Chapter 17

(I don't own stuff or things please read and review thanks!)

Bella's entire body breaks out in sweat. Her back arches and she squirms amongst the bed. Her arms reach out as she begins to claw at the air. Castiel takes her hand once again pulling her towards him.
"Bella…"He says softly.

"It was a dream."

She looks upon him as he's by her bedside. She's upon her knees now up near his chest. He places a single finger under her chin lifting it up. He narrows his eyes neither saying anything at first.

Bella swallows and nods but turns away from him. Her fingers run along the seams of the white bedsheets.

"So it was you?"

"Pardon?"

"You were the one tucking my sheets in."

Castiel nods.

"You do realize that's kind of creepy? I mean like stalker like?"

"Creepy?" He questions.

Bella smiles shaking her head, she reaches over and cuts on the lamp. Her hand runs along the alarm clock as she looks to see what time it is.

"Cas have you been here all night?"

"Yes."

She sighs then bites her lower lip. Bella wasn't sure how to feel about that. She wasn't sure how to feel about any of this. Tiredly she rubs her face and rises out of bed.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"How long have you been doing this?"

"What?"

"This… Watching me type of thing?"

"For a little while."

She nervously swallows.

"What all have you seen?"

"I'm afraid I do not understand the question."

She closes her eyes not sure she wanted to know after all.

"Never mind."

Bella stands before him.

"Um mind if I get past I need to hit the bathroom."

"Of course." He steps aside.

"You could have a seat you know. You don't have to be on your feet all the time."

"It doesn't bother me."

"Honestly Cas if you want to seem more human. You might want to sit every once in a while. Just kind of watch how we do things."

"But I am not human."

"I know that." She says dancing by the door needing desperately to go.

"But you're in our world now. You will stand out." She hints.

"So act more human?" He questions looking upon her.

"Precisely." She says with a smile.

Bella does her business and washes her hands and face. She digs through her bag looking for some aspirin. Her head was thumping away. She finds the pills and pops a couple as she downs some in the hotel's plastic clear cup. She looks back up and jumps.

"Jesus!"

Castiel was directly behind her looking upon her in the mirror. He tilts his head.

"Are you about to pray?"

She looks to him confused.

"Um no why?"

"You called to him."

"To?"

"Jesus."

She closes her eyes for a moment.

"It's just something we say sometimes. You scared me it just came out of my mouth."

"I thought maybe you were calling to him. You have been through a great deal. Praying may lift you."

Bella pinches the bridge of her nose.

"No offense, but I'm not much into the whole prayer thing."

"Why is that?"

She shrugs.

"Just never seemed to work."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways. Sometimes there are reasons for unanswered prayers."

"Now you're starting to sound like a country song. I happen to hate country music."

"Such a strong word."

"What is?"

"Hate."

She can't help but to laugh. She turns to Cas. Bella gently places a hand on his chest.

"That's another thing. We humans like space."

"Space?"

"Yes Cas you're like right there. Not only that but you didn't knock or anything you just appeared. I mean what if I had been naked?"

"It would not matter to me."

She blushes.

"But it would to me. It is clear we both have issues we need to work on."

"They are?"

"We'll discuss them as they come up. But for now Cas. I really need to shower."

He nods but just stands there still. She shakes her head and places her hands on his chest softly she starts to shove him out of the room.

"Which means you must give me privacy."

"Privacy?"

"Right Cas. Just stay in the room let me do what I need. I'll come out when I'm done."

"Ok… I will stay out here."

She giggles a bit.

"Well you certainly make me laugh." She says shutting the door and locking it.

Bella leans against it and takes in a breath. Part of her wanted to ask him to leave the room period. Yet another part of her was terrified of the mere idea. She felt safer with him around even if he was uncanny in some ways. She'd to remind herself he's not accustomed to human ways. She wondered what it was like what he'd been doing all these years in heaven. That was another thing. Why was she so quick to believe him? She thought about this as she started the shower. She knew her brother was right to feel the way he did but she had this urge to protect Castiel as well. Bella felt rather spilt down the middle at the moment. She knew Dean was thinking from a hunter's perspective the way she should be. But something about Castiel was far from threatening. Nothing about him screamed danger to her. And if he's a threat why would he go the distance he did to save her? Amongst other things… She hears him say again as she scrubs her body. That was another thing what did he mean by that?

Bella washes her hair and rinses off. She dries off and rolls her eyes realizing she left her bag of clothes in the room. She wraps the towel around her and opens the door. Bella peeks out.

"Um Cas?"

She refrains from laughing seeing he's still right at the door.

"Would you mind grabbing that black bag for me?" She points towards it.

He nods and retrieves it.

"Thanks."

Bella closes the door once again and gets dressed. She steps out brushing her hair.

"Have a seat Cas."

He sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't you get hot in that jacket?"

"No."

She nods and plops down on the bed. Cas's body shakes along with the mattress.

"What did you mean… when you said amongst other things?"

Castiel looks upon her oddly.

"I do not recall."

"You said that to my brother, when you were talking about being my guardian."

"I did…" Castiel says thinking back not realizing he'd said.

"Yes you did. You rather freaked him out. Honestly I wasn't sure what to make of it either."

"I cannot tell you what it means."

"Why?"

"Because Bella I'm not sure what it means."

"But you said it."

"I apologize. I was feeling protective and he was pressing my patience."

"You don't seem like a temperamental angel."

"I can be but you're right it is rare."

"So in a way you're like my personal angel?"

"Is that what you want?"

"Cas I'm not even sure what all that details. As far as I'm concerned you're a free man do what you wish not what others want."

"I'm not a man Bella."

"In a way Cas you are at least when you're on earth. You will need to get in touch with that side of you."

"This is just a vessel."

She sighs and lies back on the bed.

"Have you spent much time on earth Cas?"

"Some yes."

"Well have you ever had to work directly with other humans?"

"A few."
"Well you say you're supposed to come along with Dean and I on hunts. Don't take this the wrong way but you might tend to stand out some. You don't quite understand what all we do. There are many times we must fool others in order to do our job. For instance I for one believe in you. But there are others such as my brother…"

"You want me to lie?"

"No Cas. I just want you to try and camouflage with us a bit."

"Camouflage?"

"Yes Cas blend in."

"Perhaps you can teach me of this blending in?"

Bella grins.

"I'd be more than happy to."

Bella sits back up.

"I never thanked you."

"Thanked me?"

"Yes Cas, thank you for pulling me out."

"I do not deserve it."

He rises.

"You were there Bella because of me."

"I don't believe that."

"Only I could handle the artifact. It was cursed amongst human hands. It works against you with your deepest guilt. Yours was a failed case. The artifact chose karma on your behalf. Though you did not merit it… It sent the hellhounds after you the way you lost your client. You've never forgiven yourself and it worked against you. I was supposed to be already working alongside of you and Dean. I made myself wait before appearing before you. I curiously watched getting to know you both at first I couldn't believe that God would hand such a task to two humans. You both seem to have lack in faith, foul mouths and Dean… Well your brother drinks too much, has out of wedlock relations, a temper, and quite judgmental."

Bella stands up and walks around facing Castiel. She looks him in the eyes.

"Now who is being judgmental?" She says with a smile.

Castiel almost looked as though he was about to smile and Bella catches it.

"Hmmm not something you'd expect from an angel of God." She teases raising a brow and sits down at the table.

"You are right Bella. I was being judgmental and I realized that as I continued to watch you both. However I do notice a bit of difference between you and your brother."

"What's that?"

"Forgiveness."

She rears back at this.

"It takes a lot of compassion to be able to let go and forgive. You have a lot of love within you. It's a very rare human trait."

She shrugs.

"I just don't see the point in holding on to that. If anything it only consumes you if you allow it."

"So maybe it's time to forgive yourself as well." Castiel says and rises from the bed.

He makes his way over facing her.

"You can forgive others but not yourself. You did what you could Bella."

She shakes her head looking to the floor. Her hands become unsteady. Castiel crouches before her and takes her hands.

"Forgive yourself…"

The tears drop down from her face onto his hands.

"I can't."
"Then it will swallow you whole. God has forgiven you now you must."

"That family is without their mother because of me Cas! Because I didn't do the right thing. I made the wrong choice and they ripped her away right from my grasp."

Castiel narrows his brows for a moment. The irony hits him.

"I suppose we both need to work on forgiving ourselves."

Bella pulls her hands away from Cas's and wipe her eyes.

"You should know she's in heaven."

Bella looks up.

"What?"

Castiel nods.

"I was able to get to her before it was too late. Her body wouldn't have sustained on earth. But I caught her soul in time. She's no longer suffering."

Bella catches him off guard as she hugs him. He keeps still and wide eyed. He pats her back as if not sure what else to do. Bella laughs a bit seeing his reaction as she pulls back.

"Um sorry."

"That is alright Bella."

"Thank you for doing that."

"You should get some more rest."

Bella sighs looking to the bed.

"I'm not sure I can."

Castiel nods but puts his hand to her forehead. Bella eyes close and he catches her as she slumps forward. He then picks her up and puts her back to bed.

.

"Wakey, Wakey eggs and bacey!'

"Grrrr." Bella rolls over but grins mischievously as she swipes her foot and her brother falls off the bed.

She hears Jo laughing.

"Not very nice Bells."

"Who ever accused me of being nice? Don't be a bitch D." But Bella immediately covers her mouth and rises looking around.

"What's your deal?" Dean says rubbing thee back of his head.

"Nothing." She clears her throat thankful Castiel wasn't there to hear that.

"I want some pie! Get ready."

"Pie?" She groans and flings back in the bed looking to the time.

"D it's 8:43 am!"

He shrugs.

"Jo wants some too don't ya baby?"

Jo rolls her eyes.

"Might as well get used to it, D has a one track mind usually pertaining to food."

Bella looks back over at them. She couldn't believe they were actually together now. She couldn't' help but to think they were the perfect fit. She could see that Jo made Dean happy as well. Dean kissed on Jo's neck as he'd his arm about her. However Bella also remembered what Jo once said about hunting and she wasn't sure how that was going to work. She truly hoped it did though. Bella thought it'd be wonderful to have them both by her side.

"Ya'll are entirely too cute." Bella groans rolling out of bed.

"We'll be waiting outside." Jo says and Bella nods.

Bella puts on her blue jeans, a regular gray tank top and her converse. They wouldn't be hunting today so she dressed for comfort. She brushed her hair and headed out.

"Shouldn't we wait for Cas?"

"Who?"

"Castiel I mean."

"Great you got a pet name for him now?"

Bella smiles and decides to torment Dean further.

"What would you prefer? My angel?"

Dean makes a distasteful face. Jo happens to turn on the radio and her and Bella start to laugh.

Aerosmith's Angel was playing it couldn't have been more of a slap to the face for Dean.

"Ha ha you're both so damn funny and cute."

"Aw he thinks we're cute Bella!"

"You can call me flower… I don't mind." Bella taunts and opens her door.

"Whatever brat and no we're not waiting for the lunatic."

"You're such a jerk."

"No I'm just not naïve."

Dean switches the radio station and Bella flicks him on the ear.

"I was listening to that."

"Yeah about that nothing angel related is ever allowed in this car."

Bella covers her mouth as Castiel appears beside her.

"He's in the damn car isn't he?!" He says watching his sister's reaction in the rearview mirror.

Bella bites her lower lip nodding.

Dean rolls his eyes and bangs his hands on the stirring wheel.

"Hi Cas!" Jo says turning around.

"Oh come on not you too!"

"What I'm just being civil."

"Hello." Cas says and Bella leans back with a smile.

"Don't you have some heavenly affairs to tend to?"

"I've been given specific orders to hunt alongside of you and Bella."

Dean grits his teeth and closes his eyes.

"Oh come the fuck on! Three's company fours a crowd!"

"He has to handle the artifacts D!"

"He's not going with us!"

"Um yes he is! It's because he didn't personally handle that spear that I went to hell!" She notices Castiel's face however as she says this.

"Cas you know I didn't mean it like that."

"I know."

She sighs.

"He's coming with us!"

"No he isn't and that's final! We'll use a blanket or something to handle them. We don't need him around."

"That will not work." Castiel says as if matter of fact.

"He's right D it won't. He's joining us."

Dean slams on the brakes and Castiel instantly holds his hand back against Bella bracing her.

"NO HE'S NOT!"

Bella grits her teeth and opens the car door.

"Get back in the damn car!"

"Kiss my ass D!"

"I'm not playing games. You get your fucking ass back in that god damn car now!"

Bella shakes her head and pops her brother across the face.

"I don't let anyone talk to me like that! I haven't since John Winchester and I won't now! Especially you! You know Dean you'd think you'd be glad I'm back and alive! But no you're too focused on him!" She points to Castiel as he watches closely.

Bella winces once Dean moves his hand where she punched him.

"Jesus D…" She goes to check on him.

"Don't! Just stay back!" He shakes his head putting up a hand.

"And you couldn't be more wrong!" He says spitting out the blood from his mouth.

"You've no idea what I went through! I feared I'd never see you again Bells!"

"Then please just quit this. Just give him a chance D."

"You remember Thomas right? I warned you then didn't I?!"

Bella grimaces and looks to the ground.

"This is different."
"The hell it is."

Bella sighs and takes a Kleenex out from her pocket. He backs away from her.

"Don't be a baby." She says and cleans off his lip.

"I can't believe you punched me!"

"You had it coming D! Come on you know you've been acting like a righteous dick!"

"And you've been acting like you're damn head is in the clouds."

Dean sighs and looks back towards the car.

"Shit…"
"What?"

"My girlfriend just witnessed you handing me my ass."

Bella laughs.

"Oh she already knows how I am."

"Not cool Bells! If you were a dude."

"If it'd make you feel better?" She points to her cheek waiting for it.

He rolls his eyes.

"You're right I deserved it. But that doesn't change my opinion of this guy."

"That's fine but mine isn't either. I believe in Cas."

"Then I truly hope you don't regret this decision."

Bella nods and looks back towards Cas.

"I won't."

"Jesus Bells. I just don't get it you barely know the guy. I get that he saved you from hell and fought one hell of a battle getting you out. But other than that you've never met this guy you don't know him from Jack!"

Bella smiles and looks upon Dean.

"Sometimes you just gotta take that leap."

"What leap is that? Cause if it's a cliff well I'm not joining."

"Faith Dean. Leap of faith."

"And since when are you this big believer?"

"I'm not even saying that Dean it more of an idea."

He rolls his eyes.

"So you've got this idea… and you're now going to live your life based on this."

"You make it sound like I'm becoming a nun."

"Damn near sounds like it."

"You're right. I'm going to join a covent."

Dean laughs.

"I'm not too sure how'd they'd feel about your weapons collection. That and I'd love to see their faces the first time you punch out a priest."

Bella nods.

"I'm still me D. Nothing's changed."

"I sure hope not." He winces wiping his lip some more.

They turn back towards the car.

"So when are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"About your visit to hell?"

Bella sighs and looks to the ground.

"The hellhounds continued to drag me for what seemed like forever. I tried everything I could think of to break away. Their claws ripped into my flesh there wasn't a part of me that hadn't been mauled. Once I think I'm finally done they simply leave my body there beside hells gate. The pain was agonizing. I begged for death. Death never found me. Instead the gate opened the demons were already awaiting me. I felt my body suction as I went through. One of them grabbed me by the hair and pulled me across the halls of hell. I could hear the screams of torture. There was several different rooms. I never saw all of them but knew they were there. They had a particular one in mind for me. I was dragged across the never ending bodies that were nothing more than serpents of some sort. They had the heads of humans but the body of snakes. I still remember the way they moved along the floor and would whisper into my ear. They were welcoming me. I closed my eyes after that I didn't want to see anything else. I was taken to a room where no others were. All I remember was there was this pit. These dark charcoal like hands were reaching around as if trying to find something. The area around me was like a giant cave and it became closed off. Suddenly I turn and the pit is only growing bigger. I try to back away from it but it only continued to grow. These hands take me by the ankles first and start to drag me beneath. The pit ignites with lava and my body is set aflame.

They take me under and once their done I appear at the top again and it happens all over again, and again, and again. Until he found me and pulled me out." She motions towards Castiel.

Dean rubs the back of his neck.

"I'm so sorry Bells. I…"
"Don't… don't do that to yourself. I survived and that's what matters. I'm here now. I won't go down that easily again."

They start to walk back towards the car.

"Look D could you just do me this one favor."

"What's that?"

"Just give him a chance."

"Bells…"

"Please D."

He sighs and looks to the sky.

"Fine but the minute I sense something fishy he's out."

Bella smiles and opens the car door.

"So you fell right?" Jo teases as Dean makes his way into the car.

"Watch it Jo." She softly giggles but takes Dean's hand.

Castiel surprises Bella as he takes his hand upon hers and looks her in the eyes. He holds it for a moment and pats it before releasing it.