Published August 12, 2011

Initial Landing

Gandrayda had caused quite the change ever since converting to the pirate side. She infiltrated the lower ranks daily with her shape shifting skills, using the most cunning tactics to flush out the disloyal troops.

Disguised as a pirate, she grabbed another by his throat. "ARE YOU LOYAL TO DARK SAMUS?"

The pirate blinked a few times. "Uh, yeah."

"I AM NOT CONVINCED!" She removed his head, turning to a second one. "ARE YOU LOYAL TO DARK SAMUS?"

"Yes!" the second pirate shouted, sweating violently. "I would give my life for our leader!"

"Then you SHALL!" She decapitated the pirate. She glared at a third. "ARE YOU LOYAL TO DARK SAMUS?"

The pirate stuttered, shaking in his space armour. "I… I… Yes, please don't kill me!"

"Your lack of confidence in me does not inspire any confidence in you!" She sliced his head off.

After massacring fourteen more troopers due to their treacherous appearance, word began to spread around the base that Gandrayda was basically killing anyone near her. Ridley sighed, rubbing his temples at the news. "Where is she now?"

"She's been gradually making her way to the medical centre."

"All right, I'm going to do something about this now."

After surveying the security footage he was able to locate the homicidal maniac and head her off in a random hallway.

"You! ARE YOU LOYAL TO DARK SAMUS?"

"I'm the Starscream of our forces," Ridley grunted.

Gandrayda glared at him, slowly lowering her weapon. "I have no idea what that means."

"It means you don't need to worry. Now it's my turn to ask some questions: how many pirates have you killed today?"

"Forty-two unfaithful wretches!"

Ridley slowly nodded, looking into her eyes. "All right. It's nine thirty in the morning right now for the record and you've killed three and a half divisions. This needs to stop."

"NO! We must purge the unwanted!" She activated her energy scythe, sliding it across the wall. "Those who are not in the shadow of the dark one must be destroyed by the very light they use!"

"Deep." He put an arm over her shoulder, guiding her back down the hallway. "Now let's get you some benzodiazepine filled coffee so we can start this day off properly…"

"But… But… the traitors…"

"I'll put up fliers."

-An hour later-

A loud bell rang three times, signaling that Dark Samus had summoned them all. "Someone has an obsession with the dramatic." Ridley, Kraid, Draygon, Gandrayda, Swatllum, and various other high commanders were present in the ornate throne room. Due to the drugged coffee Gandrayda was sitting against the wall, eyes closed and drool sliding down her chin. She grumbled something and waved a hand through the air.

"I have been informed of ill news," Dark Samus said, looking down at them all. It glanced at Gandrayda a second longer before deciding not to care. "Bryyo has been taken, the seed destroyed and Commander Rundas killed, all by that pesky bounty hunter Samus Aran."

"I will seek her out and destroy her at once!" a random suck up proclaimed.

Ridley half-heartedly shoved him over. "No you won't."

Before Dark Samus could continue, a messenger ran inside and bowed. "Forgive me for disturbing you, but we've received reports that Elysia has fallen to Aran as well."

"What? I only got news of Bryyo an hour ago! How did she conquer Elysia so quickly?"

"News travels really slowly across a galaxy. Also, Aran has been spotted on our planet's surface."

"WHAT? All of you get out there and kill her!"

Elsewhere, Samus was having a merry stroll through the pirate built corridors, blasting anything she saw to bits. It had been a good day, a day full of shooting and dying.

A pirate jumped out from around the corner. "ARAN! Your life is-" He was silenced due to the new hole where his brain was a moment ago. She started whistling jovially.

"HALLO!" Samus curled into the Morph Ball and rolled into a nearby vent, narrowly avoiding Kraid's line of sight. "Dat's really weird. I thought she was down here. OH WELL."

Suddenly the vent locked shut, trapping her inside. Small slits opened in the sides before bathing the whole ventilation system in fire.

Deeper in the facility, Ridley gave Mother Brain an approving nod. "For some reason, no one ever thought of booby trapping the vents of ours she loves to use until you brought it up. Weird, isn't it?"

"JVA. KILIO MAKAIMA KUKOALI, SAMUS FRIE NOIA, HA HA HA HA HA!"

Needless to say, Samus was not pleased with this turn of events. So they thought they could try to stop her from exploiting their incompetence, did they? She bombed the entrance open, returning to normal. After cracking her knuckles she reached inside, tore one of the flamethrowers from the wall and pressed it against another. They both fired, igniting each other's insides and exploding. The blast travelled down the whole system, destroying every unit, and going right back to the control room, detonating the computer in Ridley's face.

He wiped the soot from his eyes. "Why did you have the wiring go right back to us?"

"WAKA WA WAI… JI CAKLOAL VI VE."

"This is why you aren't respected around here anymore. At least we have plan B."

Samus brought up her gun, firing it at the shielding over the door. The shot bounced back, almost hitting her across the face. "What the hell?"

Ridley and Mother Brain burst into maniacal laughter as they watched through a monitor. "Foolish Aran! We've analyzed the frequency of every one of your beams and designed our doors to repel such blasts. There's nothing you can do to get inside!"

Ten minutes later, reports came in of Samus hanging from the grappling line of her space ship, raining down hell unto their forces with her hand cannon and the ship's carpet bombs. She was screaming something along the lines of, "You think you can lock out Samus motherfucking Aran, best bounty hunter ever? I got bombs twice the size of your head! My metaphysical balls are made of adamantium! I will hate-fuck you to the soul if you even so much as think of ways to stop me, so just save me the trouble and shove plasma grenades down your throats right now!" in her unholy rage.

Ridley sighed into his hand. "Stopping her from doing one thing makes her take it up to a hundred. It's like shooting a kid with a water gun and having her drop a tactical nuke on your house. I'm beginning to question if I even want to shoot down her ship…"

"RIU NIP FWAGGIE GALVE WIL KA?"

"Yeah… you do that… I'm going to have some heavy drinks."

He left the room, making a beeline for the local bar. He allowed himself to smile when he didn't sense Kraid approaching. After a few minutes he was intercepted by a frantic Dark Samus, his smile growing. "What in my name is going on out there?" it roared, Phazon sparking from its body.

"We locked Samus out. Now she's leveling half the place."

"Why are you allowing this to continue? Fly up there and engage her at once!"

Ridley put a hand on Dark Samus' shoulder. "When you've been fighting that hunter as long as I have, you'll have learned a few things. Let her kill a few dozen expendables, even blast a few buildings maybe… She'll sleep like a baby and go off to some faraway part of the cosmos to order exotic ice cream the next day, and you won't see her for months."

Laughter signified a third party entering the conversation. "Fortunately, I managed to get Sammy out of the sky." Gandrayda strutted over to them looking extremely proud of herself. "I sent a false distress call which made her take to the ground and search for me. I will ambush her once she arrives and put an end to the annoyance."

Ridley loudly clapped, rubbing his hands together. "Fantastic. While you do that, I'm sticking to my original plan of filly my belly with booze."

"I HEAR RIDLEH!"

"I'll be going now."

-Elsewhere, one hour later-

Gandrayda transformed into a Berserker Lord, throwing a vicious punch. Samus nimbly ducked underneath and let loose a barrage of missiles at her chest, staggering the shape shifter. She curled into a ball and boosted away, leaving a power bomb at the monster's feet. It violently exploded, engulfing her.

"Not bad, definitely not bad," Gandrayda panted, turning back to her original form. "You have quite the arsenal, don't you Sammy?"

"I'm a Swiss Army Knife in human form."

Energy surrounded Gandrayda, transforming her into a perfect copy of Samus Aran. "Well then, let's see how I put them to use."

Samus just stared for a moment. Slowly, a smile spread across her face, obscured by her helmet. "This… will be funny."

Gandrayda activated her flamethrower, cackling as the enormous flame forced her foe back. "That's right, you're trapped, aren't you?" The flames suddenly stopped.

"Outta missiles, bitch!" Samus ran forward and dropkicked her in the face. She spun around, pulling her clone into a headlock with one arm and charging up a shot with her gun. "This is surreal. Oh well."

-Simultaneously-

Ridley felt like he would greatly enjoy watching something, but he didn't know what.

-Back at the battle-

Samus rolled around the arena, boosting by the transformed Gandrayda's feet. Seeing the challenge, she entered her own Morph Ball form. It was then that she realized she had no idea how to move. The ball wobbled as she tried.

Taking pity on her, Samus rolled over and nudged her foe. She moved a few metres and then fell from a ledge, screaming loudly. "Whoops. Hee hee."