Forbidden Feelings

Chapter 20

This is another chapter that took me forever to write! It's really difficult when you know exactly what you want to write but don't know how to put it into words! Anyway, here it is, thank you to those who have reviewed/favourited/followed. Let me know what you think of it!

Draco

Draco stared at Pansy, shocked into silence.

'As I said, you're welcome.' She smirked.

'So..you cursed her? You followed her when she was patrolling?' He choked out.

'Yes I did.' She said smugly.

'Why?'

Her smile fades a little. 'Why what?'

'Why did you do it? What the hell possessed you to do such a thing?!'

'Are you joking? I did it for you, for us!'

'What?' Draco felt sick.

'I thought if I got the Mudblood out of the way we'd have more time to ourselves, ever since you've shared a dormitory with her we've drifted apart! Plus everyone hates her, everyone knows that people like her don't belong here.'

Draco stared at her in disbelief, shaking slightly in anger. 'Do you have any idea what you've done?!' He shouted, losing his temper and pinning her against the wall.

'Oww, Drakie you're hurting me! Let me go!' Pansy squirmed against his grasp, her eyes frightened.

He paused before reluctantly dropping her to the floor, breathing heavily.

'You are pathetic.' He spat.

'But, but I thought you'd be pleased! Do you like her or something?' Pansy narrowed her eyes.

Draco swallowed, then glared at her. 'No I do not like the Mudblood. But you attacked her just after my father escaped prison, when McGonagall would be keeping a close eye on me! I've already been called into her office twice because of this! So thanks a lot!'

Pansy blinked. 'I didn't think of that.'

'Yeah well that's just a prime example of your stupidity.' He sneered.

'Sorry Draco.' She whispered.

'Why are you even here?' He demanded.

'I came by to give you another chance. I miss you Drakie.' She tried to thread her fingers through his, but he snatched his hand away from her grasp.

'Leave me the hell alone Pansy. Nothing will ever happen with us, I don't like you, in fact I can't stand you.'

'You're lying.' She tried to grab his arm but he wiggled away.

'Oh that's what you think, is it?' He glared at her threateningly.

'I don't believe you. And I just know you'll be back for more, you always are, everytime you feel alone you always come to me, and I'll give it a week, one week and you'll be begging me to come up to your room.' She looked into his eyes boldly.

'Piss off Parkinson.' He growled, making his way back into the common room.

'You know I'm right. And I wish I'd killed the Mudblood when I had the chance!' She shrieked at him as he opened the portrait door.

Draco stormed up to his room, slamming the door and punching the wall. Pansy was the one who had cursed her...and all because of him. Swallowing down the nausea that was now steadily growing in the pit of his stomach, he threw himself onto his bed. He knew he couldn't tell McGonagall about Pansy; he was clearly the only one who knew, and she would know it was him who'd reported her, and word would then spread that he'd turned in a fellow Slytherin...

'ARGH!' He punched a pillow in anger, and he found himself doing it again, and again, and again until he finally stopped, his heart racing and his whole body trembling. He furiously wiped at his eyes, desperate to cease the hot tears that were threatening to spill. He had lost the one person whom he had ever loved, the person that had changed his world for the better. If there was ever a point when Draco believed his life was at rock bottom, it was now. The pain of losing Hermione was proving too much already, the pressure that his father was piling on was forever on his thoughts. And the fact that Hermione had almost been killed because of him had added to all of the angst that was steadily increasing within his mind. When Draco had calmed down and could feel his heart rate returning to it's usual, steady pace, he closed his eyes, allowing his exhaustion to overcome him.

Hermione

'Miss Granger? Are you listening to me?'

A week had passed since Hermione's break up with Draco, and she was struggling. She felt empty, cold, a mere shell of the person she was just a week ago. She drifted through each day, not paying any attention to her surroundings, her mind clouded by thoughts of Draco. Her teachers had noticed the change in her. Professors Sprout and Binns had each taken her aside questioning her silence in class, and the considerate decrease in work she produced each lesson.

Harry, Ron and Ginny had also grown concerned over her behaviour. She'd skipped meal times, and instead of spending free time with them, she'd spent it in her room on her own, wallowing in self pity. Each time any of them had tried to talk to her she'd shot them down; angrily snapping that she was fine and maybe they should concentrate on their own lives rather then hers, or just shaking her head silently.

At Professor McGonagall's shrill tone, Hermione looked up at the witch, who was looking deeply concerned. She cleared her throat.

'Yes. I'm listening. What exactly is the problem though Professor? Why did you call me up here?'

McGonagall sighed, observing her closely. 'I've been speaking to your Professors, and a great deal of them are concerned over your well being. You don't seem to be participating in class discussions, the work you're producing is very little and not to your usual standard at all. And..' She paused, swallowing. 'Mr Potter, Mr Weasley and Miss Weasley paid me a visit earlier. They too are very worried about you. They say you don't spend time with them anymore-'

'They shouldn't have done that.' Hermione bit in, her voice low.

'I understand that it's probably difficult for you to hear but-'

'No. They shouldn't have done it. I'm fine, there is nothing wrong with me, no problem at all. Now can I go?'

Professor McGonagall looked taken aback at Hermione's harsh tone. She cleared her throat, looking sternly at the young witch. 'Miss Granger, I appreciate things may be a little tough right now, but that is no excuse to speak to me like that.'

'Sorry Professor.' Hermione muttered, bowing her head.

'Hermione.' She looked up, surprised at the witch's gentle tone. 'What's going on? This isn't you, this isn't the student I've mentored the past 7 years. Please, speak to me.'

Hermione stared at McGonagall, whose brow was furrowed in worry. Finally, she found the words to respond, and forced a smile. 'Nothing's wrong Professor, really. I'm just a little tired from all this work and study and my Head Girl duties. Plus my scars have only just healed from my attack.'

Professor McGonagall narrowed her eyes, looking unconvinced. Finally, she sighed. 'Very well Miss Granger. But if this continues we will be speaking again. You can go.'

'Thank you Professor.' Hermione gave her a quick smile before exiting her office. She walked briskly to the Great Hall, trembling slightly in anger. Spying her three friends sat at the end of the Gryffindor table fully engaged in conversation, she quickened her pace, eyes flashing in anger.

'How DARE you!' She shrieked.

Harry and Ginny jumped in surprise, and Ron dropped his fork, looking beweildered.

'Hermione?'

'No, don't you dare.' She snarled.

'What's going on?' Harry asked nervously.

Hermione laughed hysterically, shaking her head. 'You're REALLY asking that?! How dare you go to McGonagall! I told you I'm fine over and over again! And now you've got her watching me!'

'We're worried about you 'Mione-' Ginny began, but Hermione held her hand up to stop her.

'Just save it. From now on, just keep your noses out of my business. I'm FINE. In fact, I'm more then fine, I'm great! Ecstatic! So drop it.' She glared at them, daring them to say another word.

'Okay.' Ginny finally nodded.

'Thank you.' She snapped in reply, then turned on her heel and stormed out of the hall, ignoring the stares she was receiving. She barged her way through groups of gossiping students, making her way quickly to the common room. When she reached her destination, she ran up to her room, slamming her bag down and dropping onto her bed, burying her head in her pillows.

Hermione was not sure how much more of this she could take. She felt as though her whole world had been taken from her before her eyes. Every day was such a struggle, from the minute she awoke each morning she just wanted to close her eyes and lose herself in her dreams again. She would go downstairs and discover Draco had already left, avoiding any confrontation that may occur if they were alone. She was completely broken. What she'd said to him that night, she hadn't meant. She was furious, absolutely furious that he'd believed she didn't love him, that she was just using him. This fury had caused her aggressive outburst, and by time she'd allowed herself to calm down, she'd regretted every single word of it. The next morning she'd tried to speak to him, but he'd stared at her with a cold, hard expression, eyes completely empty.

'It's over.' He'd muttered, and walked out of the portrait door.

Hermione couldn't bare it. She couldn't bare the blank looks he gave her, like there was nothing between them, like the last month had never happened. She found herself wondering if maybe he didn't love her, and was using Ron as an excuse to break up with her. Deep down she knew that wasn't the case, but with the state her mind was in, she found herself thinking all sorts. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she fought back the tears that were threatening to spill. Every day seemed such a drag, an ongoing battle. She hated forcing smiles and trying to pretend that she was okay. She knew Harry, Ron and Ginny weren't fooled, and she knew that was being unfair by keeping everything from them, but at the same time she couldn't help but wish they would leave her alone. She just wanted to be alone...

Hermione closed her eyes, giving in to the tears that were filling her eyes. They spilled down her cheeks, and she let them. The tears would not stop once they'd started. Hermione was used to this, and was not surprised at her appearance when she stared into her mirror. Her hair was a matted mess, eyes red and bloodshot. Her skin was pale and her face held a haunted expression. This appearance was not surprising to Hermione as it was how she'd looked every day for the past week. She'd made herself presentable for lessons, and then as soon as she was on her own, she'd break down, letting all of the unbearable pain out, replaying Draco's blank stares and the argument they'd had in her mind over and over again.

She went into her bathroom, splashing cold water onto her face and casting a smoothing charm on her hair, deciding to sit downstairs in front of the fire and perhaps summon a house elf to bring her some food; something they had been doing for her for the past week. As she made her way downstairs however, she was startled to discover Draco sat at the desk, staring out of the window with his quill posied in mid air. She cleared her throat.

'Hey.'

He jumped slightly and looked round at her.

'Sorry if I made you jump.' Hermione took a few steps towards him.

'It's..it's okay.' He muttered.

'Draco...'

'What is it?' He snapped.

Hermione stared at him, hurt by the way he was talking to her. 'I miss you.' She whispered, swallowing as she once again felt the familiar lump in her throat that appeared before the tears started to fall.

He raised his eyebrows slightly. As Hermione studied his face, she could see the dark shadows under his eyes that bore a striking resemblance to her own. She could also see the pain in his eyes that he was trying to conceal.

'Say something.' Hermione choked, blinking as the tears fell.

He carried on staring at her, his eyes searching hers. She watched as he stood up and made his way slowly towards her. He reached out and stroked her cheek, and as another tear fell he gently wiped it away with his thumb. She closed her eyes, savouring the feeling of his touch, something she'd desperately been craving. As she slowly reopened them, he stared into her eyes, searching them. Hermione could see the fear and pain in his, but also love, complete and pure devotion .

'Draco..' She murmered.

He quickly removed his hand, clearing his throat and walking away.

'Where are you going?' She whispered.

He stopped, keeping his back to her. Hermione waited for him to answer, fighting the urge to walk over to him and shake him, shake him until he answered her, shake him until he would hold her again. But that answer never came. He took a step forward. Then another. And Hermione watched as he made his way to the portrait.

'Draco! Please! I know you love me too, I know you're hurting just as much as I am! Please, just talk to me!' She cried, tears were steadily falling down her cheeks now.

He stopped again, and turned around to face her. She stared at him, pleading with her eyes for him to stay. But again he turned his back on her, exiting the common room, and leaving Hermione to cry out in complete and utter pain, sinking to the floor, her body shaking with sobs.

It was the next day when Hermione finally lost her composure. She was in Potions, and Draco had moved away from her, which surprisingly went unnoticed by Professor Slughorn. She closed her eyes and counted to 10, trying to remain cool and collected, desperately fighting tears. She found herself partnered with a Gryffindor student, Oliver Meyer, whom she'd never spoken to before but recognised from the Gryffindor common room. As they worked she was growing increasingly frustrated with his lack of effort and common sense. She walked over to the cabinet, looking for Doxy Eggs. She glanced over at Draco, who was partnered with a fellow Slytherin student, a pretty brunette who looked completely infatuated with him, casually sliding a hand across his chest as she giggled at something he said.

Hermione turned away, finding herself unable to watch, the pain in her heart becoming increasingly worse. She walked back to her table, and found her partner sat at the desk, lazily prodding the piece of parchment in front of him with his quill.

'Are you not planning on helping?' She snapped.

'Sorry.' He muttered.

'Can you stir this anti clockwise and quickly while I add the egg?'

'Sure.' Oliver started stirring the potion, and Hermione watched in annoyance as he did it at a slow pace, not paying any attention.

'I said quickly.' She said through gritted teeth.

'Alright, alright.' He started stirring quickly.

'Stop! Slow down!' She cried.

'You told me to go faster! So that's what I'm doing!' Oliver retorted.

Hermione watched in horror as the potion turned into a repulsive yellow colour, and grimaced as a foul smell hit her nostrils. She heard a loud giggle coming from the direction of Draco's desk and looked over. The Slytherin girl was now pratically attached to him, giggling as she watched him work.

'I can't..I can't do this.' Hermione took a step backwards.

'What?' Oliver looked at her incredously.

'I said, I can't do this. I can't, I can't!' She cried.

'Miss Granger? Is there a problem?' Professor Slughorn waddled over to their desk.

Hermione looked up at him, and around at the room, noticing how everyone was now watching her, a deafening silence ringing across the classroom. She looked at Draco, who was staring at her, his brow furrowed slightly. She thought she could detect concern in his eyes, but as he blinked all she could see was the cold distance that had been there since their break up.

'I need to leave...' Hermione calmly gathered her possessions together, placing them in her bag and swinging it over her shoulder.

'Miss Granger?' Slughorn was frowning at her.

Hermione didn't answer. Instead she turned her back on him and the class, walking quickly out of the room. She made her way up to Professor McGonagall's classroom, praying she would be in there.

'Yes?' Professor McGonagall called as Hermione knocked on the door. She smiled and entered, relieved at least something had gone right for her today.

'Oh, hello Miss Granger.' McGonagall greeted her. 'How may I help?'

'I'm sorry to bother you. But you were right. I am stressed. I think I need a break.' A tear rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away furiously, determined not to break down in front of her.

Professor McGonagall frowned at her. 'I knew something wasn't right. Has something happened?'

'No, no. I'm just stressed with all this studying, and my attack. It's really taken it's toll on me.'

'I see.' She studied Hermione, eyebrow raised slightly.

'Anyway, what I want to know is..well it's going to sound extremely cheeky of me and I completely understand if you say no as it's probably breaking rules but...well I was wondering if I could have a short break. Just a week or two, I promise I'll still study, I just need to have a break. I understand if you say no of course-'

'Miss Granger, may I speak?' She was smiling slightly, much to Hermione's surprise.

'Yes, of course.'

'Well my answer's yes. I think it would do you good. Tell me, do you go to Hogsmeade often?'

Hermione blinked. 'Hogsmeade? Well yeah, quite a lot actually.'

'Okay, well just outside of Hogsmeade there's an Inn. Small, quiet place, but perfect for someone who just needs to get away. You have my permission to stay there. I will inform the Innkeepers, and you can go there straight away. I will owl you work at the end of each day from every lesson, and I expect it to all be completed.'

'Of course. Thank you so much Professor.' Hermione smiled at her gratefully.

'I'll inform Mr Malfoy, I'm sure he won't mind taking on the Head duties on his own. You have two weeks. Have a break, clear your head. Do some work. Well I shouldn't have to tell you that of all people.' She smiled slightly. 'I expect you to come back refreshed and in better health.'

'Thank you so much. I won't let you down.' She nodded.

'It's my pleasure.'

Hermione bid her farewell and went off to her room to pack. When she was finally ready, she left the castle and made her way to Hogsmeade.