Ivy's hands viciously rubbed together as she waited in a chair in the station. She wish she could be anywhere but here. She looked to the door, was it too late to run out? Could she get away with that?
Of course not. She lives with a cop. A stubborn, protective cop who would just march her back here as if she was a child. Right now she wishes she was a child again, to try and avoid this mess. To try and stop her so called mother from taking her away from her home. If she did that, she wouldn't be sat here right now, waiting to go in and talk to a detective about her attack. The attack by a man that she just wants to rot, or cease to exist. But that was asking God for too much.
She looked down to her phone as it vibrated next to her. A text from Nate. Wishing her luck, wishing he could be there. And also reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. She was grateful for his support but really, what did he know? Apart from watching the odd episode of Castle, what does he really know about this sort of stuff? Because she knows plenty. She knows so much that she bets her life on the fact he will get away with this.
It didn't matter that she was the niece of a well respected cop. White pretty sociopaths tend to take the stand, act perfectly charming and innocent and walk free. And there she would be, painted as either a liar or a victim of something else on top of the original thing for not getting justice. This 'investigation' hasn't even started yet and already she was exhausted.
Finally, she felt a hand gently rest on her shoulder, she looked up to Stef, who gave her a tight smile, almost as if she was apologising for the fact she was going to have to step into that interrogation room and go over the gory details. Ivy stood and latched her hand onto Stef's, taking a deep breath she then asked "Will you come in with me?"
Stef looked over to Captain Robert's face, as if to say that wasn't a good idea, but she didn't exactly care, this wasn't just anyone...this was the first child she was ever a mother to. Stef looked back to Ivy and nodded "Of course"
That was getting on two weeks, and they said to her exactly what she was expecting to say. That they'll 'look into it' and to 'not worry' because they will catch him. This, coming from a cop who couldn't even find the zipper on his own pants. She was supposed to trust him into finding her psychopathic ex? Ivy could find him much quicker. But she didn't want to.
In those two weeks she hadn't heard anything from him, he didn't try to approach her again or contact her through his letter love letters. And unless he was some kind of master hacker, which wouldn't surprise her, he couldn't call or text her because she got a new phone. The rest of the family were hopeful and naive enough to think he had heard about the police and fled.
Ivy wished it was that easy. But Jason wasn't afraid of the police. He wasn't afraid of them because he has it into his brain that he could outsmart them, and in the past he has done, but for things like petty theft. Not rape and assault. They were much more serious and something the police doesn't push away. She hoped he would for once be stupid and actually carry on pushing towards her, because he could only go so far before he could slip and get caught, though it did scare to think the damage he could cause before he did.
All she could do was hope and try her absolute best to stay positive. Which she was trying her hardest to do. As well as Nate helping her through, the absolute rock in all of this was Stef. She doesn't know what she'd do without her, probably be intolerable to everyone around her including Nate. Stef held her whenever she could, kissed her and told her it was okay and Ivy tried her best to believe her.
Ivy walked into the kitchen to get breakfast. She was up earlier than usual and saw Stef sat at the stool, drinking a cup of coffee. Having her back to her. She must be just as restless. Ivy quietly walked over and loosely wrapped her arms around Stef's neck from the back. Pressing her lips against her cheek. Stef gripped onto her arms and gently smiled "Good morning"
Ivy rested her head on Stef's shoulder and mumbled "Morning"
"How're you feeling, my love?" Stef turned her head and looked to her as Ivy stood up straight and grabbed herself a cup of coffee, Stef turned in her seat to face her and watched her shrug "Okay I guess"
She wrapped her hands around the mug and turned to Stef, leaning against the counter and muttering before taking a sip "Keeping myself numb"
"I suppose that's all you can do, right now anyway"
Ivy nodded and then asked "You heard anything?"
Stef stared at her and took in a deep breath, with regret in shaking her head but also tried to reassure her at the same time "No, no but don't worry. We will. It's early days"
Ivy knew that Stef was trying to keep her feeling positive, and she appreciated it. Ivy sat down beside her and closed her eyes, she was so tired. She had hardly gotten any sleep for weeks, she wished she could sleep. Because as soon as she did drift off and sleep, she always ended up waking up from nightmares. That were memories too, which just made it even worse. Because no one could say to her that it was just a dream because it wasn't.
Stef put her hand on the back of Ivy's head and stroked her hair "You still not getting any sleep, babe?"
Ivy just shook her head and then took another sip of her coffee. Stef dropped her hand to her back "Look, I had trouble sleeping after I got shot. I still have some medication that's meant to help you sleep if you need them-"
"No it's fine, I'll be fine" Ivy shook her head again and said in a tired whisper. Rubbing her forehead "I just...I just want this to go away. But that's not gonna happen" Ivy strummed her fingers on the table and shrugged "So I'm just gonna have to suck it up"
"They weren't exactly the words I would use. But yes we do just have to get on with it. All of us. You know I'm doing everything I can, right?"
Ivy looked to her and gave her a small smile "Yeah I do"
"If you want to blow up a mattress and sleep in our room again then you can" Stef said with a light hearted smile. Ivy laughed breathlessly and shook her head "I don't think it's gotten that far yes but um. It's nice to know its an option"
Jesus came down the stairs and saw them, he looked to Ivy and immediately asked with worry "You okay?"
Ivy gently smiled to, grateful for his concern "Yes, I am fine. You don't have to worry about me having a break down every five minutes"
"Sorry" Jesus mumbled as he walked over to tem. Ivy reached over the table and squeezed his hand "You don't need to be sorry. I appreciate you caring about me"
Stef nodded to her son and added "I do too"
Jesus gave them both a smile and to break the tension. He got up and made an attempt to make them some pancakes.
October 19th 2005
Stef opened the knocking door to her older sister being on the other side. Katherine walked in the flat and searched around for a moment "Where is she?"
"She's out" Stef folded her arms "Wanted to go shopping with Lena after dropping Brandon off at Mike's"
Katherine let out a small huff and nodded with her back to her, looking around the flat and muttered "Right...you're a lesbian now"
"Don't try and say you're surprised" Stef folded her arms "You've called me a 'dyke' ever since dad put me in that room with the that vicar"
Katherine raised her brows for a brief moment as she shrugged "Guess I wasn't wrong"
"Guess so" Stef muttered in a defensive tone. After a brief moment of silence, Stef shrugged at her and asked with an exhausted expression on her face "What are you doing here?"
"To see my daughter"
Stef scoffed "Now? You didn't think to come and see 'your daughter' when it was her birthday?"
"It wasn't a big birthday"
"Any birthday of a child is big" Stef said plainly "Much less a child who rarely gets to see the woman who birthed her"
"Just call me her mother"
"No" Stef said sharply, then shaking her head afterwards "No. I won't, because you're not"
Katherine then scoffed at her and raised her brows to her, nodding her head at her "What? And you are?"
Stef remained silent for a moment, she took a few steps closer to Katherine, her voice went quieter and much more stern. Her blood boiling up inside of her. Stef slowly shook her head "I am her blood and I have raised her. Believe me, big sister. I am more of a mother to her than you ever were or will be...and she is just about the only thing I am grateful to you for"
"Wow. Well, you're welcome" Katherine whispered with a smug and uncaring smirk. She didn't care about Ivy, not the way a mother should anyway. Stef would go up against her for custody. But Sharon pleaded with her not to start that up. She was trying to cling onto both her daughters and she would end up losing one if they went head to head for Ivy. Because even though Katherine didn't necessarily care about Ivy, she didn't want Stef to really have her. Besides, Stef would not want to risk losing Ivy all together, what she had now was good.
Katherine pulled the strap of her bag back on her shoulder properly "Well. If she isn't here then" she walked past Stef, over to the door. Stef sighed and said before turning to her "You coming back later?"
"No, I have things to do. I'll come back and see her again though"
"In the next three months like last time?" Stef muttered "I don't know why you bother, you just take her out to some cheap diner for half an hour, drop her back off here and that's your job as a mother done for the next few months"
Katherine put her hand on the door handle "Watch what you say, Stef. And no. That is not me making threats against a police officer. That is me making threats against my sister"
Stef didn't respond, she just watched Katherine leave. She let out a deep breath and walked down the hall, to the door at the end by the left. Stef pushed the door open and gently smiled "Hi, Bear"
Ivy looked up from sketching "Is she gone?"
"Yeah. I told her that you went out shopping with Lena" Stef said as she walked in the room. Stef didn't lie to Katherine for her own sake, that was only part of it. But it was Ivy who asked her to say that she wasn't there. The less she saw of her mother the better. She isn't even her mother. She doesn't deserve that title. Stef walked towards her and sat beside her on the bed. Ivy looked to her with a glum look and sighed "I just want her to leave me alone...but she's never going to go away...unless you-"
Stef rubbed her leg and sighed "I know, honey, but we can't do that. Not when the odds could be against us"
"You're a cop and she's a...what even is she?" Ivy scoffed. Stef shrugged and said simply "It's complicated, love. You don't want to risk being taken away altogether. And I don't want to risk that too"
Ivy rubbed her lips together and scoffed once again as she looked to her sketch book, then muttering under her breath "I wish you were my real mom. I mean I wish it was you who carried me in your belly"
Stef frowned, reaching over and holding onto her hand "Baby, I wish that too. I wish that it was me who had you because God knows it would have made life a whole lot easier...but I swear, I love you just as much and far as I'm concerned. You are my little girl"
"And as far as I'm concerned you're my mom"
Ivy opened her eyes as she was nudged. She decided to stay in the classroom during free period and must have dozed off a little. She looked up and saw Jesus, again looking at her with concerned eyes "Sleepy?"
"It's funny. At home I can't sleep at all but when I'm here I have no trouble with the matter" she sat herself in her chair and arched her back to give it a crack. He was in her next lesson, she widened her eyes for a moment to adjust her sight and then looked to him "Is it the lesson now? Already?"
"Fraid so" he laughed lightly. Ivy groaned and nodded as she rubbed her forehead, motioning her hand for the rest of her class to come in. Sitting up straight. Jesus looked behind him and nodded for everyone to come in. Ivy stretched again in her chair and looked to everyone as they came in "Hey guys"
They all murmured their hellos. Clearly not wanting to be in school at all. She let out a small laugh and nodded "I know. I feel the same. So we can just take it easy today. Work on your scripts and stuff. Remember you guys are on a deadline"
She heard her phone buzz on the desk. She makes an absolute rule not to go on her phone when she's doing a class but lately she couldn't exactly resist with all that was happening.
Aunt Stef:
Slight improvement. Apparently a guy matching Jason's description has been seen.
Even though he's most likely still here, it's unlikely he'll get away. We will get him, love x
Ivy took a deep breath and slowly nodded, then swiping her notification to the side and replied simply 'At least that's something'
It didn't exactly make her feel any better. Knowing that he was still around. But she did have faith in Stef and Mike above all the other officers. Captain Roberts seemed pretty tight on this too. She had to have faith that they would nab him as soon as they had the chance to. Ivy rubbed her forehead as she remained sat at her desk, just knowing that Jesus was staring at her.
She just gave him a small smile and an expression as if to tell him not to worry about her. That she was fine. Sometimes she felt like she had to tell herself that, lie to herself that she was fine. That she was optimistic now that the police knew. But there was so much process to go through that it is always a fear in the back of her mind that he could do so much damage in the time he is walking around free. That was the thing for her. The fact that she knew what he was like, what he was capable of and they only think of him as a rapist. Ivy learned down the line that he is a lot more than just that.
There was then a knock on the door, Nate was outside, with his face visible through the small window, he gave her a wave and then nodded his head for her to come outside for a minute. Ivy glanced to her students, who were hard at work and then stood up and called as she walked over to the door "I'll just be a minute guys"
She opened the door and stepped out "Hey"
"Hey. No Timothy?"
"He's had to go to some meeting, out of town so he's trusting me to just overlook things today"
Nate hummed a small laugh and said as he looked into the room "Brave guy"
Ivy put on a fake, breathless laugh and then quickly just asked "So what's up?"
Nate shrugged as he looked back to her. Then after a moment he sighed and couldn't help but frown as he said "I feel like I haven't seen you at all this past week. You've been distant"
"I've been busy, Nate. Busy with this whole police thing"
"I know. I know" Nate nodded, slipping his hands in his pockets "And I'm proud of you that you're stepping forward with this"
"Didn't have much of a choice" Ivy muttered as she looked down to the floor. Feeling Nate's eyes just latch onto her. He then sighed and shook his head "Don't do that"
Ivy looked up and just stared at him plainly for a moment, then pinching her brows together and shrugging "Don't do what?"
"Keep me at arms length" Nate said sternly "We both know you've done that a lot these past few years"
She was struck on what to say, like the words got caught in her throat for a moment. And then she couldn't help but scoff, trying to keep her voice down but was also struggling due to her anger slowly boiling up "I'm sorry. Are you putting some kind of blame on me because of the past few years?"
"We could have made it work, Ivy" Nate gently insisted, getting rather upset but didn't want to let it show, as she looked away from him, he then added on "But you never gave it a chance"
Ivy stepped away from the door and turned to him from the other side of the hall in front of the lockers "And how do you think we would have survived you going to college?"
"Oh" Nate was then the one to scoff, he nodded and turned to his, putting his hand to his chest "So I would have cheated now?"
"Oh my god" Ivy muttered under her breath, running her fingers through her hair and avoiding eye contact with him at all cost. She took a breath as she dropped her hand to her hips and then said in a relatively calm manner "I didn't say that"
"You didn't have to" Nate soon took a breath, he didn't want to steer off topic. This wasn't about that. It wasn't even really about them. It was about Ivy and taking care of her. Better yet, Ivy taking care of Ivy. She needs to look out for herself as well as everyone else. Nate pressed his palms together and brought them to his mouth for a moment and then held his hands up "I came here to check on you. Because I'm worried...not because I am being needy, not because I am thinking of myself by wanting to see you. But because I'm worried about you"
"Jesus" Ivy cursed in a laugh "Everyone is worried about me as if I haven't been living with this god damn burden for a months-"
"I know, I get that. We all do" Nate pushed himself off of the wall and walked towards her "But you've never had to deal with the police questions and the whole sympathy thing before"
Nate rested his hand on her cheek, and that was when she sighed and sunk her head into his palm as he stroked her week with his thumb "Ivy, I love you"
Ivy opened her eyes to him, her eyes prickling from her tears shining through. She let out a shaken breath, saying in a crying whisper "God, Nate, I love you too...and I'm sorry"
"It's okay" Nate said in a quiet voice. He then pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Suddenly making her safe as she took a deep breath against his chest. She didn't want to cry. Not now, especially not now. After a moment, she put her hand on his waist and pushed herself back up. Running her fingers through her hair. And clearing her throat to regain her composure.
Ivy took another deep breath and said quietly with her eyes closed "I just...I just want my mom"
Nate pinched his brows together "Your mom?"
Ivy just looked to him, with an expression that just said it all. Nate then dropped the confused look and nodded his head "Oh"
Ivy just nodded, rubbing her lips together "Yeah. I know-I know she's not-"
"She is, Ives. She is"
Ivy just gave him a small grateful smile after and moment and just leaned forward, giving his lips a quick, light kiss. She patted his arm and then said "Look. I have to get back in there but I promise that I'll come find you at lunch and we'll talk"
She put her hand on his rough cheek and nodded with her brows raised "I promise"
Nate gave her a gentle smile and kissed her forehead, he whispered another apology for getting her upset and then left her to it. Ivy walked back into her classroom and saw the students looking at her. Clearly they had heard the odd word from outside when Ivy raised her voice slightly. Ivy gave them a tight smile and walked back to her desk, she didn't say anything and gave no indication to anything. After a moment, all the students got back to their work. Even Jesus.
Stef walked into Ivy's room, finding her snuggled up on her small yet completely comfortable sofa. Ivy looked to her as she watched Stef raised a brow "You certainly left an interesting voicemail earlier this afternoon"
"I noticed how you didn't respond"
Stef smirked and muttered as she took a seat "In my defense I only just got it on my way home and I thought well I'm already seeing your gorgeous face in a few minutes I may as well talk to you face to face rather than waste time on the phone"
Stef saw how Ivy's mask slowly slipped as she sighed. Stef brushed a strand of hair behind her niece's ear "What did you mean when you said you weren't handling it?"
Ivy shrugged "I mean I'm not handling it"
"Which part? People knowing or-"
"All of it. People knowing. The fact it happened in the first place" Ivy ran her fingers through her hair "When I was keeping it bottled up I guess I was numb, but now that I've actually said that words...now that I've actually said what he did to me I just"
Stef took hold of Ivy's hand and pressed her lips against the back of it "I'm so sorry, love, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this and you know if I could take this away, the pain, the situation, all of it then you know I would"
"I know I've been distant" Ivy blurted out with her eyes closed, she shook her head and said after saying in a heavy sigh "I had a slight argument with Nate today too"
"How come?"
"Because I've been so distant. I just snapped at him and was being so cold but it's almost as if I can't help it" Ivy looked back to Stef, who frowned to her "Maybe you should speak to someone"
"I'm speaking to you"
"You know what I mean, babe"
"I'm not talking to some therapist you know I don't believe in them" Ivy then looked at her oddly, with her brow raised "You know that and I also know that you don't believe in them either"
Stef shrugged as she sunk her back against the couch "Just thought I'd make a suggestion"
"I just want him gone" Ivy bit her lip "A part of me think that he is...gone I mean. He's not been in contact or around since I told him where to go"
"No matter what, we're going to keep looking. We've alerted police up in San Francisco, Mike pulled in a favour with a buddy of his so if he does head back up there, we'll be alerted"
Ivy tried to have that down as a positive thing. But it was still in the back of her mind that something was going to go wrong, maybe it was the cynical side of her. God knows she got that side from Stef as well as a few others. Stef looked to her and said in a quiet, loving tone "If you ever feel like you can't handle things I want you coming to me straight away you understand?"
Ivy gave her a tight smile and nodded.
"Don't you ever ever feel like you don't have someone to talk to because you know that you have had me your whole life and you will continue to have me for the rest of your life"
"So long story short is I'm stuck with you" Ivy dryly teased. Stef rolled her eyes and muttered as she leaned up to give her niece a kiss on her cheek "Can never be too serious"
"You know how I am" Ivy muttered with a smirk as she kept her eyes fixed down on her hands.
"Did you at least resolve things with Nate?"
"Yeah we're fine" Ivy nodded as she looked back up "He was right"
"God I bet he doesn't hear that often"
Ivy laughed breathlessly and just sunk against Stef even more. Ivy rested her head on Stef's shoulder and muttered "I'm just sick of feeling dirty"
"Don't ever think of yourself like that" Stef pressed her lips against her forehead and shook her head "Not ever, nothing that happened is your fault I cannot stress that enough"
Ivy didn't respond, she just buried her face in Stef's neck when hearing her say in a gentle whisper "I won't let anything else happen to you, I promise you that"
Ivy didn't know what to think, all she knew was that she was going to have to take Stef's word and hold onto it for dear life. Because right now she'll take any feel of safety she can get.
it just occured to me that I haven't updated since the news of the fosters ending, to be honest I'm still in denial over it?
this show has helped me get through so much, it continues to help me get through things and it will be in my heart forever and I will always have my foster family with me, I'm going to miss it and them so much but thank god for this spin off where we'll still see them together from time to time.
thank you, the fosters, you've changed my life.