Chapter 15- The Promise
My focus is slightly wavering. I have a good excuse though. But the task at hand is far more important. I rub my eyes and absently reach for the mug of cold coffee for the ump-teenth time. The countless lines of chemical script before me whizzes by on the Laboratable. I stretch and run a hand over my neck. The sensation reminds me of how Sasha had scrubbed bubbles all over me in the shower; her body, too, dripping warm and wet. If I had been physically worn, surly she was exhausted. Where did we get the energy? I wanted her to rest. I begged her to, but she kept asking for more. I wanted to resist but this is all so new to me. It's a strange feeling for someone to want me in that way… I like it a lot.
That had been a little more than six hours ago when I'd begrudgingly left Sasha to rest in her bed. I made coffee and chocolate chip pancakes and had a quick breakfast with Anya. She had asked me if her mother was finally sleeping. I had to tell her the truth.
Going into my eighth straight hour of work, I appreciate the short breaks in between. Gleiv comes in and gives me a freshly brewed cup. Truth stops by to chat. She doesn't ask about Sasha; she's actually worried that I'm wearing myself out. Anya brings me a sandwich made special by Devin. Everyone is still encouraging me to do my best, even if it won't help the woman I've fallen in love with.
At a quarter to midnight I crumble. I slide my feet and seclude myself in the observation room. I shut the door and sit on the cold tile.
I'm trying not to think about anything. I end up thinking about everything. Everything is a jumble of symbols and numbers and I'm getting lost. If I wasn't beating myself up with an imaginary time restraint, I'd probably have found the equation by now.
The door opens and I look up to see Troy walk in and sit in the chair beside me. We don't say anything at first. He obviously has something to say so I just wait for him to go ahead.
"Y-you know that you don't h-have to find the answer by m-midnight, r-right?" Troy asks.
"It wouldn't matter now if I did." I sigh.
"You haven't g-given up, so y-you haven't failed."
"What are you, my priest?" I snap. "I'm sorry, doctor… I've done everything I can think of. Nothing fits, nothing is stable. Every time I try, it falls apart… it falls apart due to a chain reaction in mixing healthy proteins with volatile proteins. I've found and constructed the chemical structure for both… but the bad is stronger than the good. The bad proteins absorb the good and then the virtual synapses disintegrate… What am I missing?"
"If any one c-can find w-what it is, it's you." He says plainly.
"I don't mean to be rude but… is there something else you came to see me about?"
Troy snorts and folds his hands over his knees. "Y-you're right. I d-didn't stop by to h-help you lament on things p-passed. I want t-to discuss the f-future. Your n-ninety days are almost up. In eight days you are free t-to contact y-your family and g-go home. I have to g-go home to England and step into m-my role as President of the P-Perry Foundation. I know that y-you w-will want to k-keep working on Protagen, for Anya's sake. It would m-mean a lot to the f-foundation if you p-partner up with me and use my r-resources to get the f-funding we need to go into p-production. Once you create it we w-will be able t-to alter it for all other t-types of d-diseases at the atomic level."
I cock my head to the side and look up at him. "Why is this the first time of me hearing that you are the President of the Perry Foundation?"
"It j-just happened today… I m-met with Sasha earlier and she's p-passing the baton to m-me."
I nod and look away. It pains me that her mind can't rest. "I will think about your offer, Troy. I can't be definite about anything right now."
"Except about h-how much she l-loves you…." Troy whispers. "She's still levelheaded about a l-lot of things, but w-when it comes to you… she's l-lost all s-sense; pinning y-you as a l-last resort… As m-much as I had f-feelings for her, once we knew f-for a fact that her c-condition had escalated t-to t-terminality, I w-was NOT jealous of you, Donnie. I m-mean, I w-would not want to be the object of a-affection to a d-dying w-woman. How d-did you s-say no to her?"
"I didn't." I get up and walk out of the little room. I stand in front of the Laboratable and pause. I'm not disgusted with Troy's rationale, nor am I angry. I've known enough humans to see that not all of them are worthless scumbags like he is. She was not desperate for a fling. If she had been, Troy would have been in her bed instead of me. Sasha had chosen me over Troy. I can smell how much he can't stand it.
Troy follows me out. "W-wait… y-you…?" I can hear the rising repulsion in his voice. "How c-could she l-let you… W-why w-would you invest your heart into s-such a d-distressing situation?"
Ok… I am starting to get a little agitated. "What's the matter, Troy? Don't think I'm good enough for even your most worthless human? Maybe you should ask Sasha what she thinks me. Let me warn you that she may use imagery not suitable for children." I refuse to look at him.
He stands here beside me a good while. I don't mind or care about what he's thinking or feeling. I've had quite enough of this pompous, self-serving shit of a man. I need to get back in the flow of my mission. The moment I forget about him, he pushes me as hard as I can and punches me in the face. "She's a f-fucking freak fucker!" He curses.
I grab him and throw him across the room even before the heat of rage blazes through my face. He hits the far wall with a thud and groans when he hits the ground. He tries to scream but I clench my hand around his face. "Take it back." I snarl. I hoist him up by his arms.
"Y-you w-won't get away w-with this, f-freak! I c-can't b-believe Sasha l-let you t-touch her! I'll m-make sure C-Carder s-skins you alive!"
I do my best to hold back as I punch him right between the eyes.
"F-f-fuck y-you.." He jitters.
I push him to the ground and pound his face over and over. "TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!" I roar.
By this time Troy is a skittering. "S-s-s-s-top! A-a-a-c-c-k!
I ring his bell once more with full force, banging the back of his head into the wall.
I… I've never done this before… I blink repeatedly and exhale harshly. I feel like an animal. My eyes focus on Troy's bloody face. His tacky eyes pull open.
"No more, please no more…" He says.
We look at each other with wide eyes. "What did you say?" I ask.
He licks his lips. "I said… for you to please stop beating the hell out of me!" He smiles.
Oh no… I don't know how much angrier I can get until my head finally explodes. All Troy needs is a few knocks to the head to fix his stuttering?!
If only helping Sasha could be that easy! My intent was never to cure HIM! Look at this fucking looser! He's just jabbering away, testing his new little miracle with a stupid tongue twister. I grab his neck and pull back my fist. "Shut Up! How many times do you think I have to hit you until you sound like a broken record again?"
"No! Please stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You know that everything I said was because I'm just a jealous bastard! Even in death, she didn't choose me…! She'd never choose me. I have to let her go. I've held on to her so tight for so long but… it's pointless now. I've loosened my grip."
I let him drop, still towering over him. "You… are also a cowardly bastard, Troy. You never loved Sasha, or else you wouldn't have let her go so easily…I am not like you. I will not loosen my grip on Sasha. I will hold on to her until the very last breath. She will hold on to me. And when the darkness comes, she will feel my presence with her. I will be the last glimpse of light she sees. The last thing her mind will think of is my love. My current and eventual pain and sorrow will not keep me away from her." I stand and go the sink in the corner and wash my hands. I dampen a rag, walk back over to Troy and place the wet cloth over his bruises.
Troy hisses. "You… are a strange man. How can you talk about death so flippantly?"
"Death may overcome life, Troy, but love will always overcome death."
Overcome…
Overcome…
Overcome overcome overcome overcome…. That's what Protagen does. It doesn't destroy the disease, it overcomes it, it is bigger, it surrounds it, it makes it conform, it guides it, forces it, Protagen is not a sword, it is a staff, it is not the executor, it is the redeemer. It covers the sin of the disease and the good proteins thrive over it. The awakened disease goes to back to sleep!
"The awakened disease goes back to sleep!" I yell. Troy dabs the sensitive skin around his nose and he stops at my outburst. I grab him up and push him toward the door.
"Ah! What are you doing?" He shouts.
"You need to go. I need to work."
"But, Donnie I…"
"What?!" I say, exasperated.
"I just wanted to say… you are right about me. You have always been right about me. No matter what happens… I… thank you."
I nod and watch him stumble down the hall. I go back to the Laboratable. "Vixen, start new session; add the complete FFI protein, diagram view."
I can see the rubik's cube.
…
How long has it been… four hours, five? I look down at my S-Wrist. Almost five a.m.
"There is an incoming call from Dr. Gavnikov. Would you like me to connect? Visual or just audio?" The deep voice comes from Lamar, the Screen Time on the wall.
"Visual, please." I say.
"Hello, Donnie." Her sultry Russian accent moves me. She's sitting in her private lab at her gadget work bench. She's wearing loose purple loungewear. She is smiling but her eyes are so ghostly.
"Hello, Sasha."
"How are you feeling?" We say. We laugh.
"I am feeling a lot of things." I say.
"Me too. I felt a lot of things last night as well." She says.
I smirk. "I'm really, really glad you did."
"Are you happy?" She asks me.
"For now, I am."
"Do you regret what we did?"
"Not a second of it!" I say quickly and loudly.
Her face reddens. "I'm very happy you said that, but I am also very ashamed."
"Why?" I give her all of my attention. I hope it's not because we moved too fast. But what is too fast when you only have weeks to live? I hope it's not because I am a mutant. It's one thing to raise one as your child, quite another to couple with one.
"I was selfish." She shrugs. "I wanted you even if it meant causing you great harm. I don't feel very good about that."
"Don't ever say that again." I say firmly. "I'm glad you wanted me. I hope you still do because I want you too."
"Oh… ok. I do." She whispers. "But what about later?"
"What do you mean?"
"Later, when you go home and take up your normal life… you will try again won't you?"
I shake my head. "I don't understand. Try what again…? Find someone else?"
She licks her lips and looks down at her hands. "It wouldn't be fair to you. I would hate myself if your heart died with me."
"My heart… belongs to you." I say as if I hadn't realized it until now. "Where you go, my heart goes."
"I refuse to have your heart buried with me." She says, her anger rising. "You are going to need it again someday."
"How… how can you ask me to move on when I've had you for such a short time?"
"We both shouldn't have to suffer…"
"No Sasha! No!" I slam my fists on the wall next to the Screen. She can't do this! We don't just do what we have done, and say what we have said and then, just expect me to walk away so I don't feel the pain! I don't want to talk about this! I can't talk to the dead. You're still alive, Sasha! I run my hands over the image of her face. "You deserve all the love that I have and more… You've pricked me… You've infected me. I will never be the same. When it's time… I have to admit, a large part of me wants to follow you and not look back." My voice shakes.
"What about Anya?" She says, close to sobbing.
The resolution is so infinitely high, I swear I can reach through and wipe the tears from her weary eyes. "Another part of me… knows that I would never leave Anya alone…" I look into her eyes on the screen, longing to hold her, trying not to break into a sprint and get to where she is. I still have a job to do.
"Promise me." Sasha murmurs. "That you will continue to give me all that you have everyday that you have me, and then… everyday after that… you will continue to love my daughter and your brothers and the rest of your family… and anyone else that may come in to your life… with all that you have."
"Sasha…" I groan.
"Promise me."
"… I promise…"
She smiles so warmly, her eyes shimmer. In that brief moment, she looks as healthy as the day we first met. "Aren't you tired? Devin brought up some chowder a while ago. I can heat it up and we can have a very late dinner together."
"As much as I would like that, I have to decline… I'm close Sasha. I can now see what I need to do. I just need to finish the equation and test it… I need you to see… for Anya."
I feel her looking at me as I run my hands through the air as it 'touches' the holographic screen of the Laboratable. "I have a secret mission for you, Doctor Hamato. Will you accept?"
I pull my eyes away for a moment and smile back at her. "I do."
Her hands polish over a chrome-colored… well; I'm not quite sure what it is. She places it sturdy on the table. "I need you to make sure that Anya gets this." Sasha displays the silvery structure she'd been working on. It is a shiny round disc, flat on top with three stubby legs to stand on. She pulls out a retractable arm that stretches about ten inches above the plate and ends in a circular lamp-like device over the middle of the disc.
"What is it?" I ask.
Sasha folds and collapses the arm. She places the disc in a slim, square box. The box is decorated with colorful stickers. "I haven't given it a name yet. Maybe my daughter will give it an appropriate one. It's… sort of like a guidebook. It will activate when Anya speaks to it. I am leaving it here in my lab. I do not want Anya to have it until all of this is over.
All of this, meaning, after you die. I slowly turn my attention back to the equation in front of me.
I've found it.
"I've found it… I found it! Sasha!"
"Donnie?"
My hands try their best to keep up with the solution in my mind. It hits me, crystal clear! The truth unfolds before me, like seeing the sun for the first time after living in a cave all my life, praying to the shadows on the wall!
"Vixen, save, submit and send to processing!" I clap my hands, watching symbols spin, I hear the chemical chambers hum and begin their mixing of the first doses of Protagen A. I look at Sasha on the screen. "Sasha… I found Protagen!"
Her face goes blank. "Who is Sasha?" She says.
Just then the Screen Time disconnects.
"Lamar, dial Dr. Gavnikov." I say, but the Screen Time does not respond. I look at my S-Wrist. "Andrew, connect me to Sasha." No response… a random system failure? No, the lights are still on.
I look at the floating screen and Vixen is sending my finished equation to… somewhere… two unnamed mailboxes… 109 and 277… who are they?
I take off my lab coat and place one of the finished vials of Protagen in my pocket. I rush to the door. It doesn't open. I wave my hands around, trying to activate the sensors… nothing.
What the hell is going on?
I look around and see a small insert in the ceiling. I grab a chair, step up, remove the ceiling tile and pull down the wires. One of these has to be the right one to hotwire the door. I chew away the protective rubber and tally off as I touch the bare metal in a quick rotation. The black and yellow wires do the trick and the door lifts open. I run out of the hall toward the elevator when I hear a shriek coming from the other direction.
"Truth?" I huff. I barrel down the corridor toward the dining hall.
…
A/N: Dum Dum DUUUUMMM! Omgosh! Donnie is a firckin genius! But what the heck is going on?! It's in the next chapter. I'm about to wrap this puppy up. Get ready for a lot of emotions!