staying here for a few days while I look for a house to rent for the remainder of the year."

She sobered and avoided eye contact, putting Sherlock on edge, he knew her behavior, and waited with bated breath for the other shoe to drop.

True to form, she took a deep breath before leveling him with a stare, "I've already talked with his au pair, if after I'm gone, you decided being a parent full time is too much," she looked into his eyes, letting him know she wasn't judging him if it turned out to be true, "Nick's au pair is willing to stay on with him until you're ready, or until Nick goes to uni. Whichever comes first."

Sherlock couldn't help but pull her into his arms. The fact that she knew him well enough to have arranged all this warmed him in a way that he hadn't felt in years. "I have no idea how to be a father, odds are it'll take more time to adjust to then you have to give." He confessed, relishing in the feel of her snuggled up beside him. "I don't even know where to start."

Talis smiled, "The fact that you're here and willing to try is the most important step."

So, that chapter happened... I know there's not a lot of Sherlolly moments, but once Nick arrives they'll become more frequent, after all, Sherlock is going to need some help dealing with an energetic little boy!

I also plan on making Molly and Talis friends, so there should be more interaction between the two of them as we mosey along!

Thank you to sillystring-roxs-the-earth, thedragonaunt, magicstrikes, AdaYuki, Rocking the Redhead, and Rosie85 for the reviews!

Until next time!
Getting2KnowL
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PS. I also wrote a Sherlolly oneshot that's silly and fluffy, go check it out!