Dying was nothing like Loki had ever imagined.

He anticipated his body to be ripped apart the moment he crossed the threshold into the void – a flash of intense pain before he ceased to exist.

What he didn't expect were the colors and lights for which even he had no words. Heat and cold the likes of which he had never experienced. The euphoria bordering on madness, followed by such an complete emptiness he was certain his skin would split apart like paper, exposing him as nothing but a hollow shell.

Every decision, every choice, every path he had taken in his life replayed in his head in an endless loop, and though some were unbearable, he tried to focus on the memories that made him happiest.

The first book of magic his mother had given him.

Fighting alongside his brother, their victory assured.

But above all, memories of Sigyn.

The softness of her hair between his fingers. The spot behind her ear that would make her laugh without fail when he kissed it. The comfort of her body next to his during the night.

All of it, gone. It was his only regret – not having met her sooner.

She was at the forefront of his mind when he finally became aware he was no longer falling. That he was not dead at all, but rather found by someone – something – in the void.

Only then did he finally feel pain, and wished then that death had come for him instead.

Sigyn's first instinct was to lunge at Ingrid for such a terrible attempt at humor.

"Pregnant? If that's a joke, it's in very poor taste."

"I wish I was joking. More than anything."

Sigyn backed away slowly. Her legs were heavy, and when she hit the edge of her bed and she sat down hard. She barely recognized her own voice as she spoke. "You say my mother told you to do it. What did you mean by that?"

Ingrid stayed in the doorway, as if distance between them would make what she had to say any easier. "She thought your relationship with Prince Loki wasn't progressing quickly enough. She knew I was an herbalist's apprentice once, and she said perhaps he could use some…incentive." The last word was barely a whisper.

"Incentive?!"

Visibly blanching at Sigyn's outburst, Ingrid raised her hands before her as if warding off a blow. "Forgive me! She insinuated that she would make things very difficult for me with Edmund if I didn't help."

The raised voices and the mention of his name attracted Edmund's attention, and he appeared over Ingrid's shoulder. "What's going on in here?"

Ingrid opened her mouth to speak, but Sigyn rose from the bed and spoke first. "I'll tell you what's going on. Apparently, our mother decided to use my womb as a bargaining chip, and enlisted the help of your fiancée here to do it."

Edmund's head snapped toward Ingrid. "What is she talking about?"

Sigyn was only half listening as Ingrid described her tale to Edmund: the request that Ingrid procure similar but useless herbs to replace Sigyn's supply; Dagmar's promise that she would encourage Edmund's affections in return for her help; Ingrid waiting for Sigyn to spend the night at home once and then slipping into her room and switching the contents of the jar when she was otherwise occupied.

One of Sigyn's hands instinctively slipped to rub her belly. "How long ago? How long have I been vulnerable?"

"Two months."

Sigyn thought back. She could count the number of times she and Loki had been intimate in that period on both hands and still have fingers remaining; and yet she couldn't deny what was becoming all too clear. Even without verification from a healer, the truth was obvious: the nausea, the fatigue, the aches, all chalked up to stress and grief, when in reality she had been carrying Loki's child. Had I known, would things have turned out differently? Would he still be here? Would he be disappointed? Angry? Overjoyed? She pushed the thoughts away, painfully aware of how swiftly madness would consume her if she continued down that path.

She was too numb for tears, a fact for which she was immensely grateful. She was worn out from crying, weary to her bones of sorrow and sadness. What replaced it surprised her; an all-consuming anger, not only at her mother and Ingrid, but predominantly at Loki. For insisting she continue to use the herbs, for being so damned impossible to resist – and most illogically, for leaving her alone to face this new reality without him.

She grabbed a dress from her wardrobe, pushing past a sobbing Ingrid and increasingly agitated Edmund to make her way to the washroom.

"Wait - where are you going?" asked Edmund.

"I can't stay here another second. I'm going to talk to Mother myself."

Dagmar's house wasn't terribly far from Edmund and Sigyn's apartment, but the walk there had never seemed so long. Suddenly Sigyn was acutely aware of something she had never paid much attention to before; there were children everywhere. Small children tugging at their mother's skirts, happy groups of older children running past her to play, even adolescent boys overcome with hormones and whistling at her as she walked past. If she were any younger, it might have been flattering; now it was just upsetting.

Her nerves were completely frayed by the time she reached her mother's front door. She half expected Dagmar to be out; it would have been typical of her to be unavailable when she was needed, even if she had a habit of insinuating herself into situations in which she didn't belong with alarming consistency.

Astonishingly, she was home after all – and as she opened the door her face went slack with nervousness at the obvious anger on Sigyn's features.

"Sigyn! Well, this is a surpri-"

Sigyn cut her off, pulling the jar of herbs out of her dress and shoving them toward her mother. "What are these?"

To her credit, Dagmar remained composed, even if her eyes did go wide for a split second. "Oh darling, grief has obviously consumed you. Why don't you come in for a moment - I'll make us some tea and-"

"I said – what are these?" The words were barely more than a hiss.

"Well, I would hope you know what those are."

"I thought I did – but Ingrid had a very interesting story to tell me about them. She said these herbs are useless, that you forced her to switch them."

"What? Me? Look at me – I couldn't force water on a man dying of thirst."

"You don't give yourself enough credit mother – what does it say about your reputation that I wouldn't hesitate to believe Ingrid over you - especially about something like this? But, why? Why would you do this?"

Dagmar stared at Sigyn for a beat, judging whether she should continue her ruse before tilting her head – the gesture was infuriatingly mocking, and it took all of Sigyn's self-control not to slap her. "He was the best opportunity you would ever have. And you were letting him slip through your fingers."

Sigyn snorted a laugh through her nose, short and bitter. "That's where you're wrong, mother. He was going to marry me – without any intervention on your part."

"You know this for sure? What proof do you have?"

"Proof hardly matters now that he's dead, does it?"

"And I am eternally sorry for that, but how could I have ever known this would happen? I was doing what was best for you, surely you can see that! Besides, if he intended marriage, you would think someone of his station would have come to me for permission first; perhaps then all of this could have been avoided. Darling, please understand – I never meant to hurt you." She reached to stroke Sigyn's face, recoiling when Sigyn slapped her hand away.

"You're delusional. And now, because of your actions, I get to go the queen and inform her that I'm carrying her dead son's child. I'll be lucky if I'm not banished."

"So…you are pregnant?"

Before she could stop herself, Sigyn threw the jar, and it barely missed her mother's head before shattering on the door frame behind her.

"Do not concern yourself with me anymore. If I am pregnant, I can assure you – you will be as dead to this child as its father." She spun on her feet, nearly breaking out in a run in an effort to get away, ignoring her mother's desperate pleas to return.

She didn't go home; instead, she headed directly to the palace. As much as the thought pained her, Sigyn knew she couldn't delay informing the queen.

She hoped to find the queen alone in her chambers, but when she arrived she found Thor visiting with her, just as Loki had so many times before. He rose from his chair the moment she walked in, closing the distance between them and embracing her warmly. "Sigyn, I am sorry I did not have the chance to talk to you last night." He pulled back from her limp form, worry in his eyes. "Are you well?"

She bit her lip. "I regret to say, I am not. I actually bear grave news."

"It seems this week has been nothing but grave news," said Thor. "Please, sit," he said, offering her his seat.

"Thank you, but I'd rather stand." She wanted to be able to bolt quickly if the queen reacted badly.

"What is it, dear?" asked Frigga. "What has you so upset?"

Sigyn lowered her gaze to the floor; she didn't want to see the disappointment in her queen's eyes at what she had to tell her. "It seems – through nefarious means as well as our own carelessness – I might be with child."

Frigga stood up so quickly her chair toppled over behind her, her hand flying to her mouth to stifle a gasp. Thor spoke before she could. "Is this true? You carry Loki's child?"

Sigyn stared at the floor. "I've not been to a healer to confirm it, but I know it to be true."

She sensed the queen approaching her, and Sigyn shrunk into herself, expecting Frigga to lash out in some way – but she was instead stunned when the queen gathered her into her arms.

"This is by far the best news I've heard in an age."

In her relief, all of the tension Sigyn had been holding in burst forth, and she started to weep into the queen's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Your Majesty."

"You said there were nefarious means at work here. What did you mean by that?"

"Your Majesty, please understand, we were being careful and taking precautions. But my mother – she had other ideas. She tampered with my contraception. Please believe me; I am horrified by her actions –"

"What's done is done, child," said Frigga. "Whatever the outcome, we will face it together."

Frigga accompanied Sigyn to the healing annex of the palace, asking Thor to summon his father before they left. The queen allowed her some privacy with the healer, waiting in the hall while she looked Sigyn over. A simple blood test and physical examination were completed, and the healer confirmed what Sigyn could no longer deny.

"Everything seems to be progressing nicely. With your symptoms and the information you've given me, my best estimation is that you're nearly six weeks along."

She continued on with instructions: recommended herbs to take (Sigyn made a mental note to make sure and keep them under lock and key), foods to avoid, physical activity to keep her strong. Sigyn could only nod, hoping the healer would write it all down. She was sure she wouldn't remember anything; the very thought of being pregnant at all was still so unreal.

Her lecture finished, the healer stepped out to speak to the queen, leaving Sigyn to lie in the bed with only her thoughts for company.

She and Loki had never seriously discussed having children together. In truth – though she had at times allowed herself to imagine what their children might look like or how they would behave – she had also wondered if Loki would even be a decent parent. In so many ways, he had been enormously selfish, jealous, and possessive – traits Sigyn didn't think would necessarily translate well into fatherhood. Not that it matters anymore. Though, it would have been nice for him to prove me wrong.

Raised voices in the hallway shook her out of her reverie. One she recognized immediately as Frigga, but the other took her a moment: the Allfather himself.

"Does she know what she carries?"

"Our grandchild. A piece of your son remains behind – does anything else matter?"

"Are you truly that desperate that you would put this innocent girl's life in danger?"

Sigyn sat forward, straining to hear better. The healer had told her everything was progressing well – what risk did her pregnancy pose?

"We don't know that her life is in danger, Odin. Children from unions such as these are not without precedent-"

"In legend, Frigga. Tell me – when was the last time a half-jotun child was born in Asgard?"

Half-jotun? No, no, no – that makes no sense at all. He is mistaken.

"Odin, please. She's only just learned about her condition today. Must we add this burden to her so soon?"

"The longer we wait the fewer options we will have."

Before the queen could answer, the door opened and Odin stepped in, Frigga following closely behind.

He radiated age and wisdom, a combination that had never failed to intimidate Sigyn in her limited dealings with him. But this day something was different in his features; there was a level of concern that – rather than put her at ease – made Sigyn nervous. The Allfather was obviously worried, and that only intensified the severity of the situation.

"Allfather," she said, lowering her head in respect.

He stopped beside the bed, lifting her chin to look her directly in the eye. "Sigyn, there is no easy way to say this, but circumstances as they are require I be blunt. Loki was our son in every way that mattered…though not by blood. He was born on Jotunheim. I found him there as an infant, abandoned and dying, and I brought him here to raise as my own."

Sigyn sank back into the pillow. "A Frost Giant?" She couldn't help but laugh. "That's not possible! He was smaller than Thor. His skin was no different than yours. He was warm for pity's sake!" She shook her head. "I don't believe you. Why would you say such a thing?"

"He was abnormally small for a jotun. It was likely the reason he was left to die in the first place. As for his appearance…it was a deception he created himself, even as an infant. After so long, he was no longer even conscious of it."

Sigyn could only stare at him, anger welling up inside of her. "I understand now. This is all about you. You would rather convince me Loki was a monster than have a bastard baby in the family." She looked past Odin to Frigga. "What he's saying is impossible, right?"

"He speaks the truth, child." Her eyes were sad, but she didn't look away.

"So my child is half jotun?" asked Sigyn, her hand reflexively splayed across her belly, the press of the heavy news nearly tangible on her chest.

"Yes," said Odin. "And as such – for your safety – I would highly advise you terminate the pregnancy."

"Why? Because then you wouldn't need to hide a half-breed child in Asgard?"

"Because it would be easier for all of us, you included."

She gritted her teeth. "Are you ordering me to do that?"

"No-"

"Then I'll take it under advisement. But if it's all the same to you, I'm more than a little weary of others making these decisions for me." She turned away from him, all too aware she was being disrespectful but unable to care. It was all too much to absorb; she just wanted everyone to leave her in peace.

Odin sighed. "Just be aware, the longer you wait-"

"I understand. I hardly think giving me a few days to think it over will make a difference."

She felt him turn from her and walk back toward the door. He spoke to the queen as he passed her. "This is difficult for me as well, Frigga. I loved him, too."

The queen remained behind, pulling up a chair next to the bed as soon as Odin was gone. Sigyn turned to her. "Did Loki know? Did he know you weren't truly his parents?"

Frigga took Sigyn's hand in hers. "We kept the truth from him, at first to protect him, but then because…well, because we thought it no longer mattered. He was our son regardless of his true nature."

"But he learned the truth, didn't he? Something happened when he went to Jotunheim with Thor, and your deception was revealed."

"Yes."

"That's why he pushed me away. He didn't want me to know." It was more of an observation than a question, and the queen remained silent. "Why would you allow our relationship, if you knew the truth?"

"I never meant to hurt you-"

"That's funny…you aren't the first person to say that to me today. I didn't mean to get pregnant, Loki didn't mean to die, and no one meant to hurt me. That makes it all better, doesn't it?"

"Of course it doesn't. Sigyn, Loki had never been happier than he was with you. As his mother, I allowed my desire for that happiness to cloud my judgment. I knew the truth would come out eventually, but I had no doubt the love you shared was great enough to handle it."

"It's a shame he didn't think it was," said Sigyn, running her hands down her face. "What would you have me do?"

Frigga lowered her eyes, collecting herself before raising her head once more. "Perhaps it's selfish of me, but I would see my son's child born. Come live here in the palace; you will have the finest care available to you in case of…complications."

"And the Allfather? He seemed quite adamant I not have this child."

"He only worries for your safety, Sigyn."

"And you don't?"

"Of course I do. But where he sees only problems, I see a blessing. I also think you are much stronger than he fears."

"Strong enough physically perhaps, but what of the emotional cost? Out-of-wedlock mothers aren't exactly revered in our society."

"I have a solution for that. The ring I gave you – I want you to wear it. If anyone asks, you and Loki were secretly married before his death."

"So, you want me to lie now as well?"

"I wouldn't ask it of you if I didn't feel it necessary. In reality, a widowed mother receives better treatment. I'm only thinking about what's best for you and the child in the long run."

"If I decide to keep it. I gave Allfather my word I would think on it."

"And I would expect no less, Sigyn. But don't let his words or mine alone sway you. Whatever your final decision, I would still like for you to stay here in the meantime. I'll have a room arranged for you, and Thor can accompany you to gather your things from your apartment. I have no doubt he would want his opinion known as well."

Sigyn could already sense Thor's protective nature was going to be problematic.

"Are you sure you're alright to walk, Sigyn? I could arrange a carriage, you know-"

"I'm fine, honestly. I don't have a lot to carry, and walking will help me clear my head. I'm not as fragile as you think."

He sighed, unhappy with her choice, but unwilling to push her. They walked for a while in companionable silence before he spoke again. "You know, I never thought Loki – of all people – would become a father before me."

"I think he would be just as surprised as you are, Thor…were he here."

"Surprised, yes. But he would have been thrilled more than anything."

"You think so?"

"Sigyn, my brother had a well-deserved reputation for trickery, but know this – his feelings for you were genuine. He practically glowed when you were around – but if he could see you carrying his child? By the Nine, he would have been intolerable."

"He was always quite proud of his accomplishments," she said with a laugh. It was the first time she'd truly smiled all day, and it felt good, but it didn't last long. "Thor, about Loki's parentage-"

"It doesn't matter to me," he cut in. "Loki was my brother. He will always be my brother."

"Your father thinks this baby – being half jotun – risks my health, but your mother insists I will be fine. What about you?"

Thor stopped mid stride and turned to Sigyn. "I think you should do whatever you feel is best. If you decide to keep the child, I swear to you it will be welcomed into the family with open arms. But promise me this – that you will monitor your health closely, and if it becomes too much of a risk, that you will do whatever necessary to keep yourself well. Loki's death was terrible enough; let's not add to the tragedy with yours."

"Thank you. That is the most reasonable thing anyone has said to me today. No one gives you enough credit for your wisdom, you know."

"That wisdom has come at a high price, Sigyn, especially over the last week. I only hope I can continue to exceed expectations."

The door to her apartment was barely open before Edmund appeared in the doorway. "Sister! Where have you-" He stopped mid-sentence, taking in her companion. "Your Highness, this is unexpected."

"Edmund, I'm sure you're aware of your sister's condition. We're only here to gather some of her things; she will be staying at the palace for the foreseeable future."

"Of course." Edmund leaned in closely to Sigyn. "You should know, Mother is here-"

No sooner had the words left his mouth than Dagmar appeared at the end of the hallway. "Sigyn! Oh darling, you had me worried sick." She didn't try to approach her, choosing to stay where she was and wring her hands instead.

Sigyn turned to Thor. "Please, let's make this quick. I don't have anything to say to her right now."

"I understand." He approached Dagmar, a gentle smile on his face. "Lady Sigmundsdottir, I'm sure you can appreciate how exhausted Sigyn must feel right now. We'll be on our way the moment she gathers her things. In the future, any visitation with her can be arranged through the palace. If Sigyn agrees, of course."

Dagmar reached out to Sigyn as she tried to slip past, but Thor stopped her, his smile gone. "Please don't."

Sigyn could hear the incredulous tone in her mother's voice even from her room. "You can't keep me from my child-"

"She is a grown woman. Whatever choices she makes are hers alone; I am here to ensure those choices are given no resistance."

Sigyn heard nothing more as she hastily threw her things back into the box she had been unpacking only hours earlier. It still amazed her just how much had changed since she woke up that morning.

She grabbed a few more items, making sure to grab the pouch with the rings from her bedside table, slipping them into the pocket of her dress before heading back into the hallway.

Thor stepped away from Dagmar and took the box from her. "This doesn't seem like much. Are you sure you have everything you need?"

"Edmund can bring me anything I've forgotten. I just want to leave."

Her mother tried to speak to her once more before she left, but this time Edmund stopped her. "Mother, leave her alone. Haven't you done enough?"

Sigyn grabbed his arm and pulled him down the hall with her as she made her way to the front door. "Where is Ingrid?"

"At the palace, at work. Sigyn, she is so sorry-"

"I know. If you see her before I do, please tell her I forgive her. She didn't want to lose you – and which of us can say we haven't done foolish things for love?" She forced a broad smile. "Besides, now you have the entire apartment to yourself. No more worrying about sharing your home with your sister after you get married."

He grinned back at her, but the mirth didn't quite reach his eyes. "This isn't how I wanted you to go."

"Me neither, dear brother. Me neither."

Her new chambers had been prepared for her by the time they returned to the palace. They were located one floor down from the royal apartments, ostensibly because it was nearer to the healing annex – though Sigyn suspected the real reason was so Frigga could remain as close as possible.

The rooms were opulently furnished, and though they were smaller, they were in many ways similar to Loki's chambers. There was an attached washroom, fireplace, sitting area, and a small balcony overlooking the gardens. As she stepped into the main room, Sigyn was unsurprised to see it also had an additional, smaller room attached. Though currently empty, it was the perfect size for a nursery; Frigga was clearly preparing ahead. Sigyn was sure the queen had likely already ordered furniture and linens to fill it up.

Thor set her box of belongings on the bed. "Is there anything else you need?"

"Just some time alone. I have a lot to think over."

"I'll send food from the kitchens. I won't have you starving yourself."

"I appreciate that. I'd go myself, but I'm not in the mood for company."

He pulled her in once more for a warm hug, and Sigyn was amazed by how gentle he could be for someone so enormous. "I'm here if you need anything. Anything at all."

Right now, I only want Loki, she thought. The one thing you can't give me.

Thor shut the door behind him as he left, and to Sigyn, it sounded like a prison gate closing.

Positive she had never been more worn out in her life, she fell onto the bed, pulling the ring pouch from her dress as soon as her head hit the pillows.

She spilled the rings out into her palm and thought back to the different conversations she'd had over the course of the day – the different opinions everyone had expressed about what she should do.

The truth was – though she wouldn't have chosen to become a mother yet under different circumstances, and certainly not alone – she wanted to keep the baby. She had to know – would it be a boy or a girl? Would it have her eyes? Loki's nose, his hands, or – heavens forbid – his demanding personality? She had promised to think it over, and to make her own health a priority, but her mind was made up. It wouldn't be easy, but through their child, Loki would live on.

She picked up the smaller ring and took a deep breath before sliding it onto her finger. Immediately, she could feel a warmth emanating from it, and what felt like coils of energy flowing through the band and into her finger. Her first instinct was to remove it, thinking something was wrong, but as hard as she tried it wouldn't budge. She was confused; it fit her perfectly – there was no reason she shouldn't have been able to slip it off easily. She struggled for a moment more before grasping the truth. Loki enchanted it. Only he would be able to remove it.

She stared at her finger, the etched image of Gungnir glittering in the light, and the enormity of everything finally sank in. It didn't matter what Thor said about her choices being hers alone; until her baby was born, she was now no more than palace property.