Well THAT was a busy bunch of years! On the plus side, I am now a college graduate and actually have the motivation to do things in my free time, and have free time! If you ever decide to get in a video game development course, note that you will never stop working. Ever.

Now for the story! Since this one is just so close to being finished it's my main priority, but it's finally time to get my shit in the game again! No more excuses, let's do this! It's shorter than normal, but we're getting into my big plans now, the next few should be good~

Published June 15, 2014

Frenetic Investigations

A large amount of Ridley's time was spent drinking alone, though if he was confronted on the matter (not like anyone had the courage to piss off the alcohol influenced space dragon) he would insist that Crocomire was enough company. The skull offered a temporary substitute as he could imagine what the nearly immortal lizard would say. A few times where the dragon got especially drunk he would use it as a puppet, effectively having conversations with himself, something other bar patrons would frequently put bets on how long it would last.

Council meetings happened. The June Bug colony was eradicated without issue while Ridley was on his mission, something of which High Commander Smitty was very pleased to brag about the overwhelming success. Ridley wasn't in the mood to argue the pointlessness of it, though he had no such reservations about telling Kraid that Smitty wished to become his Checkers buddy. He often saw the giant trying to teach a very annoyed High Commander how to cook bacon.

Most remaining free time was spent down with Mother Brain and occasionally Jikarvl. One would think that being a High Commander meant lots of work, but at that rank they could just pass it down and no one would object lest they wanted to have their ass fried. Several pirate foot soldiers had no flux of income when they were forced into a week of pure paperwork. Often though, he required being alone. Simply sitting under the acid storms looking up was enough to clear his mind, to drown away-

"RIDLEH!"

Kraid. Drown Kraid. That was all he wanted.

The dragon pushed himself into a standing position, lazily watching Kraid and Chykka bound across the stony plateau. "Hello. What now?"

Chykka purred, sounding far happier than any other time Ridley had seen him. "We got great but really sad news," Kraid said, his lower lip jutting out in an exaggerated pout. "The pretty lady's dead."

Samus? Why did he always insist on calling her...

Wait...

Did he just say...

No, he couldn't have, he's an idiot.

Just ask further!

"What."

Kraid nodded. "Ya, she hit a space rock and boom, no more space ship. Those space rocks are a bad bad thing on society and need to be herded up and farmed for cow meat some day! Cows can breathe in space like you right?"

"Backtrack," Ridley quickly said, holding up a hand. "Samus is dead? Tell me more details!"

"All right, so I was grooming Phillip's back-"

"On Samus!"

"I remember the first time we talked..."

Ridley shot up from the ground, flying quickly toward the main base even though he was already radioing Mother Brain. "GALVE, WACKABLISE?"

"Death of Samus Aran, tell me more."

Few details, mysterious crash, federation higher ups keeping their lips sealed; in other words, someone screwed something up. It didn't take long for Ridley to declare that he was going to the site of the incident, already giving Victum the order to prepare the ship.

"I'ma comin' too bestie!" Kraid bounded over to Ridley's side as the dragon approached the ship, Chykka purring on his other side.

The dragon grunted. "Fantastic. Did you receive the guidelines I wrote up for your behaviour?"

"Yeah but they weren't any fun so I made my own!" Kraid pulled out a sheet of human sized paper from who knows where. "Every Tuesday is craaazy hat day, with three a's!"

"One, we don't have Tuesdays on this planet, or in interstellar travel. Two, crazy hats are contraband. Because of your last crazy hat day. We lost five percent of our forces. Vetoed."

"Okai, okai, how aboooout... Okai, so I have a game called Bananarangers-"

"Your room has a fluffy pillow. Go hug it."

Squealing in delight and sending the shivers down the spines of a dozen soldiers, Kraid sprinted up into the ship ahead of him. "If I can ask, what's the point of this expedition?" Jikarvl asked from the bay door as Ridley boarded up the ramp, the ship still shaking from Kraid's run.

Ridley looked back, double checking that everything was packed. "I find this impossible to believe. After all my strife, Samus can't just die so trivially."

"There's a pirate proverb I once heard: 'Those who do not meet their end in glorious combat shall fade away like a dying star.' Are you sure Aran didn't just get the wrong end of it?"

"First of all, that proverb was made before we realized that many stars go out in a catastrophic explosion. And I'm certain that is how she shall go out." The ramp rose, locking shut behind them. "I'm the one who has to kill her, not some fucking space rock!"

"This incredibly expensive and risky expedition into enemy space is a matter of pride, isn't it?"

"Completely! Samus defeats me, I crush rocks, so rocks may not crush Samus!"

"And what about your clone? Surely finding that holds more priority than visiting an empty region of space."

"I have people on it. They know our coordinates, we will receive a communication when they learn details on its whereabouts."

"All right. And what are you planning to do once you reach this crash site?"

"Eject Kraid."

Jikarvl stared.

Ridley stared back.

"My god you're serious."

Ridley grinned.

With all preparations made, they shot into the stars.

It was a longer trip than most. Samus crashed in the SR388 system, inside an asteroid belt only a few million kilometres from the planet. Some mathematicians estimated the exact location where her wreckage would be upon their arrival in the system.

"My comrade, what will you do if she's dead?" Victum asked as they entered the system, zipping past the outer planets.

"I'll destroy that which destroyed her..."

"...Giant rocks, comrade?"

Jikarvl hastily grabbed the recently promoted pirate by the arm, dragging him a short distance away. "Ridley's trying to cover up by sounding badass," he whispered. "He's getting desperate, and I want you to stay out of his way if it turns out she really is dead."

"But my Captain will need consolation! Our moral support will be-"

"No, no he does not. What he needs is something nice and screamy to break, and if you're near him it will be you."

"Nonsense!" Escaping the technician's hold, he confidently struts back to Ridley's side. "High Commander Ridley, should you require a shoulder to absorb your tears I will be right here next to you!"

"I'll crush your bones to dust and suck out your organs through the miniscule holes the protrusions create. And then you will die."

Victum returned to Jikarvl. "Okay, he may be peeved to the slightest extent. But camaraderie shall prevail!"

"We have reached the target site," a pilot announced, blurring lights outside the ship slowing to a halt.

Getting close, it was not difficult to see the remains. Spinning slowly in the emptiness of space were several shining, twisted chunks of metal; it was all that remained of Samus Aran's ship. Their massive craft circled the wreckage, a spotlight shining across the darkened sectors for any potential hints. "If she escaped, they could have retrieved her easily," Ridley growled, eyes on the screens.

None of the pirates argue, instead dutifully continuing their job. After ten minutes of simple observation Ridley deployed a remotely controlled probe, its range limited to just twenty metres thanks to Science Team. While failing at every other basic function a remotely deployed probe is meant for, it at least allowed for scouting small, hard to reach locations. The small metal ball with a clamp on top drifted into space, disappearing into the wreckage.

"If the cockpit area is missing, she was able to eject," Ridley said. Science Team also failed to put any remote cameras on the device, or anything other than a clamp really, meaning they'd have to wait until it returned.

Return it did. In its clamp was a small brown sack, surprisingly unscathed despite the ruinous crash. "What is that, comrades?" Victum asked as it was taken from the probe and placed onto a table for inspection.

"It'sa bag!"

"I can see that much, comrade Kraid."

"Then why'dja ask? Oh, do you want to know what it's made of?"

Ridley ignored them both. "Activate scanners."

"I would like to know what is inside of it, actually. That part is definitely the most curious, for we can not see it you see, but it is there? What mysteries does it hold?" Victum continued as beams of light ran across the sack, data running across the computer screens at lightning pace.

Kraid waved his arm. "Then why'dja ask? None of us peoples can see in it, silly!"

The General's jaw hung low, twitching in embarrassment. "I... I was prompting investigation!"

"Wow. Kraid asked a legitimate question," Jikarvl muttered from Ridley's side.

"Chalk it up to luck. And it was proving Victum wrong."

The beams of light faded. "It seems to hold a large concentration of energy, sir," a pirate reported.

Victum pumped a fist into the air. "Aha! I-I knew it!"

"Is it dangerous?" Ridley asked.

The pirate shrugged. "We have no idea, this thing just tell us what state it's in. Can't even tell us the shape if it's solid."

The space dragon allowed a palm to press against his face, sighing once more for the ineptitude of science team. One day they would all die, and that was the only solace he could find. A containment field was placed around the bag and a pirate was sent inside wearing a shielded suit, just in case it did blow up, with the plans to open it. The protective outfit may have been incapable of defending from more than a Morph Ball bomb, but considering the fact that all they ever deal with are objects that either do nothing or cause a life eradicating explosion, no one has noticed.

Cracking his knuckles and rolling his shoulders, the pirate chosen for this duty whipped out a scalpel and gave it a quick spin in one hand, removing a finger in the process. "Didn't need that anyway." With that, he broke into a jaunty tune and with one dramatic swing sliced the bag clean open, ignoring over a dozen safety protocols.

Ridley's palm met his face again.

The reaction was fast. The slice spread wide, a green energy escaped, and quickly took shape. The pirate hopped to the side as General Phantoon thudded to the floor of the ship, eye squeezed shut, groaning painfully. "My head hurts."

"You are just a head, General!" Victum immediately responded.

"Thank you for explaining, Sub-General. The others would have been lost without you."

"I am a General now, my comrade! We are truly equal and as such are now capable of participating in drink nights!"

"I was lying when I said I couldn't because of that. I just... fuck it, head hurts... potato salad. There's all the closure you get."

"Phantoon!" Ridley easily leapt through the containment field, its layers breaking apart into tiny shards like sugar glass, and helped the long lost General reach an upright state. "We thought you were dead!"

"I haven't eaten, drank, or slept in... feels like months..." the ghostly pirate garbled, falling back to the floor as soon as Ridley stopped supporting him. "When am I?"

"You're on a ship now, I'll give you the sitrep later. For now, you need a meal and sleep."

"And water..."

"That is included in a full meal, yes."

"Sorry... My thinking is thunked... Er... I mean I can't... ah screw it..."

Kraid reintroduced himself by shaking his head rapidly. "Nu-uh, we didn't bring no water, only Pirate Gurge and I brought some orange juice too! Freshly squeezed, low pulp."

"No Kraid, we just haven't told you where we keep it. Don't follow us."

"Okai!"

The main monitor came to life, a line of white text on a red background informing those present of the caller's identity. "RIDLEY, MAKADRAMA!" Not that there were doubts.

The space dragon looked back. "Not now Brain, we have retrieved Phantoon and must-"

"GLIGOR TOMBALDAAAA!"

He dropped the ghost pirate, prompting a cry of pain from below. "You've found the clone?" Spinning around, he jumped back to the station. "Where?!"

"My heaaad..."

"You're fine."

Mother Brain laughing was the strangest noise, most pirates agreed. "BESIL."

Ridley blinked, lip twitching. "What?"

"BESIL!" the program repeated with annoyance. It is not used to not being understood.

"Brain, I've been able to translate you for decades and I have no clue what that word means. You need to be more clear."

"BESIL! BESIL!"

"Yes, keep repeating it, that will make me learn."

Kraid tapped his chin with all his fingers, humming loudly. "I bet... it's the location!"

A pirate punched commands into his computer, waiting a moment as the scan completed. "Nothing matching any spelling of 'Besil' in Federation Space, sir!"

"Which means explain Brain," Ridley snapped, trying to ignore his incompetent ally and the moaning Phantoon.

"BESIL, B-S-L! MA, RADA GALVE MANDIBAG?!"

Silently, Ridley placed a palm upon his face. "B.S.L.. Brain, that is not pronounced Besil it is an abbreviation you stupid stupid STUPID computer prograaAAAM!" His fist went clean through the nearest monitor at the climax of his scream. The dragon's head and shoulder plating erupted into flame, circuits sparking and error codes scrolling faster than a boulder down a cliff across his diagnostic screens. "Sorry. I am... stressed. Very, very stressed."

If there was a visual, it would be rolling its eye. "MORKOI."

"Set course for the BSL."

The navigator punched this in on the computer. "Okay, we will be there in..." He stopped.

Ridley waits for the soldier to continue, tapping his claws fervently. "Yes?!"

"Wait for it..."

"I am not in the mood for your shit now tell me or I will eviscerate-"

"Now." The visuals bring up the research station floating above the almost barren planet of SR388, appearing to be a gigantic rock surrounded by a ring of metal structures. "Ah, the joys of interstellar travel. You have to learn patience, sir."

"Do you want to learn my fist in your eye?"

"No sir."

"Then shut up."

"But you- Er, yes sir? Anyway, we are here."

"Good. Victum, Kraid, prepare for boarding. Roerwell, assemble my personal deployment squad."

Victum pumped his fist into the air. "I shall redeem myself on this expedition! Greatest glory to the Space Pirates! All shall be crushed under our solid, sharp, helionazium-clad heels!"

"Thank you Victum."

"I'll join you shortly," Phantoon groaned, already slouched in a nearby corner. "Maybe. If I wake up."

Ridley's grin stretched across his face, metal and natural teeth gleaming at this sudden flux of good news. The return of Phantoon and the location of the remains of his clone. The only way this could get any better would be if someone found where Aran went!