ELLOELLOELLO, AGAIN EVERYBODY! It's you old pal Zakuro here!

I don't have much time (as per usual) so on we go!

The reference last time was Frozen, the current craze of my friendship circles (I swear, I had 'Let It Go' stuck in my head for a week straight at one point).

Winner: mistyrose224! Hooray!

This time, like the first chapter, a youtube reference! Enter the blank word:

"Hello everybody, it's P********!"

I love that dude. Okay, here we go!

Of Hardships and Haori

He'd done it again.

That goddamned prince had done it again.

Rubbing his aching chest, Roy pulled open the door and strode out into the fresh air to try to escape the place because he knew what was coming he could feel it pressing in and clawing and tearing and no it wasn't coming in it was in and it was trying to break out and it was in him it was him and he couldn't run away, couldn't fight it, he was trapped and he was

scared

Roy took a deep breath, but then he couldn't because he was choking and all around him there was smoke and gunpowder. No-one could breathe in this.

Panic mounting in his chest, Roy's breathing sped up to shallow, gasping pants mixed with coughs and he stumbled across the road to an alleyway, where he leant back against the wall.

There was a flash in his mind and suddenly he could hear guns and explosions, and he was standing on packed earth leaning on a sandstone building with a gun in one hand.

His blue uniform was hot and stifling beneath the dusty cloak he wore, and the sun beating down on him added to his discomfort. The metal helmet on his head blocked most of his vision of the sky.

He prepared to jump around the corner and into the fray.

And then he was back, back in some alley in Ranri.

It wasn't just the smoke against him now, his own lungs were tightening and making it nearly impossible to take in any more than a gasp of air, so that's what he stuck to doing. His chest hurt and his stomach hurt and his head hurt and his neck hurt and why did it hurt why was this happening to him what was happening to him why did he feel so hot no cold no hot and why did he feel so sick and why did he feel so

scared

He pushed away from the wall and suddenly the world tipped sideways, his vision going fuzzy. He gripped his head in one hand, letting out a sharp cry of discomfort. He grit his teeth until the fuzziness retracted and the world stopped spinning long enough for him to take a few steps forward. He staggered against a wall again, feeling faint.

Another flash and he was sneaking through a building, his fingers poised to snap as he placed one cautious foot after the other. Dust hung heavy in the air as he turned into the hallway.

He heard voices in a room ahead, the gruff, urgent tones of Ishbalan warriors and he continued that way. He readied his attack and jumped into the doorway, snapping…

…and he was alone, shaking hand raised at an innocent stack of crates. He breathed heavily as he stared on in confusion and fear.

Sweat was beaded heavily across his forehead and drops of it fell from his face to the ground every so often. He tried to keep moving but again he was hit by a wave of light-headedness that made him feel sick. His arms and legs tingled and he could feel the beast inside him roaring and getting louder. He could feel it taking over and eating all that was left of him it was about to break free it was about to take over him and use him and he would lose himself he'd be gone forever and he was so

scared

He tripped and fell to the hard floor, unable to push himself up again. He'd barely managed to break his fall, and now his vision was beginning to blacken and burn around the edges. What he could see was grey and nearly pixelated and when it cleared it barely did.

Suddenly he was in a shallow trench, a gun over his shoulder as he fired shot after shot after shot over the field and into the enemy's ranks. It didn't matter what he was doing anymore. It didn't matter how long he'd been here. He just went through the sequence of killing. Fire, load, fire, load, fire, load.

This was how it went.

And then he was lying on the cobbled floor of the alley again, gasping and clawing at the stones.

He failed to rise once again and collapsed onto his side, hearing his pulse pounding in his body.

It was getting harder and harder to breath and his gasps just got faster and faster as he realised he was going to die and this was the end and nothing else mattered because he was going to DIE and he was so hot and so dizzy and so alone so alone and so

scared

A sob escaped him between shallow, heaving breaths.

he was so alone

He was shaking so hard, and he was so cold and he was in pain.

he didn't want to be alone

He was going to lose his mind to the beast that lurked within him.

he was scared to be alone

And then he would be gone forever, dead to the world.

he was so alone

A warm hand settled on his shoulder, something he barely registered as he had almost blacked out. His eyes were barely open, and he was half blind. He wasn't so much terrified now as nearly empty.

And yet as he was drawn back into the waking world, that little spark of fear ignited once again and his heart rate picked up. He let out a whimper and started to pant.

A pair of firm hands slipped under his shoulders and rolled him onto his back. He felt a tug and suddenly there was something solid behind him, propping him up. As his mind came back into consciousness, he began to realise what was happening and terror took over once again.

But now his senses were sharp, all save for his tunnelling vision, and he could hear a voice speaking to him. A woman's voice. He listened.

"I need you to breathe. Just breathe. That is all. That is all that is required of you."

Something in his memory clicked and he learned how to talk.

"Help… I… I'm Roy Mustang… I need help… I-I can't breathe…"

"Shh. Don't speak. Just breathe. That's all that's important right now. In and out."

Roy nodded blearily. He took a deep, shuddering breath, then coughed, then let it out, and continued. Once he'd established a shaky breathing pattern, the woman spoke again.

"That's good. That's what I need you to keep doing. Can you breathe slowly for me, Mr Mustang?"

Roy nodded again, his eyelids flickering. "…Yes…" he managed to choke out.

"Good. You're doing very well. Just stay calm and focus on your breathing."

This continued until Roy's shallow gasps had slowed considerably, almost to a normal pattern - albeit a little wheezy. He tried to keep his eyes open for more than three seconds, but every attempt just resulted in his gaze never reaching a fixed point and just sliding aimlessly and blurrily over the woman in front of him. He barely made out a soft purple kimono and pale, fair skin.

"Alright. Mr Mustang, can you tell me what's wrong?" she asked gently.

"A… A panic attack…" Roy murmured exhaustedly. "I was scared…I was…was going…to die."

"And here you are, alive," came the response. "I am so glad you are alive."

"Me too…" Roy replied, and smirked a little. His eyes were slightly open, but only so much that he could make out the bottom of the woman's kimono and her knees - she was kneeling in front of him. "I like…living…"

"That's good. How do you feel? Are you sore anywhere?"

"Feel crap," Roy mumbled. "Head sore…and I'm ex…exhausted."

"Understandable. Are you here with anyone?"

"Yeah. They're all in the bar across the way. They're… They're the ambass…adors from the allies…"

Roy heard the woman rise to her feet. "Alright then. I'll fetch them."

"No…!" exclaimed Roy, as loud as he could in his condition. "Don't leave me here alone…"

He reached out with a clumsy hand and brushed the woman's ankle, but he was too weak to do any more and he dropped his arm back at his side. "Please… Don't leave… I'm cold and…scared."

There was a quiet movement, and then Roy felt a warmth on his side. He glanced that way and caught a smudge of dusky violet; the woman had taken a seat next to him, right up against his side.

"Is this better?"

"Yes," murmured Roy. "I don't want to be alone. I never want to be alone again."

"You're not alone," she assured him. "You're never alone. No-one ever is."

Roy smiled a little and then yawned silently. His eyes slid closed and he felt the world fading. It was okay… The beast was asleep…

His body slipped sideways so that his head rested on the woman's shoulder and she gave a surprised start. Her reddy-brown eyes widened as the man's messy soft black hair tickled her neck slightly. He was nearly asleep.

"'I don't want to be alone'," she echoed, smiling slightly. She ran a shaking hand through her blonde hair. "That's so like you, Colonel."

She couldn't have taken him in that condition, and not without Edward or Alphonse. The best course of action was to inform the other ambassadors of his location and let them deal with it.

The Emperor was approached by his squire and a fair-haired young maiden with russet-brown eyes, who informed him that one Colonel Mustang had collapsed in one of the alleyways outside, having suffered a severe panic attack.

"Do be careful with him," she advised. "He's in a bad way. I'd have him looked over when you take him back to the castle."

When a couple of escorts were sent out to locate the Colonel, they found him asleep against a wall with a purple haori wrapped around his shoulders for warmth. They shook him awake and he immediately asked to see the woman who'd assisted him, but she was no-where to be found.

He was helped back to the castle, where the nurses checked him over and declared that a day's rest was required for recovery time.

"Thank you," Roy said to the nurse who'd seen him to his room. He gripped the bag in his hand tightly. "I appreciate what you've done for me."

"Anytime," she replied with a nod. "If you require assistance at any stage tomorrow, feel free to ask. We are more than happy to help."

"You're too kind."

The woman turned and made her way back to the medical staff's quarters.

As he pulled out his keys to unlock the door, Roy noticed Claudio make his way down the corridor to his own room. His eyes narrowed as the man passed by, but he found himself unable to meet his gaze. He diverted his eyes to the floor as the prince passed, feeling anger boil within himself at this sudden submission.

What, are you scared of him now or something? he thought irritatedly to himself, mildly worried when small voice murmured back, only a little.

He was about to push open the door when Tyrell appeared, stepping out of his neighbouring room and glancing around. He stepped out and stood before Roy.

"Ty—" Roy began, but was cut off by a wave of the boy's hand. He frowned a little, but complied anyway.

"Something happened while you were away," the boy whispered urgently.

"Yeah, I know," Roy whispered back. "I had a panic attack. I was sort of there when it happened."

Tyrell cringed. "Again?"

Roy blinked, puzzled. "I thought that's what you were referring to… Did something else happen back here?"

Tyrell glanced anxiously back at Claudio's door, but then continued when he saw no sign of the prince. "Yeah. It's Ed; he had a bad dream - and I mean bad. He was quite…er, rattled. Just letting you know, because I get the feeling he isn't going to tell you himself. And if you need me because something's happening, please call me. I'll be there before you can say, 'nikujaga'."

He vanished back into his room, giving Roy a reassuring wink. But his other violet eye was sparking with unease.

Roy's tired, dark eyes followed his movement, then flicked back to the door handle. He tossed his keys away into his pocket as he quietly pushed open the door, unsure as to whether Edward was asleep or not. He closed it as silently as he could, but there was a slight click as it slid back into place.

It seemed to have gone unnoticed.

Roy slipped off his shoes and pushed them to one side of the door, beside the coat-rack, and headed around to the couches.

He then caught sight of Edward, whose hair was loose and hung far down his back. He was standing by the window, leaning on the sill as he stared down at the city from the high vantage point. His skin had an odd orange sheen from the dim glow of the city's street lamps.

"I'm back," said Roy softly.

"Gihuh!" Edward jumped, whipping around to face his superior and raising his hands as if he expected attack. His wide, startled eyes relaxed as he realised it was only Roy.

"Am I that scary-looking?" Roy asked, looking at himself critically. "Well, I suppose sneaking up on someone in the dark is kind of creepy, huh?"

In a shaky sigh, Edward let out a deep breath Roy hadn't noticed he'd drawn. He looked back to the window and returned to staring out it at the city.

Roy walked up behind him and folded his arms. "They're a handy invention, I think."

Edward didn't say anything.

"Windows." Roy nodded. "I like windows. I'm always drawn to them, for some reason. Not entirely sure why, but I have a theory."

Edward folded his arms on the sill, placing his chin on them and continuing to stare. His gaze followed a man out on a late-night stroll through the streets near the palace.

"I think it's because of how much you can see," said Roy thoughtfully. "Some people watch the clouds, and others watch the seasons pass. I don't. The clouds are monotonous, always the same. They move so slowly, and to where? I don't know. They just drift aimlessly. Nothing created, excepting rain or snow or lightning on some occasions." He paused. "I don't like rain. And the seasons…"

The man Edward was watching disappeared from view and the boy cast a glance up at the man who stood behind him instead, his exhausted expression having a slight undertone of curiousity.

"The seasons are always on loop, repeating over and over. Flowers, heat, leaves, snow, flowers, heat, leaves, snow. Spring, summer, autumn, winter, spring, summer, autumn, winter. Sure, it's refreshing, but there's nothing different, no new ideas or progress. Why bother watching something that never changes? I'll tell you what you need to watch, Ed…"

Roy gave the window a long, hard stare. "It's mankind. We're constantly making improvements, always adapting and evolving and creating and moving onwards. With every passing day, we achieve more and more. Every year, new ideas have been conceived and brought to life. Every decade, we shift into something entirely new. And every century…I'm not even going to start. The clouds and seasons have been doing the same thing for millenia, and they're in the same state as they were all those years ago. But us…we just had to keep changing."

Edward gave Roy a cynical look, and the man chuckled and let out a yawn. He smirked and cast his gaze out the window.

"I know what that look was for. You're thinking, 'From everything I've seen of you, Mustang, you hate change'. Well, that may be true in some aspects, but that's the appeal of a window. You can watch the excitement of change outside, marvel in everything that's happening, whilst anything inside the window can stay however you want it. And whenever you feel like it…"

Roy smiled and nodded again. "You can step out there and be a change yourself, you can make the world better. And every so often, when you're tired of the work, you can step back in and see how much of a change you've made from behind that window. Sometimes, it might not seem like much, but there's always something you've done, some little ripple you've created. You're never ineffective, never useless, no matter how much you think you are. Remember that there's always one thing you're affecting, it doesn't matter how small."

Roy placed a gentle hand on Edward's head and ruffled his messy hair lightly, saying, "That's the appeal of a window. You can always see the changing world, but you have the power to decide when you want to be part of it. And there'll always be a room behind you that you can keep the same, to reassure you when it gets too much."

Edward closed his eyes and relished the feeling of Roy's hand on his head. It felt good, comforting. "I don't have a room or a window," he mumbled. "Our home is gone. There's nothing familiar left."

"Who said it had to be a room?" Roy replied. "When you look for that familiar thing, look at the people who surround you. Look at your brother, and your friend Winry. Go to Resembool. That place never changes. Know you have family there."

Edward felt the man's hand become still. He looked up, but Roy was staring down on the street below, smiling a little.

"My bedroom means nothing to me," he murmured. "The window faces my back yard. All I see out there is grass. And it's dead grass. I don't have time to garden. When I look out the window, I want to see changes in our military. When I look to my room, I want to see the people who support me, all my friends. Where do you think I can see this?"

"Your office?" Edward guessed.

Roy nodded. "You look at your brother, at the Rockbells, at everything you know. Everything you think is dear to you, everything you want to hold on to forever, everything you care about… That's what should be in your room."

Edward smiled a little, and closed his eyes again as Roy continued to rub his head. "What you hold dear, what you want to hold on to, what you care for, what you want to protect." He paused, and Edward caught a glimpse of red on his cheeks. His mind went blank at Roy's next words.

"'S why I keep callin' you back to my office," the man muttered, covering his mouth with his hand so it came out muffled. He could feel his cheeks burning. "And why Hawkeye's always there."

The two stood and stared out the window in silence together for a while, simply enjoying each other's company.

Edward gradually opened up, admitting his nightmare to Roy and telling him what it had been about. The Colonel had a niggling concern regarding what the boy had said about the creature taunting him for avoiding anything which reminded him of his attempt at human transmutation, and the fact that he had managed to erase some parts of it from his memory. He thought there was something he should know about this, but couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Roy hesitated briefly, but ended up revealing to Edward what had happened during his time out. The boy growled that he should have been there, that he should have done something, but stopped beating himself up when Roy finally convinced him there was nothing he could have done.

"But the lady who helped me left her haori behind," said Roy, reaching into the bag he'd been carrying. "Look."

He pulled out the purple material, showing it to Edward. The boy frowned.

"I don't see anything out of the ordinary," he admitted.

Roy pointed. "Look at the crest. It's a hawk with a very odd colour theme. Bit strange to have an eye coloured Amestrian military blue, eh? And hastily sewed too."

Edward gave a dumbfounded look. "L… L-Lieutenant Hawkeye?" he stammered.

Roy confirmed his words with a nod. "And the name of the manufacturer has been edited as well; for whatever reason, it's been changed to Hoensons."

"'Hoensons'…" Edward echoed. His eyes narrowed in thought. "Hoensons as in, sons of Hoen. Sons of Hoenheim."

Edward stared at Roy in disbelief. "That's me and Al. This belongs to them. Hawkeye and Alphonse are here. But why?"

"I didn't know Alphonse was here as well," Roy murmured. "That makes it all the more puzzling."

"Let me see that for a second," said Edward, reaching for the haori. He examined it carefully, running his hand along the seams and trim.

"Looking for something?" asked Roy, watching the boy.

"You know how Hawkeye is," Edward explained. "Never a wasted move, everything she does has a purpose."

The Colonel nodded in agreement. "Yeah. She is like that. So what are you trying to find, exactly?"

"I don't know." Edward checked the sleeves, reaching in and feeling around the inside. "Something weird. Something that shouldn't be there. Something that'll tell us why they're here. Anything."

Roy continued to watch the boy search the haori fruitlessly. "Maybe there is nothing," he said.

"No." Edward shook the thing, then touched a hand to his chin. "Think… If I were Al, where would I think that I would look if I were going to find something that I had hidden for me if I thought that I were him being me?"

Roy attempted to make sense of this question but eventually gave up, failing to work up the motivation to get annoyed at himself and just yawning instead.

"Hmm…" Edward closed his eyes. "What am I looking for…?"

"Your right arm," said Roy suddenly. "You're looking for your right arm."

"I am?" Edward blinked. Then he grinned. "I am!"

"Right at the top of the sleeve," Roy told him. "That's where I'd put it if I were Alphonse trying to leave a message and he were you trying to think of where you would look as if he weren't him and I were him and he was me and Hawkeye was you and…uh…" He trailed off, having confused himself.

Edward laughed, flipping open the jacket and feeling around the inside of the sleeve at the shoulder. He examined it closely. "I don't see anything… You try."

Roy snatched the clothing from the air as Edward tossed it to him. He scrutinised it with his sharp eyes as if trying to evaluate a math problem.

"Hawkeye's thorough," he pointed out. "She wouldn't leave it so that anyone would be able to find this message."

He rubbed the fabric between two fingers and his eyes widened a fraction of an inch.

Edward looked hopeful. "You found something?"

Roy nodded. Holding the haori in one hand, he flicked his wrist and a tiny dagger shot out of his sleeve and straight into his palm.

Edward stared. "You… You had a knife on you this whole time?"

Roy looked surprised. "Well, yeah. I took precautionary measures when you said it was possible that Claudio might try to attack me." He glanced at the knife, stifling another yawn. "Hughes lent me one of his hidden holsters, so I thought I'd better make use of it, y'know?"

The younger watched as the older proceeded to gently tear open the seam of the sleeve with the knife, frowning in concentration. When he'd created a slit he deemed appropriate, he shook the jacket until a slip of paper tumbled into his hand. He smirked tiredly, victorious.

Edward walked closer, moving behind Roy to read the note and saying, "Good thing they know us so well, hey?"

The two flicked over the letter, growing more concerned by the second. When finished, they shared a glance of worried puzzlement.

"Th…this is…" Edward shook his head, looking pale. "What does she mean?"

Roy folded the letter, admitting, "I don't know. Whatever the case, we can't let anyone else find this."

He moved over to the few piles of Edward's research material that remained in the room (mentioned alchemist having scoured the entire library and come up with very few leads) and picked up a pencil, sketching a rough circle onto the note. He moved back over to the empty space next to Edward and donned an ignition glove, attempting to smother another yawn but not quite managing.

Holding the note under his two free fingers, he snapped and the circle flashed. The corner flickered alight and Roy set it on the marble floor. "This way's safer to use inside than fireballs," he explained.

And the two watched the note burn, transforming to ash the words they had just read.

OH MY ENCHILADAS! THIS IS THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER! HOW COOL! YAY FOR US!

So anyway guys, I'm really happy with how this story's doing. I don't know if I expected it to be so popular, but it is! Thanks to all you, we made 200 follows! Yeah! And so sad, but I've almost finished writing it! I'm sort of stuck on the grand finale though... It involves a lot of Roy being smart, and I'm not very good with tactics.*sweatdrop* Luckily there are still a bunch of chapters between now and then, so that oughtta buy me some time (and you guys won't have to hunt me down and force me to write faster...)!

And guys, I got Wattpad now. My username is 'TheFullmetalAlfred'. I haven't put anything up yet, I just don't have anything else exciting to say. Maybe I'll post my own original stories there soon! (Hopefully.)

And about my blonde/blond conundrum, I'm going to continue calling Ed a blonde until the end of this story, and then change it. Because no-one seems to mind it, and as they say, consistency is key! Meaning that when I do something, I tend to stick to it the whole story and change it next time.

Review responses:

I'm just a person now read 66: I love your profile pic. I just had to say. Doge is awesome.

Scaehime: I think I have an idea what you're referencing, but I don't want to guess in case I get it wrong and sound like an idiot 'cause it's an obscure thing... Can you tell me?

Okay guys, seeya soon! ZAKURO AWAAAAAY! (And remember kiddies; don't hate Tyrell, he's just doing his job! Wait 'til the end before you kill him for hurting our little Eddie! We need him for the story! XD)