Sink or Swim 1: The Only Good SI is a Dead SI
I don't know who's idea it was to make me look like Ranma when I was dropped into Nerima. Maybe so many people chose to go the SI route as him that the travel agent hit the button for body choice without realizing I was there for the Tourist Package and not the Star Vacation. Whatever the reason, I was dropped into Nerima without any of the skill packages needed to survive as Ranma while being a dead ringer for him.
Heh, dead ringer. Fitting choice of words, considering the fact that someone had cracked my skull open like an egg while I was feeding the ducks. I managed to survive to day thirteen of my two week vacation by staying far, far away from the usual haunts of the main cast. Instead of getting to watch their fights from the sidelines and maybe videotape a bit as I'd planned, I'd shaved my head and dressed in white robes, visiting local temples and shrines.
Truthfully it turned out to be a lot more fun than being a bystander in Nerima. Admittedly I did get challenged to a fight at nearly every shrine I went to, but after they wiped the walls with me they were satisfied I wasn't Ranma and were contrite for their actions towards me. Turns out Genma had robbed a lot of Temples, so many in fact that I began to wonder if there was a specific purpose for it besides the small amount of coin it garnered. Genma was easily skilled enough that he could have gotten much more money from any bank or Yakuza den without anyone being the wiser, so it had to be deliberate.
Anyway back to my story. I'd find myself bandaged up and no worse for wear, but the holy person who'd unleashed nine kinds of hell on me always insisted on making it up to me. Not being rich in material goods they offered knowledge of their craft and (this being Nerima) their style of martial arts. Apparently Ranma's ability to learn any physical skills was genetic and not learned, because I'm sure I'm not a natural athlete, unless 100 meter chair warming has been declared an Olympic event, and yet I picked up what they were teaching pretty easily. Maybe it was something in the water. I learned a little about a lot of things and enough martial arts to kick Chuck Norris' ass, which of course meant I was barely a beginner by Nerima standards.
Of course all this became rather moot when the brain I was keeping all this new knowledge in became one with the ground. Oh well, at least I have an excuse for having a dirty mind now.
I'd been at the park feeding the ducks and just enjoying the day off when I heard a yell from behind me and everything went black. I didn't get a tunnel or a bright light, it was more like passing out after a night of heavy drinking, I know the morning is going to bring pain, but I'm too drunk to care. I awake to find myself wandering the streets with no clear destination or purpose in mind. If not for the meditation training I'd learned from various holy men I'd probably still be wandering the streets at night. Apparently scattering the ashes of a restless spirit at a crossroads does have a basis in fact, who knew? I managed to concentrate long enough to recall my last memory and headed for the park, fighting the urge to continue walking slowly mindlessly, which was very relaxing.
It had rained since I was last there or someone had hosed down the section of sidewalk where I'd been, because I know instinctively what had happened to me despite the lack of blood and grey matter on the ground and I could feel a pull towards my killer. Now that I knew I was dead and hadn't come back in a cool 'The Crow' style resurrection I floated towards my killer. Even dead I still had flat feet and man did it feel good to get off them. Residual body image I suppose.
I was more floating than flying (even if I did stick my arms out in a classic superman position and make whooshing noises) so someone jogging could easily keep up with me. A fact demonstrated by a girl who'd just jogged out from a cross street right in front of me. After a few minutes I realize the girl is the one I'm feeling a pull towards and a great deal of anger wells up in me. Because of her I was dead!
To quote Arnold Judas Rimmer; "I could never again cradle a laughing child, brush a rose against my cheek, or interfere with a woman sexually." Come to think of it, I'm not that fond of children, could give a fuck about roses, and doesn't 'interfere sexually' sound like you're interrupting her while she's doing something important?
I shake off thoughts of sex with more trouble than I had walking away from the crossroads. Being a vengeful spirit seems to be bringing a lot of my baser instincts to the front, at least that's the excuse I plan on using for the fact that I've been staring at the softly bouncing rear of my murderer for the last ten minutes and wishing I could bite it. OK so she killed me, that doesn't change the fact that she has a dynamite ass! Hopefully she gets home soon because I'm not fast enough to catch up to her and from the rear, ahem, from behind—err from where I am—I can't tell who she is.
Watching her ass bounce I decide that soon is a relative term and it's not like I have to rush off to work or anything.
Man, I wasn't this lustful when I was alive!
As she turns into the Tendo Dojo and I recognize her I groan, I've been killed by a cliche! Why the hell couldn't it have been Mousse mistaking me for Ranma, or Ryoga who stumbled over me and thought I was Ranma in a crappy disguise?
Kasumi greeted Akane and once again I was struck by the thought that anyone who chooses Akane over Kasumi has some screws loose.
"I'm going to go practice in the dojo. Do you need anything?" Akane asked, basically offering to help Kasumi if she liked.
"I've got everything under control. I'm just going to use the furo real quick before everyone gets up."
"Have fun, sis," Akane said, before heading for the dojo.
I of course must follow my nature as a vengeful spirit.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
Watching Kasumi lather herself up and rinse off made me really regret the fact that I was immaterial… oh, and dead. Although not having to breathe meant that I could sink under the water while she's relaxing in the furo without having to come up for air. If I ever get the chance I'm so going to do an SI as , minus the insanity glitch around Kasumi. Her time spent relaxing is over all too soon, as I wasn't nearly oogled out yet. Watching her dry off sets things to jiggling in many fascinating ways however.
Ranma and Genma are up and sparring, waking the rest of the house as Kasumi began her morning routine. Akane came in glancing jealously at the well-built redhead sparring with the panda before going to use the furo herself. I didn't bother following her, her toned and tightened rear doesn't compare to Kasumi's. Even under the layers of housedress Kasumi's lush curves called out to me. Man, do I need a cold shower.
Breakfast passed quickly with no sign of anything out of the ordinary going on, except Akane failing to complain about Genma and Ranma fighting over food. I sighed and followed Akane to school, her growls about Shampoo, when she made her appearance, are fairly subdued. I felt my anger at my situation coming back again, this bitch murdered me and no one seemed to care, or possibly know. Hmm….
That thought would have stopped me in my tracks if I hadn't been floating. How did Akane get away with killing me? What can I do to her to get her to confess? I mean, I'm a ghost, I can't touch anything, I can't be seen or heard, so what exactly could I do?
A cry of, "Five Yen Satsu!" startled me from my thoughts and I realize I've followed her to class as Miss Hinako drained the front row and somehow caught me as well. As I was being pulled towards the loli teacher's rapidly maturing form, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell is happening because I could feel myself growing stronger as I got carried along with the chi drain.
I blinked and rolled my head before I realized I was breathing again and the whole class was staring at me.
"She's possessed!" Miyo, the half-gypsy girl with the gift of second sight called out.
"You're crazy," one of the boys in the class snorted.
"No, she's spot on," I correct him. "Man this feels weird."
"What do you want?" Ranma demands, already on his feet and ready to attack. He probably knew I wasn't his teacher from my posture or some weird chi thing.
"I'd love to be alive again, but I don't see that happening any time soon, so I'll settle for my murderer being brought to justice."
"Ah hah!" Miyo called as she rushed to the front of the class and slapped a ward on my chest, well Hinako's chest.
I examined the ward and pulled it off. "I'm not a demon." She slapped another on my chest. "Or a youma," I reply as I pulled it off. "Do you have anything for restless spirit seeking vengeance for his murder?"
Miyo frowned and started going through a stack of hand drawn wards.
"Take your time, I want to ask some questions first."
The entire class looked mystified while Ranma looked pissed. "Let Miss Hinako go!"
"I didn't do this, she did. I was following my murderer and wondering how exactly I was going to get justice for my death when she sucked me in."
"Who killed you?" Ranma asked, afraid it was going to turn out to be his fault somehow.
"Akane," I announced to everyone's shock. "I was feeding ducks in the park when she came up behind me and crushed my skull."
"That was just a dream," Akane stuttered out.
"Oh no, it was real alright. You murdered me!"
"What? But Akane wouldn't-" Ranma began before I interrupted him.
"Akane did. I look almost exactly like you, but I'm bald and wear white robes. I'm not a martial artist and she struck me from behind without warning, obviously thinking I was you, her usual victim."
"Ranma would have been fine!" Akane protested.
I shrugged. "I'm not Ranma. You killed me and walked away, and someone cleaned it up for you. They even had my body cremated and the ashes scattered at a crossroads to slow me down. As long as you go unpunished I can't rest, so I guess I'm here to drive you to suicide."
"What?!" Akane and Ranma screeched.
I shrugged and frowned, not liking the way my breasts bounced or the fact that I had breasts, well in public anyway. "I'll say this very clearly, You Akane Tendo, killed me. You shattered my skull, for god knows what reason. So basically you owe me a life and I plan on collecting by taking yours."
"I'll stop you," Ranma vowed.
I snorted, it wasn't like he could really do anything, but I'd have to make sure to keep him busy anyway. It never paid to underestimate Ranma. "Yes, well in the meantime, homework for today is chapters 12 and 13 in your book, Akane and Ranma, hall and buckets for yelling in class. Akane I'm assigning you detention for the rest of the year. Miyo, is that ward ready yet?"
"You can't assign me detention!" Akane protested.
I frowned at her. "I think you'll find I can. The school rules have no provisions for what soul is in charge of the body at the time detention is assigned. You can appeal to Miss Hinako my assigning you detention, but I think you'll find that delinquents who murder people get little sympathy from her."
Miyo began to get up, but froze and raised her hand instead, clearly wanting to avoid detention.
"Yes, Miyo?"
"I have the ward ready."
"Excellent. bring it to the front of the class please. Akane, Ranma, I believe I said buckets and hall?"
"You aren't Miss Hinako," Ranma said stubbornly.
"Actually as long as I'm in this body I am, legally. Feel free to appeal when she's back in control and I'm exorcised. Miyo, ward please." Miyo slapped the ward on, but nothing happened. I examined it and found she'd missed a seal around the edge and forgotten to charge it. Fortunately this was a basic skill for most shrines, so I'd been taught it backwards and forwards by experts. Taking a pen I showed her where she made a mistake and corrected it before handing it back to her to charge. I explained to the class what she was doing and why making them pay close attention as Miss Hinako wanted them to learn and wasn't particular about what it was. I could feel her in the back of my mind, more amused than anything else. I think she liked the company as it was probably hard to find anyone to be friends with considering her condition.
Miyo held up the ward and I nodded. she slapped it on miss Hinako's chest with a firm, "Kai!"
Miss Hinako went over backwards while I stayed in place, a translucent figure with a ward on my chest, wearing the robes I died in. I quickly helped Miss Hinako up before realizing I was supposed to be immaterial.
"Thank you," she said and gave me a smile that would have had me blushing if I had any blood.
"Akane, Ranma, I believe you were told your punishments," Miss Hinako said.
Miyo had already retaken her seat at this point and I was amazed at how calmly the class took everything, then I remembered this was Nerima and ghosts weren't exactly unknown here. Akane just nodded numbly, still in shock that she'd actually killed someone and trying to figure out some way to make it someone else's fault, while Ranma lead her out into the hall. I picked up the stack of papers on Miss Hinako's desk and passed them out. After spending so much time without a body it felt good to be able to move things. She gave me another dazzling smile before turning back to the class and continuing the lesson we'd interrupted. I was surprised to see that Ukyo was one of the students considering she hadn't joined Ranma and Akane in making a scene. I noticed her now because she kept looking from me to Ranma out in the hall and back again, noting the resemblance, technically we were twins.
The bell rang, releasing all the students for lunch just as Miss Hinako shrank back down into her smaller self. Her unhappy sigh changed to a smile when I sat down at her desk. Apparently she thought I'd leave with the students. Maybe I'm empathic or affected by emotional currents, but I felt pretty happy to spend time with the chibi teacher. She is cute as a button as a young teen and she jumps from subject to subject a lot, but other than the lack of focus and obvious need for affection and desire to fit in she's much the same as her older self. It really shouldn't be that big a surprise I suppose, it's not like she's really a 12 year old even if her body is, it only affects emotions not knowledge. Still listening to political discourse from a twelve year old on the state of world politics is rather surreal, especially when she jumps from that to talking about her favorite cartoon. I have to admit there are some interesting similarities between Bill Clinton and Haruko Tenah that I'd never thought of before. I'm limited to facial expressions and hand gestures for my part in the conversation. It doesn't occur to me until later that neither one of us expected me to be able to speak without a body, so I hadn't tried.
I'm sure the school is abuzz with rumors that Akane Tendo is a murderess. The fact that I'm a dead ringer for Ranma just means everyone nods in understanding and instantly accepts it as true. Well… Almost everyone. The class has just settled down from lunch. Akane still looks pale I note to myself happily and Ranma keeps glancing at Akane as the fact that she killed someone who she thought was him has finally begun to sink in. Ukyou is acting like it's business as usual, probably because she's not involved herself and is confident that Ranma will solve things as he always does, though she does send some curious looks my way.
"Foul fiend!" Kuno shouts bursting in the door with bokken in hand. "How dare you impugn fair Akane's Honor?!"
Miss Hinako doesn't even get a chance to speak as he attacks me. I don't bother dodging, It's not like he can kill me. His bokken cuts through the ward Miyo slapped on me and I fade from sight. Hinako drains him, looking as angry as I've ever seen her, which isn't a lot admittedly, but she looks ready to kill.
Picking up the drained dipwad I throw him over my shoulder only for him to fall through and hit the floor. OOPS! Sighing I pick him up with one hand and write 'Nurse's office?' on the board.
Miss Hinako's anger is gone and she's beaming at me again. "That would be very helpful. Come right back afterwards, Ok?"
I nod and then feel like slapping myself since no one can see me. I hold up Kuno and nod his head before grabbing his bokken and taking him to the nurse's office.
Typing by: Stephenopolos
TN: perv SI…..
AN: Another one from the vaults...