A/N- Just to let you know, I will be finishing this story and possibly the other one. Let me know your thoughts!

Lauren's POV

'Babe, I hope you're okay. I miss you. That's all I wanted to say really. I miss ya. Come back soon. Please.' After playing Joey's latest voicemail to Jen, I look at her expectantly.

"And how does that make you feel?" She takes care not to reveal her own opinion; she always asks how I feel about things first.

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I was a little bit gutted that I only had the one missed call off him. Ever since I've been here, I've been waking up to 30 odd of a morning and then today, there's one. Like, he doesn't miss me that much then, does he?"

"Maybe he knows you're not going to return his calls. You haven't returned nearly a months' worth of his calls." She points out.

"Even if I was gonna, I definitely won't be now. I had 33 yesterday and 1 today. What's that about?" I sigh, heavily.

"That's certainly bothered you hasn't it?"

"Just a bit."

"What's stopping you calling him back?"

"What if we have an argument? I'm supposed to be going back to Walford."

"Why would you have an argument?"

"I don't know. What if?"

"What harm do you think one phone call will cause?"

"I might give in to him."

"Give in to him about what?"

"When I left, to come here he said he wanted to marry me. And have babies."

"And that scared you?"

"Terrified me, actually."

"He probably didn't mean the minute you set foot back in Walford."

"But he meant it and that's scary enough. He's not the marrying kinda guy and I don't think I'd be good at being a wife. But it wasn't bad scary. It was like happy scary, if that makes sense?"

"It does. You're not against the idea but you have some reservations. That's natural. Most people do have some jitters before marriage."

"And I'm 19."
"That too."

"But I think it would be kinda good."

"Is he the only person you're ever loved?"

"I thought maybe I'd loved Peter, back then. But it's never been like this with anyone. He has this hold over me. Not a bad hold or anything just like he gets to me; he affects me."

"Did the break-up make your drinking worse?"

"Yeah. And I know that sounds like I'm blaming him for it, but I'm not. I know it's my own fault for not being strong enough to deal with things without being intoxicated. But I did start drinking more after the break up. And seeing him with Lucy."

"And was that just because it was her, or seeing him with anyone else would have hurt just the same?"

"Seeing him with anyone would have hurt too because I'd have felt like he didn't waste any time in moving on from me. But it would have hurt a lot less than it did seeing him with Lucy."

"If you were to go back to Walford and you saw him with another girl, be it Lucy or a complete stranger, would that cause you to drink?"

"A month ago, yes. That's exactly what did happen, a month ago. But now, I just feel calm, and like at peace, you know, in my head. I feel strong enough to be able to smile and say 'I'm happy for you, Joe' and then walk away. Probably go for a run or something. Or take up smoking." I chuckle, only half joking.

"Please, don't do that! I gotta tell you, Lauren, it's like you're a different girl than the one who was sat in front of me nearly 4 weeks ago."

"I feel different. When I was drinking, it was because I felt so hard done by all the time and thought I had a really bad life. But being here and being sober, has made me realise I had it pretty good."

"You have been through a lot with your parents."

"Yeah, I suppose. But the break-up with Joey shouldn't have destroyed me the way it did. Everyone has break-ups."

"If you love someone, break-ups are supposed to destroy you. Maybe not in the way it destroyed you, but they can destroy your heart."

"It totally did that, too."

"Can you see yourself with anyone else?"

"No. God, no! Everyone talks about love, don't they? And I was always the cynic. Like, I scoffed at my parents for wanting to get married again. I used to talk about love like it was beneath me and it was something only stupid, weak people did, like it was something you could control. But I guess I'm weak and stupid too because I lost all my self-control the minute Joey rocked up. After our first kiss, despite being ridiculously drunk, I realised everything had changed. There was no going back."

"Do you still feel the same way you did when you were together?"

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I've stopped loving him. But, I don't feel exactly the same."

"How so?"

"I don't need him to be happy. I think I can still be moderately happy, even if he doesn't want me. And I don't think he can make me as miserable as I was. Not because I love him less but just 'cos I'm stronger in myself, I feel more independent."

"What do you feel about the relationship now? Looking back on it?"

"I think that he blames himself but it wasn't our relationship that was wrong. He wasn't the problem. Yes, my drinking increased after we broke up but that was because it was the break-up as well as everything else. It was the timing of our relationship that was wrong; not us."

"I'm extremely proud that you realise that. Do you think now is better timing?"

"He certainly thinks so. And I didn't then, but now I happen to agree with him. It would be completely different now. I'm different."

"Do you feel that you're in a more positive place in yourself, and that will enable you to be in a more positive relationship?"

"Definitely. But also, if it's only friendship on the cards, I can handle that. And I think that's the most important thing because a month ago, I couldn't."

"Lauren, I'm going to say something now that you probably aren't expecting me to say."

"Oh God, what is it? I need to stay here for the rest of my life?"

"On the contrary, I think you're ready to go home."