WARNING!: This chapter deals with themes like suicide and low self-esteem and isn't fit for younger readers. If you are under the age of fifteen or are faint of heart, TURN BACK NOW! I promise you you aren't missing anything important and it's not worth having nightmares about. If you have any problems or are thinking about committing suicide, don't. I assure you that no matter what could be going on in your life, you're worth living for and no one can take that away from you. Skip this chapter the second it triggers a hint of anything and PM me so I can rewrite it. If you ever need someone to reach out to there are plenty of hotlines with people who actually care. Feel free to PM me if you want to. I'll write back as soon as I can. Dark thoughts aside, I hope you enjoy the chapter!
Warrior Cats- The Outcats
"Will he be alright?" Thornclaw…
Of course he won't, mouse-brain! Did you see his injuries? They'll probably take moons to heal, let alone scar over." Someone sneered. "Serves him right for what he did."
He twitched his ears, which earned him a gasp.
"Do you think he's waking up?" Thornclaw asked.
"I sure hope he doesn't." The other cat growled.
"Shut up, Cloudtail!" Thornclaw spat.
"Enough!" Jayfeather snarled. Ashfur could imagine the blind tom's eyes glaring right into theirs and a few scuffles told him that someone, preferably Cloudtail, had scurried back. He let out a soft groan, the result of his muscles screaming in protest when he tried to move. It seemed like even his pelt was on fire! One thought rose above all the others, giving him the strength to bolt to upward and crouch were he stood. Was he alone?
He waited for a few moments, only complying out of sheer exhaust when Leafpool demanded that he lay back in his nest.
"Where's Hollyleaf?" He demanded. "Get her and Thornclaw." He begged the brown medicine cat.
"I will, but only if you lay down. You're nowhere near fit to move, let alone go running after them. Jayfeather will make sure you stay in your nest." With those words, she padded out of the den, leaving the two toms alone.
"You weren't lying about Hawkfrost." Jayfeather admitted after a few heartbeats.
"I tried to tell you all… I guess it is pretty unbelievable." Ashfur scowled. "How did I-?"
"Hollyleaf ran off in the dead of night with Breezepelt yowling nonsense about some dead cats trying to kill you. She led us to the clearing where Thornclaw left you and we found you all torn up with a huge gash in your throat. Thornclaw was furious. We couldn't move you back to camp until we'd patched up all your wounds. That took a while, but Leafpool and I managed to pull it off. When we finally got back to camp everyone started asking questions, so I bet they'll bombard you when they see you. Leafpool set up a nest for you and Thornclaw's gone crazy. He hasn't let anyone near you save for me, Leafpool, Hollyleaf and Breezepelt. We're the only ones who found you. You've been out for the past week. It's almost sunset now, but I wouldn't say you missed much. The WindClan cats are still here." Jayfeather sounded grumpier than usual.
"What's wrong with that?" Ashfur prompted. "Their Clan probably hates them for what I did."
"Breezepelt has been clinging to Hollyleaf like moss to a rock. He stays wherever she is and it gets annoying! He's always there!"
"Think about it. They've been friends since they were kits, right?"
"Yeah… wait! How do you know that?!"
"I listen. Besides, it's so obvious I'm surprised you can't see it."
"What does that mean?!"
"Who do they remind you of?"
"Truthfully, when I think of them I think of you and Thornclaw, but I also think of my- of Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight."
"It's okay to call them your parents. They did raise you, after all."
"But they're not my real parents."
"Cloudtail was a kittypet before he came to ThunderClan. His mother is Firestar's sister, Princess. He was raised by my mother, Brindleface, though, and he's considered her his mother ever since. Family doesn't have to be by birth."
"You don't think that Hollyleaf and Breezepelt… like each other… like mates, do you?" Jayfeather asked.
Ashfur blinked in surprise.
"No way in StarClan!" He nearly yowled. "You said you think of Thornclaw and I, right?"
The blind tom nodded.
"We don't like eachother like that. At least, I don't think so. I've come to rely on him because I know he'll be there. Sure I like him, he's the best cat a Clan could ask for, but I don't think we could ever be mates in the traditional sense of the word."
"We aren't." Thornclaw snorted. "We couldn't be mates if he gave me all the mice in the forest."
"That's what I said." Ashfur muttered.
"How do you feel?" Leafpool was back with Hollyleaf and Jayfeather was right about one thing: Breezepelt was forever at the black she-cat's side and she seemed perfectly content to have him there.
"Sorry we took so long. I was helping Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight and Lionblaze teach Heathertail, Crowfeather and Breezepelt how to hunt in the forest. They'll be staying with us for a while, if the WindClan patrol Sandstorm, Thornclaw and Crowfeather encountered was anything to go by."
"What happened?" Ashfur asked his friend.
"Some apprentices got smart and the warriors decided to tell us exactly what they thought of us. If it weren't for quick thinking on the part of Ashfoot and Sandstorm, it would've turned into a battle on the spot. Apparently Onestar can't control his cats."
"That's not it at all. Think, Thornclaw, remember how everyone wanted to kill Ashfur and Firestar couldn't do anything about it?" Leafpool asked the golden warrior. He nodded.
"That's what this is. They're mad at them for supposedly betraying WindClan and they're mad at us for taking them in so no one can do anything about it."
Ashfur turned his attention to Hollyleaf.
"Thank you." He rasped. "Both of you. You didn't have to-"
"We did." Breezepelt muttered. "The next time Thornclaw storms off, make sure you at least try to follow him. There's always strength in numbers and even if you do argue, you're more likely to have each other's backs if you have a common enemy." The black tom advised. Hollyleaf snorted.
"You would go there." She muttered.
"It's true." He snickered.
"Whatever, furball. You have hunting to do. March!" She snapped. Breezepelt groaned and she chased him toward the entrance. Thornclaw settled himself beside his friend and placed his head on his paws.
"Come on." Leafpool murmured to Jayfeather. "I don't care what you do for the rest of the day, but I'm seeing if we have any Catmint. Leafbare is coming pretty quickly. Ashfur needs to rest before we have to check on him again." She said.
"Okay." He shrugged, taking the hint. Mother and son padded out of the medicine clearing, allowing the two toms some peace. Thornclaw couldn't take it anymore…
"I'm sorry!" He whimpered, burying his face in his paws and letting his tears stream.
"It's not your fault, Thornclaw. You did the right thing by leaving, actually."
The golden tom gave his friend an incredulous glare.
"Don't look at me like that! Hawkfrost would've flayed you alive if he'd seen you and I would've followed. Then neither of us would be here."
"Believe it or not, I'm not the only cat who cares about you. Hollyleaf and Breezepelt are proof of that."
"Hollyleaf acted on instinct and Breezepelt was only there to make sure nothing happened to her. The only kin I have left is Ferncloud's family and I upset the whole Clan as it is. Name one cat who doesn't feel obligated to care about me except for you." Ashfur sneered.
Thornclaw rolled his eyes and smacked his grey-furred friend with his tail.
"Exactly."
"Ashfur?" His eyes snapped open and Thornclaw gave him a look that clearly said:
We are not moving from this spot! So they didn't. Thornclaw placed his head back on his paws and pressed his fur against Ashfur's, his eyes half-closed.
"Sleep then." The grey tom muttered. "Come in!" He yowled. He let his head loll a bit, but straightened up and blinked in surprise when he saw the last cat he would've expected.
"Hello, Sandstorm." He murmured.
"I heard you were awake and decided to see how you were doing."
"You and the rest of your family." He snorted. "Actually, it was only Hollyleaf, who as usual was shadowed by Breezepelt and Leafpool who is the medicine cat… so maybe not everyone. I presume that you have a reason for being here?"
"Not everyone has abandoned you." The pale brown she-cat mewed.
"I wouldn't be surprised if they had. I'm not exactly anyone's favorite cat at the moment."
"You're Thornclaw's."
"Yeah, I have him." Ashfur cut himself off when he felt an ear-splitting yawn coming on.
"Why do I count? Just now you were complaining about how no one but me cares around here." His golden friend mumbled.
"Why would you say that?" Sandstorm demanded.
"It's true." Ashfur sighed.
"I bet if I asked any cat in the Clan they would have something good to say about you. Every cat would care."
"Yeah, but only if I died." He snorted. "Maybe I should…" He mused. Thornclaw shot up instantly and Sandstorm let out a growl of shock.
"What?! No way are you leaving me to deal with all these crazy cats on my own!" The golden warrior snarled.
"Calm down, Thornclaw. You know I wouldn't do that… not on purpose."
"You're not planning on dying by accident, are you?" Sandstorm checked.
"I'll be here tomorrow." He assured the she-cat.
"And the next day and the next day and the moonrise after that!" Thornclaw scowled.
"It's not like it would make a difference to any cat but you, Thornclaw. I know you at least know that."
"That can't be true…" The younger tom muttered. "There has to be some cat who really cares about you besides me."
"There isn't and you know it. We're not discussing this anymore." Ashfur growled. Sandstorm felt a twinge of pity for the grey tom. How alone must he feel to think that way…?
"Whatever." His friend grumbled and got to his paws. Ashfur looked up in dismay.
"Where are you going?" He whined.
"To prove you wrong. Sandstorm can help me, can't you?"
"I'm sure Sandstorm is busy, Thornclaw, and so is everyone else. Don't go bothering the other cats just for some ridiculous question when I already know the answer to it." The grey tom growled.
"I'd be happy to help, Thornclaw. Who should we ask first?"
Ashfur's groan turned into a sharp hiss when he tried to stand.
"Great StarClan, kill me now!" He whimpered, falling onto his side.
Thornclaw and Sandstorm were at his side the second he cried out.
"Should I get Leafpool?" Thornclaw asked.
"Do you want a poppy seed? It can help, but it might make you tired later on." Sandstorm warned.
"I'll take it!" Ashfur croaked. "I just need some way to make it stop!"
Make it stop? Oh no, Ashkit… this is just the beginning!
(I was so tempted to stop here... but that's just too cruel and I hate cliff-hangers.)
The grey tom let out a wail of pain when Hawkfrost raked newly sharpened claws down his spine. Sandstorm yowled in horror as fresh blood welled from the seemingly invisible attack. Jayfeather was in the den in seconds, immediately noticing Hawkfrost. The smoky grey tom threw his weight onto the dark brown tabby, unsheathing his claws and forcing Hawkfrost to appear so that Sandstorm, anyone really, could see him. The pale brown she-cat definitely noticed her grandson being thrown around by the evil spirit, and lunged for where she thought he would be. She met her mark, as her claws raked across his fur, leaving tufts of them as a reminder that he was there. She knocked him away with a blow to what she presumed was his head, because a hollow thud told her that he was gone. Leafpool was tending to Ashfur now, and Thornclaw had been ordered out of the den. Jayfeather glanced at his grandmother.
"I think you should go check on Thornclaw." He told her. "He needs to be reassured."
Sandstorm nodded and wheeled out of the den to find Thornclaw pacing the length of the clearing. The golden tom promptly collapsed after a few more pawsteps and curled up, allowing the soft sobs to shake him. Sandstorm wrapped her tail around his neck and stroked his back, letting his tears soak her fur.
"What happens when he really dies?" He asked the ThunderClan leader's mate.
"What do you mean? He's not going to die anytime soon. Leafpool and Jayfeather won't let him."
"You don't know that… he's in StarClan's paws and now it seems even they won't help us." He hissed. "So what will I do when he dies for real? Great StarClan, why am I so pathetic?!" He growled softly. Sandstorm was shocked.
"Who told you that?!" She demanded. The golden tom ignored her and continued to pace, muttering to himself.
"Thornclaw!" She snapped. The younger warrior froze and looked at her. Defeat was clear in his gaze.
"I'm a fool, Sandstorm. No cat has to tell me that."
"Why are you saying this?"
"It took me until now to realize that I'm in the exact same position as he is!" The young tom snarled. "I have absolutely no one who can really take the time to even say hi or tell something is wrong. I have to practically scream in their ears for them to notice me! The only other cat who really does is Brightheart, but I feel like I'm ruining her life just to get some sort of attention."
"I'm sure that's not how she sees it." Sandstorm murmured gently. "And even if she doesn't say it, you know she cares. If it helps you at all, I care too."
"You pity me, Sandstorm. That's not what I mean."
"I know exactly what you mean, Thornclaw, and I'm telling you that at least one cat in the Clan has some reason to call out to you. You're just as important as Firestar or Brambleclaw, even if you don't have the responsibilities or the positions they hold. You don't need them, and neither does Ashfur." She assured him.
"You really believe that?" He sneered.
"I'll make you a deal, Thornclaw. When the next litter of kits comes around ,you'll be the first one I recommend to Firestar when it comes time to choose mentors."
"I don't think I'm the best cat to-"
"I insist." She said.
Thornclaw shrugged and nodded.
"I guess it couldn't hurt." He muttered. "But if you're going to have Firestar make me a mentor, could you do the same for Brightheart?"
"She's the second cat I had in mind, actually. She's long overdue, wouldn't you agree?"
"Yes. She is." Thornclaw mused.
"Are you done whining yet?" Ashfur croaked from his spot against the medicine den. He had seen Thornclaw's breakdown and while he personally agreed, he knew that an apprentice wasn't what he needed. He'd already mentored Lionblaze.
"Don't act like you don't want the same thing." Sandstorm chuckled softly.
"Lionblaze would've made a fine warrior with or without my training. He hardly listened to a word I said considering he was spending so much time with that other apprentice..." He mused. "I guess I just need someone to acknowledge that I did something right." He muttered reluctantly.
"Everyone needs praise sometimes, Ashfur. It's okay to ask."
"Besides. What are friends for?" Thornclaw chirped. The brown tom's expression became somber and he padded over to his friend with flattened ears and an apologetic look on his face.
"What did you do now?" Ashfur joked.
"It's not what I did." Thornclaw muttered fiercely. "You scared the living stars out of me, Ashfur. You're not allowed to do that. Ever Again!" He scowled, flicking his tail over the grey tom's nose.
"No promises, buddy." Ashfur chuckled. Thornclaw glared at him.
"I mean it!" He growled sharply. "At this rate, Leafpool might as well keep you in the medicine den for the rest of your life! StarClan forbid you end up an elder at your age."
"It's not my fault!"
"Did I say it was?!" He snarled. "I just said you need to be more careful. What do you want from the pile? You need food."
"Why are you so random?"
"It's in my nature, now choose before I choose for you."
"You've got to be the strangest tom I've ever met." Ashfur mused.
"That's it! You're getting the smallest mouse I can find."
"Okay, I want a squirrel. Great StarClan, is it too much to ask to not be completely smothered?"
"Stop getting injured and you can do whatever you want." Thornclaw sneered.
"Fox-dung to that, Thornclaw!" Ashfur yowled. "Do you hear me?! FOX-DUNG TO THAT!" He roared.
"Yeah, sure Ashfur. Go lay back down before you hurt yourself."
The grey tom did as his golden counterpart suggested, grumbling all the while.
"Sandstorm?" The pale she-cat turned to him.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for caring."
Yes, I know that both Ashfur and Thornclaw were probably of more worth to the Clan in the books (Thornclaw actually had apprentices, for one) but It's an AU and I wanted to experiment. Love it? Hate it? Should I change the rating? Who's your favorite cat so far?
Remember, you can always review or PM me if wanted/ needed. Keep writing everyone!