The Disturbing Dreams of Delores Umbridge

by Captain Compass

What could possibly go wrong with Cornelius Fudge's brilliant plan during Harry Potter's fifth year? Does one dare to think about the happenings in the mind of a certain Senior Undersecretary? A series of slightly (im)possible scenes before Delores Umbridge first stood up in the Great Hall? What do her dreams foretell before she gets to the Welcoming Feast. Will be mostly crackfic.

4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – The High Inquisitor

After the unpleasant dreams the night before, Delores Umbridge slept very late for her the next morning. By the time she had dressed and eaten a decent breakfast it was near 9 am. She wasted no time after checking her appearance to floo calling Healer Jagiss at St. Mungo's and practically ordering a stronger Calming Drought to be delivered to her home. While the Healer wanted more information about the type of dreams she was experiencing, Delores couldn't bother taking the request seriously. She had to push for establishing a definite time for delivery of the potion as she informed the healer that she had some very important meetings to attend to during the day

Madame…excuse me…Professor Umbridge (as she was looking forward to be addressed as) barely made it to her office at the Ministry before her 10 o'clock appointment. She took the cup of tea that her secretary prepared for her and settled in at her desk to await the arrival of Albus Dumbledore.

It was more than a few minutes after 10 and Delores Umbridge's wonderful smile had disappeared and she was thinking of calling her secretary in to see if any word had come from the Headmaster of Hogwarts explaining his delay. Just as she was rising from her specially ordered executive chair there was a sudden whoosh of sound and an explosion of flames right in front of Delores' face. She toppled over backward in her chair and went sprawling across the floor, swearing (in a very gracious way of course) and trying to keep her very proper skirt from revealing the tops of the demure pink shade of leggings she had worn to the office today.

Rising carefully from the floor, Delores saw the source of the eruption. It wasn't a Dark Magic spell or curse; it was rather Albus Dumbledore's familiar. The swan-sized crimson and gold bird was currently sitting on her desk and cleaning its feathers with its golden beak. That his shiny posterior was facing Umbridge when her eyes rose above the desktop level was something she really didn't want to ever see again. Delores knew this was a symbol of the Light but she was so offended by the casual disrespect the bird was displaying that she had half-drawn her wand out of her blouse sleeve but suddenly changed her mind. She settled for something else instead.

"Ahem, hem."

The phoenix finished his grooming and reversed itself on the desktop with a slight flap of its wings. It also dropped an envelope from his claws and gave a small 'Hornkle' as it disappeared in a burst of flames.

Reaching for the letter Delores hoped it was some explanation for Dumbledore's delay. There was a small scowl on her face when she broke open the official seal and read what the Headmaster had written.

Dear Madame Umbridge,

I do apologize for the abrupt cancellation of our meeting today. I have been unfortunately called away to an emergency meeting of the ICW concerning the outbreak of Lethifolds in Tahiti. We are considering authorizing a small detachment of hit-wizards to combat the invasion but must make a field trip there to scope out the seriousness of the problem.

Sincerely yours, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

p.s. - "HORNKLE!" The phoenix reappeared and announced itself about a foot from Delores left ear. She jumped halfway across her desk in surprise but fell off the end of the desk taking numerous papers, official documents and the two pictures of her favorite teas services.

The phoenix flew around the room with a funny, lilting song coming from it and picked up the letter that had fallen from Umbridge's hand when she was startled. Delores had only been able to flip over to her back when the phoenix landed on her stomach and held out the letter again in one of its claws.

"Get off me you stupid bird!"

The bird, surprisingly light for its size, refused to move and held out the letter one more time. This time she took it and still the bird didn't move.

"Hornkle? Hornkle?"

"Okay, I will finish reading it. Now will you get off me?"

The phoenix bobbled its head as if understanding her and launched off Umbridge's stomach. Delores threw one arm over her midsection and hoped the birds sharp claws hadn't broken the skin or damaged her sweater. She crawled around the end of the desk and used her chair to regain her seat. She saw when she had finally sat down that Dumbledore's familiar had settled on top of one of her filing cabinets and had put his head underneath a wing as if going to sleep.

Delores kept one eye on the sneaky bird as she reread the letter again.

p.s. –- Fawkes will remain around to carry back your reply. You may suggest a later date and time for us to meet, or see about scheduling the interview with the Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall. If neither one of these options fit into your schedule, we will see you Sept. 1st for the orientation and the Welcoming Feast.

"Hornkle?" "Ack!" Umbridge said. Somehow Fawkes had moved without a sound from the cabinet to the center of Delores' desk again. She glared at the magical creature (She really hated all magical creatures- they were totally unnatural! And inferior to pureblood Witches and Wizards.) as it held out a quill for her to write with.

Under the watchful eye of the phoenix Delores hastily wrote a reply.

To: Professor McGonagall

Due to the inability of Headmaster Dumbledore and I to connect for the professional consultation he wished to have with me I will arrive at Hogwarts at 10 am, Monday the 25th of August for a guided tour of the facility and a revue of the lesson plans that previous instructors of Defense against the Dark Arts have inflicted on the young wizards and witches of the institution.

I hope our professional and instructional careers will begin a long association of friendship and superior achievements at this time.

Sincerely yours, Professor Delores Jane Umbridge

Delores signed, folded and sealed the letter and held it out to the phoenix. It hopped forward and knocked over her inkwell before grabbing the letter and disappearing in a flash of magical flames. Unfortunately, somehow the magical means of transportation ignited the spilled ink and Delores was forced to quickly brandish her wand and yell out 'Augumenti' and put out the fire before it ruined her desk after burning through her desk pad and appointment book.

Delores looked at her ruined desktop and ordered her secretary to order the replacement items she needed as well as to bill the order to the Ministry's Hogwarts account. She then left the office and told Miss Fleasting to contact her at home if any urgent business came in before classes resumed Sept. 1st at Hogwarts. The secretary wished her good luck at her new job and stated she would try to do her best for Madame Umbridge's temporary replacement.

Flooing to Diagon Alley, Delores had a very delectable lunch at Reed's Refined Repasts before arriving at her regular Friday appointment at Madam Medici's Beauty Parlor. As a reward for herself, Delores splurged on not just the manicure and hair wash and style but the full treatment including a pedicure, facial and steam bath(but not necessarily in that order) before charging her appointment to the Ministry.

Delores then went home to find that the Calming Drought she had ordered had arrives as well at the trio of various new dress robes she had ordered from Madame Malkin's. While she intended to mostly wear her professional suits and dresses as an example and inspiration to the young witches, she knew that there may be official function she would still attend where robes were the requirement.

Delores Umbridge settled in on her crocheting doilies as was her habit in relaxing after supper. She deliberately disregarded the textbook and any sort of lesson plans in her effort to relax before bedtime. She downed the Calming Drought with some lemon biscuits before retiring for the evening and falling asleep.

~Z ~Z~ ~Z~ ~Z

~Z~ ~Z~

~Z~

It had come to pass just as Cornelius Fudge had told his assistant it would. Educational Decree Twenty-Three had been made into law and Delores Umbridge not only had the title of professor but now held the post and title of High Inquisitor.

The Inquisitor, as Junior Assistant to the Minister Percival Weasley was quoted in the excellent article the Daily Prophet, will have powers to inspect her fellow educators and make sure that they are coming up to scratch. (Ch. 15, OotP)

Delores Umbridge was taking the first opportunity of inspection as the chance to evaluate the one she knew the very least about; Sybill Patricia Trelawney. The teacher of Divination was very reclusive and rarely left her office and classroom in the top of the North Tower. Today the High Inquisitor was going to interrogate… err observe the witch as she taught a class of fifth years.

Using the directions she had received from one Draco Malfoy, a fine upstanding representative of the type of pureblood student she was trying to protect, Delores traversed the many stairs and corridors until she had at least come to a dead end hallway. There was a ladder leading upward with a small sign indicating that the Divination Classroom was accessed through the small square hole in the corridors ceiling by way of said ladder.

Umbridge made a note on her clipboard that this method of getting to the classroom was totally inappropriate for the young ladies of the school especially in light of the fact that the classes were not segregated by gender. A young wizard might give into the temptation to observe some things that no decent young man should see underneath the concealing robes that the witches constantly wore. She wrote down a reminder to herself to ask…no demand that Headmaster Dumbledore change this arrangement by moving the classroom to another location or having the house elves build a proper stairway to that higher level.

Counting this as her exercise for the day, Inquisitor (how she loved that title) Umbridge climbed the ladder and found herself in the Divination classroom. There were plush cushions laid out on the floor and shelves that held crystal balls, teacups for a couple of dozen students, and all sorts of mystical instruments that could be applied to the various methods of fortune-telling or divination.

There was one problem here though; something that was essential for evaluating the class as well as the instructor. There wasn't a student to be seen anywhere. "Have they all gone off on a field trip without bothering to inform me?" she muttered out loud.

"The students will be here in a little while Madame Inquisitor" came a lilting contralto voice suddenly in Delores' ear. She spun around startled. It was Sybill Trelawney.

But not one she had grown accustomed to seeing after her brief stint here at Hogwarts. The glasses were missing as well as all the jangling jewelry that she was always seen wearing.

"We have about twenty minutes Professor Umbridge."

"Twenty minutes?" Delores repeated a little dumbly.

"Yes until the Gryffindor students show up to begin class."

"Why are they coming to class late?"

"Do you forget who you were going to observe today? May I call you Delores? Well Delores I knew that you were coming and told them that I had to be in a special trance this morning to consult The Powers that Are."

"What?"

"You did come here to observe and evaluate me have you not? I thought a more personal setting would let you conduct a proper interview in my office until the young gentlemen and ladies arrive."

"I…I wasn't prepared for your…your..

"Attitude? … Appearance? Come on Delores, I have tea and nibbles in my office for both of us to converse over."

Feeling slightly disoriented, Delores could only watch as Professor Trelawney plucked the clipboard from her hands and walked into her office. Not knowing what to expect Delores followed her into her office. Her decidedly normal appearing office.

Trelawney indicated a chair which was placed next to her desk for the High Inquisitor to seat herself. As Delores seated herself, Trelawney poured and handed her a cup of absolutely wonderful smelling tea.

"I wasn't expecting this" Delores said halfway to herself.

"Oh, would you it help you cope if my office looked like it does when that students are here?" Delores flinched just a little bit when the tall witch produced a wand and waved it once in a complicated pattern.

A small bubbling cauldron appeared on the corner of the desk and started emitting some noxious, cloying fumes that quickly filled the little space. The office became cluttered and seemingly disorganized with strange runes and piles of paper appearing at random. A crystal ball the size of a bludger appeared over Professor Trelawney's and swirled with different colored smoke and half-glimpsed pictures of random people. It was very disconcerting.

And as quickly as it appeared, the illusion, if it were one, silently disappeared. Delores reached for her cup of tea and took a long sip to help settle her nerves. Her eyes shot open immediately at the strong aroma but curious taste.

"This is different. Nice but different."

"I so hoped you would like it. It is a custom blend of green tea that I particularly enjoy. I just take some normal tea and add some herbs and spices that Professor Sprout grows in her greenhouses. Rubeus is a dear man for hunting for some special mushrooms that only grow in the shade of the elder trees in the Forbidden Forest."

"I think I would like to have some of this tea if you don't mind Professor Trelawney. It has some wonderful relaxing and cheering effects."

"I will give you some to take back to your quarters. But you must call me Sybill while we are here alone. Would you like some brownies? I do know after all that you only eat them as a special reward for yourself. I also have some mint cupcakes if you prefer."

Delores finished her tea and placed the cup back on the desktop. Sybill (she did seem friendly enough) quickly came around the desk to refill the cup and bring the tray of brownies and cupcakes. Delores looked at the nibbles for a long second and then cautiously took a small brownie to eat. 'A small one won't hurt my figure' she reasoned to herself.

Trelawney retreated to her desk and sipped on her own cup of tea. "As much as I would like us to visit and become closer, you did have some questions you wanted to ask before the students showed up?"

"Oh quite. Excuse me." Delores finished up the really delicious brownie and reached for her clipboard and quill. There must have been some residue of the incense floating around the office as Delores had to really concentrate on the questions that were on the parchment. They seemed to waiver for a split second before Delores could bring them into focus.

"How long have you been employed here at Hogwarts Professor Trelawney?"

"Since 1979 and you should really call me Sybill Delores."

Delores grinned as she sensed a friendly comrade across the desk from her. She wrote down the date and took another sip of her cup of tea. She felt very relaxed now.

"You are related to the Seer Cassandra Trelawney?"

"She was my great-great-grandmother but I only remember meeting her once or twice before she expectantly passed along at the age of 217. That still is a powerful Arithmancy number and factor in all my family's history."

"My condolences on your loss Sybill."

"It is quite alright Delores; the dead are never very far from my thoughts and cognizance most days. Grandmama Cassie comes around every third Thursday for a quick chat and a game of bridge with some of the female ghosts here at school. Another brownie? Of course you will."

"Thank you Sybill. It is kind of an amusing idea is it not? Ghosts playing whist and bridge?"

"Yes, as only two of the usual foursome actually know how to play bridge."

A giggle unexpectantly escaped Delores Umbridge's mouth and she looked very scandalized at her rudeness. Sybill raised her eyebrows but suddenly burped. Delores had to cover her mouth as laughter rose up in both of them

"I apologize". Both were suddenly laughing as they had said the phrase at the same time.

"You have a few more questions I believe."

"You've been sneaking looks haven't you?" Delores joked.

Sybil shook her head no but silently pointed at her forehead. Delores looked and double-clutched as she 'thought' she had seen a great blue eye appear and blink once or twice before disappearing again. Delores shook her head and brought the tray of brownies closer to her to keep her friend Sybill from getting up from her desk.

"You recorded one official prophecy in all the time you've been employed here?"

"Yes but many unofficial ones that were not needed to be kept in the Hall of Memories."

"Really?"

"Matters of personal, financial or family matters which require a certain level of privacy for the individuals."

"And the prophecy that was submitted?"

"Is a matter of national security I'm afraid. Only four people are able to retrieve that prophecy. I, the person who heard the prophecy originally and the two wizards it concerns."

"You can surely tell me Sybill; we getting on most famously here."

"Well Shirley – if you insist on calling yourself that –"

Delores Umbridge could not stop laughing at the poor turn of a phrase. Shirley? Shirley? Delores had to grip the desk with both hands; the room was reeling around so much because of her laughter.

Sybill stood up and leaned conspiratorially across the desk toward her and whispered. "I actually could tell you the one prophecy that Headmaster Dumbledore submitted but… then I would have to kill you!"

That statement had both witches howling in laughter and Delores had to force another brownie into her mouth to keep from tumbling from her seat and lying about the floor.

Sybill wiped the tears from her eyes and sat back in her seat. "There are actually two kernels of knowledge that I must give you this afternoon."

"No thank you Sybill, I am getting quite used to eating these wonderful brownies. No corn will be needed!" Delores 'wheeeed' in her seat at the witty and wonderful rejoinder she had made.

Sybill tittered but got up from her chair to come around and kneel by Delores chair. She took up one hand quite tenderly but fed a small piece of brownie to Delores.

"It is a burden some days to have the all Seeing Eye but I cannot argue with it or withhold the facts that arise. It is the nature of my gift and the magic. Delores you are in a place of danger here."

"What do you mean?" Delores said as she chewed around the chocolate scrumptiousness.

"The position of Defense against Dark Arts teacher has been cursed since the day that the Headmaster turned an application from a man named Tom Marvolo Riddle down."

"A curse?" said Delores laughing. "And Marvolo – what a silly, silly name." Delores seemed to be unable to quit chuckling and Sybill Trelawney patted her hand sympathetically. "It is the truth and widely known amongst the staff and the students. No individual in your position lasts longer than a year here at Hogwarts. Some have even died."

In response Delores held up her hand. "None of the previous instructors had the backing of the Ministry of Magic and the Minister himself. It is absurd that something unnatr…unsemingly… haopharous… something like that would happen to me."

Sybill sighed and grew quiet. She had done her duty and warned the individual – that was all that was required of her.

"You shaid there were two kernel of corn… uh knowledge you needed to tell me Sybillus. Shylius. Oh dear, excumesed me. Syllibus. I'm sorry Sybill; I don't know what's come over me here?"

"You're just very relaxed. Very relaxed Delores. Very relaxed. Your eyes grow just a little bit heavier and heavier the longer that you listen to my voice. Isn't that right Delores?

"Yes. Verry relaxeddd."

"Just followed the sound of my voice. You are floating. Floating without a care or a worry as you listen to the sound of my voice."

"Floating.. floating away…. Relaxed.

"Good. Delores my dear, dear friend. We are having a marvelous conversation here. You will think you have found an ally here at Hogwarts. Someone you can disclose your deepest secrets and desires too,

"Yes, secrets and desires. …True friend."

"You are impressed with my knowledge and character and will write the highest recommendation for my continued employment."

"Write… about …my dear… friend."

"Very good Delores, we are having a nice chat and you will wake up very refreshed but will not remember this part of our conversation. Do you understand?"

"I…understand.."

"You're coming back to yourself now Delores. When I touch your arm you will return and not missed the time you were away."

Trelawney picked up Delores' hand once more and tapped the back of her hand once, twice and then a third time.

"So what is the second thing you wanted to tell me Sybill?"

The Divination teacher sighed loudly and looked the High Inquisitor in the eye. "I'm not sure if I should or should not disclose this Delores. It is rather personal in nature and should be left to its own time to come to past."

"Please tell me. I simply must know."

"Okay but you must not breathe word of this to another living soul as it will disturb Fate and not come to pass."

"Oh I promise" Delores said as she refilled her teacup and placed a few more brownies on the napkin next to it."

"If you succeed in your mission to discredit Harry Potter and remove Dumbledore as headmaster of the school, the Minister will be so impressed…"

"Yes, so impressed that?"

"That he will take you on as a second wife soon after he appoints you Co-Minister of Magic."

That really got Delores attention. She gulped down another cup of the mushroom tea and grinned like all her prayers had been answered.

There was a loud thumping from the direction of the classroom and Sybill rose. "That will be the fifth year Gryffindors. If you still wish to observe me in the classroom you might as well take the rest of the brownies with you to keep up your attention span.

"Really. Thank you Sybill; it was gracious and exceptionally nice to be such good host. I'm sure I will find nothing wrong in your instructional methods."

Sybill stood and wrapped a very gauzy and colorful scarf around her shoulders and opened up a drawer in her desk. Large round glasses that made her eyes larger were placed on her face and numerous necklaces, beads, bangles and other jewelry were hauled out.

Just before Delores could open her mouth to ask the obvious question Sybill turned and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Divination is sometimes a matter of faith. My usual drab look does not inspire a suitable frame of mind for the workings of the inner senses; especially for the more sensitive of the young wizards and witches. This appearance lends an appropriate sense of oddity and distraction that may accomplish more than I could ever speak at them directly. There is a valid reason."

Delores took a glance at the classroom and saw that the young men had climbed the ladder first and the last two boys – a slightly chubby one and a tall thin black boy - were helping the young ladies with their bookbags and then to their feet. It was a most orderly and proper circumstance considering the unusual method of entry.

Delores was tapped on the shoulder and a very different Professor Trelawney gave a hesitant smile and spoke in a very thin and reedy voice. "There appears to an empty seat immediately behind Miss Brown and Miss Patil. If you keep your ears open, you can find out quite a bit of what's going on in the Hogwarts rumor mill."

"I think I shall enjoy seeing how you teach Sybill." The High Inquisitor was speaking over her shoulder as she tried to balance the tray of brownies and carry her clipboard. And not laugh too loudly at the shocked faces of the Gryffindor 5th years who were silent as they saw her emerge from the office.

Delores was so intent on looking at those faces and so giddy from the talk and those wonderful brownies that she was distracted from where she was actually walking. There was only a gasp from the assembled Gryffindors as Delores stepped squarely into the space where the trapdoor to the ladder was supposed to be. For some reason the square of polished wood had never been lowered and Delores stepped right through it and began to fall And yell.

It was about a three story climb up the ladder so that meant a three story fall if one were to obey the Law of Gravity.

Delores was too shocked by the sudden turn of events to grab her wand but did manage to take another bite of the wonderful brownie she had in her hand. She did manage to wonder if Madame Pomfrey was in school before the grey flagstones came rushing up on her. Delores put out her hands to cushion herself and …

…screamed herself awake! Her head was reeling and her arms were outstretched to protect herself from the injury she was sure to about to happen. When the blow never came, she cautiously opened her eyes again. She was back IN HER OWN BED!

Another dream! Her heart racing Delores swung her feet over the side of the bed so that she could feel the warm comfortable rug under her pink-colored toes. It was very reassuring and Delores Umbridge tried to remember the details of the weird dream. Professor Trelawney seemed to be competent in her profession but seemed to know a lot more than what she let on. Then there were the two items she mentioned.

Had there really been no instructors that lasted more than a year? What did she mean that some had even died? She would have to investigate that because it seemed totally preposterous.

As to the second bit of conjecture, Delores blushed as she had not blushed since accidentally coming across 6th year Lucius Malfoy 'entertaining' a young Narcissa Black when Delores was a second year at Hogwarts.

To have Cornelius Fudge recognize and reward her in such an outstanding manner would be beyond her wildest hopes. Delores wanted to immediately wanted to get back to sleep to see if the dream would continue with Professor Trelawney (Sybill) telling her other secrets.

On second thought, she remembered flailing as she fell from the top of the North tower and decided to stay awake a bit longer.

Besides that she had a serious case of the munchies that only a chocolate brownie or two might satisfy. Delores wondered how she had become so ravenous during her dream.