Author's Note:

So I've pretty much come to the conclusion that you all probably hate me because I never update and I'm so bad at this and I could say sorry but it's sort of silly because I've still disappointed you all and I really… I do apologise. Honestly, I've been so busy (blah blah terrible excuse) and I've also had some personal stuff (again) going on and I've also just struggled to find inspiration for this again. So I think I'm a really bad author and I am sorry I've disappointed you.

So I just want to say, in a few weeks I will start my last year of school, updates will be infrequent and I will do my absolute best, I also want to let you know that I am committing to finishing this, however it might take a while and it also might not be very… frequent. I hope you can stick with me through it though… I am so sorry again and I don't blame you if you're disappointed in me.

Chapter Nineteen: Conflictions

"You wanna tell me what the hell that was?" the trio of Shadow hunters travelled back towards the Insitute, thankfully leaving behind the wordlessly and lightless street that Carla inhabits and walked along the rain splattered streets of New York.

"Jace, keep it down okay?" Isabelle shot back quickly, trying to hush her brother from drawing attention to the group, after all, they were taking a short cut through a Downworlder's part of the city. Jace had insisted they take the shorter but slightly more dangerous route so he could get back to Clary quicker, but he clearly didn't have the group's safety in his mind as he shouted and whined. Isabelle felt the heel of her shoe sink into some soggy cardboard as she halted to stare at Jace with an incredulous expression.

"Might I remind you that we all care about Clary and that is why we all went to go see that creepy Clara okay? So cool it Jace. We are almost home and we can talk about it all when we get there got it? You're justy going to get us all into some kind of-" Isabelle explained in a frustrated tone when she was interrupted by another voice, raspy and aged.

"Trouble?"

They all stiffened, Jace's hand reaching slowly down to where his blade was hidden along his side, Alec working his hand towards his back whilst Isabelle crouched down low, her bracelet loosening as she readied her whip. The stood there in a defensive position for a few minutes as they whip their heads backwards and forwards, hoping their vision would catch some sign of what was out there. But as the rain dripped onto the Shadowhunters an unsettled feeling swam through Isabelle's veins, her nerves tingling with anticipation, they realised that they had no better vision here than at Carla's pitch black masterpiece.

"You Shadowhunters always did have a flair for the dramatic, not so dissimilar to the collection of vampires that inhabit a nearby hotel. I'd be careful if I was you, just a heads up. There's a vampire party going on up ahead so don't make to much noise. Also, trust Carla, she might not seem all the genuine but what she tells you is as close to the truth as you will get. Oh, and put your weapons down, they won't work on me" Isabelle stayed low, her heart racing. Wouldn't work? What does that mean? Of course they would work that's why they were designed this way, to work on everyone and everything. And who is this? Why are they helping us? Her head began to throb from all the riddles, unanswered questions and half-helpful sentences. Isabelle wasn't sure about the others but she could hear the slight patter of footsteps heading away from them, but from what direction she couldn't tell. Every time she turned her ear around to where she thought she could hear it, the steps seemed to run to the other side of her.

"I've had enough of all this shit" Jace muttered, moving his hand away from his blade and stalking off towards the Institute. Isabelle knew as long as they weren't too loud the vampires wouldn't really care so she raised to her feet and followed Jace, Alec by her side. She was filled with conflict, warring against herself. How does she keep what she saw and what Carla told her from Jace, and everyone else for that matter, but even more what happens if she tells them even after she was warned. Carla was putting her loyalties on the line and Isabelle wasn't sure where to turn or what to do. All she could focus on was her legs moving one in front of the other, trying to forget everything that was happening.

- Impulses -

This time it was different. Very different. She was expecting to open her eyes and face pain, paralysing pain, venom shooting up her arms, her legs feeling as if they were shaking from poison, but instead she opened her eyes to nothingness, not even pain. Jocelyn's first instinct was to stay still, what happens if this is all some sick trap and as soon as she makes a move the pain returns, slamming her harder than any previous experience inside this… this… what was this?

She breathed slowly, keeping her face pressed down on what felt like cool, even wet concrete. Eventually however she couldn't stand it any longer and had to move, she had a chance here to move after all this… paralysing stillness how she could not take advantage of this. Trap or no trap, if she moved and pain pulsed through her, she was no worse off than when the simple act of opening her eyes brought on the unwavering agony so what did she have to lose.

Jocelyn began to push her hands against the cold, hard ground, tense with fear as to what was going to come but she felt nothing, nothing but her fingers freezing against the concrete. Slowly, she pushed her body up to a crouch, every muscle in her body ached but she continued till she was standing on her feet. Shaking and swaying slightly as she attempted to regain her balance she felt a breeze wash over her face, chilling her to the bone causing her arms to wrap themselves around her chest shivering violently.

It was hard to stay on her feet and not topple over like an unstable tower of children's building cubes when Jocelyn could barely even see the ground she was standing on. She had to test the depth of her vision in this place, and holding out her hand in front of her body she realised she could see her arm length in front of her but only just. Her hands were blurry from the darkness and fuzzy around the edges. Knowing she had so little perception of what was around her caused a sick feeling to settle in her stomach. Shadowhunters were taught to fight against their fear and protect themselves from its grip, but how many Shadowhunters had found themselves in this situation? What even was this situation… nothing made sense.

She closed her eyes instinctively, like she did years ago to hide herself from Valentine's face looming in front of her with a menacing smile… but now there was no purpose. She didn't know what she was hiding from and even worse was when she closed her eyes it was darker than when she had them opened. There was no escape. No escape from whatever was happening.

- Impulses –

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad… Take a sad song and make it better… Remember to let her into your heart… Then you can start to make it better"

"Lovely, Clary" She could see his eyes staring up at her filled with worry and concern. His usual façade of cockiness and arrogant nature was stripped away, leaving him, who he really was in front of her. Well perhaps not in front, more like underneath. She recognised the ink markings wrapping themselves around his biceps, his chest, his collarbone… everywhere. Shirtless he stood in the middle of the training room rocking on his heels with nerves staring at her. She smiled down to him, staring at his face, his cheek bones and jawline that give him such an angelic face, that girls stare at every time he walks down the street that gives off a superior energy whenever he's around. Clary swung her legs precariously feel the gravity trying to pull her down to the floor, but she was firmly planted on one of the high beams in the Training Room's roof. Clary knew her legs swinging so high up would make Jace uneasy but she liked seeing him protective and she was tiny, so she must have looked extremely unsafe all the way up here.

But in truth, it was easier to breathe up here, easier to think and just calm down. For some people, it would be quite the opposite for anyone afraid of heights, or anyone who just didn't find it relaxing up here but for Clary she knew she was more likely to be left alone if she was all the way on the high beams. But of course Jace knew exactly where she was, he knew her to well. She knew she couldn't sing, not by a long shot but she liked humming little tunes to herself especially when she was alone.

She didn't feel like replying, or talking, or doing anything really. It felt like everytime she did even moved she ended up hurting someone or herself or hearing those voices and those agonising headaches… it was like she was a bomb, ticking away waiting to explode. She couldn't let that happen, how could she endanger everyone around her? If she made the wrong move she knew her mother would be affected, purely because it felt like there was an invisible string, connecting her to her mother forever, and whatever was happening to herself was affecting her mother by association. Everyone told her the situations were separate but she didn't believe it for a second, she was smarter than that.

"Clary?" She heard Jace call up to her, his voice tainted with concern. She knew she should cut the act but she just didn't feel like it. For once Clary wanted to not have to be so strong and always hold herself like nothing was happening, like she was okay, because she wasn't okay she was the opposite. It felt like her whole world was falling apart and she couldn't hold it all together. It seemed so odd to remember when she was in high school, so oblivious to the world around her, the world she secretly belonged to. How she used to sit in a classroom all day, learning about who killed who and what country fought what country and how to speak well and everything that seemed so unnecessary now. Within a few weeks her life had changed and since then she'd turned into this… warrior of sorts. But can warriors always be hard as stone, tough as nails, unbreakable? Is that possible? Because she felt like she was breaking apart, shattering. Like pieces of her wall fall down from where she sat and clatter on the ground where her husband stood.

"Clary come on talk to me" He was pleading now, and she felt guilty so Clary sucked in a deep breath and let herself go, pushing herself off the beam falling towards the ground. It felt like flying, it felt nice as she felt the air hit her face, rushing through her hair. Her feet smashed on the ground but she bent her knees just in time to take the impact. She barely even noticed the pins and needles in her feet as she walked slowly towards her husband, staring at the ground as she came up to him. Without even bringing her eyes to his, she wrapped her arms around his body, his safe, protective body, he was her walls and her fortress. Without Jace, she felt like everything she had would disappear, he was holding her up, holding her together and even though they haven't had a lot of time alone recently, all she needed was his presence to feel safe. Yes, she was a warrior, but she was nothing without him.

"What's up Clary?" She felt Jace whisper into her fizzy and knotted hair next to her ear, she crushed her face closer into his chest. All she wanted was to push hard enough to be one, together, no attacks, no dangers, and no more dangers… she wanted him to be hers forever, and she felt like she just couldn't be close enough to him.

"It's never going to be okay" she whispered into his hard but secure chest, knowing that she barely said the words but he heard them.

"Come on" He pulled her towards the door, clinging to her arm. For once she felt like he needed her as much as she needed him and they were equal, which is all she could ever want. Because every moment of her life she'd felt inadequate, especially with Jace. He seemed so perfect and she was so… below average. But as he brought her to their bedroom door and laid her down on the bed, she realised that him simply wanting her forever was enough to make them equal. He crawled on top of her, supporting his weight with his elbow. Clary could hear his breath, and could feel his gaze warming her body up. It took a few minutes for her to bring her gaze up to meet Jace's, for some reason she suddenly felt nervous, like she had to prove something, like she had to make sure he knew how much she loved him.

In a split second she pulled him down onto her, bringing her lips to his, kissing him with a hungry passion, wrapping her small arms around his neck. She could feel his surprise in the tension of his muscles, but as she deepened the kiss she felt him relax, and knot his own hands into her hair, kissing her with a sort of desperation. For an unknown amount of time-there seemed to be no sense of time when she was with Jace- they just stayed there kissing as if the world would come crashing down at any minute. Eventually she felt his calloused hand reach up under her shirt slowly, circling around her belly button, tingling her skin. His hand slowly reached up higher, bring shots of electricity through her body.

And for once, she forgot about everything, about all the problems around her, she felt like for once, she could forget.

- Impulses -

"Hey mum" Isabelle walked into the kitchen where her mother sat, going through an array of papers and folders. She had her hair tied up in a tight and neat bun at the back of her head and was evidently rather stressed about whatever it was that she was looking into.

"Isabelle" she turned around, surprise in her eyes as she stared at her daughter, "I didn't think you'd be back so soon. What happened? What did she say?" Maryse seemed eager to understand what was going on with the two Fairchild's, which was odd considering she had never seemed to show much emotion when it came to Clary or Jocelyn. But Isabelle guessed that now that Clary was a part of the family now and the fact that she was living in the Institute now. Or it was the fact that her own daughter had encountered someone who came across fairly… dangerous.

"It's complicated" Isabelle replied, the sickness returned to her stomach as she realised this information Carla had shown to her in secret meant that she had to lie and avoid questions from everyone. She had to lie to them… hide things from them and she didn't like that. But she also was not ready to be responsible for any repercussions that could arise from telling the truth about what she saw on that television that still puzzled her to the point of a headache. The images of from the television kept flashing through her mind, causing her head to throb painfully, she had to stop and clear her mind but she knew her mother wasn't going to let her get away with no answer.

"How so?" Maryse replied, her eyebrows pinched closely together with confusion, as she cocked her to the side. Isabelle knew there was no way evading the topic was going to fly with her mother, but she'd decided that she simply couldn't risk the consequences of going against Carla's advice… she couldn't help but wonder since when any of them had begun trusting this woman… but something about her, made Isabelle think that she was trustworthy and right about consequences and what could happen. Everything had become so complicated recently, and it was taking its toll on everyone.

"It just is, I can't really explain it. That's normally what complicated means" Isabelle snapped the last words at her mother, and regretted them instantly. She'd never meant to come across so rude, sometimes it was difficult for her to remember that her mother had lost a lot and continued to push through for her two children. She should be kinder to her mother, the stress of everything had just overtaken Isabelle's mind driving her crazy.

"Mum I'm sorry, everything is… it's not right and I can't really explain it but Carla was helpful but not direct, we didn't find much out, what we did find out though is that Clary is in a lot of trouble, and we've got to save her from something, I just don't know what. Carla knows something Mum but I don't think she is prepared to or can tell us yet" Isabelle explained quickly trying to push the words from her mind out to her mouth hoping once she'd released them she could calm the storm of thoughts in her head. Disappointingly, she only made it worse. Everytime she spoke, more possibilities arose, more questions showed themselves, and more riddles became apparent. There was no easy way to dig through all this to find the answer.

"So you trust her?" Maryse asked, like Isabelle's mother was questioning Isabelle's clear trust of this woman, which surprised the young Shadowhunter as well. Maryse has never been trustworthy, at least not after Isabelle's father caused some rifts between certain relationships within the family.

"I do. And I think we need to do something more, something else, something is happening to Clary and I can't help but wonder if it is not going to end well… we have to do something Mum we can't leave things like this" Isabelle's voice began to rise, as tears welled in her eyes, but she was strong, she wouldn't cry, she would stay strong and not let this all consume her. "And Jocelyn won't wake up and everything right now is supposed to by happy but it isn't and we need to find a way to fix this Mum. We need to know what these voices in her head mean, buy I already know someone, someone is going to die Mum" Isabelle felt a warm stickiness trickle through her fingers. She'd never noticed that her hands were clenched together at her sides, her nails digging into her hands to stop her crying.

"I know sweetheart, I know" Maryse sighed quietly, bowing her head slightly with exhaustion. Isabelle never noticed how tired her mother had become since all this had started, her eyes have lost their colour and weren't as vibrant as they once were, she'd developed slight purple bruises under her eyes and her mouth was consistently in a firm line. She hadn't looked this way since the situation with Robert Lightwood…

Isabelle stood unmoving, staring at her mother, unsure of what to do. She didn't know what to do about any of this, and it was eating away at her insides.

"Mum. We need to do something more drastic. We need to bring the information to us"

"How so Isabelle?" Maryse asked meeting Isabelle's eyes. The thought of what she was about to say made her feel uneasy, and question her own judgement, but In the end Isabelle knew this was the only other move they had left.

"We have to bring the information to the Institute Mum and break the rules, drastically" Her mother continues to stare at her confused and puzzled.

"We have to bring a mundane into the Institute. We have to bring Carla here"

Author's Note:

I hope this chapter was okay, I hope it made up for some of my slackness… I hope you don't hate me to much. I'm not going to request a certain number of reviews, I don't think that's fair considering my slackness on this thing.

I really hope this chapter was good.

Green-doves.

xx