And here we have the finale of Super Metroid! Now I'm sure there will be many reactions to the occurrences of this chapter... and I will revel in them.

Two Mother Brain cameos today, can you collect the whole set?

Published March 26, 2012

Their Last Fight

It was all set up. In the room behind him was the Metroid's capsule, empty yet just as easily tracked as when it was full. He was the only one left outside of Tourian, and he-

"RIDLEH!"

The dragon in question sighed, answering his radio. "Dammit, can't I even have thoughts without you interrupting them? What do you want?"

"Have you seen Olvar? I need to show him my favourite colour."

"He's dead."

"Oh. What about Dargon?"

"Also dead."

"Phanty?"

"No fucking clue."

"Phillip?"

"He's on another planet."

"Okai, I'ma go talk to Phillip!"

"Kraid, wait." This marked the first time Ridley had ever stopped Kraid from leaving. It was, and would be, the only time he ever willingly partook in a conversation with the giant idiot. "There's something I want to say to you."

"What's that?"

"You are the antithesis of everything I stand for. And I abhor you. That is all." He cut the channel, going back to waiting.

-Tourian-

After twenty minutes of intense labour, Jikarvl climbed out from the depths of Mother Brain's systems. "It's no use. She's stuck there, Sub-General."

"MIKAU GALVE LABALA?" the brain cried, struggling to detach itself.

"I'm certain we will be able to find a way before the ship arrives, comrade," Victum declared. "You will not be left behind!"

The transport ship was bound to be on Zebes in just over an hour. As long as Samus was still active, the remaining space pirates were going to bale on Zebes and abandon all operations until they had the forces and finances to repair. In the current situation, only the inability to move the brain was tearing a hole in this plan.

Victum stroked his chin. "Perhaps you could activate that hidden body of yours."

"WANDOMOBILUS!" Mother Brain scrunched its eye, waggling back and forth. "BLAT!" It slumped over, groaning.

"Maybe we should have written a booklet for that thing," their technician muttered. "Okay, I'm going to try at a manual activation." He dove back into the depths.

-Lower Norfair-

A pirate slid into the room, bending over and gasping for air. "Sir," he panted, "she's almost here!"

Ridley nodded, grinning sadistically. "Good. You're done here, so get up to the surface and wait for evac."

The pirate ran off, leaving nothing between the nemeses. Ridley turned on a cloaking device, closing his eyes and waiting. He gathered his thoughts, mentally preparing for this last battle. There would not be two survivors if he got his way today. He would-

"RIDLEH!"

"I thought I turned off this damn thing... What?"

"What's your favourite flavour of ice creme, best friend?"

Ridley blinked, eyebrows dipping to eyelid level. "Ice... creme? Whatever. I like vanilla. Wait, why am I answering you before asking what you're doing? What are you doing?"

"I'm buyin' ice creme!"

"...From who?"

"That's a surpriiiIIIiiise," the lizard sang, giggling. It was a horrifying sound.

"Whatever. If you somehow manage to get me vanilla ice cream and I'm not dead, I might be in a good enough mood to no longer hate your every fibre, besty." He once again cut Kraid's call short.

The door popped open, Samus dropping in obliviously. Ridley watched her walk around, trying and failing to open the locked door, waiting for her to reach the designated attack point. She wandered for a moment, searching for another way out, and once the bounty hunter was within arm's length he struck.

Ridley lashed out, grabbing her by the head. He became visible in time to hurl Samus at a wall. "Hi there Sammy."

She stood up. "Hello Ridley. How are you today?"

"Fine, fine, could be better though. Just had two of my friends taken out by some bitch bounty hunter, but I'm managing."

"Ouch. That sucks. But I know how you feel. A whole bunch of my friends got killed earlier by some asshole dragon, but I've found a way to cope."

"Awesome. We should trade secrets sometime."

"Yeah, let's get some coffee after all this. I just gotta finish blowing your ribs open so I can get that Metroid back there, okay?"

Ridley stretched his wings, taking a second to crack his knuckles. "It'll probably be a coffee for one. You see, I'm planning for this to be our last battle."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You're driving me insane, and I keep making this difficult for you. If one of us dies, the other's life improves. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"I think I get you. Yeah, I can do this."

"Good." Ridley attacked, blasting her back into the wall with his breath attack. She shot off in Morph Ball form, but by the time she was at his feet and dropping a Power Bomb the dragon was airborne, out of range.

From within the Power Bomb's blast came a super missile barrage, exploding against his bare skin for the first time in ages. Samus space jumped up to him, dodging a vicious swipe of his tail, and let out a charged beam to the face. He batted her out of the air, moving in yet again.

They went into close combat. Samus threw her grapple beam around his neck, yanking the dragon off balance so she could cover his body with explosions. He jerked back, doing the same to her, and bombarded the hunter with fiery death.

"Not bad, High Commander," Samus grunted, releasing the grapple and putting some distance between them.

"I'd say the same, but it would be a complete and total lie." He brought his legs up, flying at her tail first. His powerful tail managed to take most of the missiles sent his way, and though she managed to jump he was too fast. The appendage swung up, slapping her out of the air.

As the bounty hunter hit the ground he was already on top of her, batting her from side to side like a cat would a ball of thread. The main difference between a cat and Ridley was that he was peppering her with breath attacks the whole time. She went into Morph Ball form, probably intending to lay a Power Bomb, but he quickly punted the small orb away.

"I know every weapon you've got!" the dragon roared, sending another blast her way. "And this time it's all about efficiency. No more trying to tear your helmet off, no slowly crushing you on a wall, no playing around. I'm going right to the kill stage!"

"Are you sure you don't want to try any inane acts of pride that will just get you killed? I liked those. They made the fights interesting..."

"How about I bite your head off?"

"Eh, that's not the same. Also, you haven't seen everything yet."

An eyebrow rose. "Oh really."

"It's true. I think there's one thing of mine that you haven't run into yet."

"In that case..." Ridley went on the offensive again. They traded attacks, some hitting, some missing, and wounds accumulated on both ends. A nasty ice shot to the eye had Ridley keep that one closed for the rest of the fight, but he evened the odds with a curving scratch across her visor.

"I still haven't seen a secret weapon yet!" he shouted, punching her in the chest. "How long are you going to keep me in suspense for?"

"I must wait for the most dramatic moment, of course! It's gotta be the biggest, most awesome moment ever!"

She kicked off the wall, space jumped above his head. "Nope!" Ridley snapped his arm out, grabbing her by the leg and swinging the hunter back down.

As she came around, he noticed that something was off. What was literally off was the armour on her arm, not the cannon but the regular hand. In said hand was a tiny firearm, an unconventional one that didn't look like it even had a clip in it. "What the hell-"

A single shot filled him with electricity, effectively paralyzing the space dragon. A taser? That was it?

That was not it. For you see, in the brief moment that he was unable to move she did move. Samus hopped up his body, resting a foot on his collarbone as she shoved her cannon down his throat. "You see, it's this one that's for my parents. Ciao."

'This is... hauntingly familiar.'

-Ten minutes later-

"RIDLEY! I brought ice creme! They didn't have vanilla so I put some big bug entrails on it to make it look white and- Ridley, are you resting again?" Kraid sighed overdramatically, throwing the half exploded corpse of the High Commander over his shoulder. "We'll just get mom to fix you down again!"

-Tourian-

"VAAAAAAN RIDLEY KIPITO KAPLANTAN. SCHEISSE."

Jikarvl's head sprouted out of the circuitry, eyes wide. "Ridley what what?"

"RIDLEY KIPITO KAPLANTAN. MIGGODOGO GLEEOK MENGERBOP, VAK."

"The last has fallen! The hunter is coming here, comrades!"

"It's just us," Jikarvl whispered, falling back into the wires. He shook his head in disbelief. "We're the only ones left."

"MAPA KRAID."

"Yes, and Kraid. This... is bad. This is very, very, very bad."

Victum noticed a beeping terminal, going over to see what the ruckus was about. "If it makes you feel better comrade, this is telling me that our rescue is here!"

"All right... You get on the ship, I'll finish unplugging Mother Brain and catch up. If you see Kraid, just act like you have authority over him. It'll work."

"Oh captain my captain!"

"Also, if Aran gets down here I'm going to start the detonation sequence and get the hell out. So keep the ship running, okay?"

"MIKYU VOI?"

"I'll get you out, don't worry."

"BACKNA TOI..."

"I will, I swear!"

-At the front door-

Samus dropped into Tourian, whistling a jaunty tune. If Ridley didn't have the Metroid, it must have been there. With any luck she'd be in and out in a few minutes.

A random Metroid poked out from behind a corner, catching sight of her. "Hey, it's you already! Come to mama so we can make like trees and split."

Then another two Metroids revealed themselves.

"...This does not bode well."

-Norfair-

"It's much funner to talk when you're awake," Kraid said to Ridley, waiting for the lift to carry them up. "When you're awake you talk back, and even though it's always insulting me that just means you like me because you actually talk to me, right Ridley? It's like that time me and Phillip brought you breakfast in bed when you were at that bar and you started yelling about how I'm the reason you've got no sex life, but that's not true at all. Your sex life looks fantastic and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise! I can tell that you wash it every day, and what shampoo do you use for that? It smells fantastical unlike my shampoo, 'cause I don't have any shampoo or a bath or a bathroom after that incident last month I never told you about. I don't tell you about a lot of things because I really don't think you need to know about them and you're not going to care much, like the time I found out on Bryyo that I have a girlfriend! Did I ever tell you about that? Mum said I had an arranged marriage with this big lizard person but I think she died because when she saw me she said her life was over, so I was sad because that meant my girlfriend was dead so I left. Do you think we can bring her back to life like we did with you Ridley? I didn't think it would work on you the first time but then they shoved that thingababob right through your lungs and kapow! You were alive again! Modern medicine is the best! I was almost a medicine man person but then I figured that I'd be better as a space command person which I think I am. I don't even know what all those medicals are called, all I know about is the one where they remove your gallbladder and play it like a bagpipe like I saw on TV that one time. That- HEY!"

Kraid put Ridley's arm back on. "You almost dropped that! That's something that wouldn't have been good for your sex life."

They were on the surface by the time this conversation... ended? Kraid saw the pirate transport, and in a rare moment of lucidity decided to go there. "Maybe they've got a cake! Then we can have ice creme cake."

-Tourian-

"MIKUMANHI!" Mother Brain screeched, watching Samus enter the room. The defenses were activated, Zebetites and ring launchers trying to slow her progress.

"I'm working on it!"

Within a minute, Samus was at the brain again. "You again? I thought I killed you," she said, poking its eye.

"ERNO VIPPIMOP KABABBABA!"

"That's fantastic." She proceeded to fill it with missiles.

Mother Brain wiggled around, trying its best to avoid the explosive spray. "GALVE GATA!"

"I think I have it," Jikarvl called up. He input a command into the data system, waiting for a reaction.

And a reaction occurred. Mother Brain's glass fell away, its tyrannosaurus looking body rising up with the brain as a head. When fully revealed it was able to tower over Samus, eyes glowing with energy.

"Well shit."

A psychedelic beam shot from Mother Brain, hammering Samus into the wall and decimating her energy systems. When it let up, she was barely more than a sizzling pile of blackened metal.

Aran slowly climbed to her feet, every part of her aching. "Ow..." She looked up, realizing that Mother Brain was charging again. "Oh come on! You should not be able to use that more than once! It's unfa-" The blast hit her again.

By the fifth beam, Samus was completely out of shielding. Standing required every thought she could muster up, and it looked to be charging again. "Look, I know you're upset. But killing me isn't going to solve all that, will it?"

"WAZ."

Jikarvl popped out of the wiring. "While Mother Brain finds your assessment to be a fair and logical statement, she will proceed to do this anyway."

"Wow, that sure is a compressed language."

"Yes it is."

Then the infant Metroid, now larger than Mother Brain's brain, swooped in and latched itself onto the brain's brain. Screeching and screaming, the biological computer seemed to be reduced to a dried husk in seconds. Then the Metroid hopped on over to Samus, filling her with the drained energy.

"Oh... thanks. I think I'll name you Sappy."

Mother Brain rebooted, hitting the Metroid off with a powerful beam attack.

"HEY! Don't you shoot Sappy! Sappy, get 'em!"

The newly dubbed Sappy purred, floating up to the roof and darting at Mother Brain. It batted the Metroid away, screaming, "MUNOONGAGOP! SAPPY MCSHOITERFUL KRAID!"

The next blast went right through Sappy, blowing the Metroid apart like a grenade in Jell-O.

"SAAAAAAPPYYYYYY! You s... thing of a... of another thing! Ah fuck it, you die now."

Samus proceeded to pump Mother Brain full of Sappy-charged hyper beams, each shot bashing Mother Brain back against the wall behind it.

"MONDO GURLAFERGEK!"

"I have no idea what you're saying, but this is very cathartic!"

Then a beam went right through Mother Brain's eye, shooting in one side and out the back. The body ceased all operations, dropping like a rock.

With the last problem taken care of, Samus bent down and scooped up some of the goo that was Sappy's remains. "Alas, poor Sappy." She turned to the poking out head of Jikarvl. "I knew him, pirate; a fellow of infinite cuddliness, of most excellent bounciness. I bore him on my head a half dozen times, and now, how super cutesy in my imagination it is. Here hung that membrane that I have kissed I know not how oft... for it usually came with a faint stinging sensation that made my mind too fuzzy to count afterwards."

"Self destruct activated. Three minutes to planet's destruction."

She glared at the smiling Jikarvl. "You son of a bitch. Wait, YOU RIGGED THE ENTIRE PLANET?"

"Yup."

"WHY? HOW?"

He just shrugged.

Samus ran past the scientist, making sure to kick him in the head as she went, and booked it for her gunship. He shrugged off the attack, slipping a memory card from Mother Brain's systems into his pocket, and followed up to the surface. After a short sprint, he was running up a ramp into the pirate transport.

"Take off, TAKE OFF!"

The ship shot up from the ground, zipping out of the atmosphere with the speed of a penguin sliding down a glacier.

"HAI!" Kraid greeted him. Jikarvl managed to dodge a hug. "You're a super scientific person, can't you?"

"Um... yes?"

"Super! Can you wake up Ridley? He's sleeping again." Kraid pulled out Ridley's corpse, dangling it by the wings in front of him. The blood went everywhere.

"...Kraid, I think we need to have a talk about respecting the dead."