Forbidden Feelings
Chapter 22
Draco
As her chocolate, tear filled eyes stared into his, Draco found himself unable to speak. He cleared his throat, breaking eye contact and staring at the ground.
'Draco? What's happened? Who's done this to you?' Hermione urged.
'I, I'm fine-' But his voice broke, and he couldn't finish.
'Please, tell me!' Her voice was shrill.
Draco shook his head, still unable to say anything.
'Tell you what.' Hermione whispered, staring deep into his eyes, her own filled with concern. 'I'm going to clean you up, lay you down and make you some tea. Then you are going to tell me everything. No arguments.' She added as Draco opened his mouth in protest.
He sighed, clutching his side as the action caused a sharp pain to breakout across his ribs. 'Okay.'
'Good.' She nodded sternly, but he could see the worry that remained in her eyes.
Hermione put a hand on his back and he allowed her to guide him to the nearby sofa, where she carefully helped him lay back against the soft cushions. He closed his eyes, soothed slightly by the comfort of the chair.
'Wait there.' Hermione whispered to him.
He opened an eye, smirking slightly. 'And where exactly would I go?'
She sighed, scowling at him. 'Unless you want me to leave you right here like this, I suggest you keep your comments to yourself.'
Draco continued smirking as she walked away. He heard the whistle of the kettle and Hermione pottering about, opening and closing cupboard doors. He found himself smiling again. It was incredible how much her presence had lifted his spirits in such little time, and on such a horrific occasion. His father's face flashed before his mind, face red with rage, and Draco shook his head, desperately trying to clear the images from his memory. As he heard someone clear their throat, he opened his eyes, spying Hermione stood over him, clutching a steaming mug.
'Are you okay?' Her eyebrows were knitted together with worry.
He paused, before smiling slightly. 'Got anything stronger I could put in that tea?'
She frowned. 'No, and I don't think that's a good idea right now.'
'I suppose not.' He sighed.
'Here.' She handed him the mug.
'Thank you.' He said gratefully, taking a sip of the hot tea as Hermione walked quickly back into the kitchen. When she returned, she was holding a large bowl which she placed on the coffee table nearby, and she knelt down in front of him.
'How's the tea?' She asked.
'It's good. Thank you.' He nodded, holding the mug awkwardly.
'Let me take that.'
Draco handed it to her, and she put it on the small coffee table, taking the bowl and placing it on her lap. Without saying a word, she squeezed the small cloth that was laying within the bowl, freeing it of any water. Draco watched as she leant over, and started tenderly removing the blood that ran down the side of his face in a small trail. He closed his eyes at her touch, again feeling incredibly soothed.
'Draco?'
He reopened them at Hermione's gentle voice.
'You have a small open wound on your head, how did that happen?'
Draco hesitated, staring into her wide, concern filled eyes before muttering. 'I fell. And split it open.'
'That must have been quite a fall.' Draco couldn't deny the fear in Hermione's eyes as he gazed into them. He nodded quickly, closing his eyes in indication that he was not quite ready to discuss the nights events.
'Episky.' He opened his eyes as he heard Hermione's small voice commanding her wand to heal the cut on his head.
'All done.' She whispered, looking into his eyes.
He stared back, trying to find the words to answer.
'Can you take your top off?' She asked suddenly, breaking the intense silence.
Draco blinked, unable to suppress a small smirk. 'Really Granger? Now?'
'Do you want me to help or not?' She snapped.
'Sorry.' He muttered.
Hermione sighed, and Draco could see the pain in her eyes as she said. 'You're calling me by my surname again I see.'
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, startled that such an action could have hurt her so significantly. 'Well...we weren't exactly on speaking terms before you left. I assumed you wouldn't particularly want to be now either.' He looked at her questioningly.
She didn't answer, instead glancing down at her hands. A small silence followed, until she cleared her throat. 'Can I sort your ribs out now?'
Draco looked at her. He could tell by her eyes that she wanted to change the topic of conversation.
'Okay.' He replied quietly, and tried to remove his top. A sharp pain shot through one side of his ribs at the action, and Draco winced.
'Do you umm, need a hand?' She was watching him closely.
'If you wouldn't mind.' He muttered, feeling like a fool.
'Of course not.'
Hermione found the bottom of the pale blue top, and removed it extremely cautiously, helping Draco lift his arms. He watched her calm expression turn to one of shock and horror as her eyes were drawn to the deep purple and black bruising upon his ribs.
'What's the matter? Nothing you haven't seen before.' He smirked, trying to lighten the mood.
Hermione stared at him, eyes filled with tears. 'How..how can you possibly joke about this? How can you sit there and smirk like that?' She asked incrediously.
'Really, it's not a big deal-'
'Not a big deal?!' Her voice was shrill as she stood up, furiously wiping at the tears that were now running freely down her cheeks. 'I come home after not seeing you for two weeks to find you battered and bruised, and you won't even give me an explanation! This is a big deal, it's a big deal to me!' She looked furious, her cheeks were bright pink and her eyes were shining angrily.
Draco gaped at her, not knowing how to react to her sudden outburst.
'Sorry.' She muttered, sniffing and wiping the last of the tears from her face. 'Here. Let me bandage you up. Your ribs are broken.'
'Okay.' Draco answered quietly. He watched silently as she made her way into the kitchen, seeking out bandages.
When she returned, Draco remained silent as she tenderly wrapped a bandage across his chest. He kept catching her eye, and she would return his stare for a couple of seconds before quickly breaking the eye contact.
'How do you know all this stuff?' Draco finally broke the agonising silence as Hermione finished, gesturing towards the bowl and the remaining bandages.
She looked at Draco, studying him for a second before answering. 'When you're in hiding for almost a year with Harry and Ron, you kind of learn to look after yourself and others.'
Draco furrowed his brow slightly as she mentioned Weasley, and he was sure Hermione noticed, watching as she bit her lip slightly in regret.
'I see.' He finally answered, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
She gave him a grim smile, before collecting everything from the table and returning once again to the kitchen.
'Do you want anything to eat? I could summon a house elf?' Hermione offered.
'No. Thank you.' Draco answered, closing his eyes as he leant against the cushions comfortably.
'Hey.' He reopened them as Hermione sank down on one of the squashy armchairs opposite him. 'You are not under any circumstances to fall asleep. At least not until you've told me exactly what happened and who did this to you.' Her voice was stern.
He sighed. 'I'm okay. Really.'
'NO!' Draco jumped as she raised her voice. 'You are NOT getting away with not telling me! I am so bloody worried about you Draco! I hate myself for it, but I am. You are going to tell me exactly what happened. Now.'
He frowned at her. 'Why? Why are you so worried? You didn't seem to care so much for me when you were allowing Weasley to drool all over you.'
Hermione's eyes flashed in anger. 'Please tell me we are not going to have this argument again.' She said in a low voice.
'Why not? You wanted me to talk so I'm talking.' He snapped.
'I meant about your injury! I can't believe we're having this conversation yet again!'
Draco sat up straight, ignoring the searing pain in his ribs at the movement. He stared straight into her eyes fiercely. 'Well have you thought about why we're having this conversation?! Have you not thought about the effect you and him are having on me? It killed me! It killed me seeing you two together, looking so close and intimate! He looked besotted, absolutely besotted with you! And you were smiling and blushing away! That moment I witnessed has haunted my mind for weeks now, and I'm sorry if the idea of the person I love more then anyone in the world being with someone else hurts me okay? I'm sorry!'
Hermione studied him for a second and blinked, a tear running slowly down her cheek. Then she stood up, walking over to where he was sat, and perching on the edge of the sofa.
'Firstly.' She put her hand on his chest, gently pushing him back so he was resting against the cushions. 'You need to take it easy. Secondly.' He watched as she took his hand in hers. 'You are the most infuriating, difficult, stubborn person I've ever known.'
'Thanks a lot.' Draco said sarcastically.
'Let me finish.' She looked at him sternly. 'Thirdly. I wouldn't change any of those things for the world. Because they are a part of you. And I love you Draco Malfoy. I love you so bloody much, and I hate myself for it, I hate you for it. But I wouldn't change it for the world.'
He stared at her, shocked into silence. When he finally found the words to answer, he stuttered. 'But what about Weasley?'
She sighed. 'Ron is and always will be very important to me. He's my best friend, and yes we have romantic history, but you are the one I love. And that will never change. Ron and I will always be close, but never again in that way. As long as you are here, in my life, I could never, ever be with anyone else. You are my life Draco.'
He studied her for a second, then slowly moved his hand so it rested on her cheek. He watched as she closed her eyes at his touch.
'I love you too, Hermione Granger.' He finally whispered.
She opened her eyes, and Draco caught the tear that spilled down her cheek. Slowly moving his hand so it rested in her silky hair, he pulled her closer, finally meeting her lips with his.
Hermione
As Hermione left Honeydukes, she glanced up at the dark sky, spotting the few stars that were now glowing softly in the night. She felt a little nervous; memories of the previous night when the Slytherin students had taunted her weighed heavily on her mind. And she still didn't know what or who had attacked Draco or herself. For all she knew they could be out there somewhere, awaiting their next victim.
Last night Hermione had eventually come to the joint decision with Draco that he wasn't ready to talk about what had happened to him. She had fallen asleep in his arms on the sofa, blissfully happy to be held by him again. But there was still a nagging voice at the back of her head, telling her that she needed to know what had happened. As much as Hermione had tried to push the anxious thoughts out of her mind, she couldn't bring herself not to worry. Even when she had taken herself down to Hogsmeade to get lost in the shelves of books in Tomes and Scrolls.
As she reached the castle, Hermione headed straight to the common room. Draco had been stranded there the whole day due to Hermione's strict orders to rest. She herself had offered to stay with him, but he had insisted she went to Hogsmeade and cleared her mind off of everything for a while. Even with a new pile of books weighing heavily in her bag and a ton of sweets she'd picked up for herself and Draco, she still found herself lost in her thoughts. Saying the password quickly to the portrait, Hermione entered the cosy common room, praying Draco had taken her advice and rested.
'Hermione.'
She smiled in relief as he greeted her, propping himself up against the many cushions Hermione had piled onto the sofa earlier on that day.
'Evening Draco. How have you been? Have you had any dinner?' She walked straight over to him.
'Are you trying to sound like my mother?' He smirked.
Hermione frowned. 'When are you going to take this seriously?'
'Hermione. I've got a few broken ribs. That's all. Now please sit down.' He reached out, grabbing one of her hands and trying to pull her down next to him.
She snatched her hand away. 'No, I will not sit down. Now I'm judging by your answer you haven't had dinner, I'm going to call a house elf straight away-'
'I already ate.'
Hermione stopped. 'You did? Did you summon a house elf?'
'No. I ate in the Great Hall like normal.'
'You did what?!' She gasped, dropping her bags onto the soft cream carpet.
'I ate in the Great Hall. It's not a big deal.' He shrugged.
'No big deal? I told you to rest! What if anyone else noticed that you're hurt!'
'Then I would have told them I fell whilst chasing third years during patrolling. Come on Hermione, it would have looked strange if I hadn't turned up, then I'm sure people would have come looking for me.'
Hermione stared at him, knowing what he was saying made sense. 'Okay.' She whispered.
'I'm sorry. I should have told you beforehand, I know.'
'No, it's okay. It was probably the most logical thing to do.'
'So now will you come and sit with me?' A hint of a smile was playing on his lips.
'No.' She whispered.
'No?' Draco looked beweildered.
Hermione walked slowly over to the closest armchair and sank down onto it. 'I know this is hard for you, believe me I do. But I need to know who did this to you.'
He stared at her, his eyes wide. 'Hermione I-'
'Please Draco.' She whispered, pleading with her eyes.
'I thought you understood..I thought you understood that I don't want to talk about this.'
'I do understand, I do! But I can't go on like this, I can't go on not knowing what happened to you!'
Draco didn't answer, and Hermione watched as he got up and made his way to the kitchen. He turned his back on her as he poured himself a glass of water.
'I could have got that for you.' Hermione said quietly.
'No.' Draco turned to face her, his eyes flashing angrily. 'Just leave it.'
There was silence as he turned his back on her again.
'You can't avoid this forever you know.' Hermione finally whispered.
'What?' He spun around.
'You can't keep this from me. You can't escape what happened Draco.' She looked at him boldly.
'You think I don't know that?!' He demanded, making Hermione jump as he hurled the glass he was holding against the wall.
'Draco-'
'NO!' He shouted. 'You don't understand! You don't understand what it's like, you don't know what it's like for your own father-'
'Your father?!' Hermione gasped. 'Your father did this to you?!'
He sighed, his eyes full of regret as he answered. 'Yes.'
'Oh Draco. I'm so sorry.' She whispered, walking over to him and taking his hand.
'It's okay. I'm okay.' He muttered.
'No. You're not. Come and sit down. Please?'
'Okay.' He answered quietly.
Hermione led Draco to the sofa, helping him lay back against the cushions.
'My father, well, he's always been hard to please.' He began. 'Ever since I was young he made me feel like a disappointment. He would mock me everytime he found me with my head in a book.' He smiled bitterly. 'Everytime he made me feel like a fool or like I disappointed him, I worked just a bit harder to try and prove to him that I was a good son; that I was worthy of his love. Sometime along the way I suppose I started believing in what he believed in, I let him brainwash me into thinking all Muggle Born witches and wizards were scum, and that Lord Voldemort was someone to look up to. How I wish I hadn't listened to him.' His eyes looked full of regret, and Hermione reached over and squeezed his hand in understanding.
'You see even though I looked up to him, I was so afraid of my father. Everytime I did something that let him down, I hated myself for it. It would eat me up, the disappointment in his eyes everytime he looked at me would haunt my mind. But then I fell for you.' He looked at her, his grey eyes searching hers. 'Everything changed then. I learnt that Muggle Borns are no different to any other witch or wizard. And I learnt how it feels to love someone with everything that you have. I know now that I'll never be the man Father hoped I'd be. A week ago, he sent me an owl asking me to meet him in a weeks time with information on Potter. I couldn't do that, I couldn't betray you. So I went, with no information whatsoever.' He gestured to his ribs, smiling weakly. 'And this is what happened. Along with being told that I'm a disappointment.'
'Draco...I am so sorry.' Hermione said softly.
'For what? It isn't your fault that my father beat me.'
'But I could have done something. I could have been here for you. I should have.' She looked down at her lap, her brow furrowed in regret.
'Hermione.' She felt his hand underneath her chin as he gently lifted it so he could look her in the eye. 'It's not your fault.'
She opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head gently. 'Okay.' She whispered. 'Can I ask something though?'
'Of course.'
'You always seemed so pro Voldemort. And I heard you, at the start of the year, you were telling your friends you'd rather be at home working for your father. And you wanted Harry to pay for sending him to jail. How could you think that way after the way he's treated you?'
Draco sighed. 'Yes. I did think that way. But as I said before, my father brainwashed me. I was afraid of him, but at the same time I just wanted to prove to him I am worthy enough to be his son. I guess that hope, that dream that one day he would be proud of me distracted me from my fear.'
'What about your mother? Did she not support you at all? Did she not know how he made you feel?'
Draco sighed. 'Mother knew exactly how he made me feel. But she did nothing about it, she was too scared to argue with him.'
'Oh Draco. I wish I'd known-'
'What would you have done? Fought him?' He raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly.
'Well no but-'
'Exactly. There's nothing you could have done.'
'I'm sorry you had to go through it. All of it.'
'Hermione.' He took her hand, looking at her intensely. 'All my life I've been let down by the people I've loved most. When I fell for you, it terrified me. It still does, and when I saw you and Weasley in the hospital wing, I thought it was happening all over again. It's why I get scared, it's why I push you away.'
'Draco. I completely understand that, I do. But I couldn't do that to you. The idea of life without you is what terrifies me. You saw what I was like when we were apart, I was a mess. I love you, so much.'
'You mean that?' He whispered.
'I do. I really do.'
He leaned forward, kissing her softly. 'I love you.'
Hermione pulled away. 'What are we going to do about your father? We can't have him hurt you like that again. I assume he wants to see you soon?'
'He wants me to meet him in a months time with information.'
'Well what are we going to do?!' Hermione's eyes were wide in panic. 'Maybe we should tell McGonagall? Yes, that's what we should do!'
'No! No one can know, Hermione. It's too dangerous, I don't know what he'd do if he found out, and believe me, he'd find out.'
'But Draco, he'll hurt you again! I can't let anything happen to you!'
'What choice do I have? If I don't turn up he'll come after me!'
'Please, just think about telling Professor McGonagall! She might be able to help you. Please.' Hermione pleaded.
'I can't. It's too dangerous, there is no way I'm telling her. And neither will you.' He looked at her warningly.
'Of course I won't. I just wish I could help somehow.'
'If you want to help, you'll stay out of this. You'll let me get on with it. I can't have you getting involved. This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you.'
Hermione frowned. 'I'm not leaving you to deal with it on your own. I'm sticking by you, no matter what you say.'
Draco smiled slightly. 'And you call me stubborn?'
'You can't expect me to stay out of this. I love you, and I am not going to sit by and watch you get hurt.'
'I know. I know.' He sighed.
'I'm so sorry he hurt you, Draco. If that man can't see what an amazing, intelligent, brave son he has then he doesn't deserve one.'
Draco remained silent, and Hermione could tell he didn't want to discuss the topic any longer. She didn't blame him at all; for him to go through a beating at the hands of his own father was horrific. And for him to spend his whole life trying to live up to his expectations whilst being constantly put down also tugged at her heart.
'I don't know what I'd do without you.' Draco murmered, breaking the silence.
'You spent 17 years without me.' Hermione smiled.
'I couldn't do that now.'
'You won't have to. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. We will get through this, Draco. I promise you.'
'I hope so.'
Hermione didn't answer, shifting so she was leaning against Draco, avoiding his broken ribs. He held her close and she closed her eyes, feeling oddly content given the circumstances.
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