Prompt- Frankie Maddox - "We stumble along, don't we, doing the washing, and filling the car, and making the best hash of it we can. We never get to that moment, do we? Where we go, 'Right, decision time'. Tellies flying through the air, dreams are trashed, people are falling off pedestals like skittles. This is where I take control of my free-fall life cause no one's gonna do it for us, are they?" - 'Frankie'
Peering into Kurt's bedroom, I watched my son sleep. He looked so peaceful right now, like he hadn't a care in the world. It was a look that was never present when he was awake these days and that saddened me. The car accident hadn't only taken his mother away but the innocence of childhood as well.
These last year since Kathleen's death had been chaos. It wasn't that I hadn't been trying, but there was just so much about being a single parent that I didn't know. So much that Kathleen had taken care of that I wasn't aware of. I had to learn to both be father and mother to my little boy and it had been a long learning process. A process during which Kurt had been the one to suffer.
I hadn't been able to lose myself in my own grief, as I had to comfort Kurt through his own. Then there was the task of making sure that I had someone to watch him after school, learning to cook meals for him, and getting him to his piano lessons on time. I had managed to miss several holidays, including Christmas, and no matter how hard I tried to protect him, there had been accidents and trips to the ER. The latest battle with child welfare services over whether or not I was a fit parent was the latest trial I'd had to overcome but I had. I had Kurt back and he was sleeping safely in his bed.
Since burying Kathleen, I felt like I had been along for the ride. I had been reacting to events instead of taking control of things. Almost losing Kurt had been a wake up call. That little boy was my life and I couldn't lose him. I wouldn't lose him. I was going to figure out this single parent thing, and find a way to provide for more than just the basic needs. My son didn't have a mother any more but I was determined that he would still know he was loved unconditionally.
Finally satisfied that Kurt was sleeping peacefully for the night, I turned from the doorway knowing that I would be back to check on him several more times through the night. I may not be able to control everything but from now on I would control as much as I possibly could. I was determined that now one would try to take Kurt away from me again.