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Third Thread Tied

"Hadn't expected to see you here. I'm going to tell you right now, if you've come to gloat, then – "

"No. I'm not here to gloat, or to cause trouble."

"How'd you even know we were here anyway?"

"You're not the only one who can put two and two together."

"Are you going to make me regret not being more careful about covering my tracks?"

"No. I already said that's not why I'm here."

"Then why are you here? I can't imagine it's because you want to express your condolences."

"It's my business. How… how are your legs?"

"They still hurt immensely, thank you very much. You know, after you made my own hounds turn on me."

"Yes. I'm sorry about that. It was nothing personal."

"Well that's a relief."

"Enough, you two. Arska, I joined up with you because Roë had to be stopped for her own good. For the good of all of us. But with what you've done, you make me wish I hadn't."

"I know. I've… it's been on my mind constantly. I… shouldn't have let it happen the way it did. And… I want to have the chance to tell her that."

"Well, there she is. On the pyre. Dead. We tried to make it look like her head's still on, but it kept rolling away, so we had to stitch it on. Put some flowers in her hair because we're sentimental idiots. We also wrapped her in a shroud, because we figured she's been naked more than long enough. I hope you don't mind that we didn't want to cremate her in such a humiliating way."

"You know it had to end like this, Serana. She was your friend, I realize that, but there was only one thing that could be done."

"You've got a lot of nerve to say that. If I hadn't stopped you – "

"But you did, Serana, and it's good that you did. But that doesn't mean I don't have the responsibility to… well… express some things while I still can."

"You expressed enough when you cut her head off."

"Fura, don't. It's… too late now. Go on, Arska, have your moment, but the second you misbehave – "

"I won't."

"I'm not going to listen to this hypocrite. Let me know when she's done."

"Fura – "

"No, Lady Serana. I know Roë was losing it, but she was still… someone I respected. I'm going to stand all the way over there, and I'm not coming back until she leaves."

"It's alright, Serana. I can't blame her."

"Yes, well. You have five minutes, then I need you to leave, Arska. I don't think you should be present when we send her off."

"I understand."

"Go on, say what you have to say."

"So. I know I'm the last person you want to hear when you're about to disappear from this world entirely, but there are still things I want to say to you. I know you probably wish you could stand up and murder me right now. Well, that or your spirit's long departed and you're just a dead body that no longer hears or feels anything. Regardless, I have to say this.

I'm sorry, Roë. Not for what I did, because you had to die, we both know that. Maybe not in such a dramatic way, but it had to be done. I know that on some level, you felt the same. No, what I'm sorry for is what happened to you before I came. I know you're a victim in all this too. I was too late, maybe if I'd come sooner or if Serana had been more supportive, this all could have been avoided. I think she realizes that too, but that guilt is hers to deal with.

We were enemies because of the blood, Roë. I know that, after all the things Serana told me about you. And, well, the things Fura shouted to me about you. I know it wasn't because of who you were. I don't know if that means anything to you, but I realize now that I didn't hate you, but the madness that slowly eroded your mind.

So I suppose I'm… asking for forgiveness? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I just want to tell you that I realize now that it wasn't your fault. I… know what you feel. I sometimes wonder too. Wonder if I'm not losing my mind. I've done things… things I deserve as much punishment for as you got. It's like I'm someone else when I'm angry. Like I'm not in control, that someone takes over and does those things while I can only watch. And afterward, I'm always torn by guilt and doubt. I don't show it to anyone, I hide it behind a mask of snooty joviality, I always act like I'm unfazed and don't feel guilty, but I do.

I know what you went through, and if I need to ask you for forgiveness, it's for this one thing. For not stopping to think, not stopping to realize that if I searched inside myself, I could have understood. I should have understood. But how do you stop and take time to think, to try to understand, when you see people you called friends lying scattered and torn apart? I used to be able to. I used to be pretty good at putting things in perspective and thinking before acting, but lately… I don't know.

We both have a lot in common, and I should have stopped to realize that. But at that moment, all I saw was the twisted abomination who'd murdered my friends and so many more people. Maybe it's the blood that's doing this to me too. If it's that, then I can't even imagine how strong it was for you, so new to this unlife and immediately burdened with this poisoned gift of Coldharbour. Or maybe it wasn't the blood, but simply the power. It could have been. Lately, I feel like this whole Dragonborn thing, this sheer power with no accountability, is poisoning my soul more than anything. You felt the same way, didn't you? You could do anything, destroy anyone, and no one would ever dare put a hair's breadth in your way. Maybe this is the poison that destroys the good in us.

I don't know, Roë. I don't know what causes this, but in a way, I need to thank you. I know this sounds callous, but what happened to you made me realize how things will end for me if I don't turn this around. Perhaps looking for a cure for this… this rotten curse will help. Or maybe I should just start taking responsibility for my actions instead of solving every problem with violence and leaving the mess for others to clean up. Heh, that sounds even harder than curing vampirism.

Serana's giving me an impatient look, so I better wrap it up. I can't stay for the cremation, even though I feel like I should. Serana won't tolerate my presence, and I can't really blame her, but she'll be here to the end, as well as Fura. We all made mistakes, but they do care about you, there's no doubt about that. I just want to say… I know we could have been friends if we'd met before the blood took you. Please believe me when I say I mean that sincerely. I know now that you were a good person. I'm sorry all this had to happen.

Sleep well, Roë. Forgive me."