Chapter 3 – I Must Not Tell Lies

Delores got dressed, ate a brief breakfast, and immediately flooed to St. Mungo's for a checkup. She charmed (wheedled, ranted, threatened, blackmailed) her way into an immediate appointment with her personal mediwitch, Healer Ellena Jagiss. When the healer asked what was wrong with her, the Senior Undersecretary just commented that she had been feeling just a little out of sorts lately and had an occasional bad dream at night.

The healer had done a thorough check up of the witch and only found out that her blood pressure was a little high and that her gluteus maximus had increased in size since her last total checkup. "It's not something to concern yourself with Delores. It happens to the best of us."

Feeling disappointed somehow that there was nothing physically or magically wrong with her, Delores took the advice to rest more and walk a little bit every day. Healer Jagiss also gave her a mild Calming Draught to take before she went to bed to help her sleep better. Delores Umbridge took the vial and placed it securely into her dragon skin and hippogriff feathered shoulder bag. Madame Umbridge got the healer's reassurance that she would give her stronger medications if the symptoms continued or got worse. Madame Umbridge walked out of St. Mungo's confidant that what she had experienced had been just a result of the stress to which she had thrown herself into getting ready for her new assignment.

Stopping at the Ministry briefly, Delores met with Cornelius Fudge to show him the textbook she had chosen. Fudge said he remembered doodling in his grandfather's copy of the book as a young lad and he remembered his Grandmother Moraina Dullard reading him to sleep from it on more than one occasion. Delores was quite happy that the Minister shared part of his childhood with her. They had lunch together in the Minister's private dining room and Delores filled him in on the rest of her plans.

Delores had been unable to stay longer as her appointment with Madame Marchbanks was fast approaching. Taking the elevator from Level One down to Level Six, Umbridge had to pop her head into the Floo Network Authority office to ask directions to the Wizarding Examinations Authority as she had never been there before.

Due to misleading signage, Delores Umbridge was all of five minutes late getting to her appointment with Griselda Marchbanks. Something she had immediately regretted. Madame Marchbanks had a reputation for exactness which was perfect for heading this important but miniscule department of the Ministry. Umbridge had faced Marchbanks as a student as the older witch had personally examined her OWL in Herbology, which had not turned out well. Madame Marchbanks had become a force to be reckoned with as she was also a senior member of the Wizengamot and did not uniformly support all the legislation the Minister and the pureblood families tried to bring into law.

The meeting with Marchbanks did not last long or go well. The Senior Examiner was less than pleased at the appointment and confirmation of Umbridge by the Board of Governors. Marchbanks not only was not going to listen to any proposal lessening the practical part of the Defense against Dark Arts tests but she almost threatened Delores with censure and criminal malfeasance if the test scores at Hogwarts dipped significantly because of her teaching abilities.

Delores was seething (in a cheerful way) when she left Madame Marchbanks but found the Minister Fudge had already left his office for the day. She wrote a sealed message for him describing the 'problem' she had encountered and left it with his secretary.

Umbridge then flooed home to find a Hogwarts owl waiting on her doorstep with yet another letter from Albus Dumbledore. Knowing she couldn't put it off forever, Delores wrote back that she would be in her office at 10 the next morning if he had something important to talk to her about.

Delores had a Chamomile tea to settle herself down before supper and decided to take half of the Calming Draught so she could put the afternoon's frustrations behind her. Her house elf, Wikeed, seemed to sense her mood and made one of Delores' favorite meal – Steak and Kidney pie with jellied eels. A nicely made Semolina Pudding for dessert served to relax the future teacher and she finished it off as she read through the middle chapters of the books and tried to make some order out of the spells she would not teach to the fourth and fifth year classes.

Delores Umbridge had changed and was just about to turn out the lights in her bedroom when she remembered the rest of the Calming Draught she had been given. Reaching into her purse on the night stand, she brought out the vial and drained the rest of the potion in one long pull. Delores snuggled into her eider down pillow and pulled the rainbow and kittens comforter up to her shoulders. She was quickly asleep.

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… It was another important moment she had been waiting for. Harry Potter coming to serve detention. She had a special and fitting punishment lined up for him; one that would have the boy crying in pain and begging for mercy. And any other conditions she would impose. Delores already had the rebuttal all printed out and ready for his signature. When the Daily Prophet printed the truth that Harry Potter had lied about the events at the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, the support for both him and Dumbledore would crumble. Then everyone would turn their attention to how right Cornelius Fudge was all along. This assignment would be over before she had passed a full week as instructor.

There was a knock on the door. The fun was about to start.

"Come in."

Harry Potter entered cautiously as if expecting an attack to come from any corner of the office. He stopped in shock; whatever preconceptions as to the appearance of the DADA's office had probably fell way short of preparing him for this cozy and welcoming space.

"The surfaces had all been draped in lacy covers and cloths. There were several vases of dried flowers, each residing on its own doily, and on one of the walls was a collection of ornamental plates, each decorated with a large Technicolor kitten wearing a different bow around its neck.

"Good evening Mr. Potter." (Ch. 13, Order of the Phoenix)

"Good evening Madame Umbridge."

"I will tell you once that you will address me in my office like you are supposed to in my classroom."

"Very well. Good evening Professor Umbridge."

"Please close the door behind you and take a seat." She pointed at a small desk with a straight back chair right in front of her desk. Harry went and sat in it and dropped his bookbag beside him.

"I hear you are on the Gryffindor House Quidditch team" Umbridge said sweetly.

"Yes professor. Seeker position."

"When are your practices scheduled?"

"Tuesdays, Thursday and Friday's at five o'clock. More if Captain Wood deems necessary."

"So you are missing practice tonight? No pleas for delaying your punishment?"

"No Professor. I'll try not to get any more detentions."

"Then you must not insist on spreading evil, nasty, attention spreading stories. If you persist in such matter, you will miss a lot of your precious hours of practice."

Harry's lips thinned as if in anger but he made no reply or protest.

"No comment whatsoever then?" Umbridge preened at the visibly upset boy.

"No ma'am."

"Very well then. As to your punishment, you are going to be writing some lines for me tonight and every other night you end up in detention with me."

Harry Potter stared at Professor Umbridge for a few seconds and then reached for his bag. Umbridge immediately corrected him as she saw what he taken out and put on the desk.

"You need to put away your quill and ink Mr. Potter. There is a special quill of mine that you will use."

Harry put the supplies back in his bookbag and Umbridge stood up from her desk and walked around to Harry's spot. She handed him a long, very thin black quill whose nib looked especially sharp. She then returned to her desk.

"Professor Umbridge."

"Yes Mr. Potter?"

"You haven't given me any ink for this quill."

"Oh, you won't need any ink," said Professor Umbridge with the merest suggestion of a laugh in her voice.

"They must have different types of self-inking quills at the Ministry" Harry said.

"You have no idea Mr. Potter. Off you go."

Harry put the tip to the paper and then looked up. "Was there anything specific you wanted me to write?"

"I want you to write 'I must not tell lies'," the witch sweetly said.

"And how many times would you deem this necessary for my so-called lies?"

"That is the last time you speak until I tell you to stop writing Mr. Potter! You will write as long as it takes for the message to sink in. Commence now."

Harry Potter put the point of the quill to the parchment. Delores watched him for his reaction. There was a quick scratch of a word or two and then the student put the quill down rapidly. He shook out his writing hand and stared at the quill for a long couple of seconds. He moved his head sideways, once hard to the left and then to the right, and the snap of a couple of cartilage moving back into alignment was heard. Harry bent back to the paper and began writing.

He looked up after a minute to see Umbridge smiling at him with a big Cheshire cat like grin on her face. Or maybe it appeared like a toad-like mouth after catching some particularly juicy flies.

Harry bent back to his writing and Umbridge frowned. He should have reacted; he should be in pain from the actions of the blood quill. Her eyes narrowed as she felt he was not behaving properly. But he wrote on. He looked up once or twice, shook his head and then bent back to his task. Delores grew tired of waiting for him to cry out in pain and started reading the essays she had to grade. Harry raised his hand once after about half an hour and Delores gloated silently to herself. 'He was going to ask to stop. He's in too much pain to continue' she thought.

Harry just asked permission to get more parchment from his book bag as he had filled out the sheets he had pulled out.

"Use the backs" was her only answer.

"I already have Professor Umbridge."

"Get more parchment then!" Umbridge was hot. And befuddled. The quill was a proscribed item; it had been used to torture … correct that…used to persuade former Death Eaters and other criminals to confess to crimes that they may or may not have actually committed. To have this teenager resist its spell was just more proof that he might be a Dark Art student himself. 'Or so dumb he doesn't recognize pain' Umbridge thought to herself.

It grew dark outside finally. Umbridge realized that Harry Potter had been writing for enough time to cause permanent damage. And yet he uttered not a word. She couldn't stand it any longer. "Stop your writing Mr. Potter."

Umbridge stood up from her chair and went to collect the lines that the student had been toiling over for such a long time. She looked at them; all the writing was in red. Page after page after page all written in mostly legible script and yet all Potter did after handing the parchment up was to link his hands together and crack his knuckles!

"Your hand. Let me see it."

Harry held out his hand and Delores took it. It was a little warm but otherwise unmarked. Normal, unmarked skin that matched his other hand. This was impossible.

"Is that all for tonight Professor Umbridge? I wouldn't want to be out in the hallways after curfew and receive another detention."

Delores grabbed the quill out of his hand violently and turned to walk back to her desk. And then she saw…

She saw her collection of kitten plates. Or what used to be kitten plates. There were only 4 visible out of the original two dozen that still had a portrait of the young felines; and in two of them the kitties were laying on their sides licking and cleaning up paws that were dripping and covered in blood. There were bloody paw prints on the rest of the plates where the kittens had walked or limped around before finally abandoning the portraits.

Umbridge was speechless; she had been collecting those plates since she was a little girl and now they were all ruined. Well, not all; two kittens were looking around for all their play buddies and were making such pitiful mewing, lonely sounds that Delores Umbridge cast a silencing spell on the whole wall. There was a small sound behind her and Delores whirled to see Potter picking up his bookbag in anticipation of leaving. "Oh no you don't!"

Relaxing back into the seat, Harry calmly looked up into the raging face of the DADA teacher. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" she shouted.

"I did absolutely nothing but write the lines you asked me to."

Marching over to the desk, Umbridge grabbed the boy up by his robes and stared him in the face. "What did you do to my kitties?"

Harry pointed at the sheaf of papers she was holding. "I must not tell lies. I did nothing. I cast no spell to affect your plates."

"Your wand Potter!" snarled out Umbridge.

Not looking away from Umbridge's face Harry reached into his pocket and calmly handed his wand over. Delores did the Prior Incantato spell but all that came out of Potter's wand was evidence of a Leg-Locker curse.

Throwing the wand back at Potter, Delores search her memory for any kind of spell that would affect charmed pictures. Nothing came to mind but Harry Potter was still in the room.

"Did you see what happened Potter?"

"Yes Professor."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What happened?"

"Oh. The kittens started fidgeting as soon as I started writing. A different kitten for every line. They were all licking their paws by the time I finished the first page."

"And you didn't think to speak up?"

"You ordered me not to talk until you told me to stop writing lines. I obeyed what you said because I didn't want any further detentions Professor."

Umbridge trembled in rage. This could not be happening. She stomped her foot. "Where did my kitties go?"

"I don't really know ma'am. But…"

"Yes Mr. Potter?"

"In the medical wing there are portraits of all the healers and mediwitches that have worked here at Hogwarts. Hagrid said one of them, a Healer Clumber, had a special fondness for cats and his portrait has some kittens in it. Maybe they went there. But I have no other guesses. Sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry! You will be sorry Mr. Potter. This detention may be over for tonight but you will return again tomorrow!"

"To write more lines then?"

"This is what I think of your lines Potter!" Delores slapped her hand on the sheath of papers on her desk and drew a big X through them all. She then screamed and clutched her arm! She had forgotten in her rage that she had been holding the very quill she had been making Potter write with! She dropped the quill as she felt pain from her shoulder down to her wrist. It felt like a line was gouged first downward and then back up, crossing at the inside of her elbow.

Umbridge fell to her knees and grabbed her arm. There were two red lines that ran up and down her arm; both were bleeding rather freely. The blood on the inside of her elbow was pulsing just a little bit as she clamped her hand over it.

Delores Umbridge looked around for her wand but couldn't see it. And she wouldn't admit anything to the calm Gryffindor who was staring at her like he had done nothing wrong.

"Get back to your dorm boy! Now!"

"The medical wing and Madame Pomfrey are two floors down, West Wing."

"Shut your bloody trap you … you! Leave Mr. Potter!"

Harry Potter left Delores Umbridge's office. Thirty seconds later Delores followed him out with one of her best scarfs wrapped tightly around her damaged arm. Following Potter's direction she went down one flight of stairs across two hallways and to another stairway downward. She was halfway down that when her foot slipped on some of the blood she was losing. Delores lost her balance, fell over screaming…

. . . . and landed on the rug next to her bed in a tangle of sheets and other bedding. Delores floundered (really – like a fat pink flounder) around for a bit until she freed herself from her wrappings and called out for the lights. She was still clutching her arm and had to force herself to take a look at it.

Her arm was just pale. And whole. Delores shakily gathered up her sheets and sat on the bed.

What was happening to her?

Delores sat on the edge of her bed for a long time until she finally fell back into a restless sleep.

Xxxx xxx

(Authors note: No kittens, real or painted were actually harmed in the making of this dream. If Delores had decided to change her mind and double back without going to see Madame Pomfrey she would have witnessed the following:

Harry Potter waited around the corner until he heard Madame Umbridge's heavy footfalls disappear down the first flight of stairs. He came back to Umbridge's office and pushed the door with his wand very carefully. He stepped inside and looked around.

Harry whispered but one word. "Dobby?"

And he was almost knocked off his feet as his knees were hugged from behind by a very enthusiastic house elf. "Dobby protected the great wizard and friend Harry Potter. He stayed invisible and lured the little pussycats away from the pictures by waving little pieces of tuna fish in front of them. They all followed the smell to the picture of the Hogsmeade cheese factory that's in the unused classroom around the corner. All the kitties went inside to find the cheese and sound very contented now. Four decided to stay here so when Dobby came back, he placed some paw prints in all the pictures and gave the four some sweetened beet juice to play with. Dobby did good?"

Harry Potter smiled. "Dobby did very good. Thank you for the help."

"That is a nasty pen Wizard Potter. I saw it used at my former owner's house more than once. That witch should not try to hurt Harry Potter."

"I hope she doesn't resort to anything worse Dobby. With me or anyone else."

"Dobby could take that evil thing away."

"I don't want you taking chances or getting caught by her Dobby. You have done enough for one evening my friend."

"Dobby is so happy that the great Harry Potter calls Dobby friend!"

OR

Harry walked in to the office of Delores Umbridge and stared at the bloody portraits for a long time and then pointed his wand at the wall. "Evanesco!" The red paw prints all disappeared.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and then checked the corridor again before staring at the far corner of the office. "You can come out now Hermione."

There was a rustle of fabric and Hermione Granger's head appeared as she threw off the invisibility cloak and rushed over to grab Harry up in a strong hug. "I was scared she was going to hex you."

Harry put his arms around the girl's trembling shoulders and squeezed them. "I'm glad you talked me out of coming here alone."

"She has some very unfriendly plans for you Harry."

"I seem to attract the very worst people. But you have to tell me how you did all this."

"Aside from the silencing charms? Well I thought about the plain old switching spell but I wasn't sure what that pen was. I didn't really want those cute kittens to get hurt. So I switched the effects to some of those blast-ended skrewts Hagrid told us were in pens behind his hut."

"Okay I am following you so far. The paw prints?

"Transfigured flobberworms."

"Eeew! Maybe Professor McGonagall shouldn't be told what you did here tonight."

Hermione slapped Harry on the arm. "You owe me now Potter."

"That's what – fifty four thousand, six hundred and ninety four?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Six hundred and ninety six. But I'm not really keeping track. Prat!"

Harry laughed and pulled the witch closer into the hug."We best get going before Filch and Mrs. Norris start wandering the halls. Where are the kittens anyway?"

Hermione pointed her wand and all the plates flipped over in place and all the kittens were back in their original positions.

" you really are the brightest witch of your age. Just like Sirius said." Harry grabbed his cloak and stuffed it back in his pocket. He led Hermione out the door and put a locking spell on it just in case Madame Pomfrey didn't keep Umbridge overnight.

The two walked calmly back to Gryffindor tower talking about their Charms essay that Ron probably hadn't started yet.

…. Of course, this is all a dream happening in the slightly poached mind of Delores Umbridge.

Right? )