Chapter 59

Blood pooled around my feet, and dripped down my back. My screams were lost with my voice. I had been so strong in the beginning, but now I had been screaming for what seemed like hours. It had been days actually. This torture had gone on for days. The whip struck numb skin, and I clamped down on the barriers in my mind. All that mattered was keeping my head protected.

Laughter echoed behind me, from the filth who had earlier dug a knife into my shoulder. I wanted to kill him with every fiber of my being, but I couldn't. I was drawn up in chains, and I was unable to protect my body. I stared ahead of me, and saw nothing in the darkness. No figure, nothing. There was only the pain that would surface, if the Orc decided to strike a new part of untouched flesh.

"Arina!"

Gasping for breath, my eyes flew open and I found myself in Thorin's arms. He had been shaking me, in an attempt to wake me up. Yanking myself from him, I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes. It was so powerful, that I couldn't even control the reaction I had from the dream. A sob shook me, and Thorin moved again. He walked to the large doors and opened the curtains. Sunlight streamed into the room and I blinked at the blinding light. Walking forward, Thorin grabbed me and pulled me close.

"You are safe," he rumbled.

I hated that I was going through this again. It made me angry, all at the same time. There were too many emotions rolling through my body to even attempt to control them right away. Reaching out, I grabbed onto him and cried again, until I had no tears left to cry. We didn't sit for very long, and once I had myself under control he drew a bath. That made me happy at least, to know that I wasn't going to suffer so long.

"Do not ever hold back," Thorin said quietly. "If you need to speak of it, speak. If you must cry, then shed your tears. You will get through this, I promise."

I pressed my forehead against his, and let him clean me up. I forced myself to go get dressed and kept my hair braided. When Thorin was dressed, he walked over and quietly placed my crown on my head. I looked at him, and grabbed his wrists when he grabbed my cheeks.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Do not doubt that for a second," he said fiercely. "What ever you need of me, I will be here."

"I know," I answered, my voice feeling thick.

He nodded, and I reached up and pressed a kiss to his lips. Thorin kissed me back, and I took a large breath and we left the room. He led me to one of the private studies beside the Gallery of the Kings. I could hear dwarves gathering, wanting to see their Queen. When I walked inside the study, I was greeted with most of the company, Fili, Kili, Tauriel, Sigrid, Fiona, and Ajax. Thane was there as well, a silent guardian with Dwalin. My heart pounded with love for him, and I noticed Thorin wore a similar expression. Fiona and Ajax moved forward first, and I let them hug me tightly.

"We are so glad you are safe!" Fiona gushed, tears in her eyes. "We..."

"Shh," I soothed, pressing a finger to her lips. "I am still very alive."

Ajax looked at me with the same eyes as his father, and I sighed. I squeezed his shoulder gently, and was suddenly yanked aside by Fili. That was such a surprise, that a small sound escaped my lips. He almost knocked me off balance, but I knew he was just happy to see me alive. I hugged him, and forced myself not to cry the tears I wanted to.

"You are a sight for sore eyes," he whispered. "Are you..."

"I will be," I replied, in an equally hushed tone. "I have all of you."

He pulled back, and I was reminded of how much he had grown. Fili squeezed my hand tightly, and I leaned in and kissed his cheek. Kili swung me in a circle, but he and Tauriel had been present during the rescue. Both of them did not say much, but I stood in silence with them none the less. Tauriel pressed her temple against my own, in her own way of affection. Sigrid was just as emotional as her children and Fili, and soon Dis was choking the breath out of me. The tough woman I knew her to be was no where in sight, and it had me smiling.

"Oh stop that," she glared, and I lowered my head in shame, which was not truly felt.

"I am sorry," I hummed.

"But you are all right?" Ajax asked quietly from where he stood.

"I have some healing to do," I replied, seeing nothing but concern in his eyes. "I...it is not a story lightly told, and no one deserves to go through what I just went through. But, I healed once, I can do it again."

As I finished talking, my eyes strayed to Thorin and we were both caught in memories for a moment. I yanked my gaze away from him when Fili and Kili suddenly hugged me tightly. It was so surprising, that I had to laugh.

"Some times, things do not change," I teased, and hugged them back.

"They probably never will," Kili replied fondly, and Fili laughed softly.

"I love you both," I whispered, and they only hugged me tighter.

Finally, I gathered the courage to walk out of the room with Thorin. All the dwarves who had been waiting erupted with cries of joy. Thorin gave a brief speech, and assured that those who had taken me captive were disposed of. I smiled and did what was required of me, but all I wanted to do was run and hide. Thane must have sensed it, because after the speech, he was offering his arm. Thorin gave him a brief order, and we were walking through the hall, passing the crowd. I forced myself to reach out to the dwarves who reached for me. I knew they wanted to know that I was well.

Nori was at the very end of the crowd, and when he reached out for me, I had to pause. I took his hand after he bowed. He was one of the dwarves who was my guard, and he was always trying to look out for me. I reached out and hugged him.

"Glad to see you returned to us," he murmured.

I gave him a gentle smile, and continued on with Thane. He took me outside and I was able to soak up some sun. Taking a breath, I looked up at the sky and then took in the valley between Erebor and Dale. I was home, I was safe and I was with those who loved me.

"Mother, can I ask you something?" Thane asked.

"Yes," I nodded, turning my attention to him.

"Father told me he'd explain when…."

"You want to know why I forced you to leave," I finished for him. "Why I let myself get captured, and not you."

"I do," Thane answered softly.

I sighed a little, knowing the question would come. I moved forward and found a place to sit on the bridge, and looked down for a moment. I was not exactly sure where to begin.

"Long ago, when I first met your father, I had been held captive in Gundabad. I was held with your grandparents and your uncle," I sighed. "We were being tortured beyond what our minds could handle. They were trying to turn us into slaves. Your grandfather helped me escape, and it was after a long run that I had met Thorin. He helped me heal. Shifters you understand can become extremely powerful. They are a powerful tool if evil were to get a hold of one of us. I mean no disrespect when I say you are young. I do not wish for you to go through that for as long as I can help it. Your mind is not strong enough yet, and I am your mother. I will protect you."

"So, whoever took you wanted you to be a weapon," Thane stated softly.

"Yes, but I was able to protect my mind. My fear of being a slave like that kept me safe. It was strong enough to keep whoever was trying to get in, out," I sighed. "You are quickly becoming a powerful shifter, stronger than I was at your age. But in some things, you are just not ready yet. You will be one day, but I pray you never go through what I went through."

Thane stood quietly as I spoke, and crossed his arms in thought when I finally finished talking. He understood everything I had said, but the stubborn pride he had was clear in his expression. I chuckled a little, and reached out and touched his arm.

"You have much life ahead of you," I murmured. "I wish you to live it. But there are dark days coming. Don't forget that."

He sighed quietly and I watched the wind blow some of his hair from his face. Humming a little, I pulled my feet onto the ledge with me, and looked back over the valley. Thane stood with me in silence for a while. I sighed softly after a bit, and tilted my head to see that he was still deep in thought.

"What do you wish to know?" I asked gently.

"Is this how it will always be?" Thane answered, looking at me. "With others after you and one day me?"

"No, no I believe it won't always be like this," I replied softly. "I believe one day, evil will truly lose. The ones who want to enslave us will leave this world. But for now, all we can do is be the best we can. Protect ourselves, and don't be foolish."

"What you did was foolish," he suddenly growled.

"I'm a mother. You have your father's blood in you. Everything I do that puts myself in danger will be foolish to you," I chuckled, knowing his heart was in the right place. "I protected you from something, and I know I will be fine. It's what mothers do."

He glared at me for a moment, and someone cleared their throat. We both turned around to see who it was, and I smiled at the sight of Thorin. He was standing there with his hands behind his back, and his gaze was on me alone. I kept the eye contact, knowing he was thinking of what to say. The seriousness of the look alone almost had me choking up. After several minutes he turned his eyes to Thane.

"You will find that you will never understand women of any race," Thorin rumbled as he walked over. "So do not try to understand them."

"That's comforting, father," Thane chuckled.

"It's the best I can give," Thorin sighed. "I've had to learn the hard way. But I do agree with your mother, no matter how terrible what happened was, she did it to protect you. She's already done several things to protect me, and I have to just accept that."

Thane grunted loudly at that, and turned his gaze back to me. He was looking for something, but he wasn't sure what. I sighed and reached out and touched his arm. He glanced at my hand, and then back to me.

"I had to give up so many things in my life," I said slowly. "So has your father. The journey back to the mountain, and the battle that had happened changed all of us. I was not about to lose him, and I would say the same to you. One day you will find a way to repay what I've done. That's just who you are. I can see it in your eyes. But the greatest gift you gave me was listening to me that night. You will be a mighty warrior, Thane. That I have no doubt. But don't over think what had happened. As I said, I'll be fine."

Thorin sighed, and walked over to us and patted Thane on the shoulder firmly. He looked back to his father and sighed quietly. Ducking his head in a nod, Thane reached forward and kissed me on the cheek. He turned and nodded to Thorin before walking back into the mountain, obviously done with the conversation. His energy felt much more at ease this time.

Once he was out of sight, I looked back over the valley. The warm summer sun warmed my skin, and gave me a sense of comfort. I locked my fingers around my knees for a moment and listened as Thorin shifted quietly beside me. He leaned against the low stone wall that I sat on and sighed.

"What's the matter?" I asked, finally looking at him.

"I am just bothered over the past," he grunted, hair blowing from his face.

He wasn't wearing his crown today, and he wasn't even in the usual royal clothing that I was used to seeing him in. He was in a blue outfit and black pants. It was similar to the outfit I had seen him in back when I had first laid eyes on him again. The thought made me smile at the memory. There was just a little more gray in his hair, but not much. He had not changed very much over the last thirty years. Unless he was exhausted, then his age was easily seen.

"What are you bothered by?" I mused, shaking myself from admiring him so.

"All those years you argued with me," Thorin sighed. "I had given you such a hard time. This was why. There are those out there, that even now they still want you."

"Yes, this was why I disappeared," I answered quietly, looking down.

"I feel I must apologize for that," he admitted. "I didn't….this was exactly why you had left, and why you had been so worried. I feel like such a fool, Arina."

Looking at him sharply, I reached out and touched his cheek. "None of this was your fault," I said firmly. "We didn't know any of this was going to happen. Please don't beat yourself up over something that happened so long ago."

Thorin shrugged his shoulders roughly, and looked back over the valley. "It will not happen again," he rumbled darkly.

I let out a soft breath at his promise, and looked at him. His blue eyes were hard as he stared over the valley, and I knew he was extremely angry. We had been through this before, but I was determined not to let it haunt me. The only thing I feared was going to bed, but I could get over that as well. I opened my mouth, and shut it promptly. He told me to speak if I needed to.

"I won't let this haunt me," I said firmly, though my voice shook. "I was beaten, and he had inflicted wounds I was terrified I couldn't heal. I was taunted, and I was made to feel like help would never come. It repeated day after day, and I feared to sleep because if I did, I'd lose. I don't remember who I was protecting myself from, but I was told who it was. So I do know who is responsible."

"Arina," Thorin breathed.

"I have some satisfaction," I continued. "The person who did this to me was someone who was much more powerful than I, but he did not get into my mind. I did not let him break me, and had I been able to transform they'd all burn. I'm not a victim, and I refuse to be one. I know that there are dark days coming, but I will not let this haunt me. Even with what had happened, I beat them. I won. They didn't get what they wanted, and that's what is important."

Thorin sighed again, and reached out for my hands, so I took his. He pulled me from the wall, and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face against his shoulder. He hummed quietly, and his fingers moved across my back gently.

"I couldn't have picked a better Queen, or wife," he murmured into my ear. "You have been so strong, love. And you are right, what you did was a victory in itself. I'm so proud of you, even though it is difficult."

I listened to him as he spoke, and my heart eased a little at his words. All the swirling thoughts in my head stopped, and I focused on only him. Shifting slightly, I tucked my head against his neck, and pressed a kiss there. It was the only response I could think of. I would probably start crying if I said anything else. Thorin held me a little tighter, and finally pulled back so that he could see me.

"I'm hungry," I blurted, and he laughed.

"Come then, I wouldn't want to keep my Queen hungry. She gets angry when she's hungry," he mused.

I gave him a fake glare of offense, and he laughed softly as he led me inside. He took me to one of our private rooms and ordered lunch from a maid. The door opened not long after, and Dwalin walked in with Fili and Kili. I looked up from where I was sitting and my eyes softened slightly.

"Dwalin won't admit it in front of all of us, but he wanted to check on you just as bad as we did," Kili mused.

"Silly really," Fili added in. "He was fidgeting. Dwalin never fidgets."

"I'm going to send both of your heads rolling," Dwalin grunted.

Amusement flooded my entire body, and it made me smile. "Dwalin, do we need to confess anything?"

"Arina," Dwalin grunted, looking up at the ceiling.

Thorin laughed, unable to help it. "Sorry, Dwalin."

"Well if we are done being children," Dwalin grunted. "I have to go back to my duties."

Smiling widely, I glanced at Thorin to see his own. Getting to my feet I walked over to the tough warrior and reached up to hug him.

"I'm sorry. I'm back for not even a day and we are teasing you," I smiled. "You are a very dear friend, Dwalin. You know that."

"Well, I'm glad you are feeling...as normal as someone like you can feel," he grunted, his voice thick with mirth.

"I think it'll be a little better after I eat," I grinned, parting from him.

He rolled his eyes dramatically, and left the room shortly after. By then, the maids had delivered lunch, bringing enough for Fili and Kili. Thorin sat across the table, and Fili promptly sat himself beside me. I glanced fondly at my nephew by marriage, and took a bite of the chicken that had been put on my plate.

"How are Ajax and Fiona?" I asked, a smile.

"They are accompanying their mother to Dale, today," Fili answered. "Bane's wife went into labor with their third child."

"Oh dear," I smiled, happy to hear good news.

"So I don't expect them back until tomorrow," Fili chuckled.

"Ah, so that's why you've come to annoy your uncle and I," I hummed, swallowing another bite of food.

"It's what they are good at," Thorin grunted, and Kili grinned.

"We just figured it'd be in everyone's best interest if we stayed with you today, uncle," Kili said, in good nature.

I finished everything on my plate, and as the food settled I felt much better. Once everyone finished their own food we decided on taking a trip through the mountain. It would help the dwarves, and I wanted to do something other then sit. It was extremely fun to have Fili and Kili with us. They made us laugh, and it helped me further.

After a whole month of nightmares, I began to sleep better. They stopped much quicker than I imagined they would, and slowly my own life was turning around. I had tried not to let myself fall into depression, but there had been a few days where I had sat in our chambers and stared at the stone wall for hours. As time went on, I was able to heal much faster. Since many of the memories I had were gone, I found it a little easier to heal and move on. I still didn't like the way I felt on most days, but Thorin had never faltered from my side. He had been unwavering, not missing a moment if I had found myself needing him.

I had to admit, I had found myself needing him much more than I had expected. He was the rock I needed, just like all those years ago. He let me cry and talk for hours on end about how I was feeling. Not once did he get angry in front of me, and if he did, he made sure to do it away from me. Thorin distracted me, and took my thoughts away from the time I was held. I couldn't have asked for a better partner in my life.

Thane had been busy, and we saw him a little less than usual. He had taken to patrolling around the mountain with the other dwarves, and had become extremely involved with the guard and army. Dwalin had been teaching him, as well as Thorin. I had been able to go back to a few normal routines, and Fiona began to accompany me throughout the kingdom. She wanted to learn more, so I took her along. She looked just like her mother, but with the strong build of her father. Fiona was a beautiful lass, and it made me happy to see Fili's children doing so well.

"How are you feeling today, Aunt?" she asked gently.

"Oh, much better," I smiled, biting into an apple. "How is your training coming along?"

"Grandmother is teaching me many things," she smiled. "Our people are amazing. She is teaching me about history right now. She's gone through the settlement of the Blue Mountains, and such. I'm on the battle of Moria right now."

"Dark times," I sighed softly.

"Yes," she agreed.

We went through the mountain, and I did my rounds with Fiona at my side. The course of the month had been slightly difficult, but I was happy to feel more myself. Lord Elrond had sent a raven to check up on how things were, and to let me know that Saruman had not realized that we knew what he had done. Good. I wanted to find a way to make that wizard suffer.

Once we were done, Fiona had to leave me to go do some more reading. I smiled at her, and went down to the training area. I watched Thane as he trained several soldiers, and Kili was down there as well with Tauriel. It was good to see how well our own forces were progressing. The mountain was still doing great, regardless of what had gone on with us. I watched my son for a long moment and then turned my head when Fili joined my side.

"Are you all bent on keeping someone with me?" I asked.

"Maybe," he mused.

I chuckled. "Well, it's annoying."

"Good, then it is working," he smiled.

We didn't linger long, and soon we left and headed up to the surface. Thorin was stuck in meetings with Bane and a messenger sent by Thranduil today. I didn't feel like dealing with anything like that today. I was grateful for Fili's company. He was much better company than Thorin at the moment. The King had been grumpy this morning, so I had tried to avoid him.

"Do you think the shadow of Mordor will grow?" Fili asked.

"I believe it will," I replied quietly. "It is going to test everyone, one of these days."

"I've heard it's been extremely difficult in Rohan," Fili sighed. "The King Thengel is not doing well."

I looked at him in surprise, and looked back at the sky. "That's not good," I sighed. "If Rohan isn't doing well, that means it is getting worse."

"You said you would visit that place often, right?" Fili asked.

"I used to. Now I'm afraid I wouldn't be remembered. It's been a long time...very long time since I've been there."

"Maybe a journey there to offer help would be worth it," Fili rumbled.

"Not yet," I said quickly. "I'm...I'm not ready yet."

"No, not now," he snorted. "Just….soon. It would be helpful to continue appearing united?"

"You are right," I sighed. "I will one of these days. If Rohan calls for it, I will go. I've been in contact with Thengel before. I know of his son Theoden. So they are aware of Erebor, and the assistance she can offer."

Fili nodded his head thoughtfully, and sighed quietly. We spent a good chunk of the day together, before Thane finally joined us. I smiled at him and he pressed a kiss to my cheek. Yes, things were going to get better.

Enjoy!

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Thank you so much for the follows and favorites. I have some big changes coming in the next chapter. We are real close to the LOTR segment! I'm working on it! :D