When Sasuke woke up at 4:30 A.M., he got up and went straight to the shower. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, just like every night.
Sleep wasn't something that he counted on. He always set an alarm and went to sleep early, in case he would be able to get a good night's rest.
As if.
If there was one thing that Sasuke could count on in his life, it was that the world would constantly be against every stride he took.
He wanted to be his father's favorite.
"Itachi, my boy, you are the pride and joy of our clan." Sasuke, who had been eavesdropping from the other side of the door, silently ran to his room, his eyes watering, a note from his teacher about his excellent skills crumpling in his hand.
He wanted to be with his brother.
"Sorry Sasuke, maybe next time." Sasuke stared blankly at his brother's back as he walked out of the house.
Now, he wanted to get stronger.
But how can I get stronger if I can't even sleep?
He climbed out of the shower and stared at himself in the mirror. His skin was pale like his late-mother's, a sharp contrast with the dark bags under his eyes.
Sighing, he squeezed some foundation into his hand. It was his saving grace, courtesy of his mother who had had the same skin tone as him. He didn't want to talk answer any awkward questions about whether or not he was alright.
He didn't want to talk about how he wasn't alright.
Idiot, some part of him hissed as he covered up his bags, you need to get help. You haven't had a good night's sleep in five years!
But Sasuke didn't need help. He was fine (no you're not). After all, they were just a few nightmares (you can't sleep even sleep anymore). Insomnia was a small price to pay (what's the point when you're not even paying for anything?). Sasuke liked to think that every bad thing that happened to him was just a small form of payment, a little penny on the stack that would eventually add up to one great big good thing (you just don't want to confront your problems).
Sasuke hoped that the great big good thing was when he finally killed Itachi (you're delusional. Itachi will always be better than you. Big Brother will always be better than us).
Sasuke grimaced. He walked out of the bathroom, forgetting to match his face with his neck, and got back into the bed, curling in on himself.
You need to tell someone.
No he didn't.
You're killing us.
He was fine.
Your dream is killing us.
His dream was his only goal in life.
Your goal is only going to ensure our death.
He would achieve his goal.
How? Our Clan was one of the most powerful in Konoha. If they died in one night by Big Brother's hand, how do you think that you'll stand a chance?
He would train.
You're training yourself to the bone. There's only so far we can go.
It's not far enough to beat Itachi.
You're not strong enough to kill Big Brother. We're going to end up dead.
I want to live.
We want to live.
You want to live.
He wanted to live.
LIVE!
And then Sasuke wanted to cry.
He wanted to cry because the voice in his head was so loud...and so right. He wanted to cry because he was so, so tired, and he couldn't even sleep. He wanted to cry because he didn't want to kill Itachi, we don't want to kill Big Brother, but he felt like he was backed into a corner.
He wanted to cry because he knew that he would never survive a meeting with Itachi, but he couldn't stop himself from trying.
Even if you know that you'll get us killed?
Even if he knew that it would get him killed.
Then you deserve what you got and you'll deserve what you'll get.
No one deserves anything like this.
Then why did it happen to us?
Because the Universe was a horrible place.
So you're going to leave it?
He was going to achieve his dream.
Even if you live, you'll still be dead.
Sasuke couldn't take it anymore. He let out a strangled scream.
He felted to heavy and trapped. He ran to the bathroom and washed his face, not even glancing at the mirror.
When he came back to his room, he looked at the clock.
He was three hours late.
Cursing, he grabbed his weapons pouch and a tomato and ran out of the house.
You're running away from our problems now?
Sasuke didn't answer the ghost in his head. And he definitely was not going to accept that the ghost was Sasuke himself.