Forbidden Feelings

Chapter 27

Hermione

'I see you've taken my advice and returned home. Well done son, I'm pleased.'

Hermione watched from her hiding place as Lucius placed a hand on one of Draco's shoulders, smiling broadly.

'I don't want to be here. I want to be at Hogwarts, that is where I belong.'

She shuddered as Lucius let out a deep echoing laugh. 'Hogwarts? You belong at Hogwarts?'

'Yes. I do.'

'Tell me Draco, what is it about that school that you love so much? What is it that's turned you against me?'

Hermione closed her eyes in dread as Draco swallowed and looked straight into Lucius' eyes fiercely. 'The girl I love is at Hogwarts.'

'Love? You're in love? That's what's been causing this behaviour? You're in love?!'

'Yes. I am.'

'Who is it? The Parkinson girl?'

'No.'

'Then who? Who has caused this?'

'Hermione Granger.'

She brought a hand to her mouth, trying to mask her gasp as Draco said her name. Lucius stared at his son, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets and his cheeks bright red as he shouted. 'Hermione Granger? You're in love with a MUDBLOOD?!'

'Yes, I-'

'Avada Kedavra!'

Hermione was blinded momentarily by a bright green light and as she watched Draco fall to the ground, she screamed and screamed, unable to control her sobs. As she ran over to his body, she felt herself being thrown backwards, crashing into the stone wall. She looked at Lucius, who was standing over her with a wide smile plastered across his face as he raised his wand to her throat.

'Avada-'

'NO!' Hermione sat up suddenly, drenched in sweat and her face wet with tears. Shaking severely, she took in her surroundings, slightly bewildered as she discovered she was on the floor of the common room, Crookshanks watching her lazily from one of the sofas.

'Draco...I need Draco.' She murmered, getting up and slowly walking towards the stairs that led up to his room. As she reached his door, she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong, that all was not that it seemed. It was when she'd crawled into his bed, reaching out for him in the darkness when she remembered. The terrible memories from just a few hours ago came back to her, and she cried out, the pain in her heart unbearable. Draco had gone...and this time he was not returning. As a sudden wave of nausea hit her, Hermione ran to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet gasping. When the had sickness passed, she fell to the ground sobbing. She'd felt pain before, she'd felt it when he'd left the first time, when they'd split up over the foolish argument they'd had. But no amount of pain she'd felt before compared to how she felt now. She felt as though her heart and soul had been ripped out, as if she was empty inside. Slowly standing up, she made her way back to Draco's bed, grabbing one of the pillows and burying her head in it. As she smelt his scent on the material, a fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks, and she closed her eyes, hoping to sleep. At least then she'd escape the pain for a while.

And she remained in the same place for the next two days. Ignoring the owls she received from teachers asking of her absence, she stayed in Draco's bed, hugging his pillow close to her. She sat up as she heard the clock downstairs striking 7, glad that another day was almost over, for daytime for her was the hardest. At night she would lay in complete darkness, and eventually her sore eyes would grow tired from the tears they had shed, and she would drift off to sleep. The nightmares would haunt her every night, but each time Hermione had awakened terrified and sobbing, a small part of her had been relieved. She would rather have nightmares then dream happy dreams about being with Draco, for then she would have to wake up, and as the truth dawned on her that the happiness had only been a dream, that in itself would prove to be a nightmare of it's own.

Hermione rubbed her eyes and stood up, making her way downstairs to get herself a glass of water for her dry throat. She watched as the tap ran, and her hand shook as held the glass underneath it.

'Hermione?'

She cried out, dropping the glass, which shattered on the floor.

'Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!'

Ignoring the voice which had disturbed her, Hermione fell to the ground, gathering up the glass with her bare hands.

'Hermione! Stop, you're going to cut yourself!'

She quickly picked the remains of the glass up, and as her hands shook she felt a deep stinging pain in one of her fingers. 'Ouch!' Looking at the blood that was now running steadily down her hand, she turned round, shrieking. 'Look what you made me do!'

Ginny stared at her. 'Hermione..what the hell is going on?!'

'Really Ginny, do I need to tell you I just cut myself on some glass? I thought you were bright enough to work that out for yourself!'

'You haven't been to lessons in two days! Everyone's concerned! Look at me.'

'What?'

'Look at me.'

'No! Just leave me alone.' Hermione snapped, keeping her back to her as she washed the blood from her hand.

'Fine.' Ginny said, and walked over to her, pulling her arm so she was facing her.

'What the hell are you doing? I told you to leave me alone!'

'Hermione! You look terrible!'

'Oh thanks a lot.'

'What on earth is going on?! You better bloody tell me what's happened!'

'Nothing has happened I'm fine!' She snatched her arm away and found a bandage for her hand then made her way towards the stairs.

'You tell me what's going on. Now.' Ginny stopped in front of her.

'I'm warning you Ginny, leave me alone.' She snarled.

'No.'

'This is my last warning.'

'Or what? Are you going to hex me? Has that scum of a boyfriend been teaching you tricks?!'

'DON'T YOU DARE CALL HIM THAT!' Hermione shrieked. Her anger boiled over and she reached out, slapping Ginny hard across the face.

She gasped, eyes wide as she brought a hand to her now flaming red cheek. 'What the hell has happened to you..'

'Nothing. I warned you to move and you didn't.'

'No...something's happened..and if you don't tell me, I know who will.'

She ran up the stairs, Hermione hot on her heels, and started banging on the door loudly.

'Malfoy! Get your arse out here now!'

'Stop it! Stop!' Hermione screamed at her.

'I don't know what the hell you're playing at but you better come out here now you pathetic little ferret, before I blow the door down!' Ginny shouted through the door, ignoring her.

'He's not here!'

She stopped. 'What?'

'Draco isn't here! Now get the hell out of my common room.'

'Where is he?'

'Get. Out.' Hermione pulled on her arm, dragging her down the stairs.

'I'm not going anywhere until you give me answers. I don't care if you hit me again!'

Hermione stared at her furiously. 'Fine! He's gone, okay?! He's gone home to be with his father, he's basically gone to kill himself, you know why? Because of me! He's killing himself, because of me!'

'What..' Ginny breathed.

'Yes! Are you happy now?!'

'What?! No! Of course I'm not happy!'

'Oh really? Well I get the impression this is what you wanted all along! Afterall, weren't you the one who told him to leave in the first place?!'

'Hermione, I-'

'Oh save it! This is all your fault! Now get out!'

'I'm not going anywhere! I'm so sorry-'

'Get out, get out, GET OUT!' She screamed, grabbing hold of Ginny and pushing her towards the portrait.

Taking one last frightened look at her, Ginny ran out of the room. Furious, Hermione found another glass and threw it at the portrait after her, then sank to the floor sobbing uncontrollably. She yelled out loudly, the pain in her heart unbearable as she started hitting the ground repeatedly, ignoring the discomfort in her hands, the muscles in her stomach that ached from crying. There was no life for her without Draco. Of course, she'd spent 17 years of her life without him, but now she'd experienced what it was like to be with him, to be held and loved by him, she knew she could not live without it... As she took a deep shuddering breath and composed herself, she sat down on a sofa. She nodded to herself. Yes..that's what she'd do...

Draco

Awakening on a cold, hard surface, Draco was slightly disorientated as he sat up and took in his surroundings. Feeling a sharp pain to the side of his head, he flinched, bringing a hand up to it. Images from last night flashed before his mind. Hermione shrieking, tears running down her face, his mother kissing his head, quickly whispering sorry as she left for good, his father's cruel smile as he hit his son, causing him to fall to the ground...

'Ahh you're awake!'

The door to the freezing room opened, and Lucius walked in.

'What do you want with me?' Draco stood up, cowering against the wall.

'Relax Draco!' He laughed.

'How can I relax? How the hell can I relax when you hit me everytime we meet? I know what you tried to do to me last time we met!'

'I was merely teaching you a lesson you needed to be taught. Now unless you want to be hit with the Cruciatus curse for real, I'd shut up and listen to me.'

He froze as his father moved closer, his eyes dark and threatening. 'I hope I myself clear last night when I said that if you apparate out of here, I will find you and kill you.'

'Of course.' Draco nodded quickly.

'And if any of your little friends turn up here, I will kill them too. They're lucky they got away last time.' He hissed.

'What do you want me for Father? Have you just got me here to torture me? Use me as a punching bag?'

He laughed evilly. 'That's just an added bonus.'

Draco didn't answer, looking at the floor as he swallowed down hot, angry tears.

'You're going to get us into Hogwarts. Then we're going to destroy the Mudbloods and all of the traitors.'

'No...' He whispered.

'Sorry, what was that?'

'I said no! You've won, I've come home! Why invade the school?!'

'That was my plan all along son..I told you that from the start.'

'But I thought..'

'You thought what? That once you returned home I'd let them live happily ever after? Don't be so foolish Draco.' He snapped.

'Well I'm not having any part in this. You aren't getting any help from me.' He looked him in the eyes fiercely.

'What did you say?'

'I will not help you. At all.'

'Oh I think you will.'

'There is nothing you can say that will change my mind.'

'Really? Is that so?' He moved towards him, and he flinched as he pointed his wand at him. 'Crucio!'

Draco screamed in agony as he was hit with the spell, falling to ground. The pain was indescribable, it felt as though his whole body was on fire, flames hitting him from all angles. As he rolled onto his back, it was like he had fallen onto a bed of needles, and while he writhed on the floor, he could hear his father laughing through his yells.

'STOP, STOP, MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE!' He screamed, tears running down his cheeks.

'What was that? I couldn't quite hear you son?' His father's voice rang in his ears, sounding amused.

'Please, stop, I need it to stop!' He begged.

'Say that you'll help me.'

'Father, help, make it stop!'

'I will when you say you'll help me.'

'No!'

'Have it your way then.'

'I'LL HELP YOU! PLEASE STOP IT, MAKE IT GO!' He shrieked.

'Thank you son.' Lucius said calmly.

As the burning sensation came to a halt and the pain disappeared, Draco lay back on the ground sobbing uncontrollably. He felt a sharp kick to the side of his body.

'Now you know what I'll do if you ever cross me. Now get up. You're pathetic.' His father spat on the ground before exiting the basement, slamming the door and locking it.

Draco remained on the floor, his body felt weak, and his skin felt as if it was covered in burns. He closed his eyes, and as he curled up into a ball, he felt defeated. This was it now. There was no way he'd help his father into Hogwarts, he could not allow Hermione to be in danger. He thought about what his death would be like, whether his father would simply use the killing curse or torture him beforehand. Blinking back more tears, he wondered how everything had come to this, how it had come to his own father threatening to kill him, torturing him until he'd begged for mercy. Had he always planned this? Had he never loved his son, the son who had grown up idolising him, doing anything for him just to earn his love and respect?

No...he'd never loved him. For Draco knew what love was, he'd experienced it in the past few months, and he'd never been happier then when he was with Hermione. Memories of their goodbye flashed across his mind, her tears, her heartbroken wails as he'd left the common room, the pain that had seared through his own heart as he'd held her in his arms one last time. He hoped that she would be okay, that in a few months time she'd have worked through her grief, and understood that him leaving was the best thing he could have done for her. He sighed, knowing that it wouldn't be so simple. The pain in her eyes had told him that, the way she'd cried his name and begged him to stay.

He yelled out, angrily punching the ground. Why did he have to endure such pain? Why could he not have had a normal life, why did his father have to be who he was? Why did his mother walk out on him and leave him last night, when he needed her most? He shook his head. No, his family didn't care for him. All he wanted was to be with Hermione, to hold her and take care of her, but instead he'd broken her heart. He found himself hoping tomorrow would be the day that his own father would murder him. At least then his suffering would be over, and he would be leaving Hermione to move on with her life. Although he wanted her to be happy and to be looked after, the thought of her with someone else killed him inside. That person would be living the life he could have had, they would have her love. Draco closed his eyes and curled back into a ball on the cold, hard floor, feeling as though he was falling apart, the pain in his heart overbearing.

Hermione

Hurridly packing a few of her possessions into a small bag, Hermione looked at the time. 6:15...

All of the students and professors would be at the feast now, which was a perfect time for her to sneak out of the castle. She could not believe it had taken her so long to come up with the idea of leaving to find Draco. She knew he'd told her not to, but she couldn't let him go. If it meant dying then she would die with him. He could already be dead...

'NO!' Hermione shouted out loud at the cruel voice in her head. He was not dead, she was sure she would feel it in her heart if he was. But then Lucius was so angry when they'd last met...

She thought back to their parting words, remembering the tears that had fallen from his eyes as he'd told her he loved her, and how he'd seemed convinced of his death.

Looking at the pile of books he had given her that night, Hermione suddenly became overwhelmed with grief and she walked slowly over to them. She remembered his smile when he'd given them to her, how pleased he'd looked when she'd squealed in delight and thrown her arms around him, his arms holding her against him protectively. She'd always felt so safe when he held her, it was her place, where she belonged. But not anymore. Tears filled her eyes as the thought ran through her mind that she'd never see him again, never experience such comfort as she did when she was in his arms. He'd abandoned her, walked out on her when she needed him. He'd left her heartbroken and alone and instead of seeking her help he'd chosen to die. Sobs filled the room as she broke down on the floor, clutching the books close to her chest.

'Why? Why d,did you leave, why did you l,leave me?!' She screamed, and in a sudden surge of anger, she started ripping the books up, shredding the pages, tearing the covers off of them, destroying each one like Draco had destroyed her heart. She cried out in pain and fury, and in fear that it was too late for him, too late for them to be together for one last time.

'Come back, come back to me, please.' She sobbed as she looked around at the ripped pages surrounding her. Spotting a forgotten book sat on Draco's desk, she took it in her hands, surprised when something slipped out of it. She fell to the ground next to where she'd dropped what appeared to be some parchment, and picked it up curiously. Noting the handwriting, she let out a gasp, realising it was indeed Draco's. Her hands shook severely while she quickly read through the note.

'You will forever be in my heart, don't forget that. Goodbye my love.'

'No!' She shouted as she read the last sentence, the words burning through her heart. 'NO!' She curled up in a ball, clutching the letter close to her chest as she wept loudly.

'Bloody hell Hermione.'

Sitting up and whipping round quickly as she heard a deep voice behind her, her eyes met Harry's, who was gaping at her in shock.

'Harry, I-' She choked.

'It's okay. I'm here.' He held his arms out to her, looking extremely worried as she stood up, throwing herself into his arms.

'I'm s,so sorry.' She sobbed into his chest.

'Shh, it's okay, it's okay.' Harry soothed her, holding her tightly against him.

They stood in silence for a few minutes whilst Hermione wept, and it was only after she'd swallowed down hard to calm her tears that she realised that it was Harry she was crying on, who didn't know anything about her relationship. Closing her eyes in regret as the realisation dawned on her, she stepped back out of his arms slowly.

'I, umm...I.' She couldn't get her words out as she desperately tried to think up with a reason for her tears.

'It's okay Hermione, I know.' He smiled at her gently.

She gasped. 'W,what?! How?'

'Ginny. Apparently you have quite the punch on you too.' His expression turned serious.

Hermione looked at the floor. 'I'm sorry Harry. I know I should have told you-'

'Stop.' She looked up as he put a hand up to silence her, but he didn't look angry. 'Yes, you should have told me. But I understand why you didn't.'

'You do?' She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

'Of course I do.'

'So, you're okay? You aren't angry?'

He smiled slightly. 'I was to start with. I felt hurt, betrayed. I couldn't understand why my best friend would be in love with someone who's made my life and her life hell for the past 7 years. But Ginny talked me round. She told me how he is with you, what he's done. He clearly loves you, and well..' He stopped, motioning to the ground where all of the ripped up pages lay. 'You clearly love him too.'

'What did Ginny say?' She frowned, slightly confused.

'She said that Malfoy loves you, very much. That you can see it in his eyes, that she reacted exactly like myself when she found out, but when she saw how he was with you, she knew that he was genuine.'

'She..she did?'

'She did.'

'What about Ron? He's not here...'

Harry sighed. 'He needs time, Hermione.'

'Oh...'

'He'll come round. I know he will.'

'Okay.' She whispered.

'How did this happen? How did you fall in love with him?'

'I don't exactly know that myself. I just know that he's not the person we've thought he was all these years. He's been brainwashed by his father, and lately..lately he's been beaten by him.'

'Ginny mentioned that.'

'I'm sorry Harry, I should never have got her involved. But she found out about us-'

'It's okay. I understand.'

'Thank you.' She bowed her head.

'Hey.' She felt Harry nudge her, and she looked up at him, her eyes swimming with tears. 'Oh Hermione.' He pulled her into his arms as she broke down again.

'I j,just wish he would come b,back. I h,hate not knowing, he could be d,dead and I wouldn't know. He can't be dead, he c,can't!' She sobbed.

'Come on, let's go downstairs and I'll make you a drink and we'll talk, okay?'

She nodded, wiping her eyes and grabbing Draco's pillow from his bed before allowing Harry to lead her downstairs. He helped her sink down onto a sofa and covered her with a blanket, and she held the pillow close to her, trying to catch the remains of Draco's scent.

'Pumpkin Pasty?' He offered.

'No.' She shook her head.

'Come on Hermione you've got to eat. You look like you haven't for days.'

'I don't want anything.'

'Please, you need to have something. Here, take this Cauldron Cake and I'll make you some tea. I won't take no for an answer.'

She sighed, taking the cake from him and nibbling at it. Harry returned with her tea and a can of Butterbeer for himself, sitting to the side of her, with a grave expression on his face.

'What?' She whispered as she took the mug from him.

'You. You look terrible.'

Hermione rolled her eyes. 'So I've been told.'

'Seriously 'Mione. You're so pale. And your eyes-'

'Yes alright Harry, I don't need a description.' She snapped.

He sighed. 'Sorry.'

She didn't answer, taking a sip of her tea.

'So...can we talk?' Harry asked.

'Okay.' She whispered.

'What happened? Tell me everything.'

'Lucius wrote Draco a letter demanding he returned home. He's furious with him, last time they met he tried the Cruciatus curse on him. He said if he didn't return he'd come here and get him himself. So Draco left, he said he'd rather go back to his father's and die rather then risk me being in danger. He's gone.'

'His own father wants to kill him?'

'Yes.' She nodded, placing her tea and cake down. 'Harry, Lucius is evil. He's determined to wipe out Muggle Borns. And he wants to kill you.'

'I'd like to see him try.' Harry said fiercely.

'He's stronger then you think.'

'No. He's a coward, he's not strong at all!'

'Listen to me! Lucius may be a coward, but his followers are not! They will kill you if they get the chance!'

'Well let's not give them that chance.'

Hermione frowned. 'What do you mean?'

'We'll go to McGonagall. Tell her what's happened, explain what he is doing.'

'No! If we do that, she'll want to fight back, it'll only cause another war!'

'Oh so Lucius isn't planning a war already then? He just thinks he can stroll in and kill myself and Muggle Born students does he?'

'I didn't mean it like that! We need to stop Lucius before another war breaks out, we need to get to him before he gets to us. And then...and then maybe we can save Draco before it's too late.'

'Hermione...' Harry smiled at her gently. 'I think maybe it is too late to save him.'

'NO!' She stood up furiously. 'Draco is not dead! I'd know if he was, I'd feel it!'

'I didn't say that I think he's dead. I think if he finds the chance to save himself, he will. As much as I hate to say this, he's intelligent, and I think he'll find a way out of this. But until then, I think it's best if you do what Malfoy wished and try to move on.'

She stared at him increduously. 'Move on?! How the hell do you expect me to do that?!'

'It'll take time, I know, but-'

'No! I don't think you do! You don't understand how I'm feeling at all! Imagine if it was Ginny, imagine if she'd left you to die, do you think you could just move on and act as if nothing's happened?!'

'Well no-'

'Exactly! So don't you dare tell me to move on. I'm not and I won't.'

'You can't live like this though! Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?!'

'I'm fine.'

'But you aren't.'

'I will be.' Hermione said firmly.

Harry looked at her suspiciously. 'You aren't planning anything are you?'

'No. Of course not.'

'Good. I really do think we should tell McGonagall though. She'll be able to help us. And if there is a chance Malfoy is still alive, we can help save him.'

'Fine.' She sighed.

'Thank you.'

'Harry...thank you for being so good to me. And I don't mean tonight, I mean the past 7 years. You've made my time here really amazing.'

He frowned at her. 'What's brought this on?'

'It's just you've been so good to me tonight, and well, I just wanted to thank you.'

'Well it's no problem 'Mione. You're my best friend, of course I'm going to look out for you.'

'I'm really grateful. And thank you for being so accepting of my relationship with Draco. I know how much you two loathe eachother.'

'He's done something extremely brave, and it's for you. Of course I'm going to accept him. Even if I can't stand him.'

'It means a lot.' She mumbled, her heart hurting at the topic of Draco.

'Hey.' He reached out and squeezed her hand. 'It's going to be okay.'

'I hope so.' Hermione whispered, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. 'Can you do something for me?'

'Of course.'

'Can you tell Ron I love him? And that I'm sorry for the pain I put him through?'

'Hermione...this is all sounding very much like you're planning on leaving...'

'I'm not. I just wanted you to tell him that.'

He eyed her suspiciously. 'Okay...I will do. You would tell me wouldn't you? If you were going, I mean?'

She sighed, forcing a smile as she lied to her best friend. 'Of course I would.'

'Okay. I believe you.'

'Thank you Harry.' She layed back against the cushions, closing her eyes in exhaustion.

'Are you feeling any better?'

'I think I need a rest.'

'Okay, well I'll go, let you sleep. I'll be back first thing tomorrow. Ginny and I will be going for a walk after breakfast. You should come along, get some fresh air.'

Hermione gave him a small smile. 'Maybe.'

'Think about it, okay?' He stood up, pulling her into his arms and placing a kiss on top of her head. 'Night 'Mione.'

'Goodnight Harry.' She whispered.

Quickly planting another kiss on her head, Harry turned and walked towards the portrait door.

'Wait!' Hermione called out.

He turned round and looked at her questioningly.

'Tell Ginny I'm sorry.' She said softly.

He smiled. 'Of course I will.'

She nodded at him as he turned his back on her, exiting the room.

Quickly glancing at the time, Hermione ran upstairs, pulling the bag she'd packed over her shoulder, and throwing a coat on over her clothes. Spotting Draco's letter on the floor amongst the ripped up pages of books, she picked it up, tucking it into her coat pocket securely. Returning downstairs, she took one last look around at the common room before exiting through the portrait.

Hermione felt nervous as she walked along the corridor, praying that she wouldn't get caught by a teacher or a fellow student. As she sneaked past the Great Hall, she could hear the buzz of students chatting away as they tucked into their dinner. She walked hastily out of the building, relieved as she reached the exit. It was a cold night, and she hugged her coat tightly against herself as the freezing air bit her skin. Reaching the gateway leading out of the grounds, she stood still for a minute, staring back at the building which had been her home for the past 7 years. Hogwarts had changed her life completely, she'd felt home there, like she belonged. She'd made friends with the best people she could ask for, and she'd met the most incredible, intelligent, caring person who had made her the happiest she'd been in her life, even if it had been shortlived. But she was ready to leave, she had to. If Draco was to die, she wanted to die alongside him.

'Thank you.' She whispered, the castle turning blurry as her vision was clouded with tears. She turned her back on the building, walking out into the dark night as she begun her last journey.

Thank you once again to everyone who's reading this and has reviewed/favourited/followed! Feel free to review this chapter and to follow me on twitter, I changed my username and it's now dramione_x