The Past, the Present and Perhaps a Future
Chapter 13: They Were Never Mine to Lose
Thoughts
"How about we go and discuss this upstairs, out of the hearing range of the general public hm?" John ushered father and son, and the attractive Korean upstairs into Sherlock's apartment, where Mrs. Hudson gushed at the sight of the young boy.
"Oh Sherlock!" she gasped, "He looks just like a mini you!" She smiled affectionately at the young boy, remembering when Sherlock was that age, "The spitting image." She sighed as she took in the child, "Except you have your mother's eyes."
Nick tore his eyes away from Sherlock to smile at Mrs. Hudson, the woman he knew from John's blogs was like a mother to Sherlock, and he could see why, she had a warmth and grandmotherly grace that made him feel welcomed and safe.
"Oh!" she giggled, "Aren't you just the cutest! I think I have some biscuits downstairs, don't you move!" and with that she headed down to her flat, humming happily on the way, clearly oblivious to the tension in the room.
The room once again plunged into an awkward silence.
"Are you really my father?" Nick's voice was timid, all that bravado he'd entered with gone, as if learning the truth knocked the wind out of his sails.
"Would it be the end of the world if I am?" Sherlock pierced the young boy with a hard stare, mistaking the boys nerves for distaste at the situation.
Nick quickly shook his head, "Not at all, in fact that'd be the furthest thing from the end of the world." He cracked a smile, "Sherlock Holmes is my dad." The smile grew as he turned to Jae, "Sherlock Holmes is my DAD!" the smile disappeared, "Wait," his eyes narrowed on Jae, "You knew!" he accused, "Why didn't you tell me?!"
Jae sputtered at the accusation and pain in Nick's face. A cold chill ran down his spine as the child he had loved as his own since the day he was placed in his arms stared accusingly at him, the pain of betrayal on his face more damaging than any physical blow could be.
"I believe that Mr. Bae did not know that I was your father until very recently." Sherlock spoke up, "A revelation that was recently made known to me as well." He added as he took a seat in his usual seat, motioning Nick to take John's chair.
"Ah, Mr. Bae is it?" John grabbed the Korean's attention, "Perhaps we should go help Mrs. Hudson and give them a moment?"
Jae hesitated but Nick looked as if he was ok, and as much as he didn't want to leave the boy he thought of as his son alone, he knew that Nick deserved some alone time with his father, his real father.
"Sure," he followed John downstairs, "and please call me Jae."
"How come mummy never told me you were my dad?" Nick questioned, still reeling from the fact that Sherlock Holmes, his hero, was his father.
Sherlock sighed as he steepled his fingers beneath his chin, "That's something only she can answer. But I can tell you why she didn't tell me about you." Taking a deep breath, Sherlock stared into the eyes of his son, the same hauntingly beautiful emerald eyes as Talis. "Your mother informed me that you are, for lack of a better word, a fan of mine yes?"
Nick nodded.
"Then I'm sure you know all about my past, and my struggle with certain addictions?"
Another nod.
"Your mother and I met when she was in her final year of high-school and I was in college. We were set up by mutual friends, and spent the next 6 years together." He lost himself in thought for a moment. "Your mom was my original drug." Nick made a face of confusion, "She was the first person I met the understood me, that fully accepted me and all of my idiosyncrasies." Sherlock tried to explain, "I never had that before, and I tried to tell myself that I didn't care if I had any friends, that I didn't need anyone in my life to understand me. But your mother proved me wrong." He softened, "It's nearly impossible to be near her and not be drawn in by her charm."
Nick nodded in agreement, he had seen it first hand and not just with Jae, it didn't matter where they went, what country they lived in, or what language people spoke, his mother had something about her that was warm and inviting, and people were naturally drawn to her. It was a trait he was beginning to notice he had inherited as well.
"Just about 6 months after we met, your mother and I were nearly inseparable. Though our schools were rather far apart, we managed to see each other almost every weekend, mostly it was me finding some creative way to get into her dorms," Sherlock smirked. "Although she did manage to sneak out to the city to visit me a few times."
Nick smiled, wondering what his parents had been like when they were young, and if they had been so inseparable, what had happened to drive them apart.
"When your mum graduated, I took leave from university and went with her on her gap year. We travelled all over the Americas, it was somewhere in South America that I got into drugs, just pot and some indigenous tea types. Your mum tried to dissuade me, but once I have my mind set on something, it's nearly impossible to change. I'm quite stubborn like that."
Nick nodded, and smiled, "I've read about that on John's blog."
Sherlock rolled his eyes, but there was more amusement in it than anything. "Don't believe everything that John writes, he does like to exaggerate and stretch the truth as far as possible." He snuck a glance at the door, where the sounds of John, Jae and Mrs. Hudson could be heard, "He's quite the drama queen." He mock whispered.
"I heard that!" John's voice boomed, causing Nick to giggle, "And any dramatic tendencies I have, I learned from you." he stuck his head into the living-room, "Your father is the biggest drama queen of them all!" he smiled at Nick, who nearly fell out of the chair because he was laughing so hard.
"Will you tell me about some of your cases?!" Nick's face lit up like it was Christmas.
"Of course kiddo," John smiled at Sherlock's son, "But perhaps some other time yea? It's getting a bit late and I need to get back to Mary and Mina." He ruffled the boys hair. "I'll tell you all about the cases he wouldn't let me post." John winked before nodding to Sherlock, kissing Mrs. Hudson's cheek and giving Jae a farewell wave as he headed out.
"Nick," Jae stepped forward, "We should get going as well," he checked his watch, "your mum is going to kill me if she gets back from dinner and we're not there."
Sherlock didn't want his son to go, but he knew that Jae was right, and that Talis would not only kill the Korean, but likely him as well.
"I don't want to." Nick pouted in an uncharacteristic move from the usually bubbly and well-behaved young boy. "I don't care if mum gets mad. I'm angry with her for keeping me from my father." He crossed his arms.
"Please don't be," Jae reached out to the boy, "Your mother was only doing what she thought was best. There's a lot you don't know Nick."
Sherlock nodded in agreement, "I confess that I'm not happy about missing out on your younger years, but I understand why she did what she did." He paused, "Every choice she made was to keep you safe. I can't fault her for that."
Nick breathed out a heavy sigh, "If you had known about me, would you have stuck around?" Sherlock looked at his son, his eyes so like his mother's, two emerald orbs piercing right through him with their intensity.
His son, his flesh and blood, was looking for an answer that he could not provide, but Sherlock could not bear to hurt the boy, so he gave what he hoped was a pacifying answer.
"It's impossible to know how I would have reacted." Sherlock treaded carefully, inwardly smiling as Nick nodded sagely.
"That's logical."
"I don't know what I would have done then, and I know that's not the answer you were looking for," he leaned forward, leveling himself with his mini-me, "but I will tell you this; now that I know that you exist, I am excited and looking forward to the prospect of being a part of your life, in whatever capacity you'll have me."
Nick smiled brightly and Sherlock felt his heart melt a little at the sight. Nick launched himself into Sherlock's lap, tackling him back into his seat. Throwing his arms around Sherlock's neck, Nick hugged him tightly, "I have the coolest dad in the world!" he exclaimed proudly. Sherlock only hesitated a moment before wrapping his arms around his son for the first time.
A gasp drew the Holmes' attention towards the door, where Talis stood, there was fear lingering in her eyes and a desperate energy radiating from her.
She waited with bated breath as her boys shared a look, a silent conversation going on between the two of them before Nick nodded and Sherlock smiled softly before looking over to Talis and nodding her over. Just like their son had done, Talis flew forward wrapping her arms around both of them, hugging them tightly.
It was a more than a little cramped with the three of them sitting in Sherlock's favorite chair, but he couldn't bring himself to mind, his family, was in his arms for the first time, and he knew that moments like these were numbered.
"I'm sorry!" she murmured against Nick's hair as she held him close, tears running down her face, "I'm so sorry!"
Jae looked away, finding the scene before him to be too painful, seeing them together as a family was breaking his heart, he met Mrs. Hudson gaze and hers softened as she recognized the haunted look that often accompanies unrequited love in his eyes.
Nick settled comfortably in his parents embrace, "I'm still mad mummy," he confessed as he pulled back to stare at his mother, his little hands rising to wipe her tears.
"And you have every right to be darling." She gave him a rueful smile, "You have every right to be." She looked to Sherlock, "You both do." She turned back to Nick, "But please believe that everything I did was to protect you." She cupped Nick's face in her hands, "The moment I learned you were growing inside of me, I knew that I would do everything in my power to keep you safe."
"That's what everyone keeps telling me." His eyes flickered between the people in the room. "But none of you have told me what you were running from."
Talis shared a look with the two men in the room before sighing heavily. "I was hoping to put this off for another couple of days, but I suppose there's no avoiding it now." She turned to Jae who simply nodded, knowing without her saying anything that she needed a moment alone with her family.
"I'm going to head back to the hotel, it was nice seeing you again Sherlock." He nodded in respect to the consulting detective before smiling at Nick and communicating silently with Talis. "See you two later."
"I'll walk you out," Mrs. Hudson smiled softly at the handsome stranger, clearly seeing the affection he held for Talis and Nick in his eyes.
Then they were gone, leaving the Holmes family alone together for the first time.
Standing up from her position crammed on Sherlock's chair she grabbed the far less comfortable wooden chair from the table and Nick moved to sit in John's chair, and Sherlock couldn't help but notice that this is exactly what he and John did to Mary, a few years ago when they vetted her.
He had never fully understood what John had gone through when he had faced his wife, who he had just learned he knew nothing about, but sitting here in this situation, he was beginning to grasp the enormity of emotional turmoil John had been going through.
Removing her coat, tossing it carelessly aside she sat down and sighed deeply before turning to Nick, "How much do you know about your father's nemesis James Moriarty?"
Mrs. Hudson stopped at the door and wrapped her arms around Jae, her motherly instincts just knowing that the man was in need of a hug. He hesitated for a moment before returning the hug, accepting the comfort that she was offering.
"Just because they have a past, doesn't necessarily mean they have a future." She whispered sagely before pulling back and disappearing into her own flat, leaving Jae to see himself out.
Jae knew she probably didn't know about Talis' illness, so her words weren't meant out of spite, that they were meant to encourage him to not give up hope but they still hit Jae hard as the reality of Talis' limited time left hit him full force. Suddenly it felt as if the walls were closing in on him and he wrenched the door open, and stumbled into the cold winter night.
Taking in large gulps of frigid air he leaned over, resting his hands on his knees as he struggled to calm his racing emotions. A few moments passed before he got his heart rate under control, and the dizziness subsided. Heaving a heavy sigh as he looked back at the flat, at the light shining through the windows. The lyrics from the world famous and Talis' favorite musical Les MÃserables came unbidden through his mind. They were never mine to lose, why regret what cannot be.
Shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket he strolled down the road, not caring where his feet were taking him, just lost in the misery that the family he had come to love and care for as his own was slipping out of his grasp and that he was powerless to stop it.
Poor Jae... My muse seems to be determined to put everyone through the ringer before this story comes to an end...
Sorry for the delay, the job I accepted went longer than expected, and I didn't really have the time or the energy to write until now. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know Molly wasn't anywhere in it, but I think she's making an appearance in the next one, and she'll be meeting Jae... but who knows what direction my muse will go.
As always, the only people I can claim in this story are Talis, Nick, Jae and I suppose to some extent Mina (I haven't decided if I'll bring her and Mary in or not). Sherlock and Co belong to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Moffit & Gatiss. The lyric was borrowed from Les Mis, I don't own anything from that either...
Thanks to those who have reviewed/favorited this story, it makes my day to see those emails in my inbox.
Hope you all have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!
Stay Classy!
Getting2KnowL
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