Two of my stories updated in the same week? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!

Madness? No. This! Is! FANFICTION!

Eheheh. Enjoy.

Roy barely recognised the boy that stood before him on the steps of East Command the next day, and he might not have even figured out it was Edward if not for the huge suit of armour and the suitcase at his side, the short stature and the recognisable golden-amber eyes and braid.

His hair had been dyed black now, but the iconic braid-bangs-spike combo remained solid. The boy had even managed to do away with his usual ludicrous get-up, switching his red cloak, black jacket and pants for a set of sensible black trousers and a short-sleeved white shirt and suspenders, but leaving the gloves. The boots with the massive soles refused to budge from his feet, however.

He opened his mouth to complain. "Damn, I look—"

"Normal?"

"I was gonna say boring," Edward grumbled, pulling a loose black coat over his unusual (for his sense of style anyway) attire and the silver auto-mail arm Winry prided herself on keeping so impeccable and functioning.

Roy himself was dressed in his usual travelling gear, as his uniform wasn't required until the important (and boring) events and discussions. He wore his favourite shirt, a simple white one with a blue-trim, and navy-black trousers, underneath a lengthy black coat and matching fedora.

The Colonel smirked, making his way down the steps to the waiting car. "Say bye to your brother then come along. We're leaving now."

"Already?" Edward said, surprised. "You guys sure don't waste any time."

Hawkeye followed Roy down the stairs to the bottom, stopping him just before he reached the car.

"Here." She handed him a tightly bound paper package, looking him solidly in the eye. "Make sure you keep this with you. In your room, suitcase, under your pillow, whatever. Just keep it handy."

It felt suspiciously like a gun. Roy raised an eyebrow. "Lieutenant, weapons aren't allowed. You know that."

"You have already packed at least three pairs of ignition gloves," she said pointedly. "The gun's not loaded. But anyone who threatens you won't know that. Some of the people attending this meeting aren't particularly friendly with Amestrians."

Roy smiled a little. "Okay, then. I'll keep it on me as best I can."

Hawkeye leaned forward as if she were to look into the car behind Roy at the driver and whispered, "The ammo's in your suitcase."

Roy smirked, giving a lone nod. "Your efficiency never ceases to impress."

Hawkeye stepped back and returned the nod, then moved up the to the building. She met Edward halfway up, and said quietly as she passed, "Take care of him."

Edward met her gaze. "Only if you'll do the same."

Hawkeye's eyes flicked up to the waving Alphonse at the top of the steps and she replied with, "Of course. Leave him in my care; nothing will happen to him. I promise."

"Then I'll watch him," Edward twitched his head in the direction of the car and suddenly his serious face broke into a grin. "Thanks."

Hawkeye nodded and went to stand up with Alphonse.

Edward tossed his case into the boot and hopped into the back seat of the car, next to Roy, and settled down.

As driver started to pull away, Edward hung his top half out the window and shouted back, "I'LL SEE YOU SOON, AL! KEEP RESEARCHING; I EXPECT AT LEAST ONE MORE LEAD BY THE TIME I'M BACK!"

"STAY SAFE, BIG BROTHER!" Alphonse called back, raising his hands to his would-be face.

"I WILL! YOU TOO! POLISH YOUR ARMOUR, AND DON'T PICK UP ANY CATS!"

"DRINK YOUR MILK!"

"NEVER! YOU JUST—JUST STAY SAFE!"

Edward was jerked back into the car suddenly as Roy grabbed his collar and pulled him down.

"Hey!" the boy protested. "What gives?"

"If you're to be posing as my son, you've got to show at least some level of maturity," the Colonel stated. "In fact, speaking of this; that braid really needs to go. It's childish, not to mention recognisable. Plus, it's not really the style you'd expect from the son of a high-ranking officer, let alone one with a reputation like mine…"

"A reputation as a lazy, womanising, flame-slinging bastard?"

Roy merely rolled his eyes, reaching over and tugging loose the tie that bound Edward's braid.

"Hey! What do you think you're—"

"Just shut up for a sec and let me do this," Roy ordered, shifting in his seat to get better access to the boy's hair.

"Will you cut that out?!" Edward protested, twisting around and flailing his arms.

Roy cuffed him over the head. "Sit still!"

Edward obeyed begrudgingly, blowing a strand of hair out of his eyes and scowling. "Just don't do anything terrible."

"Do I look like I'm capable of doing any harm to a person's visual harmony?"

"You're such a girl."

Roy tutted, reaching over Edward's head to tussle the bangs hanging limp at the sides of his face and flattening the spike in his forehead a little to the left.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"Making this whole father-son thing more plausible," Roy responded, gathering up Edward's lengthy black hair and holding it off to the side. "Turn here."

Edward twisted his head around and Roy gave a satisfied nod, admiring his work. "Yes. That'll do nicely."

He wrapped the tie around Edward's hair and pulled it into a smooth, dark ponytail, liking how this was turning out. "Very nicely indeed…"

He let go and sat back, touching a hand to his chin and nodding. "There we go."

Edward's bangs had now been messed up and made less prominent, Roy having added the longer parts to his ponytail and the shorter parts in to make a fringe that somewhat resembled his own. He'd pressed the 'antenna' down on the side, much like the clump of hair that refused to be flattened on his own head and then pulled the whole thing back into a nice, sophisticated ponytail.

The bangs still showed slightly, but Edward looked a lot more like his 'father' than he had beforehand.

"What," Edward began lowly, shooting Roy a glare. "Did you do?"

"Look in the mirror," Roy said, straightening out his own hair as he did so.

Edward stretched in his seat to see into the rear-view mirror, frowning. There was a quiet 'oh', and he sat back down again.

"I look like you," the boy stated slowly, looking incredulously at his superior. "I look like you. How the hell d'you do that?!"

"When you've spent long enough trying to make someone as hopeless as Jean Havoc look good, you pick up on stuff," Roy explained. "And I grew up around a lot of girls, so I'm used to having my hair played with… Hair as workable as yours is a cinch to disguise."

Edward flicked his head. "Fair 'nough. Anything else you wanted to change?"

"Try and tone down the crazy grins while we're there. Keep it more at smirk level. That's bound to have some sort of effect," Roy advised. "And try to…act a little more like I would have if I were your age. That's about it."

"Alright. So you want me to go around the place and woo every girl I find before breaking their hearts and blowing everything up?"

"I was not like that," Roy deadpanned. "I was actually quite serious as a teenager. And I didn't know any flame alchemy back then either. So try to be quiet, if that's possible for someone as loud and obnoxious as yourself."

"Why, hello there gorgeous! Now, you're pretty hot, but I guarantee I can make you hotter," Edward drawled, batting his meager eyelashes and giving his hair a toss, totally ignoring everything Roy had just said. "Hey there, babe! What's your sign? Oh, really? Well, I'm sure we'll get along no matter what the stars say! They won't come between what we've got going on!"

"Ed, that's terrible. Just terrible. Shut up."

"Oh. We're on a first name basis now, aren't we?" Edward realised, dropping the act almost immediately.

"I am with you, Edward Mustang," Roy emphasized. "Try to refer to me by 'dad' as much as possible. Your own name will be easier to remember, but I'll try to keep calling you Ed. Sound good?"

"Sounds awesome. All apart from the 'dad' bit. What's my mom's name?"

"Uhh... Elizabeth Mustang. Use that. Say you're my sister's kid but I adopted you, maybe?" Roy pondered this. "Nah, just stick with your mother being my wife. Say she died from some sickness when you were really small. But try not to bring her up much, in case someone decides to look into it. I mean, there shouldn't really be anyone here who'll recognise us or be interested in us, so it's unlikely that anyone'll think anything's up."

"And I have auto-mail because...?"

"Stick with the 'Eastern Rebellion' excuse. They'll probably take that as an answer without digging in any deeper."

Edward nodded. "So, I'm Edward Mustang, fifteen years old. My father is Roy Mustang, my mother is Elizabeth Mustang, who passed away due to illness when I was young." He hesitated a little. "I lost two limbs in the Eastern Rebellion, I have no siblings, and I study alchemy. That be alright?"

"Should work." Roy gave a pleased smile. "This is coming together well. I think we might just be able to pull this off, if we cooperate."

"Yeah, whatever," Edward said with a nod, placing his chin on his palm and looking out the window. "Just so long as I don't have to keep this act up for long."

Five minutes passed.

"Although, if there are any pretty girls there, you're welcome to come with me and help me pick one up. You could be my wingman. I've never tried the 'single-father-whose-wife-died-and-left-his-son-to -him' trick before, but I think I just might be able to make it work. In fact, if it does work, would you mind coming out with me more often? Frankly, you'd make a lot better chick-magnet than Havoc."

"Stop talking. Right. Now."

"I know you're underage, but I think I could sneak you into bars. I mean, you don't get many people who'll argue with a State Alchemist, let alone two. And, if you do prove to be useful in getting me women, I might consider teaching you my tricks."

"Shut your face. Make the words stop coming out into the air."

"And, all going well, you might even manage to hook up with that mechanic I know you've got a thing for."

"Coming from the guy whose first thought for a made-up wife's name is the codename he uses for the woman he's known for years and probably wants to marry but hasn't ever asked out!"

Roy shut up, going red with embarrassment, anger and indignation.

They spent the rest of the trip to the station in silence, each casting annoyed glances at each other the whole time.

Every time Roy turned his head, Edward grabbed any random spot on his face and pulled, narrowing his sharp golden eyes and sticking out his tongue.

At one point, Roy reached right across to the other side of the car and slapped Edward upside the head out of sheer irritation. How he planned to survive the next two weeks or so remained a mystery to the self-proclaimed master of disguise, since he was already halfway up his figurative 'wall'.

After what seemed to the two state alchemists like several hours (twenty-two minutes), they were finally able to escape from the car and out into another cramped transportation service; a train.

Edward threw his travelling case over his shoulder and followed after Roy's back. He pointed at the overhead clock and said, "What time's the train meant to be here for?"

Roy looked up. "About…five minutes from now."

They wandered over to the third line only to see the back of their train begin to pull away from the station. Roy looked at Edward and Edward looked at Roy.

"Up for a race, Fullmetal?"

"Anytime! How 'bout you, old man?"

"I'm only twenty-nine, Ed," Roy said with a smirk. "So be careful what you say. I'm not as physically incompetent as you seem to think I am."

"That a challenge?"

"You're on."

They stood still as the train sped up a little, then simultaneously took off at high speed, sprinting after it.

Edward gave a sly grin. "Ready?"

Roy raised an eyebrow, puzzled. "Huh?"

"Hyup!" Edward threw his suitcase vertically onto the ground before himself and took a flying leap at it, landing on his knees atop it and allowing his momentum to carry him forward on the wheels.

Roy's eyes widened, then his face became a mask of determination. "Two can play at that game, Fullmetal."

He hauled his case up higher on his back and quickened his pace, sprinting for the gap in the platform. Go!

He didn't miss a beat as he thumped down onto the tracks and bolted after the train at top speed. "Let's see you catch it from up there! You're running out of platform, Fullmetal!"

"Tch!" Edward kicked out with his leg and sped up a little before clapping his hands and tapping the ground whizzing past. He grabbed a spear out of the concrete and an abandoned cloak from the floor, quickly transmuting it into a rope. Then he drew back and threw it as hard as he could at the back of the train as it began to pick up speed.

He grabbed his case in one hand and slapped the platform again with the other, and suddenly a great rocky spring platform slung him forward. He sailed overhead as the transmutation sank back into the floor, shooting Roy a grin.

This time it was the Colonel's turn to growl. He wasn't far behind the train now - he could probably make it if he jumped for it.

But why waste the effort if someone was there to make it for you?

Roy kept his eye on Edward's path and waited for the exact moment when the boy's rope was directly overhead before springing up to grab it.

He hauled himself up with one arm and swung over the railing just as Edward reached it, thumping down with a loud clunk! Both alchemists landed on the back of the train at the same time, panting and regarding each other with looks of offence.

"You cheated!" stated Edward accusingly, thrusting a finger at Roy. "Grabbing onto my rope's a bit of a dirty trick, man!"

"What, and employing alchemy in a running race is perfectly fair?" Roy retorted. "And besides, I see nothing wrong with saving myself some effort by doing a little coattail hanging. Why should I do something again if someone's already done it for me?"

"You're so lazy!"

"I call it 'recycling effective ideas'."

"It's laziness! Slacking off! Procrastinating!"

"Who are you, my mother?" Roy sent Edward a scathing glare as he pushed open the door and stepped inside the carriage.

"I'm Lieutenant Hawkeye!"

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny, straight from the mouth of the boy whose little brother is more like his big brother."

"Yeah, well, y'know what?" Edward began as they made their way up to the ticket warden. "There isn't a soldier in all of East City who doesn't say 'It's almost like Hawkeye's the Colonel's babysitter! As soon as she leaves, he's on the phone to a girl!' Not a single soldier! Right, A—" Edward cut himself off as he remembered his little brother wasn't there to give him that meager support he'd often supplied him with.

"Alphonse isn't here to back you up this time, Fullmetal." Roy rolled his eyes. "There's also not a single soldier who doesn't call you 'shortie' behind your back."

"I'm not short! It's just those damned soldiers who feel the need to be superior to everyone else!" Edward fished around in his back pocket and whipped out his ticket with a furious light sparking in his eyes. "As soon as this mission's over, I'm gonna find every guy who said that and beat the snot out of 'em!"

"And then I'll court-martial you and you'll be out of my hair forever. Good riddance," Roy said as he handed his ticket to the baffled looking man before him.

As the two finally allowed for their bickering to die down, they turned around and realised that just about every other passenger on the train was staring at them.

They exchanged a somewhat embarrassed glance and waited for someone to cover their mistake, having forgotten that their normal 'smooth-things-over-ers' were absent from both their sides.

Roy cleared his throat and spoke up. "Ah, sorry about that…" He trailed off. What is it that Hawkeye always does when I fluff up?

"We were just…" Edward scratched at his head awkwardly. "…y'know…" What's that thing Alphonse normally says?

"Sorry about his behavior. It was out of line. Please don't mind us," the two said in unison, both nodding and wandering off to their seats.

Roy rubbed his forehead and Edward's eyes flicked over the gradually relaxing passengers of the train as they sat down, both of them letting out a sigh.

They occupied two double leather seats with a small wooden table between them, both secretly enjoying the slightly red tone to the other's cheeks.

"That," Edward mumbled. "Was really freaky."

"I guess neither of us have really had to clean up our own messes before now," admitted Roy. "Odd, but now that I think about it, both of us are…"

"Away from our partners?" Edward suggested softly. "That's what I thought too."

They contemplated on this in solemn silence, each just now realising how heavily they relied on their Lieutenant/Brother/Babysitter/Assistant/Partner-in -crime/Companion?/Caretaker/Person-who-is-just-abo ut-always-with-them.

"Odd," Roy echoed, looking out the window at the slowly receding tumble of grey that was East City. "By the way, Fullmetal, that was a nice little stunt back here; you know, pulling that spear from the platform whilst you were still moving. Good job, not just any alchemist could do that."

"Yeah, I'm not just any alchemist. And you were pretty good too…" Edward caught himself complementing the man who was possibly the most annoying guy on earth. "I mean, for a lazy, pretty-boy demolitions expert who only uses alchemy to blow stuff up."

Roy rolled his eyes again. "Well, you're an incompetent pipsqueak who doesn't even have the decency to form a proper complement."

"I'M NO PIPSQUEAK!"

About half an hour later, Edward had fallen into a heavy sleep on the tabletop, his arms folded and his head nestled comfortably in the crook of his elbows.

That cannot be good for his back, Roy thought disdainfully, shaking his head.

Edward snuffled in his sleep and muttered, "It was Al's fault, mom… He used dad's…Bunsen burner…and that's how it…went on fire…"

Roy smirked. Dreaming, huh? It's a wonder a boy like him still has the ability to sleep peacefully.

He cast his gaze back to the shifting land outside the window. "Lucky."

"Ngh."

Roy's eyebrows heightened a notch as he caught Edward grunt uncomfortably. Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Seconds later, Edward was silent again, save for his loud breathing. Roy frowned in disapproval as a dribble of spit found it's way out of Edward's mouth and onto the table and he began to poke the boy in the shoulder.

It took him a couple of goes to register the fact that he was trying to poke auto-mail.

He switched shoulders.

Edward seemed to either not notice Roy's attempt to awaken him or simply not care, dozing on peacefully.

"Fullmetal. Fullmetal. Ed. Edward. Ed. Wake up. You're drooling on the table."

Roy eventually gave up, sitting back. He tried looking out the window again, but his eyes somehow drifted back to Edward every time. He knew from experience that Edward's back would be giving him a lot of grief when he woke up if he continued to sleep in such a posture. That would then morph into a headache, which would lead to crankiness, which would lead to complaining, and Roy didn't want to deal with a grumpy, whiny Ed.

Cursing softly, he stood up and went around to Edward's side of the table and hoisted him up by the shoulders, throwing his own travelling cloak between the boy's head and the window like a cushion.

"There," Roy said, satisfied he wouldn't have to deal with an annoying teen. "Better."

He went back around to his own seat, reassuring himself that he didn't do it for the boy's comfort, but so that he himself could have a little more peace later on.

That was all.

Thanks for reading! And reviewing! And for everyone who told me what language 'adios' is, you're awesome too! Please don't forget to review. If I need to respond but can't review something back for you, I'll do this:

BulletWitch1985 - Yes, it is that guy. Glad someone recognised. I don't know much about him, but I thought I should shove him in somewhere. :D

HUGHES IS AWESOME! *rainbow riding powers - ACTIVATE!*