"Adrian, whoa! Calm down."

"That's what you've been doing, right? Calming me down? Of course. Did you even mean anything you just said? You just did that to distract me, right? I saw your aura. It darkened. You've been absorbing my craziness."

"You're not crazy."

"You're not denying what you just did!"

"I'm not. Look, I'm sorry. I'm really scared for you, Adrian. Your emotions… They're too much to handle. You're not insane. Yet. But I'm not gonna sit here and let you handle this alone. You don't have to." I clasped his hands with mine. "That's what I'm here for. To help you. I'm your own shadow-kissed."

I took his fury in to me again, this time I absorbed everything at once. His mind cleared, and mind was temporarily clouded. Not for long, though. He realized it again, and he wanted to shout again, but not because of anger, this time, but for fear. He was scared for me.

"Please, Rose, please. Don't do this. Not for me. Please," he covered his eyes with his palm. He looked at me again, and pleaded. "At least, if you meant what you said, you'd do this for me. You'd let this one go. Stop whatever you're doing—the absorbing, whatever it's called. It's not worth it. Do you hear me? Reclaiming my sanity is not worth losing yours. It'd be more unbearable than anything else. No alcohol or cigarettes can erase the agony that is witnessing you turn to be someone you're not—Someone like me. If I do, that's when I know I'd lose it for real."

Only then did I fully understand how much Adrian loathed himself. He thought of the nights he spent all alone, yearning and longing to feel anything else other than loneliness and desperation.

He would drink and feel numb and wonder how his future would be like.
He would age, his parents would die and he would feel their disappointment still bringing him down after all those years.
He would grow old, and still wonder what to do with his life.

I was fighting an internal battle, in which I would never win, for no matter what I did, he would inevitably get hurt.

I opened my mouth to protest; but I remembered again the entire reason I was even here. To let him go.
"Please," he repeated for presumably the tenth time. He considered what he was going to say. "I'd cut it all off—the drinking, whatever it is —if you'd promise not to do this again. I'd find another way other than alcohol. Just promise me."
Unlike the last time he promised not to drink, I believed him this time. Before, his determination was fueled by the thought of impressing me. This was kindled by his fear for me—the kind of fear that I, myself, would feel if he got hurt.

"Okay. Yeah. Of course. I promise."

Again, I took him by surprise. He thought it was very unlikely of me to go down without a fight.
I didn't say goodbye. He didn't either. I simply swallowed my pride and left his apartment. He didn't stop me. I didn't turn around.
His wariness was gone by the time I walked away from him. What was left was only a void in his heart, where I used to be in. As usual, he didn't let his feelings get to him. Instead, he took deep breaths and masked his hurt expression with a neutral one. Now that I think about it, that was exactly what I always do as well.

I was feeling light-headed, but at the same time my chest felt heavy to the point where it was almost unbearable. Each step was agonizing. I was just stepping out of Adrian's apartment when bumped into and collided with someone. Not just someone.
Dimitri.

"Whoa!"

"Easy there, Roza."

"Dimitri!" He pulled me towards him.

When we let go of each other, he took my hands and kissed them both.

"You don't know how terrified I was, Rose. So terrified."

"Oh, trust me, the feeling is mutual."

"It's not funny."

"Nothing's ever funny for you, comrade."

"I thought you agreed to never use that nickname again. Look, Rose. I'm trying to have a serious conversation here. Please, Roza."

The nickname silenced me.

"I was so scared for you, Rose. I really was.. You don't know how it felt like…" He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Seeing you die in front of my eyes like that… I was so helpless. I couldn't do anything and you were slipping away from me. When you looked at me in the eyes, I swear, I have never seen anyone so close yet so far away in my life. It was as if I were holding you in my palms, but you were slipping away so quickly—like—like," he seemed to be having difficulties in trying to find the right word. "Like water. Like I was desperately trying to grasp water in my hands, but all the effort is for nothing as there was nothing I could do to save it from spilling out. I've never been so scared and useless my whole life. I can't explain it….You don't know how it was like."

If he didn't say it this way, I would've kissed and hold him and told him that it was all going to be okay, but the way he was framing his sentences infuriated me.

"I can't know how it felt like? Are you freaking kidding me right now?"

Understanding and regret suddenly were written all over his face the instant I said those words to him. He knew what I was talking about. Of course he did. Dimitri never failed to understand me.

He understood that I was talking about everything I went through when I thought that he died, only to find that he didn't. Instead, he turned Strigoi.
I was too infuriated by what he just said that I lost all control to hold my annoyance back. I was still in a bad mood because of what happened with Adrian, and to top it all, Dimitri wasn't making me feel any better.

I crossed my arms defensively, ready for an argument when Christian came running full-speed towards us. He was panting by the time he reached us.

"Rose, you're going to want to come with me right now."

"In a moment, please, Christian. Dimitri and I are in the middle of a conversation," I said through gritted teeth.

"I'm serious, Rose. It's an emergency. Lissa wants you."

Just like that, my annoyance towards Dimitri subsided, now replaced with anxiety for Lissa.

"Lissa? Is she okay?"

"See for yourself," he simply said. I started jogging alongside Christian to where Lissa was, when I noticed that Dimitri was still glued to where he stood. He looked hesitant, like he didn't know what to do with himself. Christian and I shared anxious eye contacts, and I finally sighed and said, "Do you wanna come, Dimitri?"

"May I?" he asked Christian uncomfortably.

Christian shrugged. "I guess you have to know sooner or later." We started jogging again, when Christian exclaimed, "Oh! We're supposed to fetch the drunk one too. If he's already sober, that is."

Great. Adrian and I just said our 'farewell' not ten minutes ago, and now we're supposed to see each other again. Great.

I was contemplating on whether or not to tell them the truth that he indeed was sober, so that I wouldn't have to face him with his still-fresh mixed feelings towards me. But then I realized it was selfish as hell, and that it must be pretty important for Lissa if she asked us all to assemble. Christian shot an eyebrow up, waiting for me to respond. "Oh. Uh, yeah, just knock on his door. He's already awake."

Dimitri eyed me warily, and although I was still little pissed, the simple act of him worrying about me warmed my heart for a second.

After several attempts in luring him out of his room, Christian finally managed to do it. I could feel that he didn't want to come, especially since he knew I was going to be there too. But he gave in finally, because it was for Lissa.

He walked out, fully dressed, his hair slightly messed up as usual. The bond confirmed that he still didn't know how to feel about our earlier conversation, but he put that thought aside, determined to hear what Lissa had to say, and stormed past the three of us without even a glance in my direction. Like I said, great.

The four of us headed to Lissa's, with Adrian walking in front alone. When we found her, she was pacing the room frantically, all her courteous queen-like demeanor dropped. Dimitri looked awkward, as if he didn't know whether to bow down or not, but Lissa waved him off, indicating it wasn't necessary.

"Hey," I moved towards her. "Liss, what's wrong?"

Lissa didn't answer. "It's Jill," said Christian.

"Jill? What's with her?"

Knowing that Lissa wasn't going to answer me, Christian explained the whole ordeal to Dimitri, Adrian and I. "She has been ill. Fever. We called some doctors and they gave her medicine but none of them worked. They're worried. She hadn't been able to sleep in so long."

Lissa touched her forehead in frustration. This time, she spoke up. "Not just ill. Worse than that. She's having hallucinations. Really horrible ones. She was pulling all her hair out when I visited her earlier, screaming at the top of her lungs. It was so horrible, Rose. I almost didn't recognize her. They think that if they can't find a cure... She might not make it. Either that, or the hallucinations might not stop. Ever."

I felt Adrian stiffen at the last sentence. What Lissa just said triggered some old memories of his in the past, but I wasn't sure what it was, because I wasn't concentrating on his thoughts and he probably pushed the thought away in order for me not to figure it out. What I did know, though, was that that memory of his brought back dark feelings inside of him. Like Adrian too, I pushed that thought aside for a little while to concentrate on our current situation with Jill.

I swallowed. "When did she first get sick?"

"The night I was declared to be the successor of the throne."

Spoiler: new OCs will be introduced in the next chapter. Thanks for reading. :)