Ultimate Cosmic Power…

"So is everyone ok? No side effects, I mean," Giles clarified.

"I spent the night scared of my own shadow which I may never live down and I have the strongest urge to inventory all the supplies at home in case of a bad winter or siege," Buffy said with a sigh. "But other than that I'm fine. Angel showed up in time to rescue me from some guy who wouldn't take no for an answer and Willow scared off anything else."

"It would have worked on him too, except he thought he was hallucinating me," Willow said. "And you called me a whore and Angel a commoner so many times we were seriously considering knocking you out and stuffing you somewhere safe," Willow said. "Other than that I'm fine."

Buffy winced. "I'm so sorry. You know I'd never say something like that or even think it, unless I was possessed."

"I'd like to forgive you, honestly I would," Willow said. "But I actually had to look up several of the insults, which kinda hurt my pride even if they did expand my Old English vocabulary a bit, so I require actual groveling and ice cream."

"What does groveling mean exactly?" Buffy asked.

"To crawl and act humbly," Giles quoted.

Willow frowned. "I thought it meant being extra sorry and sucking up."

"That's how it is commonly used today, yes," Giles admitted.

"I will suck up like nobody's business and after school we'll go out for Sundays," Buffy promised.

"Root beer floats work better on her," came Xander's voice from the stacks.

"Xander? Why are you hiding in the stacks?" Buffy asked.

"Because I have had a very major side effect," Xander asked.

"Didn't you dress as a smurf?" Buffy asked.

"No," Xander said with a trace of anger. "I did not dress as a smurf."

"Oh god!" Willow moaned remembering who Xander had dressed as.

"Blue skin isn't that bad," Buffy said. "We can just say the containers got mixed up and your skin got stained by ink rather than makeup while we research a cure."

"Skin color is the least of my worries," Xander said bitterly.

"I dressed as the slave of the lamp," Xander said stepping into the light.

Buffy burst out laughing.

Xander was dressed as the Robin Williams version of the Genie of the lamp from his almost completely bald blue head to the pointy slippers on his feet, carrying a familiar looking golden lamp. The only thing missing was the metal bracers for his wrists.

"Your costume wasn't that good last night," Willow said examining him.

"The magic altered it to fit what I dressed as," Xander explained. "Not the much more mild version I had on."

"So just your appearance has been changed?" Giles asked.

Xander set the lamp on the table and rubbed his temples. "No, I have been turned into a Djinn or a genie as most people would call it. I'm immortal, unkillable have ultimate cosmic powers…" his voice trailed off and he took a couple of deep breaths to calm down.

Giles and Willow listened, concerned and worried about what he was saying.

"The change is a lot more than skin deep. I perceive the world in ways that I can't describe and I am unable to forget a single thing. You don't know what a blessing it is to be able to let time fog your memory and soften its edges. I remember in perfect clarity every moment of my life from conception onwards."

Buffy picked up the lamp and examined it closely looking for some clue that could solve Xander's problem.

"Is that why you're so…" Willow trailed off.

"Angry, bitter?" he suggested. "Yeah that's part of it."

"Xander I know having all your worst memories like being insulted or beaten appear as if they'd just happened must be upsetting but surely your happiest moments help balance them out," Giles suggested.

"It's not just other's actions that upset me," Xander said shaking his head. "I can also see every mistake I've ever made, every time I've hurt someone because I didn't pay close enough attention to figure out what was going on, every time I've failed myself I remember and I can't forget even a second of it, no matter how hard I try."

"I…" Giles fell silent not sure what he could say to that.

"The only shred of hope I have is the fact that I'm not wearing the slave bracelets. "I'm not exactly free, but the final inescapable step to eternal slavery hasn't been," Xander began only to pale as a pair of heavy golden bracelets snapped into place on his wrists.

Turning the three saw Buffy rubbing at a dirty spot on the lamp to try to uncover some writing she'd found.

"What is your bidding, my master?" Xander asked in resignation.

"What?" Buffy asked in shock.

"You rubbed the lamp, you completed the spell, you turned Xander into the slave," Willow said in horror.

"I didn't mean to!" Buffy explained. "I was just trying to read what it said on the bottom of the lamp in case there was a clue to help Xander."

Giles picked up the lamp and looked at the bottom. "Made in Taiwan," he read aloud.

"Oops," Buffy said lamely.

"And now I must tell you the rules," Xander said bitterly. "I have to grant you three wishes. There are three limitations to those wishes. You can't wish for more wishes, you only get three, I'm not allowed to bring the dead back to life, so don't bother asking and finally love cannot be compelled."

"Can't she free you?" Willow asked. "Like the way the genie was freed in the movie."

"That would require her to make a selfless wish," Xander snorted. "I don't see that happening."

"What movie?" Buffy asked ignoring Xander.

"Don't tell me you've never seen Aladdin!" Willow exclaimed.

"I've heard of it," Buffy admitted, "but I'm not really into Disney."

"Aladdin used his first two wishes to become a prince so he could win the heart of the princess he was in love with, but as his third wish he wished the genie was free," Willow explained.

"I can do that," Buffy said brightly.

"You could. You won't," Xander said bluntly. "I remember every second I've spent with you since you arrived in this town and you don't have the moral fiber to do anything different from what the vast majority of people would do. You'll screw up your first wish so badly you'll have to use the second one to undo it and you'll use your third wish on yourself as well because you feel entitled to it."

"Xander!" Willow exclaimed horrified. "How can you say such a thing?!"

"Because it's true," Xander replied. "There are people dying every night because of vampires. Just last Tuesday Susan Weeks, a sixteen year old girl who had her whole life ahead of her, ended up dead in the alley behind the Bronze, drained of blood."

Buffy paled.

"Yeah, she sat three seats in front of you in biology," Xander said. "You were given the power to fight vampires, to save lives and instead of being happy that you can make a difference, that your life had meaning, you bitch and complain and mope about how hard your life is. Well last Tuesday Sue's life was ended in fear and pain and where were you?"

"Here now," Giles spoke up. "Buffy was patrolling Wakefield Cemetery last Tuesday. She may be the Slayer but she isn't god, she can't be everywhere."

"Patrolling, is that what they call it now?" Xander asked. "Because from where I was it looked like she was sucking face with a corpse when she should have been saving people."

"Just because you're jealous-" Buffy began angrily.

"The vast majority of my emotions are mainly nausea and disgust when it comes to you and Angel," Xander said bluntly. "And, Master," he spit out the word with a fair amount of venom, "I am forbidden from lying by the contract."

"I wish you understood what it was like," Buffy fired back angrily, stung by his words and his apparent rejection of her. "If you did, I bet you wouldn't be throwing stones."

"Granted and you lose the bet," Xander said with a sigh. "Two wishes left."

"What?" Buffy asked confused.

"You wanted me to know what it was like, I do. You bet I would agree with you, I don't. Thus wish granted and bet lost. You have two wishes left."

"Can you please expand on that?" Giles asked.

"Her wish was that I understood what it was like to be in a relationship like she is," Xander explained. "I already was, just recently in fact, so I understand just as she wished."

"Ampata," Willow said quietly.

Xander nodded. "Of course just because I understand what Buffy is going through doesn't mean I agree with her, thus she loses the bet."

Buffy thought about what had just happened, she'd wasted a wish because she'd lost her temper and just blurted out a wish not really meaning it. Thinking about it she realized people made wishes all the time without meaning to, so she'd better put some thought into what she wanted to wish for before she opened her mouth again.

"How can you not agree?" Willow asked.

"Easily," Xander replied. "Angel is a walking corpse older than America, regardless of his appearance. I'd find Snyder dating a freshman less objectionable."

"What?" Willow asked looking at Xander like he was nuts.

"Snyder may be over twice their age, but he's alive and not hosting a demon. Ok, I haven't checked and possession could explain his personality," Xander admitted. "But that doesn't change the fact that I find the idea much less repulsive."

"He's a vampire as in undead – not dead," Willow argued.

"Vampires are simply corpses kept intact by a demon, ask Giles."

"It's true," Giles agreed. "The blood demon that infests the body doesn't have the power to bring it back to life, it can only imitate it to a degree."

Buffy winced and made her decision. "I wish that Angel was brought forward in time, alive and well, from just before Darla could bite him."

"Granted," Xander said.

"Where is he?" Buffy demanded.

"I used the chaos of Ethan's Halloween spell to sneak him forward," Xander explained. "That should prevent any other powers from undoing my work as they'll assume it's Janus' and he has special dispensation from on high." At Giles' inquisitive look Xander said, "Yes I could simply prevent them from undoing it, but wishes are supposed to be granted using the least amount of magic possible. Of course, that leads to monkey paw wishes, so I aim for a nice middle ground, grant as asked, but try and conserve some power."

"Where?" Buffy demanded.

"He's in the drunk tank," Xander replied. "He was really drunk when Darla turned him so when I snagged him and brought him forward just before Darla could bite him he was still really drunk. You ran into him last night, don't you remember?"

"I don't remember running into Angel, except you know, vampire Angel," Buffy said.

"Well when he was alive Angel went by the name Liam," Xander explained.

"The drunk who tried to molest me?!" Buffy demanded.

"Yep," Xander replied. "He was a drunken womanizer from a time when an unescorted young woman was considered asking for it, which to be fair, in some cases they actually were and quite a few women got in situations with him where they were saying no but without a doubt meant yes. Didn't you bother reading any of the Watcher's journals done on him?"

"B-but he doesn't look much like Angel at all!" Buffy complained.

"Blame vampiric healing," Xander shrugged. "It healed all his blemishes, fixed his teeth and made him as attractive physically as possible. It helps them hunt."

"Oh," Buffy said quietly.

"Ohh!" Willow cried out holding up a hand that was fading away.

"What's happening?" Buffy demanded.

"Your wish to bring Liam forward in time prevented the formation of the Scourge of Europe. The powers in charge like to keep things balanced, so to make up for the deaths the Scourge would have caused, the Nazi's were allowed to complete their Final Solution. Willow was never born and neither were her parents, because her grandparents died in the camps."

Giles and Buffy stared at Xander in horror.

"You have one wish left."

Typing by: The Last Primarch!