Lidiya Iordach.

The more that I thought about that name, the more I was convinced that I'd heard it before.
The connection broke, and I found myself sitting up on my bed, staring at the wall. I blinked my eyes a few times, adjusting to the surroundings. Damn. I didn't intend on spying on Adrian. I felt like an intruder. Adrian wouldn't have liked it, so I decided not to bring it up unless he asked. That was, if he even would still talk to me.

I quickly changed my clothes and headed out the door. Outside, in my surprise everything was still; no chaos, no guardians lining up each and every door in the Court. Well, I guess the announcement hadn't been made yet. Though I assumed every royal knew about Jill by then, since the meeting was over.

I found my way to Lissa's and nodded to the guards standing outside to let me in.

"Liss? Where's everyone? Has Sonya arrived? Is there any progress?"

"Yes, Sonya arrived about an hour after Dimitri came to see her. And no, sadly, there is no progress. Sonya is… Unable to heal Jill."

"No… No, no. Oh lord. How much time left? What do we do now? What do I do now? Does Jill have much time? Jesus, I can't believe I was out for what? Like three hours? Why isn't any of the doctors here? Aren't we all supposed to be discussing this together?"

"Everyone just left this room ten minutes before you came. You should have seen how much noise they were making. It was chaotic. Most of the doctors are tending Jill now, while we sent some dhampir to track down other spirit-users. The good news is she is not getting worse, though. They sent her blood to the lab too to test it. The results should be out in half an hour, actually."

"Then what do we do until then?"

"For Jill? I don't think there's much to do. Right now we're focusing on finding the suspect." She shook her head. "That is, if there is any suspect at all."

So ten minutes later I found myself walking back to my place, angrier that I'd ever been in months. I tried to reason with Lissa, insisting that there must be something else we—I—could do. Never had I ever felt so helpless, so useless. Why Jill? Why not me? Why a fifteen year old? Honestly, if someone asked me, I would say I'm sure we would cure Jill. But that's just a lie. Jill wasn't gone yet and I already felt the loss, the panic rising in me. I swore I was going to punch something. Anything. The wall. A door. The first freaking person I see. I'm clenching my fists so hard, ready to swing a full punch. I turned left. I have to punch something I have to punch something I have to—

And then I found Adrian sitting outside my door.

Just like that, my anger subsided, and all that's left was weariness.

"Hey." It came out more like a sigh.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Is he kidding me? Of course he can. "Of course you can. Come on in. So, any leads? Where did you just go?"

"I figured I had to leave the country, but the odds are in my favor— I didn't have to travel. I got what I needed. I realized it's a waste to be hiding anything from you."He hesitated. "I kind of need your help anyway."

He handed me a file. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was the file. The one his mother just gave to him.

IORDACH, A.

"Go ahead," he nodded.

I scanned the pages. Infected six days before death. Fever. Insomnia. Dilated eyes. Swollen hands and feet. Skin turned gray in color. Hallucinations. Deceased at 15.

"Same symptoms as Jill's," I said.

He shrugged.

"So there are two possibilities, then. Either they were both poisoned, or we're looking at the same disease."

"I doubt it's a disease."

"How can you be so sure?"

Adrian sighs. "Let's just say you're looking at the file of a person who used to close to me." He laughs unfeelingly. "Actually, to say that we were 'close' is an understatement. She meant the world."

I didn't see tears welling up Adrian's eyes, nor did I see his expression change even a little bit. But through the bond I felt hollowness. Just plain hollowness. The feeling consumed every inch of him; as if he wasn't capable to feel anything other than this emptiness inside of him. It eats him. Withers him. Corrupts him.

It struck me how little I know of Adrian's life. I'd always known he was a deeply unhappy person, but I didn't understand the extent of his sadness. In this moment, with him leaning on the wall, with his eyes inside his pockets, with a grief so deep it felt like he didn't feel anything at all, I was beginning to see him with a new pair of eyes.

He continued, "And I knew her. She never got sick. Not once in her life."

"You mean… She was a spirit-user as well?"

I searched for his eyes, but he won't meet mine. Instead he just stared off to blank space.

"I didn't understand it back then. It wasn't until I discovered my abilities that I remembered how she never got sick. How she always commented on wanting to be a vet when she grew up. She said she has a way with animals… With any living object, actually. She said sometimes she could feel a bond-connection-when she touches anything alive. She used to talk about it to me with these big bright eyes of hers and I swear I could see the passion burning in them… or that time when…"

Adrian turned his head around and as if he just noticed me for the first time, he said, "Sorry. I kind of fell into a dream-like state. I forgot you were even here."

"No need to apologize."

Knowing that I had no right whatsoever to push this topic even further, I changed the subject.

"Okay, so, female, 15, Bulgarian, a possible spirit-user-"

"Not possible. She is a spirit-user, like me."

"Right." I flipped through the pages. "Is this all? There's like only five pages here."

"Those are the ones that are relevant to her death. The rest I took."

"So what do you need my help for, then? I thought you wanted to solve this together with me. It's why you came, right?"

Before he had a chance to answer, my phone beeped. "It's Lissa. She said Jill's test results will be out in about ten. We better head there now."

We ran towards Jill's room. Outside, I saw two other Dhampir guarding the front door. I gave them a salute, thinking that they would let me in right away. Instead, one of them blocked my way and informed me that I had to wait for a few minutes.

"Is there something wrong?" I said, "Aren't the results out yet? The Queen asked Lord Ivashkov and I to come."

"We were given orders not to let anyone in. Just for a few minutes, Guardian Hathaway."

Adrian shrugged, and bobbed his head to the end of the hallway. I assumed he wanted to talk in private.

Once out of earshot, he crossed his arms and asked, "Can you be honest with me? How many times has that happened?"

"What happened?"

"You, being in my head."

"Wh—"

"Oh, c'mon. Don't act like you didn't eavesdrop my conversation with my mother earlier. How else could you know where she originated from? When you were describing Adela, you said she was Bulgarian."

"The file-"

"The file stated that she was Russian. Like me."

"Fine. I'm sorry. It was an accident. I didn't mean to, I… Never mind, it doesn't matter how it happened. It's my fault either way."

"How many times has. That. Happened?"

"Twice," I winced.

"And are you listening to my thoughts right now?"

"Of course not. I meant it when I said I have no intention in invading your personal life," I said, "I don't want to make promises I can't keep, such as saying that it won't happen again, coz I know it will. It's doomed to. But I can promise that as long I have control over it, I won't let it happen."

Adrian didn't give any response other than shaking his head.

"Rose."

"Hmm?"

"You said you're not listening to my thoughts right now."

"And…?"

"What does that mean?" he took a step closer. "Can you… Tune my emotions out, or something?"

"You can say something like that. Well, it's more of concentrating on other sounds, voices. I don't think it's possible to 'tune them out' completely."

"Fascinating," he murmured.

"Yeah. Takes willpower too. Now that I think about it, you can't really call it 'listening'. How do I say it?" I leaned closer as well. "It's more like… Breathing. I don't really know how to explain it. To other people that aren't shadow kissed, it might sound rather strange. But it's not like an activity anymore. It's just like a natural process. Like a second nature. As if I…"

"Need it to survive?"

"Yeah," I breathed.

"So, the whole time you… Concentrated on other voices… It's as if you're holding your breath?"

"Exactly."

"It must hurt, then. Holding your breath."

I smiled. "To the point where it makes me want to scream."

I didn't get a response except for the crease forming between his eyebrows. His expression still as unfeeling as it ever was, but I thought I saw his eyes shine a little brighter. We stared at each other; none of us pulled a muscle. When it started to get uncomfortable, I was the one who pulled away. I didn't realize how close we were standing until I moved.

"It must sound weird to you. Like I said, it's hard to explain."

"I don't think it's weird. It's actually quite…"

"Fascinating?"

"Indeed. So you really won't be able tell how I feel, if you just concentrate enough?"

"Oh, no. I know how you feel. That, I can't avoid. I can still feel your emotions. It's as if they're penetrating through your skin. I can detect radical changes to your feelings, like when you turn from angry to sad in a short period of time. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, a bit, I guess."

"Well, your emotions are like… a flame. They burn in my veins. When you're not feeling anything intense in particular, the flame is dimmed. I can always feel tingling sensation, but is not as heightened as it would be if you're feeling something strongly. The more intense your emotion is—"

"—the brighter it burns. The faster you feel it flowing under your skin."

"Yes! You do get it. Our bond might go both-ways after all."

The corner of his lips twitched, and I felt as if the sun came pouring in to the room.

"And Rose?"

"Yeah?"

He pressed his lips together, wearing a solemn expression.

"Don't hold your breath, okay?" he hesitated, seeing my puzzled expression. "Don't... I don't want you to."