Author's Note:

Thankyou to everyone who reviewed, honestly it means a lot because it means you guys still like what I'm doing and still support this story and all that so thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

Chapter 20: Needles and Screams

"Clarissa we've spoken about this. All we are doing is going in circles right now. Just stop for one second please and listen to me. It's too dangerous for you okay? Just for once please take no for an answer"

"Jace, I can do this I'm fine okay? And I will be fine" Clary snapped a bit too harshly back to her husband who was sitting on the edge of their bed, head in hands. For once in her life, she felt taller than him even if it was only due to his seated position. As soon as she finished her sentence Jace's head snapped up at to stare at her, anger and frustration clouding his liquid honey eyes.

"Can you, for one second, just realise I'm trying to protect you?" Jace muttered quietly to her, and Clary could feel the exasperation in his voice hit her. Until now, she'd been filled with her own frustration with the situation, but she stopped and stood still… looking at Jace quietly. Her thoughts stopped, everything inside her, all this annoyance and irritation slowly seeped out of her. Dripping from her fingertips to the floor leaving her with this feeling of sadness. She walked towards her husband, wedging her body between his legs, wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him into her. The warmth from his face against her chest lit up her whole body and she pulled away reluctantly only to look down into his eyes once again, getting lost in their depth.

"Jace Lightwood, I love you. But I need you to let me do this. Protect me by my side" Clary whispered quietly. She felt an aching in her chest as she realised something. "Ever since we married, we haven't had a single moment to just… be. Just be together, be excited about being husband and wife, about being what we are now" She sighed, as if all of this that had been happening had slowly been crushing her and she'd finally just given up. But Jace gave her hope, and gave her a shoulder she desperately needed to lean. Especially considering her mother's situation and her own.

"I know, I know Clary. I just… Can I explain something to you?" She felt his breath tickle her neck, a shiver rippling down her back. She didn't know what he was about to say, but whatever it is she was ready to listen. Nodding carefully she waited for what he was about to say, bringing her forehead down to connect with his.

"Everything I do, goes into you. Everything. Do you have any idea, any idea at all what it would do to me to lose you? And to lose you to something like this… something so unknown and so sudden, it's all to unfair. And if I ever lost you to anything at all, I would never forgive myself. Clary, you can't throw yourself at things, expecting to be invincible because you're not. And I need you here with me. I need to protect you" Clary feel everything inside her burn, but not painfully or as a negative response. Instead she felt flames flicker inside her from the passion she heard in Jace's voice, and the way she could hear the shakiness in his words towards the end of his 'explanation'.

"Jace. I will not leave you in any way, I won't okay? But please, understand me when I say that this is happening to me. Jace I'm hearing voices in my head about death and paralysis, and I feel like everything inside me is going to explode from these bouts of pain. And I know this is affecting you, so much but it's destroying me because it's actually happening to me. I need to fix this, I need to. It's no one's rite to tell me yes or no to whether I can go except mine. Please, let me come and hold my hand. Please"

- Impulses -

The door to Jace's bedroom creaked open as Clary slipped out into the Institute's hallway where Jace, Alec and Isabelle stood, hushing as soon as she came into sight. Clary wasn't an idiot, she knew she was the topic of the conversation that was occurring before she'd joined the group, and she felt bubbles of anger flow through her. She was tired of being treated like a sick child with a terminal illness, she was an adult, she was strong and even more than that she was going to beat this.

The leather heeled boots Clary was wearing squeaked on the polished floorboards, emphasising the awkward tension hanging in the hallway. Clary had gotten used to the lack of visible on each Shadowhunter she came across, even when preparing for a battle or dangerous mission. All she could see was Jace's Seraph blade strapped to his back on a diagonal, Isabelle's whip laced around her wrist and Alec's dagger hanging from his belt. But she knew all too well that hidden under all the leather jackets and boots was a collection of daggers, swords and knives that could be pulled into action with the slightest sense of attack or danger. Clary herself could feel her own twin set of seraph blades pressing against the fabric on her back. She alone had three mini daggers hiding inside her boot, a full sized dagger down either leg, lethal metal discs sitting inside her jacket, a small but deadly metal chain necklace hanging down from her neck and a vampire gun hiding on her hip. Enough to kill an army when paired with all she'd learnt.

"Oh I 100% agree Clary shouldn't come she'll only be a liability" Clary spat at the three people looking at her, and watched with content as all their faces grew a dark shade of red. She had stopped being afraid of what any of the Shadowhunters thought of her, she wasn't a mundane and they all knew it, and they had to stop thinking of her as a hindrance to them all. Smiling sweetly at them all she turned and began walking down the hallway towards the entrance of the Institute.

"Clary we didn't-" she heard Isabelle call after her but rather then turn around she just raised her hand and gave a quick flick of the wrist wave as she kept walking. It's not like Iz was going to take it personally, she just wasn't in the mood for pleasing people when they had a job to do.

Convince Carla to come to the Institute.

- Impulses -

"No lights?" Clary asked the group quietly as they stood at the door to Carla's 'house' if you could call it that, it certainly seemed rather run down and unwelcoming. But perhaps that was the point. It was too cold for Clary's liking and she felt goose bumps rise on her arms underneath her jacket.

"Ssh Clary" Alec hushed but it didn't bother her, it came across as a brotherly gesture rather than a malicious warning. Isabelle pushed the door opened which seemed slightly odd to Clary, just walking into someone's house, especially someone who is supposedly rather unpredictable and 'dangerous'. But she'd learnt that this world was full of the weird and unlikely, especially since she'd found out the truth about this world and her secret identity. As each of the Lightwood children walked into the house she heard some muffled voices and caught an "expecting you" from an unfamiliar voice, likely to be Carla's. Before she could follow the two raven-haired Shadowhunters, her husband grasped her arm holding her back from the doorway.

"We wait, don't say a word" he whispered into her ear, barely audible. She shuddered from his cool touch, she wasn't expecting to be so cold, and she would have worn a warmer jacket if she'd known. The whole scenario she'd found herself in out at the woman's house was becoming more and more confusing, what would be the purpose of her staying behind? She'd fought so hard to even get here and now she was waiting outside? How was she supposed to have any impact on Carla if she was standing outside without even meeting this woman? She was tired of the twists and turns and she just was waiting for something to be straight forward, maybe then she would know how to figure all this out. Breaking down all her rock hard barriers she'd built up since her mother's situation had worsened and her own had become increasingly unstable, she still held some form of hope that this mysterious woman could do something for her, anything that could help her or her mother.

More muffled voices and more waiting and Clary was getting impatient. Eventually she ripped her arm away from Jace and walked towards the doorway, and even at this point Jace didn't hold her back. Perhaps he'd come to the conclusion that there was nothing he could do to stop her anymore, which she was not to disappointed about.

"What makes you think I'll be anymore use to you there?" Clary could hear the snappiness in the woman's voice as she turned a corner into a lounge room. Isabelle was on the sofa running her hands desperately between her hair and sighing loudly, Alec was leaning against one of the walls rolling his eyes and Carla who was surprisingly tiny was standing in the middle of the room, arms folded clearly unimpressed.

As Clary walked into the room Carla stopped for a moment and turned to stare at her intently, her eyes clouded with confusion. She opened her mouth about to say something but closed it a second later, and did this twice more before she walked closer to Clary. Standing completely still, Clary decided her best bet with this woman was to stand up straight and stare this Carla in the eye. She'd been through way to much in her life to but intimidated by some 'oh so powerful' mundane who had a bit of a thing for drama. And that's when she heard Carla for the first time speak directly to her.

"You. I didn't see this" She muttered standing still for a moment. Before Clary could reply Carla walked slowly, pacing almost away from her towards the back wall and slowly slid down the wall till she was crouching which looked incredibly uncomfortable. But she seemed content with her position. Clary wasn't completely sure what the deal with the whole not seeing whatever this was. Everything was becoming ridiculous.

Carla had started muttering to herself like a child stuck in a mental asylum, rocking backwards and forwards before jumping up and running towards Clary. She felt Carla grasp wrap around her wrists tightly and she let out a sharp gasp as she felt the burn run up her arms. Carla started violently shaking Clary's wrists with such force she thought her arms were going to snap.

"You, I didn't see you. This… has never happened before. You, you are Clarissa Fairchild and I didn't see you. The future has been altered, it's been changed. Possible yes, frequent no…" Carla was almost shaking herself with confusion as she tried to sift through her thoughts. Clary could see all of Carla's thoughts run through her mind and filter in and out, it was a terribly unsettling sight to see. Whatever was going on it was completely out of Clary's hands and not only that it was completely out of control.

"Hands off her. Now" She heard Jace growl from behind her, feeling his chest press against her back. Carla froze, her gaze reaching up to meet Jace's and immediately released Clary's wrists. As she looked down she could see the red marks that stained her skin, matching the slight burning sensation that tickled her arms. No one spoke for a few minutes, until eventually Clary broke the silence.

"So how would you like the honour of saying you have saved a helpless little girl's life?" Clary could hear Jace chuckle behind her and Alec snort loudly and initially Clary was slightly annoyed by but eventually she found herself laughing quietly as well. However Carla seemed unimpressed by the remark, seeming to have completely forgot her little breakdown only a few minutes earlier.

"Clarissa, if I were you I'd be far more respe-"

"Oh shut up Carla. If I were you I'd realise not very long ago you were shaking in confusion about 'not seeing me' or whatever that means. Well lucky you because you can see me now can't you? Now I'm not going to play the act with you and try and weave around you're games and formal language. Instead, you're going to come with me, to the Institute, do whatever you can to save my mother and sort out what's in my head. Am I clear?" Clary snapped harshly at the frizzy haired woman standing wide-eyed in front of her. She walked from her position a few metres from the lounge room doorway down to sit next to Isabelle on the sofa, kicking her ankle lightly and smiling at her.

"You're crazy" Isabelle whispered and Clary could smell the mint on her breath and smiled at her replying, "Yeah I know".

"You and your friends seem to enjoy ordering people around. I am not going to be bossed around by a group of teenagers. I want you to know I feel the deepest sympathy for you and your mother and the situation you've found yourselves in, but I don't understand how being at the Institute will give you any more help than if I was here" Carla looked at Clary as she spoke, sincerity clear in her eyes which Clary realised was a rarity. Carla had seemed sincere about anything since they'd arrived, and certainly did not seem to have any true intention of helping them. But as Clary looked into the young woman's eyes (was she young? She was a confusing mundane that was a certainty) she saw that Carla would help them if she could, but maybe she couldn't? Maybe they were seeking out someone who simply didn't have the capacity within them to help them, or the knowledge, or the power. Either way perhaps this was all just a waste of time. But something told Clary that they were doing the right thing, that this was what they were supposed to be doing.

"I'm sorry Clary but I just-" Carla spoke up again when the extended silence after her last explanation had extended to far but she was interrupted midway with a ear-splitting scream.

Clary hit the floor landing on her left arm, feeling pulses of pain erupt along her muscle but she barely noticed it. She was too fixated on the pain inside her head, like someone was slowly inserting needles through her skull into her brain, piercing it, stabbing into her. She was unable to think of anything else, the pain was completely uncontrollable and she was praying, wishing that soon she would simply pass out. Pass out from the pain and let it be over even for a few seconds. She felt her vision blacken and blur around the edges, and she felt a pang in her stomach of fear as she waited for her vision to disappear, and for the pain to slowly ebb away as she slipped into unconsciousness. But the sleep she desperately craved never washed over her, the needles kept prodding slowly into her head, and now she was beginning to feel the pain creep up her arm. It felt like small bugs were running up and down her arm, stopping and stinging her every few seconds, leaving her in agonising pain.

She could hear the screaming, she could hear it in her ears causing them to ring loudly but she felt no connection to it. It took her a while before she could realise it was her own screams. Screams of terror and pain and desperation. She only faintly registered strong, capable hands grasp her body up and felt the stiffness of another strong body pressing against her cheek. She was still screaming but whimpers of pain and fear broke through and her shaking began to take over her body.

Rain fell onto her, chilling her to the bone. They were outside, and she could hear shouts from familiar voices and the sound of feet running through water filled streets but her mind wasn't in the situation. Her mind was away, focusing on trying not let this pain control her, take her over. The hands around her were gripping her tightly, and the water was running through her hair which normally she would find relaxing and calming but right now she just wanted to lie in bed and lose herself in sleep. The jolting of her body from every step her carrier took was thumping her head, making it increasingly difficult to focus on staying in control.

"Left!" She heard someone scream, a young voice, a female. It couldn't have been Isabelle the voice sounded to stern. The only other person was Carla… which didn't make sense. Carla wouldn't have run with them, she didn't want to go to the Institute, why would she be going with them? None of this made any sense. All Clary could do was try to stay calm, if that was even possible. Right now, it felt the complete opposite which was a frightening thought.

"Left? The Institute is the other way!" She heard Alec scream, at least she could start thinking straight. The pain was unbearable, but it was as piercing as it was initially. And she'd been trained to bear pain, of any sorts even if she wasn't excellent at it. Why weren't they going to the Institute? She had to go to the Institute! She had to go to the Institute now why were they running away from the only place where she felt safe? What in Angel's name was going on right now?

"I know I know! We can't go there okay? You want my help? Follow me, and be quick about it!" That was Carla again, Clary could tell. She sounded worn out and exhausted by their frantic running and she realised her shaking was more due to her freezing body and the shivering it was undergoing in an attempt to keep her warm rather than the actual pain.

The pain. It was beginning to take her over and she wasn't sure how to keep in control of it. It felt like someone was painting her body, from her injured arm outwards. And with each stroke and wave of pain sizzled into her skin, burning her insides and cramping her muscles till she felt more screams find their way out of her mouth.

All she could focus on to stay in control of the situation was the thumping pressed against her ear, her husband's heartbeat. Reminding on her why she needed to not lose control, she had to stay with him.

They were going to get through this. Whatever this was.

- Impulses -

Staring at Clary was all she'd done for the past hour or so. Everything was spiralling down into an uncontrollable mess and Isabelle was completely unsure of what was going on. She'd never felt so helpless in her life and it wasn't something she was used to. Wherever Carla had taken them, it wasn't exactly what she thought Carla would have in mind as a 'hide-out' or whatever. The whole point of trying not to be discovered or traced was laying low, instead the group of Shadowhunters found themselves in a large parlour with marble floors and a giant chandelier.

Carla had taken Clary and Jace into a room to the left, behind a red oak door with a shining gold handle. She had also left strict instructions with Isabelle and her brother who hadn't said a word since they'd arrived at this… rather luxurious building. They weren't to move from the parlour, and they certainly weren't to follow Jace, Clary and Carla into this mysterious room.

She could still hear the screams of Clary from inside the other room, and it was sending shivers down her spine. Clary had become… like a sister to her and it was torture to see what was happening to her and to hear the pain she was going through. At least Carla was cooperating now and agreeing to help them, she'd even agreed to come to the Institute if that's what was going to help Clary and her mother.

Isabelle didn't know what an appropriate move was anymore. And she certainly did not know what to do.

None of them did.

Author's Note:

I'm super happy with this chapter, things are going well and I know where this story is going so woo hoo for that!

Review if you love it review if you hate it, favourite follow… whatever takes your fancy lovely readers. I hope this was up to a standard you are expecting… thanks for sticking with me it means the world to me.

I'm thinking of starting a Divergent fanfic to because I'm so in love with that trilogy… it's probably my favourite book/set of books ever. But I think I'm not going to do that yet, I gotta stay committed to this story for all of you! :)

Thanks again, means to the world to me, you're all amazing.

xo

Green-doves