Thanks for the favs and reviews, glad you are enjoying it so far! Also, thanks to the guest reviewer (Naz) who I couldn't reply to, happy you're liking it! Chapter 2 is the first proper chat Joey and Lauren have since the break-up...
When we get to the swings, Joey sits on the wall and pats the space next to him. I don't move.
"Don't you wanna sit down?" He asks me. I shake my head.
"Is that all I'm gonna get, is it, Lauren, ay? Head movements? No actual words?" He half-smiles as he says it and it makes my heart break into a few more pieces. He has the loveliest smile I've ever seen. When he smiles at me it makes me feel like everything isn't as bad as I think it is, because Joey's here and he will make it good again. I shrug and his eyes twinkle.
"Tell me what's wrong. Why are you so upset?" He frowns, his voice filled with concern. "Why do you care, Joey, ay?" I ask.
"I care about you, babe. Just because, you know, it don't mean I don't care." He shakes his head.
"No, I don't know what you mean by that, I know what? Do you mean because you dumped me? Why can't you say it?" I ask him.
"You know what I'm talking about." He says.
"Say it." I tell him. He shakes his head.
"Say it, Joseph!" I snap.
"Just because we ain't together anymore, it don't mean I don't still care." He tells me, looking straight into my eyes.
"But why do you care? You didn't care enough to stick it out, with me. You didn't wanna be with me, anymore." I remind him.
"Of course I wanted to be with you; of course I wanna be with you, still. But I can't. I can't watch you do this, again and again." He shakes my head.
"You don't get to act all concerned, like you give a shit. You don't get to care anymore." I tell him, angrily.
"It's not like I can help it." He shrugs.
"Look, Joey. You're just messing with my head. One minute you dump me and the next you're telling me you care and you wanna talk." I shake my head, close to tears again.
"Lauren, don't you get it? I will always care. Even if you never wanna look at me again, even if you can't forgive me for doing what I had to do, I will still always care about you." He looks so honest, so genuine. I want him to hold me and let us go back to how we were.
"Why did you do it then?" I ask, helplessly.
"Because it is killing me watching you drink yourself stupid all day and night. You're the only good thing I have, you're my whole life and if I don't have you I've got nothing, so I can't lose you." His jaw tightens and he looks at me like he used to look at me. Like, he has to protect me and look after me. But I'm just me. I'm just Lauren.
"Why are you telling me all this now? You're telling me all this stuff and giving me hope, and then you're just gonna walk away and leave me. Again." I start to sob, despite my best efforts not to.
"Don't cry, please, Lauren, don't cry." He frowns, like he's in pain. He stands up and walks over to me.
"Come here, babe." He whispers, opening his arms, and this time I do. I fall into his outstretched arms and cling onto him tightly like my life depends on it. Great heaving sobs pour out of me and my tears fall onto his jacket. He hugs me like he never wants to let me go and holds me in a tight grasp.
"Please don't cry, Lauren." He whispers. His arms are wrapped so tightly around me that I can barely breathe, and still it's not tight enough. Slowly, my tears start to dry up and I let go of him.
"What's the matter? Why were you so upset before?" He frowns. He takes me by the hand and pulls me over to the wall and sits me down. He sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder.
"Mum. She thinks I'm like Rainie." I sniff.
"You're nothing like Rainie, babe." He assures me.
"What if I am, though? What if I'm just a dirty little addict, beyond hope? What if I can't ever stop drinking?" I chew so hard on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying, that I draw blood.
"You're not beyond hope. Why you saying that for?" He shakes his head, furiously.
"You gave up hope. You gave up on me." I remind him.
"Lauren, I didn't give up hope. I still have hope. I will always have hope. And I definitely didn't give up on you; I haven't given up on you." He tucks my hair behind my ear. Why does he keep doing that?
"You're telling me all this today but tomorrow you won't wanna know and you'll hate me again." I don't believe him; I can't believe him.
"I've never hated you. How can I hate you, when…?" He trails off.
"When what?" I whisper.
"I couldn't hate you even if I wanted to, Lauren Branning." He squeezes my hand.
"You didn't believe me about Lucy. I told you she spiked my drink and you didn't believe me. You believed her over me." I remind him sadly.
"Lauren, we don't need to talk about that. It's ok. You tried so hard but you ended up having a drink. It's gonna be ok though. You'll keep on trying and you'll do it." He holds my arms, gently reassuring me.
"No, it's not ok. How can it be when the boy I love doesn't believe me? I mean, isn't it enough that my mum don't trust me, but you too? How can it be okay when you're the only person I trust, but I've lost you? You're supposed to trust me." A single tear falls down my cheek.
"We don't need to talk about this. Just please, stop drinking, please." He frowns and grips me tightly.
"If you say you believe that Lucy put vodka in my drink." I raise an eyebrow.
"Babe, don't do this." He shakes his head.
"You asked me to stop drinking so I did. If I wanted to drink, I would have been honest with you. Why would I lie? Why would I still be lying now when I've already lost you?" I shake my head, frowning at him. Does he really think I'm that bad? What makes Lucy fucking Beale so honest?
"Forget all that. Let me help you. Please, Lauren. You have to let me help you get better." He pleads with me, his eyes begging me to agree with him.
"But what's the point? I've already lost you. What else do I have that's worth anything?" I laugh, dryly.
"You haven't lost me." He frowns.
"Maybe you've lost me then." I say sadly, and slowly start to walk away from him.
Sorry it didn't end on a happy note but I promise it will get better, just trying to keep it realistic as obviously in Eastenders they won't be getting back together straightaway. Hope you liked the chapter, please let me know what you thought!