Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story.

They all belong to their rightful owner: Craig Bartlett.

Title: "Blackmail toy"

In the last chapter of "Blackmail toy": In the heat of the moment, Helga was almost slightly relieved that Aaron came to interrupt before she could confess to Arnold. An odd discussion brought Helga, Arnold and Aaron into a tango for three, with Aaron and Arnold stealing Helga from each other. After a very convincing argument from Arnold's side, Aaron folded and applauded the two blondes with the rest of the family.

To Helga's fear and rage, Aaron's fifth blackmail turned out to be through her poetry about Arnold. She finally snapped at him, and told him upfront that she hated him, which caused slight pain to Aaron, which he didn't understand.

Arnold didn't get the chance to ask Helga and Aaron what they had been talking about, because before he did, Miles and Phil pushed him and Helga up into his room and locked the door.

Author's 1st note: To make sure no one will be confused at the beginning: We're, like, ten minutes ahead in time from when we last left off in chapter 19, and then we go back in time in cursive. I usually never do time-jumps back into the future, but I did here. Just so we're clear! xD

Warning: Slight, sexual material. Nothing you shouldn't be able to handle, since you already chose to read a story rated M! :P

Chapter 20: "Give me a break already!"

Miles and Phil were currently both standing very close up against Arnold's door to listen in on his conversation with Helga. "They're awfully quiet… aren't they?" Miles asked, receiving a nod from his dad. "He'd better say something this time or else I'll give him a good old fashioned whack on his bum!" Phil whispered to his son, to make sure Arnold and Helga didn't hear them. Miles nodded in agreement. "This boy is worse than me."

"That could be discussed."

"Oh, like if you're one to talk. I didn't know Stella for several years, before I finally had the guts to ask her out."

"If Stella hadn't been the one to confess to you first, you wouldn't have gotten anywhere either."

"Oh, you know that's not - "

A bang against the door interrupted Miles and Phil's conversation. They looked at the door in incredulity. "Arnold! Where is this coming from?" they could hear Helga ask from inside the room. Their eyes went big and they looked at each other.

There was silence for some seconds, before they heard Arnold's voice. "I… I don't know." he answered shyly from inside the room. "You don't think he actually…" Miles started, but then both he and Phil simply put their ears as close up against the door as physically possible.

"All I know is that… I can't hold back anymore, Helga." Arnold said and a thud could be heard. A female gasp erupted a little loudly and then silence for a couple of seconds, before two pair of moaning voices disturbed the silence.

Phil and Miles gave each other big stares. "Did he do it?" Phil asked in a whisper. "I'm not sure… They definitely went quiet though." Miles asked and leaned against the door again. Helga gasped again and panted slightly. "A-Arnold… where do you think you're touching me?"

"Touching?!" Miles and Phil almost shrieked, but managed at keeping it low. "You don't like it?" Arnold asked, also panting a bit. "It's not that… I don't like it." Helga replied shyly. "Then… can I continue?" he asked. Silence for a couple of seconds. "Yeah… please do." She answered.

Miles and Phil high-fived each other in happiness. "Your boy is becoming a man today!" Phil exclaimed in a low voice, but still filled with immense cheerfulness. "Well… my only goal was for him to finally admit his feelings for her, but… I guess the teens today are a little more forward. At least he's going somewhere." Miles added and rolled his eyes. "He finally took the step. Now hopefully, it'll follow its natural course."

"What will follow its natural course?"

Miles and Phil whipped their heads around to see Stella and Gertie standing with their hands on their hips. The men stood up, embarrassed, and walked over to their wives. "We may just have blown a little to the flame between Arnold and Helga." Miles admitted. Stella and Gertie looked confused at each other. "What do you mean?" Gertie asked.

"Oh, God!" Helga shouted from inside Arnold's room. The grown-ups turned to look at the door with big eyes, as if they stared long enough, then they'd get x-ray vision. A bang against the door could be heard. "Arnold!" her voice could be heard, obviously in pure ecstasy.

"Oh, my!" Stella exclaimed and put a hand over her mouth in shock. "Sounds like your boy is pretty good at this for a beginner." Phil said and chuckled. Stella giggled a bit, as she let her hand drop. "He must have it from his father."

"Aren't you sweet?" Miles said, put his arm over Stella's shoulders and kissed her cheek. "And my son must have it from me, so Arnold's got it from me too!" Phil chimed in, while they started to descend the stairs.

"Now, dear, I believe Miles' got it from me though." Gertie corrected and was the first to reach the downstairs. "What! What's that supposed to mean, Pookie?" Phil asked in slight anger, but all he got from Gertie was a hysterical laughter.

Back at Arnold's room, the two teens had gone quiet. "Are they gone?" he asked in a whisper. Helga leaned her ear up against the door. She listened intensely and then smirked broadly. She turned back to him and nodded. "Yeah, they're gone now."

Arnold and Helga snickered a little bit. They couldn't help themselves. They had been so embarrassed, knowing that Miles and Phil were listening to them. He looked up at her with an amused smile. "I still can't believe we did that!" he exclaimed, as the memories of only ten minutes ago rolled through his head.

Phil and Miles didn't answer though as they pushed them up the stairs and to the door of Arnold's room. Miles let go of Helga's back and opened the door for them, before Phil pushed them in. They both yelped in surprise, and turned their heads back to see the now closed door. A metallic click could be heard and then, silence.

Helga and Arnold kept staring at the door, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Arnold walked to the door and tried opening it. "It's locked…" he mumbled thoughtfully, still not sure what was happening. Helga turned around and tried pulling at the doorknob a little harder than he had. "The Hell… Miles! Phil! What's going on?" she asked, but received no answer.

"Why did they lock us in?" Arnold asked and banged at the door, calling for his dad and his grandpa. Helga in the meantime just stared at the door handle, trying to figure out what they would gain from locking them in his room. Then it hit her, like an anvil in an old cartoon. It wasn't them, who was supposed to gain anything…!

Helga snickered loudly and put her hand to her mouth to stop it. Arnold turned to glance at her in confusion. "What are you laughing about?" he asked. She snickered for a second, but then got closer to his ear to whisper.

As Arnold listened to Helga's theory, which they both knew was correct, everything in his body turned into a heated mess. He was about to shout 'till his lungs would give in, before she put her hand to his mouth. "No, don't!" she begged in a whisper.

Arnold took ahold of Helga's wrist and scowled at her. "Why not?" he asked. She gave him a cunning smirk. "Don't you want to get back at them?" she asked. He wasn't sure if he liked that smile on her face, but nodded anyhow. Oh, boy, did he want to get revenge for being locked in with Helga in his room, his grandpa and dad hoping for them to… to… He couldn't even finish the thought.

Helga leaned in front of the doorknob and looked through the keyhole. Arnold, wondering what she was doing, couldn't help but also let his eyes travel down her body. She really did have a nice figure. He shook his head immediately though. No way! His grandpa and dad were almost getting what they wanted! His thoughts had turned really dirty so quickly.

"They're just sitting out there, listening to what will happen between us!" Helga exclaimed in a low voice. She was both angry, shocked and… kinda impressed. She had to admit that it was a nice stunt, and if it wasn't because she was so not ready to actually attack Arnold like that at the moment, then she would have thanked them later.

"What? Seriously? All right. That's it. Helga, you're cunning, you're smart. How do we get revenge?" Arnold asked, feeling more and more embarrassed and angry. Helga bit at her lower lip and turned to him with a gleam in her eyes. "I think I know how to get rid of them… Just play along, ok?" she asked and positioned herself in front of the door, her back turned to it.

Arnold cocked an eyebrow, but nodded at Helga's question. She smirked, turned to look at the door to make sure she was positioned correctly, and then took a swift step back and hitting it roughly. "Arnold! Where is this coming from?" she asked in a confused voice.

Arnold's eyes went big. Helga was smiling wickedly at him and winked. "Say something!" she whispered. "I… I don't know." He answered and walked closer to her. "What are we talking about?" he whispered.

Helga rolled her eyes. "They wanted us to, you know… get down with it, right?" she whispered. Arnold's heart jumped into his throat, and he gave an awkward nod. "Well, then let's make them believe they succeeded." She added.

Arnold's eyes went big, and he looked at the door, knowing all too well that his dad and grandpa were listening. Even if every fiber in his being told him that this was beyond embarrassing, beyond wrong and beyond dangerous for his body and soul, he still caught himself talking in a husky voice. "All I know is that… I can't hold back anymore, Helga."

Helga felt her heartbeat quicken, and she had to remind herself, that this was just acting. It was a trick, and, oh, what an amazing trick it was! She gave herself a mental pat on her shoulder, reminding herself to write this down in one of her poetry books at home.

Arnold, starting to feel that this little trick just might be pretty fun, decided to try to make it seem more real. He placed his hands on each side of Helga's head and took her completely by surprise. He wanted to kiss her for real, but since this was only a trick, it was probably better not to go too far.

As if they could read each other's thought, Helga and Arnold started to simultaneously moan together. They were both embarrassed to boot, but focusing on the task at hand helped them keep their focus.

"A-Arnold… where do you think you're touching me?" Helga asked, wishing in so many ways that she could truly ask him something like that one day. Arnold caught himself wishing for the same, only surprised for two seconds and before answering. "You don't like it?" he asked with a panting voice.

Helga had to gulp at those eyes, Arnold gave her. It was like if he wasn't only acting with his voice, but with his whole body. Though, he wasn't really touching her. She wanted to scream 'no! please don't ever stop!' at the top of her lungs, but managed to only squeak out in a shy voice. "It's not that… I don't like it."

"Then… can I continue?" Arnold asked, starting to feel slightly aroused at the images of them actually doing what they were talking about. Helga felt her cheeks reddening and she nodded. Realizing that a nod couldn't exactly be heard, she opened her mouth to speak. "Yeah… please do."

Helga and Arnold then went quiet, both trying to listen to Phil and Miles conversation. "Your boy is becoming a man today!" they could hear Phil say in a low voice. Helga held her mouth to hold back a snicker. Even Arnold had to try not to laugh.

They both kept listening, but couldn't hear much. Phil and Miles were good at keeping their voiced low, but then a new voice could be heard. A female voice. "What will follow its natural course?" Stella, they assumed, asked.

Helga whipped her head around to look at Arnold's reaction. His dad was one thing, but his mom might be another. Miles was male like Arnold, so perhaps it didn't feel as awkward? Helga didn't know, since she didn't exactly talk to either of her parents about stuff like this.

"We may just have blown a little to the flame between Arnold and Helga." Miles admitted outside. "I'm guessing both Gertie and Stella are out there." Helga whispered, still trying to code Arnold's reaction. He was embarrassed, no wonder, but he didn't seem to feel worse because of the sudden female attention.

"What do you mean?" Gertie asked outside. Helga took a deep breath and opened her mouth again. "Oh, God!" she yelled in a voice of pleasure. She banged her head against the door for effect. "Arnold!"

The boy whose name had just been said in such a voice, by the girl he was in love with nonetheless, almost choked on his own breath. What he wouldn't give to hear her speak like that for real. Helga, doing her very best to not look at Arnold at any cost, leaned herself up against the door. She listened as the grown-ups talked for a bit, and then the voices faded away.

"Oh, come on, Arnoldo! You had just as much fun as me doing that." Helga said while wriggling her eyebrows to tease him. 'I'd rather we didn't pretend doing it…' as if I could ever say something like that. Arnold thought with a small smile. "Fair enough. Yeah, it was fun, but I'm the one who has to deal with the looks, when I go out."

"Well, at least they'll be happy for you." Helga said with a teasing smirk and patted his shoulder. Arnold rolled his eyes. "They got what they wanted, so maybe now they'll leave you alone… and, hopefully, me too!" she added with a laugh and strode further into his room.

Arnold watched her. I don't like lying though… He thought, fully knowing that the reason for him not liking this particular lie had nothing to do with his morals or ethics. I really am turning into a pervert… I was a little too fond of playing along with this prank. He dared to try and feel if something in his body had changed within the last minutes. Thank God, it's not that much… Locked in here with Helga could become really dangerous.

"Well, football head, this has been really fun. Even the whole 'your creepy, perverted and officious male part of your family locked us in' ended up with one of my best schemes ever." Helga said and giggled again. Arnold cocked an eyebrow. "What does 'officious' mean?" he wondered.

Aren't you sweet for not knowing that… Helga couldn't help but think. "It means to interfere and offer one's unwanted help to people." She explained. "Oh." Arnold muttered and started chuckling. Yeah, they're officious all right… and all that other stuff to.

"But as much fun as it really has been, then I need to mosey my way home. I don't wanna risk my dad noticing me gone. He may not give a shit about me, but he likes to think that he's still in control of me anyway." Helga explained and looked up into the sky through Arnold's roof made of glass.

"How do you plan on getting out?" Arnold asked, not really wanting her to go. "Oh, please. There's a fire escape right outside, and even if there wasn't, then there's your roof too. Let me show you how it's done, football head." She answered and strode over to his desk.

Arnold eyed Helga, as she seemed to take a deep breath to calm herself. Then she darted off like a bullet, running towards his bed. She then elegantly jumped over the bed, landed swiftly on his wall with an embedded ladder and took ahold of the handle to his skylight to keep herself dangling. "See? Didn't even get my dirty shoes on your bed." She announced proudly.

Arnold didn't know exactly why, but for some reason he felt a 'problem' growing in his pants, at seeing Helga make an agile jump like that. He quickly sat down on his couch to hide it and showed an impressed smile instead. "Whoa, Helga, I… don't think I would've made that jump."

Helga giggled proudly and climbed up. She opened the glass door, jumped outside and turned around to wave. "See you at school tomorrow, Arnoldo. It's been fun." She said and then closed the window behind her. He could see her walk away for a couple of seconds, until she was completely out of view.

Arnold let himself fall backwards onto his bed. He let out a deep sigh, he didn't know he had been holding in. "I'm gonna kill my dad… and my grandpa… then Aaron… and then myself. Simple as that. No more dealing with situations that could kill me." With those words, he felt a particular part of himself move a little on its own. "Oh, would you give me a break already! Not that I can blame you…"

Arnold closed his eyes and saw Helga in front of him immediately, as she had been before. Leaned up against the door, faking moans like there was no tomorrow. Those shimmering, blue eyes all filled with lust, as if she couldn't help but acting like that all the way.

"No!" Arnold exclaimed to himself, when he felt his pants tighten a bit. He turned around to put his face into his pillow and he pulled it closer to him by the hands. It didn't matter how much he forced his eyelids to close, the image of Helga like that wouldn't leave. He'd always wondered what kind of face she'd make, what kind of sounds she'd do… Seeing her faking it… he couldn't help but wonder if… she wouldn't actually look and sound like that for real…?

"Stop it!" Arnold whispered to himself, pulled the pillow away from his face and put it over the back of his head, as if he was an ostrich hiding from the world. The image of Helga only got clearer, and now she was even on a bed… his bed, making those whimpering noises and gasping.

Arnold sat up in a swift emotion and put the pillow onto his lap. "Go down!" he whispered, pleadingly, knowing it wouldn't exactly listen to him. "Oh, God… Arnold!" Helga's voice erupted in his mind and he leaned forward over the pillow. "Calm down… Calm down… Please…" he begged.

In his head, he could see Helga swaying her hips, like she had done the night before at that last dance. Except this time, she wasn't dressed in that beautiful pink gown. She was wearing something that best could be described as a gypsy dress. It was like the red dress Esmeralda wore at 'The festival of fools' in 'The hunchback of Notre Dame'.

Helga was moving slowly and sensually to some random sensual beat. She had her arms high above her head and were snaking them down slowly in front of her chest in a wavy motion. When her hands reached her stomach, she coiled her chest forward, letting her hips follow slowly. She twisted hear hips, swayed around in a circle around herself and her moves were so seductive that Arnold hadn't even noticed where his hand automatically had gotten to.

"… Shit… I can't believe I'm doing this…" Arnold muttered under his breath and used his free hand to wipe some sweat off his forehead. The image of Helga starting to untie the sash around her waist returned on full force though, making him forget common sense and courtesy. "Helga…!"

"Arnold!" Helga shrieked almost too loudly and coiled her hips against her hand a couple of times, before sinking down to her bed again. Her chest pumped up and down, while she slowly steadied her breath. Her hand fell to her side and she couldn't help looking at it. "Whoa… been a long time coming, I guess… Geez."

Helga stood up from her bed and sneaked out of her room. She ran through the hallway and into the bathroom, locked the door and went to the sink. She looked at herself in her mirror. Her hair was one big mess, and she noticed that her cheeks were still slightly flushed.

Helga turned on the faucet, making the water icy cold and splashed it on her face. She looked at herself in the mirror again, noticing the drops trickle down her face and down her neck to her almost exposed chest. "Damn tank-top…" she muttered and pulled at it a little in an attempt at cooling down.

Helga went back to her room, flopping down on her bed. Her breath had calmed down, but the images of Arnold swinging her around during both tangos today were still fresh in her mind. "No, body, behave." She reprimanded and pulled her legs together.

After feeling in control of her body again, Helga stood up and went to take her newest pink book. She sat on her bed and started scribbling down. She kept scribbling for several pages, before she finally felt like she had finished it. "Whoa, my longest one ever, I think…" she mumbled and laid back against her bed, holding her book close to her chest.

"Oh, Arnold… if only today hadn't been pretend. If I really could feel your hands touch my body, feel your lips on my skin… I would be the happiest girl in the world… My little love god… My… sex god… No! Behave!" Helga exclaimed, slightly angry at her own body. "Can't even seem to control my own body nowadays…"

Wanting herself to think about something completely unsexual, Helga caught herself thinking of Aaron. She snickered at her own cruel thoughts, but then she remembered their last conversation. "Maybe I was… a little harsh…?" then she frowned and shook her head. "No. Interfering with my poems is crossing the line. It's like asking me to publish my dairy. Stupid, Arnold. Spending time with you is giving me a conscience."

Then Helga started wondering: Which option was actually the best? Writing a poem and reading it to the class, or giving Arnold a private poem? She tried thinking about the two options, but she kept going back and forth between both.

Helga sighed. "Time to make a pros and cons list." She mumbled and started scribbling down in another notebook. No way would she use one of her poetry books for anything but poetry. "All right… let's start with a private poem to Arnold… Pros: 1, I won't write my name on it, so he won't necessarily realize it's Helga Pataki who wrote a poem. 2, it could give me a chance to maybe even check how he'd react, if he suddenly got a secret admirer. 3, it could maybe also help me get some of my feelings out without much risk…" she muttered and wrote those three pros down.

"Ok, and now the cons: 1, Arnold might decide to not be dense and actually figure out it's me… 2, he might even try to figure out who wrote the poem, like he did back in fourth grade when I lost one of my books… 3, he might even think that the person writing this poem is the same one. 4, he might remember that I did stop him from reading the very last poem. He didn't realize back then, but he must have gotten at least slightly less dense through the years… Did I mention he might figure out it's me?" Helga muttered and wrote it all down.

With a sigh, Helga continued to mumble. "Ok, reading a poem to class. Pros: 1, I don't have to write a love poem. It could be just something random. It won't be my best work, but who cares about that? 2… uh, 2… My God, that's it?" she mumbled and tried skimming through her brain. "Well… I guess it's also a pro that Arnold might be the type to like seeing this new side of me… problem is, everyone will see it to… No, not a pro. Definitely not."

"And now the cons…" Helga mumbled and scribbled down immediately. "1, everyone, and not just Arnold, will see me, Helga G. Pataki, actually write and perform a poem! 2, it'll be the most humiliating day of my life. 3, it will continue to be humiliating, since everyone will mock me for the rest of my life. At least until I graduate. 4, even Aaron will hear that poem. He already knows enough about me! I don't want him to hear my inner thoughts too…"

Helga lifted the list up and reread it. She made a huge sigh. "Well… Helga, old girl, I guess it's obvious which one is best… or at least, which one you'd rather do. Next problem… actually writing a poem to Arnold." She said to herself.

Helga laid down on her stomach in front of her pink book. She took the pencil in her hand and stared down at the blank page. "How… am I supposed to do this…? Should I sound like a girl confessing my love to him… or maybe I should just choose one of my older poems… I'll try to write something new first, though this feels really… weird." And with those thought, she started scribbling down.

An hour later, yet another paper was tossed carelessly on the floor. The floor was filled with curled up paper and Helga almost wanted to scream and pull at her pigtails. "That's it! I can't do this! I might as well just rip out my own heart, wrap it in a pink bow and give it directly to Arnold. I can't do it!" she shrieked and plopped down on her bed.

With a sigh, Helga stood up and went over to her row of pink books. "There must be an old one, I can just use… Aaron didn't say anything about a new poem. Besides, he haven't heard any of my poems anyway, how would he know?" she mumbled and opened a book from back in fourth grade. She wrinkled her nose a bit. "I hope I've gotten better though… They're not bad or anything, but… I should have improved through the years. Now, let's see…"

Helga skimmed through the poems. Some she really liked, others she shook her head at. "No way… Not that one… Hell no… This one's good, but… Here!" she exclaimed and laid down on her bed again. She ripped a blank page out of her notebook, and started writing her chosen poem down. "Arnold… Sworn… My darling… Prometheus… Tormented soul… and here we go!" She mumbled with a smile and looked through it. "Yeah… this will work. Ok… now… how do I give it to him?"

Helga turned around to lay on her back, as she kept rereading the poem. "His locker at school would probably be best. Any girl at the whole school can find his locker, if they want to. That way the chance of him realizing it's me, would also be smaller… Guess I'll be going early to school tomorrow to sneak it in his locker." She muttered with a smile and pulled her phone out of her pocket. "Only 3pm… Now, what to do with the rest of the day?"

At the boarding house, Arnold was in the middle of phoning his mom. "Hello?" Stella answered. "Mom, could you let me out of my room now, please?" he begged. "Oh, of course, sweety! Guess the men forgot to unlock the door. I'll be right up." She answered and hung up

A minute later, Arnold heard the door be unlocked. "Here we go. Sorry, honey." Stella said embarrassed and eyed him. "It's ok." He answered nonchalantly and walked past her. She cocked an eyebrow. "Where's Helga?" she asked.

"She snuck out hours ago." Arnold answered and walked down the stairs. "What?!" Stella shrieked and followed him. "By going onto the roof and then… down the fire escape, I guess?" he hadn't really thought it through, but he figured Helga knew what she was doing.

Stella frowned. "Hours ago, huh?" she asked. Arnold turned around with a smirk. "Yeah, hours ago." He repeated and gave an annoyed frown. "Tell me, mom, were you and grandma in on this 'let's lock Arnold in Helga in the same room' plan?"

"No! Your grandma and I didn't know anything, until we saw them hunched over outside the door." Stella answered in slight panic. Arnold crossed his arms with a sour look. "So you admit those two did plan this, you and grandma found out, and you didn't help me?" he asked.

"Well… in a way doing this was a way to help you… It worked, didn't it?"

"No! It did not! And that's what I want to talk to you guys about."

"Talk about what…? Wait! What do you mean 'it did not'?"

"I'll tell you guys now. Can you… Can you just get dad and grandpa into the living room and make sure the other boarders stay away?" Arnold begged and went into the living room without waiting for an answer.

Not too long after, Arnold saw Miles, Phil, Gertie and Stella come into the living room. Arnold was wearing a serious scowl and had his arms crossed. Miles and Phil had a look of both curiosity, gleam and fear. "Didn't… Didn't you and Helga have fun?" Miles dared to ask nervously.

"Oh, we had fun all right." Arnold answered with a seething smirk. Miles and Phil started smiling. "But not the way you're thinking." Until Arnold added that. "What? What do you mean?" Phil asked and started scratching his head. "Your dad and I overheard - "

Arnold growled at the back of his throat. "Helga and I faked all that to get revenge for everything you put us through today!" he explained. "What?!" all the adults yelled in unison. They either shook their heads in amusement or disappointment.

"What were you thinking?" Arnold asked and stood up. "Locking me in a room alone with Helga! Are you insane or something? What did you hope to gain? No! Wait! I don't wanna hear it! This has been the most embarrassing day of my life! First I wake up next to the girl I've been in love with almost my whole life, then my parents call me and starts questioning our activities, then my grandpa pulls her in, and he even with my dad locked me in a room with her! And all it resulted in was me getting…" he stopped talking immediately as recent events roamed in his head.

Arnold shook his head. "Never mind… Look, I know you're all trying to help me, but… it… it's really not good for my heart to have to be on my tip-toes like that whenever Helga and you guys are in the same room. Please, if I ever dare to bring her over again, can you act more normal?" he begged with pleading eyes.

Stella took five big steps over to Arnold and enveloped him in a big hug. "I'm sorry, sweety. We all love you and we just wanted to help… For what it's worth, I think Helga did have a good time here today." She said and pulled him away from her to look at him.

Arnold sighed with a smile and nodded. "She did. She told me at least twice before she left. But it would have been nice to have a chance at giving her a proper goodbye and let her use the damn front door, instead of having her climb down the fire escape." He answered and scratched his head.

Phil had to snicker, but quickly stopped himself. That girl knows this house inside and out… He thought to himself while coughing. "Well, short man, we really are sorry. We know we went too far, but to make it seem more reasonable, all Miles and I were trying to do, was giving you a chance to tell Helga you had feelings for her."

"… Huh? You mean…" Arnold stopped talking altogether and felt heat rise in his face. "Yeah… it was only you and Helga who were thinking like that." Miles explained while his smile got wide. Arnold just closed his eyes in embarrassment and flopped down on the couch. "T… Telling her my feelings… How could I not have thought about that…?"

"Well, you and Helga had done the tango twice today, after waking up in the same together, and probably dancing a lot last night?" Stella asked. Arnold nodded and put his face in his hand. "Then it makes sense that your mind was in the gutter."

"… I'm sorry… I was rude. Sorry." Arnold whispered in a low voice, deeply embarrassed about having misunderstood his family's intentions. "It's all right, Kimba, if it makes you feel any better, then Miles and Phil actually high-fived when they thought you and Helga were doing the deed." Gertie admitted, ready to walk out from the room.

Arnold's head whipped right up again. "What?!" he shrieked. "Pookie!" Phil shouted. "Mom!" Miles yelled, but all the men got was a hysterical laughter from the woman as she ran out the room. "You!" Arnold said and stood up, pointing to his dad and grandpa. "You guys were thinking stuff like that!"

"With the way you two were moaning in there, everyone would have thought that!" Miles exclaimed, immediately feeling embarrassed about his own words. "Dad!" Arnold shrieked and put his hands in his own hair in horror. "To be fair, short man, you and Helga are good actors. It sounded very convincing." Phil chimed in, honestly not trying to make anyone more uncomfortable, but did so anyway.

Arnold felt his arms shiver and he felt like if he was about to punch the air, but then stopped himself and instead put them up in a very clear 'stop'-sign. Without opening his eyes, he started speaking in a calm manner. "Mom… could you please bring my dinner up to me later? I'm going to be in my room for the rest of the day. I feel like my hangover just kicked in." he said and walked past them to the doorframe. "When I wake up tomorrow, then nothing of this happened, all right?"

"Understood, sweet heart." Stella answered. "Got it, short man." Phil replied. "Whatever you say, son." Miles chimed in. Arnold smiled at them in an awkward and yet thankful way. "Goodnight." He said and walked out in the hallway.

"Wait a second, Kimba." Gertie said behind him, while Arnold was on the up the stairs. He stopped and turned around to see her holding her fist out to him. "Uh… grandma?" he asked. "Hold out your hand." She explained.

Arnold folded his hand out and did as told. Gertie then let go of whatever she was holding in her hand and let it fall into his. His eyes went wide and he felt his chest pop at the sight. "Just in case." She explained very simply and walked down the stairs again.

Arnold kept staring at the small, squared object. A very unappealing thought crossed his mind, when he had to imagine his grandma actually going into a drugstore to buy something like that. He squeezed his hand around the small package in pure embarrassment. "Give me a break already!" he then yelled loudly and proceeded into his room. And as he had said: He didn't come out until next morning.

Author's 2nd note: Yes! Gertie gave her grandson a condooooom xD Sorry, I just felt like I had to do one last embarrassing for him. The day had to have an epically ending xD This was a pure pleasure to write. Every chapter is of course, but I've never laughed this much through writing. My mom thought I was going insane O.o

Oh, and the reason I made Helga choose an old poem rather than writing a new one, is honestly because I can't write poetry… Not even in my own language Danish xD I might be better than an average person, but NOT by a lot. I didn't want to risk having Helga do a BAD poem to Arnold, are you insane? So I chose the poem she writes at the end of the episode called "The aptitude test".