Face to Face

Part 13

He'd been so tired driving here, but now lying in bed, with nothing to do but sleep, he was wide awake. He could blame the coffee he supposed but knew he'd be lying to himself and he didn't do that anymore. No, the one and only reason for his wakefulness was mere yards away. Jackson suspected he was awake too; either that or he was a very restless sleeper. Maybe one day soon he'd find out!

The house was so quiet! Too bloody quiet! There were no distractions, no neighbours arguing, no headboards banging against his wall. Outside was equally as dead! No late night traffic, no drunks singing to the moon. If he was in his own bed, in his own flat he'd have all those things to help take his mind off Aaron!

He was tempted to go downstairs and make another coffee but then he'd have even less chance of ever dropping off. And he really needed to get some sleep. Aaron wanted to be back at the hospital first thing and he intended driving him there. He wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, even if it was at a hospital bedside. Not that he grudged being there, not at all. He hadn't known Paddy very long but he genuinely liked the man and not just because he'd taken Aaron under his wing and been a much needed father to him. No Paddy was a good man; he'd make a good friend.

Thank God he was on the road to recovery. Jackson didn't want to think how Aaron would have reacted if Paddy had died, especially as a result of something his father had done. He'd not mentioned the man since last night but Jackson knew he was at the back of his mind. He had to be. Hopefully the law would run its course and dole out a just punishment. One that Aaron could live with.

Had he just heard something? Was there someone outside his door? Was it Aaron or did he have a bad case of wishful thinking? No... it was definitely Aaron! "You ok?"

Aaron started violently; he'd thought Jackson was asleep but obviously not! "Yeah! Just ...just..." Just what? He couldn't think of an excuse! "...getting a glass of water."

Yeah right! Jackson thought, he sounded as guilty as hell. "Could you get me one, please?"

"Yeah, be right back." Shit! Now he'd have to go into the room! He had planned on going in there but then he'd lost his nerve and was on his way back to bed when Jackson had heard him.

He deliberately took his time filling each glass with water, then he took his time going up the stairs, but there was no delaying the inevitable and he stepped tentatively into his room.

The bedside light was now on, and his room had its familiar cosy glow. But that wasn't the only thing making his room so appealing. He'd tried not to look at Jackson but so far he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off him. The fact he was half naked didn't help of course. He could be completely naked for all Aaron knew but the duvet was preventing him finding that out.

Jackson was sitting upright, leaning back against the headboard. He looked comfortable and relaxed, almost like he belonged there. There was a confidence about him Aaron envied; especially the way he was so at ease with his sexuality. Jackson had said everyone went through the same fears and the confusion, that it was hard for everyone, that it had been hard for him too. But looking at him now it was hard to believe he'd ever been as scared or as naive as him.

He hadn't realised he'd been staring so hard until Jackson held out his hand for the glass.

"Thanks."

Aaron was aware now that Jackson was looking at him, and of just how he was looking at him. Out of nowhere he was hit by a disconcerting mix of excitement and near panic. He wanted to run equally as much as he wanted to stay. No! No he wanted to stay more!

This was torture! How was he supposed to look at the toned muscular body in front of him and not openly drool or show some sign of appreciation? If he didn't know Aaron's story he'd swear he was deliberately tormenting him. But he did know it and knew he was tormented too. If he cared about Aaron as much as he now believed he did, he wouldn't be putting him under any pressure and certainly not be putting him in a situation where he would feel threatened. Sipping on his water he looked Aaron in the eye and said, "You worrying about Paddy? Is that why you can't sleep?

Relieved another uncomfortable moment had passed Aaron said, "Yeah." Well he was, he was still scared something could go wrong. He regretted not staying at the hospital; he knew Paddy wouldn't have left him. But he hadn't wanted to argue with the older man last night.

"He'll be fine. The doctors said the first twelve hours were the most crucial and he's way past that."

"Yeah I know."

When Aaron turned around and walked over to the window, Jackson asked, "Is there something else on your mind? "

Staring down at the road below Aaron said, "Why'd you think he did it?"

"Your dad?"

"Yeah?"

Jackson shrugged; he really didn't have a clue but knew Aaron expected some kind of answer, "He was drunk, irrational! When you're not in control you say and do things you wouldn't normally."

"I don't remember seeing him drunk before, except the other night! Twice in one week there has to be a reason."

"And you think you're the reason?"

Turning around Aaron said quietly, "What else would it be? Maybe he came looking for me; maybe he thought he could knock being gay out of me."

Jackson suddenly sat bolt upright, "Was he violent towards you before?"

"No."

"Jackson wasn't convinced, "Aaron?"

"No he wasn't."

Jackson didn't believe it, Aaron couldn't look him in the eye. But thinking it best to move the conversation on he said, "It's in police hands now, and they'll be wanting answers too. Whatever the reason Aaron, you are going to have to accept it wasn't your fault. For your sake. For Paddy's and for everyone else who cares about you."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I don't want it eating me up inside. I want to forget it and put it behind me and be..."

"And be what?"

"Happy! At ease with myself like you are. And I want to be with you but..."

Jackson liked where this conversation was going, Aaron sharing more of what was going on in his head. He wasn't about to let him stop now, "But?"

When all the response he got was a shake of Aaron's head, Jackson gestured to the side of the bed, "I won't bite!"

Despite himself Aaron grined, then sat alongside Jackson, finding himself comforted and not scared by his nearness. "Sorry!"

"What for?"

"For everything. For all the things I've said, done! For dragging you into my mad, complicated world. For being so difficult to like and impossible to...to..."

"To what...love?" Gripping Aaron's arm firmly Jackson said, That's a hard word for you to say isn't Aaron? It makes you feel vulnerable and weak. But it shouldn't do because love is what gives people strength. It's what gets them through the dark times. And you're wrong you know! It's very easy to like you and I'm sure it will be easy to love you too, but only if you'll let me."

Jackson watched the storm of emotions play in the younger man's eyes. Releasing his grip on Aaron's arm he moved his hand up to Aaron's face and gently wiped away the tear coursing down his cheek.

He felt Aaron's hand grip his, then felt his lips against his mouth. As much as he wanted to he couldn't respond as they moved hungrily over his lips, or when his tongue demanded entry.

He pulled away, holding Aaron at arm's length. Ignoring the confusion in the blue eyes he said, "No, not now, we both know you're not ready. Shifting over to the other side of the bed he tossed back the duvet, "Sometimes all you need is the closeness, to just hold someone in your arms and feel their warmth!"

Jackson held his breath as Aaron got to his feet and switched off the light. Only letting the breath out when Aaron got in bed beside him.

TBC – Warning next part may need to be rated an M!