Again, really great reviews and comments! You guys are really paying attention and have lots of question. I'm getting there one at time.

One of you guessed correctly at one question that will be answered this chapter. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the review. I was going to give you credit. After the chapter, give me a chirp, and I'll be sure and do that.

So, those castration knives are still out. Sigh. LOL

Ranger is at this point in his life, just plain jaded. He is a controller by nature, but he's battle worn and scarred too.

Alix33 is still coming up behind me and cleaning up my punctuation. Thanks girl!

Chapter 13

Lester was grinning and Lula was standing there glaring at us both. Lester said, "I didn't have anything to do with that slap, but it was fun payback for that punch you dealt me earlier."

I rubbed my hand down my face. Lula was bouncing Angel on her knee and turned to lester. "What did you say to my girl to make her so mad?"

"I told her what we found out about Bobby after he died. We were all angry and just filed it at the time. We agreed to tell her about it because we thought it might help her with the guilt now. But I didn't blow smoke up her ass. It was her fault that he died that day," he said.

She asked him. "Well what did you find out about him? Tank didn't tell me nothin'."

Lester sat down and ran a hand through his hair. "They did an autopsy because his death was ruled a murder. The Coroner found he had cancer, Lymphoma. Later, when we got his personal effects back, we checked his phone. He'd missed an appointment with an Oncologist that very day. He had just been referred, hadn't told anybody yet."

Lula looked surprised. "Was he gonna die?"

"Yeah, he had a year or two maybe. It was the Non-Hodgkins kind, and pretty aggressive. Explained some things going on with him. He was complaining about not sleeping and night sweats. He'd lost some weight, wasn't eating as much. He mentioned getting a check-up and doing a sleep study. I'm sure he was shocked to find out that what he had was cancer," Lester said.

"That poor boy. How did Stephanie take that?"

"She appreciated me telling her. I told her I was still angry at her even when I found out, and I was. At that time, my thinking was that I wanted him with me for whatever time he had left. Now I know, he went out the way he would have wanted to. Like in battle and with no pain, man."

She said, "Tank said they arrested that dude that shot him. Got the gun. He's in prison now."

I added, "Yeah. Stephanie walked right into a big drug deal going down. She shouldn't have even had that file, much less been down there, and out of her car. I know exactly what happened. All of us knew the major players who ran in that area, and so did our men. Every week, we had a meeting and passed photos, and files around to the men. Here is Trenton's most wanted and dangerous, with drugs, weapons, the gangs, whatever. That...is...their...job...to know. We make it our business to stay ahead and informed, so we don't walk right up into messes like she did. Bobby likely saw what was going down when he pulled up, and jumped out of his truck to get her out before she got killed. He got popped running into it. I don't know how many times, I had told her not to go down there without back up, and be aware of her surroundings. It should have been both of your jobs to know your business and who you were dealing with at all times, and what you were walking into, the same as us. That rarely happened. That part was aggravating, because Stephanie was good at finding people and picking up things about them that others couldn't. Yet, her apprehensions were always careless and sloppy, and when you were there, it was chaos."

"What? Now you talkin' about me too?"

"Yes, I am. How many times have you pulled that big fucking gun out and shot it off because you didn't know what was going on, and you were afraid? How many times have you, yourself put my men and other people in danger? You don't know how damn lucky you are that one of those stray bullets didn't find a mark. Nobody could have saved you from a prison sentence. Juniak is happy as hell that you two aren't working together any longer and he's not the police chief now. He used to say that he and Morelli shared a full cabinet of antacids because of the two of you."

She looked at both us. "If that's so, how come you didn't talk to us?"

I sighed. "I did talk to Stephanie about it, but not enough. On those occasions, she didn't listen and didn't take me seriously. She just said that I sounded like Morelli. I should have demanded she get proper training or quit helping her early in her career. I didn't, and that's on me."

She asked, "Why you doin' this now? Helpin' her, when it sounds like you don't even like her no more?"

I took a deep breath. Good fucking question. "I don't know for sure. Guilt for what I didn't do in the past, and for what I did do in Newark. I just always cared for her in a way that I can't explain, Lula."

She snorted. "I can. It's easy. You love my girl, and you always have. That's why she gets away with shit. You pussy whipped is what you is. Big Batman just don't want to admit he's addicted to the little Batgirl cave."

Lester guffawed and fell over on the sofa laughing his fool ass off. Angel was looking at Lester and squealed, working her little hands and then looked at me smiling. Both of them can kiss my ass. Furrowing my brows, I turned, heading back to my office shaking my head. Forget those two. I'm going to do paperwork and contemplate why the hell she slapped me.

I woke early the next morning, feeling anxious. My life was about to go through major changes again, and I didn't feel like my usual confident self. That was bad, and I needed to get a handle on that, and work it out quickly.

I had spent the rest of the afternoon yesterday, mindlessly doing the paperwork, and thinking about Lula's words and Steph. Unfortunately, memories of early, more pleasant times with her came to mind, and I found myself reminiscing about the past and her. Where most women could barely hold my attention long enough to get the condom on, she had entertained me, and held my attention for years. I guess I had loved her, in my own way, the wrong way…

One decision that I had made in the afternoon, was about Aleida. Realistically, there hadn't been much about her that I really liked, except that she had a perfect body, half-sculpted by the best plastic surgeons somebody else's money had bought. Then there was the fact that she was extremely adventurous in the bedroom, and had not been previously intrusive. That last one was changing. I talked to Les early evening, and asked if he was interested in keeping her, and he'd shrugged and said he would for a while. I knew she wouldn't be happy with that, and him not being in Miami most of the time. I decided that the best thing to do was to talk to her and let her decide what she wanted.

So, I asked Betina to entertain my guests that night with her culinary skills and went to talk to Aleida.

Aleida was not happy. She began bawling almost immediately. "I will pay the rent on this place for six more months. That should give you plenty of time to find a place or another man to keep you."

She pouted. "But I don't want another man, Ranger. I want you. Why are you doing this now? Is it those women? Neither one of them was even much to look at. It has something to do with that baby, doesn't it?"

"My personal life is none of your business, Aleida. We are ending this and we're doing it today. I suggest you use your charms and begin your search for a replacement companion."

"Won't your friend keep me? He's handsome and good in bed. I liked him."

"I explained that to you. He doesn't live in Miami. There would be long stretches where you wouldn't have any companionship at all, and he wouldn't keep you and share you. I know you, and you wouldn't be happy, and you wouldn't be able to honor his wishes. The decision is made."

"At least take me to bed one more time before you go, please. I'm going to miss you."

I sighed and grabbed her hand, leading her to the bedroom. I had no problem with her request. It would likely be a long time before I got laid again.

I had gone for a run with Les again. Then showered and we all had breakfast together. Stephanie hadn't talked to anyone the rest of the day before. She had stayed in that room until dinner. Lula tried to talk about Bobby, and that discussion had just sent her right back upstairs again.

She wasn't happy about going to see this doctor this morning or leaving Angel. She was angry, and had been vocal about it. I thought, good, at least she's showing some new emotions. I was hopeful that what she wouldn't discuss with the rest of us, she would with the doctor. We were going alone, and I had planned a treat for her after the session, shopping and lunch in Coconut Grove. I wanted to start building trust between us again.

Dr. Ortiz was a pleasant middle-aged woman. She had a calming manner about her and Derek was right, I felt good about her as Stephanie's personal therapist.

They were in session about an hour, and Stephanie came out looking much the same as she did when she'd gone in. I looked at Dr. Ortiz in question. "May I speak to you a moment before we go?" She nodded and opened the door to her office.

She sat down in a chair, and motioned for me to do the same. "I have to advise you first, that my sessions with Stephanie are confidential."

"That's fine, but I'm paying for her therapy and taking care of her. She doesn't look like she talked to you at all. Is she cooperating?"

"She answered some direct questions. She didn't volunteer information. She may have some trust issues, and depending on how severe her trauma was, it may take a few sessions before she talks freely to me. I have reiterated with her as well that our sessions are confidential unless she allows me to share any information with you."

"If you're asking the questions and she's not answering, I'm going to give you the big picture. What I know happened in New Jersey. Her disregard for her safety led to one of my men, and my best friends getting killed two years ago. His partner said harsh words to her, and I disconnected with her after that day and moved here. She married her long time boyfriend, and that didn't work out. Then she couldn't find a job in Trenton, moved to Newark, and ended up hooking for a living. In the interim, she picked up a baby by a dumpster someone had discarded, took it home and gave it a name. That baby is likely deaf. There is a lot there for you to ask questions about now, Dr. Ortiz."

She smiled and said, "I appreciate your sharing those details, however, I sometimes find that there is more to the "big picture" than meets the eye. She will tell me her story when she's ready."

I sighed and ran my hands down my face. "I hurt her in Newark. I was angry at her, and I was angry that she was hooking. I paid for her, took her to my hotel, and used her. I destroyed trust, and now I admit that I would like my friend back."

"And she will tell me about that experience as well, when she's ready."

I said, "I understand. I just want..."

"Mr. Manoso, you have obviously suffered loss and trauma as well. I would suggest that you have sessions with Dr. Sacks during this time. It may help you as you begin to rebuild your friendship with Stephanie in the future."

Resigned, that this wouldn't happen fast, I nodded and got up to leave. Then I walked into the waiting area, and put out my hand to Stephanie. "Babe, I thought we'd have lunch and do some shopping in Coconut Grove before we go back. You can call Lula to check on Angel in the car."

Stephanie looked at my hand a minute and then stood. She simply said, "Okay." I looked at Dr. Ortiz and she just smiled and nodded.

Then I walked out as Stephanie followed at my heels. Manoso, there is nobody to blame, but yourself. You were in charge when everything went FUGAZI.

TBC -

FUGAZI - Military war (Vietnam War) slang for a messed up situation. Fucked Up, Got Ambushed, Zipped In, leaving bodies.