Chapter 10

The next day when I awoke, the outside light was bright and the sun fully risen. I shuffled out of the bedroom and pulled on a wrap sweater over my pajamas before going out on the balcony. I leaned on my arm on the railing, staring painfully at the wondrous landscape under me and in front of me. I didn't have any pictures in the midday light, and I desperately wanted some. I knew that if I went out and got them, I would fall back into my cycle of taking daily landscapes. I had to go at least a few days without them. I sighed heavily and looked longingly down from the balcony, feeling as if I was going through a sort of withdrawal.

I pulled myself away from the unattainable beauty and retreated back inside, sitting down and curling up lazily on the couch. Though I had slept for a long while, I still felt tired. I suspected that it would take several days to recover from my deprivation. I gazed out the window at the balcony, holding myself back with all my might and trying to subdue my frustration. I longed for a distraction, and was appeased when there was a knock on the door.

"Tamzin, are you awake?" Ignazio called through the closed door, knocking again.

"Yeah," I called back, moving my head from where it was buried dejectedly in the couch pillow to speak.

"Can I come in? I want to talk to you."

I got up reluctantly from the couch and ran a hand through my tangled blonde hair on the way to the door. I pulled it open and looked at Ignazio standing in the doorway, surveying his bright smile, his dark messy hair, and his soft-looking sweater and jeans.

"Good morning," I said, unintentionally sleepy-sounding, stepping aside to let him in, and he smiled gently after I closed the door and leaned against it, watching him.

"Well, afternoon, now."

"What!?"

I turned and looked at the hotel room clock, startled to find that it was three in the afternoon.

"Oh! Oh no, Ignazio!" I said in shock, turning back to him. "I missed the interview!"

"It's okay!" he quickly reassured me, smiling, "We didn't wake you on purpose. Michele and I talked last night about you, and I told him that you were sleep deprived. He decided to let you off for the day so you could rest."

I stared at him in stunned silence for a moment, and then I glared at him.

"No!" I said forcefully, curling my hands into angered fists. "You should have woken me! I am your photographer! You can't let me off like this! I have to go with you guys, understand!? It's my RESPONSIBILITY!"

I was raising my voice in frustration, and Ignazio looked at me in confusion.

"It's alright, Tamzin! You can rest today."

"NO! I have to go to work, okay!?"

He gazed silently at me for a moment and then held up his hands in surrender.

"Okay," he said softly. "Sure, Tamzin."

"I'm coming to the concert tonight," I said, folding my arms defiantly.

"Okay."

We stared at each other for a moment, his face blank and mine supporting a fierce glare. Then he smiled brightly, trying to get me to smile too, and I dropped my arms after a moment as I watched his cheerful expression.

"Come talk with me?" he asked, going to the couch and sitting down.

I hesitated, and then moved forward and sat beside him, waiting expectantly.

He looked at me with a sudden somber look in his eye, and I stiffened subconsciously as I observed it.

"What?"

"I was thinking last night, for a long while, actually, about what you said yesterday."

"What did I say?"

"When you were telling me, or rather, not telling me, about why you were so tired…you said that you force yourself to work for us."

I stared dumbly at him for a moment as I cringed internally.

"Oh…"

I shook my head quickly and moved closer to him, reaching out and quickly grasping his arm to make him listen, realizing apologetically that I had insulted Il Volo.

"I was tired, Ignazio. I didn't know what I was saying! I didn't mean it!"

He shook his head and looked at me with solemn, gentle brown eyes.

"I think you meant it."

I looked back at him as I realized I couldn't convince him otherwise, and I took my hand from his arm and looked down at my feet, searching for something to say.

"You really don't like working for us?"

"I…I work hard, Ignazio. I do a good job!"

"That's not what I asked."

He spoke gently, but I felt my face flush with embarrassment and I avoided his gaze.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you can't help it. I think I knew already. You work fervently, Tamzin, but you don't have that spark in your eye like you did that day when I saw you on the porch."

I looked up at him somberly, and we watched each other for a moment. Then I hardened my expression and crossed my arms.

"You didn't tell Michele or Barbara, right?"

"No. I won't tell them, Tamzin. I just wish that you could have the same joy about Il Volo that the rest of us do."

I fidgeted and chastised myself inwardly for allowing Ignazio to find out about the mundaneness I was experiencing. I dropped my arms and smiled softly and hopefully at him.

"Maybe I will. Eventually."

I felt rather hopeless when I said it, especially with the sun shining on the tempting landscape outside the window, but Ignazio nodded and gave me a gentle smile, to my relief.

"I hope so. Maybe this will help you feel better."

I watched as he took something from inside his sweater and handed it to me.

"Here."

I reached out and took it from him, examining it as he watched.

It was a new Il Volo CD, one I hadn't seen before. It was a Christmas CD, and the cover contained a flattering photo of the three boys all dressed in black suits. Though it was a nice photo, I noted the lack of festivity it contained.

"Did Michele mention that we recorded a Christmas album during the summer?"

"Yes, but I thought it wasn't supposed to be out yet. It's only September, after all."

"It's not out yet. But since you're part of the team…"

He smiled secretively and leaned toward me to jostle me playfully. I smiled and looked up into his eager eyes, deciding not to remind him that I was just the photographer.

"Thanks, Ignazio."

"Sure, Tamzin. Tell me, what do you think of the cover?"

I looked back down at the picture.

"It's Valerie's work?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

"Well, it's good, of course, but…not very festive, don't you think?"

I looked up at him, and he nodded.

"That's what the producers have been thinking. It's pretty short notice, but they want us to have a new cover shoot."

"Oh."

He smiled at me.

"That means you, Tamzin."

"Oh! Really?"

He laughed.

"Yes! You're our photographer now, so you get to do the shoot! There's a designer in Chile who's going to get our outfits, but the pictures are all yours."

"Oh. Okay."

I looked at the CD case and imaged my own photography on the cover. A hint of excitement stirred inside me, but then evaporated when I realized it would just be like my normal day-to-day job. The boys would dress up and pose, and I'd snap a few pictures and then hand them over to Michele.

I looked up at Ignazio.

"Why are you telling me this? Isn't this something Michele should tell me?
He laughed, and I smiled at the bright sound.

"You're right," he said, "But I think they see me as the only one having access to you at the moment, since I'm the only one who's seen you since yesterday at the theatre."

"Oh." I blushed slightly and turned my face away from Ignazio, recalling vividly the theatre's events.

"I guess I'll go," Ignazio said, smiling at me. "Piero, Gianluca, and I are going bike riding before the concert. Do you want to come?"

I shook my head quickly, thinking it was best to keep myself out of the landscape, and Ignazio nodded.

"You're right. You should probably stay in and rest. I'll see you tonight at the concert?"

"Absolutely. Do not leave without me, alright?"

"Okay. I promise. If I don't leave without you, then they can't leave without you either, right?"

I smiled suddenly and nodded at his playful expression, tracing the edge of the CD with my fingers.

"Right, Ignazio. I'll see you tonight."

He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and I stiffened and stayed frozen on the sofa as I watched him leave my room.