Forbidden Feelings
Chapter 19
Another chapter up! Thanks to those who have reviewed so far! It really means a lot, and it's great to hear feedback. Thank you to those who have added this story to their alerts/favourites also, it's great to know people are enjoying this, and means a lot to me. Anyway here it is :)
Draco
Draco led Pansy back to the common room, hurridly muttering the password to the portrait. Pansy would not stop gushing on about how she'd missed her 'Drakie Boo' and Draco was trying his best to not lose his temper. The truth was, his mind was a total and complete mess. With thoughts of Hermione and Weasley still running through his mind and Pansy wittering on, Draco was surprised he hadn't lost his cool yet. He thought Pansy would be a distraction; something to take his mind off what he had witnessed earlier. But instead it was still haunting his mind, and he was growing increasingly irritated by her company.
She pinned him against the wall, trailing kisses down his neck, and as Draco opened his eyes he caught a glimpse of himself and Pansy in the mirror opposite, and swallowed down the lump that was forming in his throat. He tried to concentrate on Pansy, but she felt wrong. Her hair didn't tumble down her front in a thick mass of curls like Hermione's, her body didn't feel the same, he couldn't smell the same enticing scent he'd grown used to, yet still couldn't resist.
'Draco..' Pansy breathed.
He closed his eyes, desperate to push the thoughts of Hermione out of his mind. But as he reopened them and noticed the pile of books she'd left him just the other night, he realised he couldn't do it. Even if Hermione was in love with Weasley, even if she didn't want him, he couldn't bring himself to be with anyone else.
'No.' He whispered, pushing her away.
'What?!' Pansy gasped.
'I can't do this.' Draco muttered, turning his back on her.
'But why?' She wailed.
'Just go Pansy.'
'Drakie, why are you giving me all these mixed signals? I know you want me, deep down, I can tell.' He felt her wrapping her arms around his waist.
'No! Just go!' He snapped, writhing away from her touch.
'Is this because of the Mudblood? She won't be back, she's in the hospital wing-'
'PANSY, LEAVE!' He bellowed, making her jump.
After gaping at him for a few seconds, she finally recollected herself. 'Fine! I'll go! But don't expect me to be waiting around for you Draco, next time you come to me, don't expect me to say yes!' She said shrilly, running out of the common room.
'Argh!' Draco kicked the sofa in anger, putting his head in his hands. She had changed him, Hermione had changed him. A few months ago, he wouldn't have hesitated to cheat on anyone, he was Draco Malfoy, known for breaking girls hearts. But he was different now...or perhaps he wasn't. Maybe it was the fact that he'd found the right person that was stopping him from making such a big mistake. Even with the thoughts of Hermione and Weasley still running through his mind, he still couldn't bring himself to be with anyone else. He loved her, and he didn't want anyone else. No one else understood him like she did, no one lit up his world just by smiling, no one gave him a reason to live, to be happy, even when he least felt like it.
He sank onto the sofa, finding himself sitting in the exact same position as he had a few hours earlier, again staring into the roaring flames of the fire. His life felt completely different now to how it felt those months ago. He no longer woke up feeling like he had nothing to get up for. He would no longer sit in the silence in his room, staring into space as the same dark thoughts ran through his mind. His world had felt like a better place since he fell for her. Everything seemed brighter, and his life felt increasingly more promising. He'd never experienced such thoughts, such emotions as these before. His father had taught him there was nothing in the world but anger and hatred, and Draco believed he'd never find love.
Seeing Hermione with Weasley in the hospital wing had stirred the old but familiar feelings of resentment and bitterness in Draco. He had truly believed that she loved him. The way her face would light up everytime he entered the same room as her, the way she would gaze into his eyes, her own eyes full of love and passion. And the way she had broken down when he'd left, something Draco knew he'd regret for a very long time. But when he'd seen her smiling at Weasley, giggling as he kissed her hand, jealousy had hit him with such a force he was nearly knocked backwards. He knew he was her first love, and he knew how close they were, and how other students would gossip; claiming that even though they'd split up, they'd definitely get back together. And after spending the past few hours agonising over the scene he'd witnessed, recalling the whispers he'd heard in the corridors, Draco truly believed she was still in love with Weasley, and always had been.
He closed his eyes, leaning back against the soft cushions. The idea of reverting back to his old ways, his old life before falling in love with Hermione filled him with dread. He was repulsed by the thought of waking up with nothing to be happy about, spending time locked in his room alone except for the company of his thoughts, finding random girls to try and numb the pain of being alone, spending hours sat in the Forbidden Forest on his own, trying to forget everything for a little while. As the clock chimed nearby, Draco jumped slightly. He sighed, deciding it was probably time he went to bed. As he layed back on the four poster bed, he stared up at the ceiling, determined to clear his mind so he could at least get a few hours sleep. But as he replayed the images of Hermione and Weasley, and Pansy shrieking at him, he knew that this would not be easy.
Hermione
'Miss Granger?'
Hermione looked up as Madam Pomfrey made her way towards her.
'You're free to go. Take this.' She handed Hermione a small bottle. 'Take a mouthful of that twice a day for the next week and you'll be good as new!'
Hermione smiled. 'Thank you.'
'Now I suggest you take it easy tonight, are your friends meant to be visiting at all?'
'Yeah, I think so-' She stopped and smiled as she noticed Ginny entering the hospital wing. 'There's your answer.'
'Well you make sure they take care of you. And take it easy.' She repeated, looking at her sternly.
'I will.' Hermione promised.
'Very well.'
'Thank you for everything.' She smiled at the witch gratefully.
Madam Pomfrey nodded at her, giving a smile in return, and made her way to the student in the bed opposite.
'How are you doing 'Mione?' Ginny asked, perching on the bed whilst Hermione gathered some of the books Ron had given to her.
'Yeah, I'm great.' She smiled.
'There's a lot of that going around.' Ginny was looking at her curiously.
Hermione frowned. 'What's that supposed to mean Gin?'
She sighed. 'Can I talk to you? Somewhere private perhaps?' She scowled at a Hufflepuff first year, who was not so subtly watching them from the bed to Hermione's right.
'Of course you can, you can come up to my dormitory with me. But what is this about?'
'I'll explain later.'
'Okay...'
Hermione could not help but feel a little anxious as they made their way to the common room. She was worried she'd found something out about her relationship with Draco, but on the other hand she knew that if she had, she would not be this calm and collected. A couple of students wished Hermione well as she passed them, but she could not help but notice a few of the Slytherins scowling at her. A shiver passed through her as a fifth year gave her a particularly malicious glare as she walked past him.
'Ignore them. Don't let them get to you.' Ginny put a hand on Hermione's arm.
'I know, I know.' She muttered, and was thankful as they reached the portrait leading to her common room.
As they entered the room, Hermione was filled with an overwhelming pleasure at being home. She took in the heat of the fire, the coziness of the room and smiled happily. Draco was nowhere to be seen, and she frowned slightly. She hadn't seen him since the night of the attack, and wondered if he was avoiding her. She knew of course, that it would have been difficult for him to visit her in the hospital wing due to how public it was, but on the other hand, with his fierce protection of her, she believed he might have at least tried to come and see her.
She led Ginny up to her room, and they sat on the bed together. Hermione let out a cry of surprise and laughed as Crookshanks landed himself on her lap out of nowhere, purring extremely loudly as she scratched behind his ears.
'You and that cat.' Ginny shook her head, grinning.
Hermione smiled in response, remembering how herself and Draco had had a similar conversation just nights before.
'So can we talk?' Ginny continued.
'Of course Ginny, go ahead.' She nodded.
'Well..I hear you and Ron made up.'
'Yes, we did. We both apologised, and we've agreed to stay close friends, we missed eachother's friendship a lot.'
'Hermione...' Ginny was staring down at the bed, twisting the sheets in her hands.
'What's wrong?'
'Ron's the happiest now that he's been since you two were together. I think he believes you two will eventually get back together. Do you want him back?' She was watching her tentatively.
'No, Ginny I don't. I love Ron, I do. But just as a friend. Has he said that he thinks we'll get back together?'
'No. It's just he's really happy. And I don't want him getting his heart broken again.'
She sighed. 'I'll talk to him. I'm sorry.'
'Hermione, this isn't your fault. It's my stupid brother's for getting his hopes up.'
'I just hope we can be friends, I really thought we'd turned a corner.'
'I know, I know. Can I ask you something?'
'Of course.'
'This new guy of yours you were telling me about before..is he still in the picture?'
Hermione stared down at her hands, unsure on how to respond.
'Well?' Ginny pressed her.
She sighed, looking at her. 'No. That's over.'
'It is? What happened?' She looked concerned.
'I'm not quite sure myself.' Hermione bit her lip, hating herself for lying.
'I'm sorry 'Mione. I'm here if you need to talk, okay?'
'Okay Gin.' She smiled at her.
'Listen, I'm going to have to get back to the common room, will you be okay?'
'Yeah, of course I will! Thank you for telling me about Ron.'
'It's no problem.' Ginny stood up. 'I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow?'
'Yes, okay.'
Hermione watched as Ginny exited her room, and then closed her eyes, hating herself for lying, hating herself for hurting Ron.
She stood up, deciding to make herself a cup of tea, and to wait for Draco to return. She was sat on the sofa picking at a Cauldron Cake when she heard the portrait swing open, and watched as Draco entered. His eyes widened in surprise as he noticed her sat on the sofa.
'Hey.' She said softly.
He didn't answer, staring at her with a look Hermione could not quite identify.
'Hey.' He finally answered, and she could detect a frosty edge to his voice.
'Well I'm back.' She smiled awkwardly.
'I can see.' He still didn't smile.
'How are you?'
'Good.'
'Good...' Hermione frowned, wondering what an earth was going on. He gave her another a stony look, before making his way towards his dormitory.
'Is there a problem Draco?' She broke the silence.
She watched as he paused and then turned to face her. 'I don't know. Why don't you ask Weasley?' He sneered Ron's name.
'What?' Hermione gasped, beweildered.
'Don't give me that. I saw you two, in the hospital wing. I know what's going on.'
'When?'
He laughed. 'Are you being serious? You're going to lie about this?'
'Ron's been to see me more then once with the others, so I'd like to know when you saw us!' She demanded.
'Don't get too upset Granger. Weasley isn't here to hold your hand.' He looked at her, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Hermione bit her lip, knowing exactly what Draco was referring to. 'You saw us when Ron came to apologise, didn't you.' She whispered.
'Apologise? Is that what you call it?'
'Yes Draco! He came to say sorry and we made up! Nothing is going on with us, I love you! I told him that there's no way I'm ever going to get back with him.'
'Oh spare me the lies.' He spat.
'It's the truth! I understand what it may have looked like, but honestly I was just pleased to have my friend back!'
'STOP LYING TO ME!' He shouted, making her jump.
'I'm not lying.' Hermione whispered, a tear running down her cheek.
'You were giggling, you let that weasel kiss your hand. Why don't you just admit it? You're in love with him, and have been stringing me along this whole time!'
'What?!' Hermione gasped, standing up. 'Is that what you really think?!'
'I don't think, I know.' He snarled.
'I thought you knew me. I thought you understood me like no other. Someone who knew me would know that I would never do that.'
'Oh turn off the tears. I'm done, I'm not going to be someone who's being taken as a fool.'
'You, are PATHETIC!' Hermione shrieked. 'You REALLY, honestly think I would do that?! That I love RON?! You are wrong, you, you are a pathetic, immature, insecure idiot! I have risked my LIFE, for you this past month! I have lied to my friends, I have been ill, and hey, probably even ended up in the hospital wing for you! And you honestly BELIEVE I've been using you?! You know what, I'm done too, I'm done with you, your insecurities, your jealousy! I'm DONE!' Hermione didn't even wait for a response. She barged past him, rushing up to her room and throwing herself on her bed, crying out in pain from her scars, but mainly for the pain that was now searing through her heart.
Draco
'FUCKING GRANGER!' Draco yelled as he ran out of the portrait, kicking the wall. He was shaking in anger, in disbelief over what had just happened. He leant against the wall, trying to ignore the dull pain in his foot. He breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm down, trying to get his act together.
'You're welcome.'
Draco jumped as he heard a voice creep up behind him, and turned round to face them. 'What?'
'You're welcome. You see I know how much you can't stand her. How much a lot of people can't stand her. So I did you a favour.'
'What are you talking about?!' He demanded.
'It was me. I cursed Hermione Granger the other night.'
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