Not Remotely Realistic

The moment the spell broke, Xander knew what had happened, he'd become his costume, a man who had pulled a Johnny, only he hadn't won a golden fiddle. Xander hefted the TV remote in his hand. It felt heavy, solid in a way he associated with old swords, it felt…real. The sound of crying children broke him from his contemplation, and he automatically slid the remote into its holster and quickly started rounding up kids. He could consider everything when the streets weren't filled with crying children.

"Hey little one, it's going to be fine," he told a little ballerina.

"Bu-but," she sniffled, tears running down her face. "Being a ballerina sucks! I had to train all the time and I couldn't eat anything!" She burst into tears.

"Then don't become one," Xander said. "Go be something else."

"I don't have to be anorexic?" she asked hopefully.

"It's not mandatory regardless of what anyone tells you," he promised.

It took half an hour to get all the kids together and calmed down. Looking at the sea of empty bags and tearful faces he decided he couldn't let it end this way. "Everyone follow me," he ordered.

It was a very happy and sugar filled group that he returned to the school with bags stuffed full of goodies, not all of it candy.

"Is this the group I sent you out with?" Snyder asked, the chaos of the night and fear of impending lawsuits making him more subdued than Xander expected.

"This is all the kids I could find," Xander replied. "It's about three times the size of my group. How many kids are we missing?"

"I-I don't know," Snyder said.

"Put them in their original groups and let's see who's missing," Xander ordered. "Hurry, if we can recover them and stuff them full of candy before their parents get here it will make the school look good. After all it's not the school's fault that there was a gas leak and thanks to the fact that you chose responsible young adults all the children were returned safely."

"Yeah," Snyder said straightening up a little as the new reality asserted itself in his mind.

"Get me the list and a walkie talkie, in the meantime send someone to buy as much candy as possible. For the sake of the school."

"For the sake of the school," Snyder agreed and hurried to cover his ass…erm rescue the children.

In the end, Xander had to get three children off roofs, one out of a tree, rescue four that were glued to a wall, while the rest trudged in on their own with their escorts.

Snyder was so happy he only gave Xander a week's worth of detention.

The Library the next day…

"Were there any side effects?" Giles asked.

"I spent most of the night in a church praying," Buffy said. "My knees still hurt. I think I aced my French final though, so there's that."

"I'm solid once more," Willow said happily.

"Xander?" Giles asked.

"Do you know who I dressed as?" Xander asked in return.

"Jack Tripper?" Willow guessed, not really understanding the importance of the question.

"Close," Xander said. "It's kinda meta. I dressed as a character played by John Ritter and at one point becomes Jack Tripper and demonstrates at least a connection or awareness of the character."

"I'm sure that's all very fascinating," Giles said, not interested in being educated on pop culture. "But what were the side effects?"

"Ok, I'll sum it up," Xander said. "He basically challenged the devil and jumped into the TV. He won and returned with a remote control." Xander flicked his wrist and the remote shot out of his sleeve and into his hand.

"Does it…" Giles trailed off unable to think of how to finish the question.

The doors slammed open and Cordelia Chase stormed in, her face a mask of fury. "Alright, which one of you-"

Xander hit the mute button and Cordelia's rant was stopped in mid-sentence, though her mouth kept moving. "See?" he asked.

Cordelia stopped and clutched her throat but the group ignored her as they carefully studied Xander's remote, which he wouldn't let them hold and clutched it to his chest when Buffy reached for it.

"I just wanna see it," Buffy complained, Cordelia's shouting and jumping up and down going completely unnoticed as she couldn't make a sound no matter what she did.

"How many remotes have you broken?" he asked.

"A couple," she admitted.

TYPING BY:

-AEthereal Devastation

AN: Why are there so few fics crossed with Stay Tuned?