A week had passed since the baby shower, since Cailin asked to be an aunt to Echo, since Hope apologized and expressed regret over the way she'd acted. Since Constance came to visit. After Hope and Cailin and Carla had left, Maura had spent the evening with her mother, long hours talking about memories. It had started out as Maura clearing up her impressions of events, finding out what role Constance had played in her decisions and activities. As Maura suspected, certain key choices were guided by Constance, mostly through persuasive arguments, but never had she been admitted or awarded based on any sort of bribe. Constance had made that point clear: Maura was where she was, who she was on her own merit.

Soon the discussion morphed into general memories. Winter holidays in the Alps, quiet moments before or after parties. How, when Maura was small, Constance didn't mind when she fell asleep before the party was over, because it meant Constance had to carry her to the car.

Neither Isles got much sleep that night and Constance had to depart early in the morning, but Maura started the next week refreshed and happy. Confident. The feeling persisted and permeated through Jane as well. Not even a double homicide on Tuesday morning could bring them down. The team solved it Friday afternoon, but Maura had some paperwork to finish on Saturday, so she went into the office while Jane went out for a late lunch with Angela. When Maura returned home and received a text, Stopping at babies r us for Ma's cute fix. Be home in 15. Love, she decided to take a page out of her mother's book and attempt her own persuasive argument.

Maura left the bathroom door ajar on purpose. She didn't light candles, though the overhead lights were dimmer than she usually set them for bathing. She set her iPod in the speaker dock but didn't press play, like she usually did when she wanted to relax. Then she filled the large tub with warm water and bubble bath, tied her hair up, and dipped in.

She'd done this a few times in the last couple of months. And those times, while she appreciated the time to herself, to unwind and reflect, she'd felt like they were missed opportunities. Those times could have been slightly more... relaxing. Marginally more... comfortable. So on this evening, she timed her bath strategically and left the door ajar.

Before, she'd planned poorly. She'd announced her intentions to bathe, inadvertently implying she did not want to be interrupted. Or she'd left the water running so it could be heard outside the bathroom, leaving no mystery as to where she was or what she was doing. This time, when Jane got home, she would have to come looking.

Without the music playing, and with her eyes closed, Maura could hear the front door open and shut, and Jane's keys land in the bowl by the door. She could imagine Jane looking around the kitchen and living room for Maura; it was almost dinner time, and normally Maura would be there with a healthy meal for her family. Maura loved taking care of Jane and Echo in this way, among others.

"Maura?" Jane's boots sounded on the hardwood floor as she walked, then her footsteps were softer as she ascended the carpeted stairs. Maura listened as Jane paused outside the baby's room, then her workout room, finding them dark and empty, and finally pushed open the door to their bedroom, where the dim light shone in from the bathroom. "Maura? You home?" Maura heard her pause in the bathroom doorway. She was probably looking away from the door, listening instead for a response.

"In here, Jane. You can come in."

Bubbles covered Maura, but Jane still startled to find her in the bath. "Oh, I didn't mean to— Sorry." She turned away, but didn't leave the room.

"It's fine, Jane. You can look." Maura tried to keep her voice light, neither teasing nor sultry. As if she were inviting Jane to survey nothing more provocative than an autopsy report.

Jane turned her head only, enough to see Maura's face out of the corner of her eye, though she was looking resolutely at the floor. "I just wanted to show you this thing Ma made." Out of a small gift bag, she pulled a knit elephant. It was cartoonish and had stripes in yellow and gray, to match the baby's room. She held it up, out to the side, so Maura could see it. "She said Frost helped her find the pattern online."

"It's cute."

Jane put it back in the bag. "Yeah."

"Would you like to join me?"

Jane's eyes flashed up to the sink, then back at the floor. "What?"

"Just for a soak. Nothing more."

Maura could see Jane's larynx move as she swallowed.

"You could wear a swimsuit, if you prefer," Maura offered. When Jane still didn't move, Maura's voice was softer, "I just want you to be comfortable."

Jane's head turned a little more and she finally made eye contact. She licked her lips and said, "Ok," nodding. "Just. Give me a minute." Then she disappeared into the bedroom.

Maura's eyes darted while she waited. She didn't actually expect it to work. She'd expected Jane to simply decline the offer and go off to do her own thing. She tried to listen for what Jane was doing. She heard a few drawers open and close, and she heard Jane's boots fall to the floor with two soft thuds. Then there was silence for several moments. Perhaps Jane was gathering her nerve, just as Maura was trying to do.

When Jane reappeared, she was wearing a black bikini top and she'd pulled a towel around her hips. She'd tied her hair into a high, loose bun. "My one-piece doesn't fit," she explained, smiling sheepishly.

Maura mirrored the smile and tried not to let her eyes linger. The halter top provided full coverage and tied behind Jane's neck and back. Like Jane, it was both modest and sexy. "This one is perfect."

Jane stood next to the tub for a moment, leaning against the wall, still holding that towel at her hips, and Maura felt like Jane's eyes could see through the bubbles. Like she was examining everything under the water. Not appraising, just observing. Her eyebrows raised when she said, "So... you got room in there for me?"

"Oh!" Maura sat up and she noticed Jane's eyes dart to her breasts, still covered in suds but now emerged from the water, and then back to her face. Maura pulled her knees up and spread them. "Of course. You can sit here."

Jane looked her over one more time, then got in, holding onto both the towel and the wall, and standing between Maura's knees. She paused there, getting used to the water temperature.

"Do you want me to look away?" Maura offered. There was no disappointment in her voice, no attempt at guilt, just accommodation. "If the water's too warm or too cold—"

"No, I'm fine," Jane asserted. Then as quickly as ripping off a band-aid, she tossed the towel aside (momentarily revealing the matching bikini bottoms) and lowered herself into the bubbles, her back to Maura. "I haven't taken a bubble bath in years." Jane's arms rested on the edges of the tub as she sat, her knees folded in as much possible.

Maura recognized that Jane's conversation was an attempt to ease her discomfort. "I find bubble baths very relaxing." They were both sitting up, Jane between Maura's legs, and Maura gently put a hand on Jane's bicep for reassurance. When Jane didn't flinch, Maura kissed her shoulder. "It's ok," she whispered.

Jane's head tilted to the side, and Maura took that as an invitation. Both hands on Jane's shoulders now, she kissed up her neck to the bikini's knot. Her nose brushed a wisp of hair and she spoke softly into Jane's neck. "Would you like me to wash your back?"

Jane's head nodded. "Please." Maura soaped up a sponge and dragged it across the top of Jane's back, and Jane exhaled, her back rounding a little. Another swipe in the opposite direction earned a tiny moan. Two more and Jane's hands slipped loudly along the wet sides of the tub, alarming her and making her sit up straight again.

Maura discarded the sponge and let her hands slide down from Jane's shoulders, over the bikini ties, over the exit wound scar on her right side, and to her waist, then back up. A second time, they followed the same path, but more slowly, applying pressure to the trapezius at her shoulder and along her spine. Jane began to relax again and Maura repeated the massage a third time. At the end, her hands rotated to rest on Jane's hips, and, sensing no resistance, smoothed their way around to meet at her navel. In doing so, Maura pressed her front up against Jane's back and nuzzled her neck. Finally Jane let go of the tub and her arms came to rest, her thumb gently rubbing the hairs on Maura's forearm.

Time stopped. Their eyes closed. Their breaths synchronized. Somewhere in the house Joe Friday chewed on a toy. Bass crept under the coffee table. Outside, the moon shone brightly through the windows and a gentle wind rustled the leaves. Inside, three heartbeats listened for each other.

"I wanna hold you like this," Jane breathed. "I want you to feel this way. Wrapped in love. Full of it."

Maura wove her fingers between Jane's. "I already do."

Jane shook her head lightly. "It's not enough. You deserve more."

More. Maura breathed for a moment, then relinquished her hold on Jane, leaning back against the tub. "What else do you want? To do?" Her index finger traced abstract designs on Jane's back.

"I want to kiss you."

"Mmm. Where?"

"Your mouth. Your eyes. Your neck. Your—" Jane closed her eyes, picturing Maura standing before her. "Places. That are covered by clothes." Opening her eyes, she turned her head a little to concede, "Usually."

Maura smiled languidly and gently urged Jane to relax back into her. "What else?" Her voice was so quiet it didn't echo in the tiled bathroom. Somehow Jane still felt it move through her. She closed her eyes and imagined again.

"I want to touch you. When you're wet. Like in the shower. With soap." Her mind's eye saw slick skin, the S of a waist and hip, the indentation of a navel. And her fingertips sliding over them.

After a small moan of encouragement from Maura, she elaborated, "Feel your curves. All of them." Jane's fingertips began absently tracing the knuckles of her other hand.

Jane's head was resting on Maura's right shoulder, her body slightly off-center. Maura's right hand came to rest on Jane's side, with Echo, while the left, more liberated, worked its way from Jane's shoulder up to play with her hair. "That sounds wonderful. Keep going?"

"I want—" Jane's fingers stilled and her hands rested at her sides, finding Maura's knees in the water. "I want to be your blanket. And your pillow." Her fingers wrapped around to the backs of Maura's knees, her middle fingers petting the soft spots. "Wrapped around you and you around me. All at once."

Jane's fingers stilled and her palms fell flat against Maura's thighs. "I want to hear you, feel you, say my name. Like you need me. Like I'm the only one who." Maura's fingers were tracing Jane's hairline when she turned her head away. Embarrassed? Ashamed? Whatever it was, she was brave enough to explain. "I want to be part of you."

Maura kissed the back of Jane's neck, the only part her lips could reach. "I want that, too."

After a moment Jane caught Maura's hand and pulled it to her lips. "I want to be close to you. I want to hold you close. And it's so fucking frustrating, Maura. That my own body is in the way. I love her, but I don't want anything to come between us."

Maura remembered feeling the same way, the need to be flush up against Jane conflicting with the maternal tenderness she felt for the child inside her. She felt so much love for them both, it was difficult to accept her desire to physically separate them. Her thumb traced Jane's jaw and she said the only thing that had helped her cope with the frustration. "It won't always be this way."

Still holding Maura's hand, Jane placed it on her own chest, above her heartbeat, and let it go. "It's not just my body. My mind is getting in the way, too." Then Jane grew quiet, remembering the way Maura had looked at her in the warehouse, full of hatred and disgust. Don't you dare touch him. Despite the warm water and Maura's arms around her, she shivered.

Maura's soothing voice broke the silence. "Is that what happened that night? Your mind got in the way?"

That night when Jane had decided she was ready, that she would be able to pack her fears away and move forward with her life, their life. That night she tried to stop being selfish and give herself wholly to Maura, only to end up in tears, defeated by her own past. Yes, she nodded, that was what had happened that night.

Whoever said you only regret the things you don't do was wrong. "I don't know how you do it, Maur. Casual sex." She shook her head slightly, disappointed that she was unable to articulate what was really on her mind.

"This isn't casual for me, Jane." Maura's voice cracked. She was hurt.

Adrenaline surged when Jane realized her mistake. "No, I know, I didn't mean— Dammit." Jane tried to sit up, to get out of the bath. Her fingers were pruny, she noticed. And the bubbles had disappeared. She had to stop this conversation before she screwed it up completely.

But she was just so goddamn big and clumsy and off-balance. She groped around for something to hold onto, something she could use to pull herself up, finding only Maura's hands, steady and unwavering, palms up and waiting for her to grasp them.

She did. She used Maura's support to push herself up to stand, and wrapped the towel around herself again, tucking it in tightly at her hip. She held onto the wall as she stepped out of the tub, then turned back to see Maura unmoving and immodest, her naked body no longer obscured by bubbles. She was unabashed, but she was clearly wounded, her face downcast.

Jane perched as best she could on the edge of the tub. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean you and me. I know that's not casual. For either of us." Jane's eyes wandered as Maura's expression softened just a fraction. She held her hand out for Maura to grasp. "Now would you please get out of there? I can explain, but it's hard to concentrate when you're naked."

A few minutes later, both women were dried and dressed, Jane in her pyjamas and Maura in her silk robe. They sat side by side on the edge of the bed. Jane's hands worried the scars on her palms as she tried to explain. "I meant with Dean. I tried it, I tried to be ok with him just dropping in with a six-pack, after months of nothing. But it wasn't just casual. I mean, he was, but it changed everything. I fucked up everything. Because of him. Because I slept with him."

"I don't understand."

Jane tried again. "I told him about Paddy Doyle. I thought I could trust him, but then he showed up at the warehouse and Doyle was there and I shot him and you looked at me and everything went to hell."

"Everything? The internal affairs investigation?"

"You. You hated me."

"Oh." A lot went wrong that day at the warehouse, and very little of it had anything to do with Dean. Everything happened so quickly, but the way Maura saw it, Paddy had saved her life. It was stupid of her to go in there without a vest or any defense; Jane couldn't have gotten there in time to stop Kevin Flynn from shooting her, but Paddy did. And whether or not Dean was there, Paddy aimed at Frost and Jane took the shot. Maura didn't remember much about what happened after that, just the thought that she might be losing this father she never really knew. "You blame Agent Dean for our fight?"

Jane shook her head. "I blame myself. For sleeping with him and then telling him about Doyle."

Maura tried to connect the dots, however illogical, that led from casual sex with Dean to a fear of intimacy with Maura. "You trusted him."

"And I shouldn't have."

"Do you trust me?"

Jane took a labored breath and sniffled.

Maura craned her neck in disbelief. "You think I don't need you, Jane? You think I didn't miss you when we were fighting?" She was mad now, almost shouting. "That I didn't think of you every day and wish I could call you just to hear your voice?"

She stood and walked a few steps, turning only when she got to the other side of the room. "You blame Agent Dean for our fight? I blame you. Not because of what happened in the warehouse, but because of what happened after." She came back toward Jane and Jane's gaze fell, landing on Maura's feet and the six-inch scar Jane had created on her left shin. "I wanted to forgive you, I was ready to, but you couldn't even— All you had to say was 'I'm sorry.'" Maura's fingers nudged Jane's chin up, forcing her to make eye contact. "You think you lost something in that fight? I lost you. I lost everything."

Jane blinked a few times before Maura's words really hit her. Shit. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She wanted to reach out and pull Maura into a hug, but her fingers curled around the blanket instead. She looked up at Maura, hating herself on Maura's behalf. "I'm sorry for not saying it then, I'm sorry for shooting your father, I'm sorry for telling Dean about him, I'm sorry for everything, please don't be mad, please. I'm sorry." With each word she leaned forward a little more until she was perched precariously on the edge of the bed. Her neck craned and tear-filled eyes looked up at Maura as if she were asking the lord for forgiveness.

Maura's head tilted and she sighed. Her shoulders dropped and the volume of her voice lowered. "I'm not mad, Jane. And I'm sorry, too." She picked up Jane's hands and kissed them. She felt Jane's desperation lessen and her breathing normalize. "But that fight, it had nothing to do with Dean, and nothing to do with sex."

Jane shook her head; Maura still wasn't getting it. Defeated, she leaned back and to the left. Her head hit the wall. "I do stupid things."

"Yes, sometimes you do." Maura patted Jane's thigh, instructing her to sit back against the wall, putting her legs up. Then Maura sat beside her. "But it's not because of sex."

Jane wouldn't make eye contact. She wasn't convinced.

"You want it, Jane. I know it, and I don't guess. The way you look at me, the way you kiss me." Maura's hand rested on Jane's knee. "The way you melt in my arms. The way you touch me. I can feel it. I love it. I love you."

"I love you. But—"

"You think you don't know how? But the things you said in there," Maura nodded her head toward the bathroom, "the things you want." Her eyes closed as she breathed in, remembering. "I almost came just listening to you."

Jane's eyes dropped to Maura's chest and she swallowed nervously.

Maura shifted her weight, aware that as she did, the silken belt of her robe loosened, exposing more skin. She paused a moment before asking, "Has anyone ever made you come, Jane?"

Jane's eyes lifted. Her head jerked to the side for a nervous 'no'.

Maura licked her lips. She leaned forward toward Jane and inched closer. "Arousal. Orgasm." Maura was on her hands and knees, crawling toward Jane. "Cause the release of oxytocin." Jane blinked furiously. "The love hormone." Maura stopped when she couldn't move forward any further and sat back, straddling Jane's left leg. She searched Jane's face for signs that she was going too far, pushing too much. Jane was breathing heavily and staring at Maura's chest. Her fingers tugged at the blanket beneath her. Maura gently brushed Jane's hair back from her ear, then leaned in to whisper, "Bringing someone to orgasm is literally making love."

Jane's eyes closed and her head tilted back. Her hips shifted slightly, causing friction where Maura sat, and Maura moaned in response.

"Let me make love to you, Jane." Jane released a noisy breath that Maura took as consent. She began kissing Jane's neck sweetly, trying not to rush, but her hands seemed to have their own free will, grabbing at Jane's tank top and tugging up.

Jane's hands found Maura's back and pulled her in closer, but not close enough. It was never close enough. She didn't want it to be frustrating and awkward. She didn't want it to be disappointing, for either of them. She didn't want to fuck up what they already had. "Wait." Jane squeezed her eyes shut, already angry with herself for letting the word slip out.

Maura stopped her kisses but kept her nose pressed against Jane's neck, her warm breath on skin. Her hands stopped, too, still grasping, but no longer tugging in any direction. She sighed. After a moment, she rested her forehead on Jane's shoulder and smoothed Jane's shirt back into place. She sat there, eyes closed, arms wrapped around Jane's middle, and asked, "What are you afraid of?"

Jane rested her cheek on the top of Maura's head. Hair tickled her nose. She hugged Maura tightly and shrugged, her shoulder moving both their heads. "I don't know."

Maura sat up and slipped out of Jane's grasp. She put one palm on Jane's cheek. "I want to help, but I don't know how if you won't talk to me."

Jane pulled both lips between her teeth. "I'm sorry."

'Sorry' wasn't enough, Jane could see it in the way Maura's eyes fell to an empty space on the bed. She huffed a frustrated breath and licked her lips as her eyes caught on Jane's chest. Resolved, she started to stand, explaining, "Well, I need to wash my hair." While that might have been true, Jane suspected Maura had another activity in mind, one that would relieve some of the tension Jane had caused.

"Wait, you don't have to—" She pushed herself up straighter and her hands reached out on the bed, missing Maura's warmth. "Maybe I could—" Shit. "I love you."

The corner of Maura's mouth raised. "I know." She was still disappointed. She tucked a lock of hair behind Jane's ear and kissed her. "I won't be long."

"No, I mean." Jane's hand found Maura's, keeping her from walking away. "You don't have to go in there." She linked their fingers together.

"To wash my hair?"

Jane tilted her head and gave Maura a knowing look. "Yeah."

Understanding slowly grew into a smirk and then a grin. "Jane." There it was. That was how she wanted to hear Maura say her name. Through a smile, through love.

Jane watched her thumb caress Maura's fingers. "Yeah."

"You want me to do it here?"

Jane looked up and bit her lip. "Yeah."

Maura's smile grew brighter and she sat down, comfortably straddling Jane's leg as before. "Do you… want to help?"

God, yes. "I don't know how—"

"I do."

"Do you want me to?"

Maura almost laughed at the absurdity of the question. Instead, she nodded decisively.

"Ok." She licked her lips and waited.

"Jane."

"Yeah?"

"You have to trust me."

"Yeah, ok."

"You can't do anything wrong here."

Jane nodded uncertainly.

"After, we can cuddle or not, we can go downstairs and have dinner, watch a movie, just like any other night."

Jane nodded again, a little surer this time.

"It doesn't change anything."

"Ok, Maura, I get it. Just tell me what to do."

Maura laughed affectionately. "Tell me again what you want."

Jane stared off at a spot behind Maura, trying to remember what she'd said before. Instead of words, what she remembered was the warm water and Maura's arms around her, relaxing her. "I want to kiss you."

"Do it."

Jane pulled Maura's head toward her and kissed, relishing the feel of her lips, sweet and supple. She sucked on Maura's lower lip then broke away for half a second before going back for more, deeper. She felt warming in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't unfamiliar or disturbing. It was good. She wanted more. She broke contact long enough to admit, "I want to touch you."

"Yes."

Jane nudged Maura so she was sitting up again. Her eyes were smoky, lingering on Jane's lips. Jane's index finger curled slowly around the loose knot of Maura's sash and it released, allowing her robe to fall open, exposing bare skin underneath. Jane breathed deeply and felt her skin rise. She nudged the panels aside to reveal two perfect breasts, rounded and firm, begging to be kissed.

"Please," Maura urged.

Jane pulled Maura to her knees and leaned forward as best she could to press her lips, first to the right, then the left. Each responded in turn, hardening, and rising and falling with Maura's labored breaths. Jane continued kissing every inch of skin, her hands wrapping around Maura's waist and attending to the places her lips were missing. She wanted to be everywhere at once.

Her hands grabbed at skin, the robe falling away completely to reveal round shoulders that needed attention. She felt Maura's fingers comb through the hair at the base of her neck, needful. There had to be a way. To be closer. To be together. Her kisses became desperate, faster, harder.

Maura felt it and her body responded. "Jane," she said, and it only drove Jane further, hungrier. "Jane," again, and it was almost too much to bear.

"I can't—" Jane kept kissing everything she could find.

"What?" Maura whimpered, refusing to be denied again.

"I can't," Jane's forehead nudged Maura's chin up, making room for kisses at her collarbone, "get close enough."

"Oh, god." Relief breathed out of Maura and she collapsed into Jane's embrace. A few more steadying breaths and she offered, "Give me your hand."

Their foreheads pressed together, Jane lifted her left hand from Maura's waist, reluctant to lose contact, and placed it in Maura's right hand. Maura sat back, then folded down Jane's ring and pinky finger, and closed the space between her index and middle finger. She looked at Jane and brought the two fingers to her mouth, kissing the tips. She kept eye contact as she brought their hands down between her legs and touched them to herself.

Maura's hips began to rock and Jane could feel the wetness on her fingers. She got the message, matched Maura's rhythm, and watched as Maura's eyes closed when her fingers briefly slipped inside. Maura's mouth hung open and she let go of Jane's hand to brace herself on the bed.

Jane's eyes drifted to shoulders, neck, the blonde hair that fell behind her. Beautiful. Down to freckles on her chest, rounded breasts and that exquisite space between them. Her navel and the way her waist pinched in toward it, then out again at her hips, bones becoming more and less apparent as she moved. God, how she moved.

"Jane." It was almost unintelligible, more a moan than a word, but it brought Jane's attention back to her lips.

"Say it again."

Maura's eyes opened and locked on hers. "Jane."

Again. Forever. No, Jane wouldn't allow herself to think about forever. Just this, just now, just her. "Again."

"Jane," and there it was. She would do anything for this woman. "Please."

"Anything."

"Make me feel it. Your love."

"How?"

"Curl your fingers. Like you're beckoning me. Like you want me to come." She did. "Use your thumb. Press it—" Maura gasped. It was wonderful. A few moments more and Jane felt Maura hugging her from the inside. One.

Finally Maura breathed again and Jane started to retrieve her fingers, more than a little bit sorry the adventure was ending.

"Wait, don't go." Maura held her hand in place. "You're part of me now, if you go—" She looked down and away, remembering something. "There won't be enough of me. To grow back." Like the starfish. She looked back at Jane, dumbfounded. "You're afraid I'm going to leave you."

Jane closed her gaping mouth, effectively confirming Maura's conclusion.

"Jane—"

"They always leave."

Maura's voice was strong, resolute. "I won't."