The bandages didn't hamper Jane's ability to brush her teeth on her own, but when she got into bed she brought with her a jar of cocoa butter that Maura had bought to prevent stretch marks. "Would you do this for me?"
It wasn't really necessary. She hadn't been using the cream consistently anyway; skipping a night or two wouldn't be the end of the world. But she wanted something. Something intangible, yet completely physical, something only Maura seemed to be able to give her. Maybe it was because she was a doctor, maybe because she was a friend, but Maura's touch was special, a healing touch. It didn't take and it didn't assume and it didn't make Jane less. It fortified her. She wondered, if she hadn't squirmed away that morning, would she still have acted the way she did that afternoon? Would Maura's touch actually have made everything better?
"Of course." Maura had to remind herself that it was physically impossible for her heart to leap out of her chest.
Jane lay back against the pillows and lifted her tank top up to expose her torso. She put her right hand behind her head until Maura scooted close enough, then released it, letting it circle her friend as she sat cross-legged.
Maura's breath hitched. She desperately didn't want to ruin this moment by doing something wrong. She tentatively dipped her fingers in the jar and applied a thin layer to the skin between Jane's ribs and navel. As she worked her way down the side, Jane sighed and closed her eyes. It was ok.
Jane's thought process began to slow. The events and mistakes of the day faded and she began to relax. Her mind focused on the here and now. The oddly comforting mixture of Maura's perfume and the scent of her soap. The dull soreness on Jane's knees and the smooth, cool satin of Maura's pajamas against her arm. The hum of a car passing outside and Maura's tranquil, rhythmic breathing. And the slow, small circles being drawn on her stomach. Like they were erasing Jane's mistakes.
There was one more sensation, one that came from within. It was almost like gas, an involuntary intestinal movement, not painful, just there. But it wasn't gas. It was a bump. A poke. A kick.
Jane opened her eyes and put her left hand over Maura's, holding it still, waiting for another. When it came, she grinned for the first time that day. "Didja feel it?"
Maura was awed. It was tiny, but she felt it. She nodded and held her breath, wanting it to happen again. She flattened her palm so as to cover more area, and waited. When it came, the other hand went to her mouth to cover her smile.
"He likes you," Jane explained.
Using both hands on Jane's belly now, so as not to miss anything, Maura asked, "Have you ever felt that before?"
"Kicking? No. This is the first time."
"It's incredible!" Maura wanted to kiss it, but restrained herself.
"He loves you."
Maura smirked. "You don't know it's a 'he'."
"We'll find out next week. I bet it is."
"Is that what you want? A boy?" Maura collected more cocoa butter and resumed her tiny circles.
"I don't know. Boys are easier, aren't they?" Jane relaxed again.
"It depends on what you find 'easy,' I suppose." Maura's brain tried to access the various studies she had read about gender differences and whether they were behavioral manifestations of genetics and hormones or culturally derived stereotypes. But at that moment she was focused on how Jane's arm curved around her, and how Jane's fingers snuck under her pajama top and mimicked on her lower back the circles Maura was tracing on Jane's abdomen.
"What do you want? I bet you want a girl," Jane teased.
Maura shook her head, "Doesn't matter." Then she tilted her head to the side, considering, "A girl who likes shopping would be nice." This earned a soft chuckle that closed Jane's eyes. Maura focused again on her ministrations. She took her time to make sure every morsel was properly applied.
A few moments later, Jane's voice had transformed into a low rumble that only came out when she was tired or whispering something wry into Maura's ear. "I was thinking... Danny."
Maura's hand paused. "Who's Danny?"
Jane cracked one eye open to tell Maura to keep going, then closed it again. "Daniel if it's a boy, or Danielle if it's a girl."
Jane didn't see it, but she could hear the grin on Maura's face when she said, "I made a list of names. Those are on it."
"What else is on it?" Jane rolled an inch; her nose and lips brushed Maura's knee and stayed there.
Maura whispered, "Charlotte." She took a more generous helping of the cocoa butter and used both hands to spread it along Jane's obliques. "Nathan." Her fingers spread and she grasped Jane's waist, perhaps a little stronger than necessary. "Olivia." She was encouraged by Jane's contented sigh. "Oliver." Fingernails scraped lightly back up toward her navel. "Seth."
Something in the back of Jane's mind told her to argue, but at this moment, those names, spoken in Maura's dulcet timbre, sounded like heaven to Jane. She just murmured, 'Mmm."
There was an inkling of guilt forming in both of them, that each should be enjoying this moment, the physical relief of it, a little less. That one was taking advantage of the other, feeling more attached and possessive than she should. That there was something dishonest about this feeling of wanting to simply melt into each other.
One final dip in the jar and Maura's hand traveled down the slope from Jane's navel to her shorts. Her boxers were already slung low, but Maura's fingertips slipped below the waistband and pressed gently inside Jane's protruding iliac crest.
A tiny groan escaped Jane's throat. "Maura," she whispered, "I think you'd better stop now."
"Oh," she sounded disappointed. "Ok." Maura rubbed the remainder into her own hands, replaced the lid on the jar, and left it on the night stand.
"Thank you. For doing that." Jane pulled her shirt back down and rolled on her side, waiting for Maura to turn out the light and lie down.
"You're welcome." Maura turned on her side, facing away from Jane. Jane pulled her in by the hips, arching Maura's back to sandwich the baby between them.