Hm, this is getting pretty close to its final part. I expect maybe two or three parts for Super Metroid, no more than four or so until the end of Other M, then there's just Fusion to handle.

...When I put it like that, it still sounds like there's a lot more.

Published March 8, 2012

Down to Zebes

More rubbing alcohol was applied to Ridley's wounds, the dragon hissing at the burning sensation. "How long until we've caught up?" he grunted, wishing he had Aran's mutilated skull in his mouth more than ever.

His bodiless friend hovered next to the space dragon, glancing up at a monitor displaying their progress. "She had a large head start. It did take us a while to get you out of there," Phantoon said, his eye turning to Ridley almost mockingly.

"Don't remind me and keep moving forward."

"It's space. It takes effort to stop, not move."

"Shut up, smartass."

The Everflying's radar showed Samus as being a quarter of a light year ahead of them; a large distance, but not nearly as unmanageable as long ago. If she paused for just a bit, they'd be able to catch up.

-A quarter of a light year away-

Samus glared intensely at the monitor, her new pet resting happily in her arms. "What do you mean I can't keep it?"

"It's the last known Metroid, Samus. Either you kill it or we put it under containment, that's the only way it gets to go."

"But he's so cuuuute!" She hugged the Metroid, holding it closer to the camera. "Does this look like a face that would eat your brains?"

The Federation agent cringed, backing away. "Please don't hold it so close. It scares me."

"You need to build up tolerance! Love it!"

"May we please discuss this in a more mature fashion?"

Pouting, Samus pulled the Metroid back but did not release it. "Fine, fine- Hey, no nibbling on mommy's fingers. She needs those to poke you."

"Samus, I think you need a pet."

"I-"

"One that isn't a class 10 hazard to everyone around it."

She sighed. "Fine. But I get to choose where he's dropped off. I know a guy, a nice scientist who will treat him with the respect he deserves."

-Two hours later-

"Ah, what a marvellous specimen!" The lab coat wearing man was ogling the Metroid like a man who hadn't eaten in three years would look at a hamburger, his face practically pressed against the glass holding it. He licked his lips, inhaling deeply. "Such buoyant beauty, the way it floats there... I must know how it does it!"

"I knew I could count on you, Harvey."

"Hm? Oh, yes yes, I'll do fine. Three meals a day, proper grooming, the usual."

Outside, a ship stood out like the antithesis of a silhouette on the blackness of space. The space pirate's Everflying planned its attack on the station holding their prize, every member of the valiant crew giving their poignant insights on the situation.

"I want all of you to stay here and shut up," Ridley ordered. "I'll break in, steal the Metroid and meet you back here in ten minutes."

"Oh captain my captain!" Victum saluted his commander.

"...Yes." Ridley closed the airlock door, cutting himself off from the pirates. "Why do I even..."

Just as he shot out of the ship, he saw his foe's gunship disengage from the space outpost and take off. Revenge for that would have to come later. For now, Metroid.

The space dragon latched onto the station, tearing the metal apart with claws and breath weapons. In seconds he was crawling into the hole, ignoring the explosive decompression around him, and going off to search. It didn't actually take that long to find the Metroid's location. People were much more willing to talk seconds after seeing their friend get his head popped off for refusing to answer the same question.

The hilarious humans activated the defense systems, several turrets springing from the roof to open fire. The shots bruised his skin, some of the bullets leaving minor wounds, but it was nothing a breath attack couldn't take care of. He broke down another door, finding himself in some sort of break room.

He grabbed a nearby scientist, hanging her by the ankles. "All right, so one of you guys told me where the Metroid is, Division 8 I believe, but which way is that? Note that if you lie, I'll come back and eat you."

She pointed to a nearby hallway. "F-fifth door on the left."

"Thank you. But I'm going to blow up the station anyway, and I decimated the escape ships, so enjoy."

More defenses tried to impede his progress, this time in the form of laser shooting mech walkers. The robots let loose an array of death, forcing Ridley to duck around the corner. "Why does a science lab in buttfuck nowhere have these things? Who supplies their budget?"

As soon as one walker reached the wall he tackled it, his enormous size breaking it to bits and putting a nice hole in the wall. He grabbed the second before it could act, tossing it into the new opening. The third was disposed of with a well placed breath attack to its head.

With that out of the way, only one person stood between him and the Metroid. "No! I need to figure out why it's so bouncy! Let me probe it just once, please..."

"No."

"Come on!"

Ridley lifted him up by the skull.

"Just one stick up its rear end."

"No."

He opened a nearby hatch, shoving Harvey inside. "At least let me see why it bounces!"

Ridley approached the expensive mechanism holding his prize, grabbing the canister containing the Metroid. "Here we are, come to papa..."

A super missile exploded on the back of his head. "Hey! You're only allowed to see the child on weekends."

Ridley glanced back at Samus, his face twisting into an ugly snarl. "Getting a bit slow to arrive, aren't you Sammy?" He ducked under another missile. "Touchy."

"You just killed a lot of my friends."

"Wait, you have friends?"

"I'm very well liked, yes!"

"Wow... You learn something new every day I guess. Then again, I just corrected that problem, so it's old news."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Finally, a logical reason to hate me." Ridley fired his breath attack, the bounty hunter diving out of the way. He took this opportunity to leap through the open doorway, sprinting down the hallway.

Samus started firing power beams at him from the doorway. "GET BACK HERE!"

"Later. I need to drop this off, then we'll have a merry firefight." He stabbed his hand into the ceiling, latching onto a pipe and pulling it down. The hallway collapsed, cutting them off from one another.

"Self destruct sequence activated. One minute to entire station's detonation."

"That wasn't- Fuck it." He broke another hole in the wall, bashing through layer after layer of steel plating until the void of space greeted him. Ridley returned to the space ship, practically bursting through the airlock. "It's gonna blow up. Move please."

-Zebes-

Jikarvl plugged the last circuit into Mother Brain, stepping back to admire his handiwork. The biomechanical brain blinked, coming to life in a body at last. It looked around its jar, shifting slightly. "MIKI WANTINO LAL LA?"

"The rest is hidden underneath you, but you shouldn't bring that out unless you really need to. It breaks basically everything."

"Why did you design it like that?" Crocomire asked.

Jikarvl opened his mouth, but after a few seconds of thought he couldn't come up with an answer. "I... don't... know."

"ERVE, GABLA... KIOL IZALITH!"

The technician nodded, going down to deal with a few more circuits. "Yes, you're connected to all of Tourian so it's understandable that you can feel all of that. We're not leaving any buttons this time, or Kraid will push them and blow the place to bits."

"Speaking of Kraid, where is he?" Crocomire asked, glancing over his shoulders just in case.

"I think he's back in the ship."

"MION, FRILP VADNA WAKA WANA..."

-In the ship-

"I wanna fly!" Kraid shouted, bouncing over to the controls.

"Uh, sir, this ship is supposed to stay and-"

"Pullin' rank!"

"...Yes sir."

Kraid grabbed the tiny steering wheel, pressing a few switches. The ship shook, breaking out of its confines and rising into the air. Kraid turned the wheel, immediately ripping it off of the panel. He proceeded to turn it around in the air, cheering brightly.

-Everflying-

"We're entering Zebes airspace," a pirate said. He looked at the radar, a large identified blob quickly catching the navigator's attention. "There's another ship flying dangerously close." He pulled a primitive looking communicator to his mouth. "This is the SPC Everflying. You're getting a bit close, SPC Impact."

"Kraid ripped off our steering wheel!" was the frantic reply. "MOVE!"

The Impact crashed into the Everflying, both ships breaking to bits. Metal crumpled and tore, the impacted wreck spinning around in orbit for a few seconds before it began to descend.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Ridley roared, bursting into the bridge with the Metroid's container in his claws. "Who's flying this thing, Kraid?"

"He was flying the other one!"

"WHO LET HIM NEAR ANY FORM OF MACHINERY?"

An explosion from the ship's rear cut him off. A few more quiet booms broke it in half, both parts falling faster.

"Shit, abandon ship!" Ridley kicked the windshield open, spreading his wings and flying through. Phantoon disappeared, phasing through the falling ships.

"Dishonour before death, comrades!" Victum cried, running around like a headless chicken. The Sub-General jumped out the window, grabbing Ridley's tail and wrapping his entire body around it. The dragon glared at him, but accepted his decision as an intelligent one.

"WEEE!" Kraid fell past them. That was not an intelligent choice.

The Everflying was put to rest in a large lake, creating a gigantic wave on impact that drained half the thing. The massive wave blanketed the nearby environment, purging it of most life. Phantoon stared at his ruined ship, eye wide with horror. "What... Why..." He began to twitch, eye bulging from his ghostly skull. "KRAID."

Kraid crashed down next to him, his crash creating a small extension to the lake. "Hallo."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Can you feed Phillip when I die? He gets really hungry when he doesn't eat and when he doesn't eat he starts to whimper and it's so sad! I don't like being sad so I feed him and he is happy so we dance but Ridley doesn't like us when we're dancing, but I think he's just jealous and wants to dance with us. Can you dance with Ridley?"

The High Commander in question put his feet down next to Phantoon, shaking Victum off. "I don't want to dance, you big asshat. What were you doing flying a ship? Who let you do that?"

A pirate crashed on top of a nearby rock, splattering bloodily. "That guy," Kraid said. "Hi, that guy!"

"Not to impose, my superiors, but may we go to New Tourian?" Victum asked, holding up his violently shaking arms. "I believe I may be in shock right now and need medical attention."

Ridley groaned, pressing his claws against his temples. Sighing at the current events, he tried to think of happier times. His mind flashed back to fifteen years ago, the day he was promoted to High Commander 6 of the Space Pirate Confederation. After an intense battle with a fleet of GF battleships, only armed with his own body and two small ships-

"RIDLEH!" Kraid picked him up, throwing Ridley over his shoulder. "Let's go eat bagels!"

"Ugh..."

Two Mother Brain dialogue cameos this week! Gotta find 'em all! It's like Pokemon, only instead of there being hundreds there's two...