Triwizard Something-Something!

AN: Various Triwizard events and how they could have been handled—because I don't feel like rewriting the entire fic—I'm lazy - sue me!

TN: Or don't, actually please don't sue… we aren't worth enough.

Word of the first contest had gotten out and the public had objected so a new contest had been chosen by public ballot.

"The first test shall be to…" Crouch announced with a smile as he unrolled the parchment to reveal what the votes had decided, as this years tournament contests were decided by ballot. "Chop down the largest tree in the forest with a herring!"

Hermione's mouth fell open as the audience applauded and she turned to Fred and George. "Did you two have anything to do with this?"

"We might—" the first twin began.

"possibly" the second interjected.

"have had a small,"

"miniscule really"

"effect on the outcome."

"But really—" the second began.

"The top choice before our—" the first continued.

"truly, ever so —"

"brilliant contribution—"

"was having them fight dragons."

"Which would you prefer?" they chorused.

"I owe you big time!" Hermione said giving the two a hug Molly would have been hard pressed to match.

"He saved our sister —" one said.

"You can't repay that kind of loyalty," the other finished.

"Skill, wits, stamina," Dumbledore announced, "this is going to test them all."

The champions, who'd all been about to complain, fell silent.

The Hogwarts headmaster looked at them over the top of his spectacles, his eyes twinkling merrily. "We've allowed four hours for this test. I could do it in a matter of seconds, so let's see how fast you can."

Minerva transfigured four blades of grass into impressive size trees while Hagrid went to fetch a pail of sardines. The four champions exchanged glances relieved to see they all seemed equally clueless as they waited.

"I've got it!" Cedric said excitedly after a minute of waiting.

Seeing the other three champions staring at him Cedric shook his head. "I'm not giving away my advantage. You'll have to figure it out on your own."

The other three's brows furrowed in thought as they tried to figure out the answer. Harry started to laugh a moment later as he remembered something he'd forgotten that would at least allow him to talk with Cedric who'd apparently watched the same muggle show he had. Krum scratched his chin and slowly began to smile as he too thought he held the answer.

Fleur growled. "This had better not be some contest geared towards males."

"It's a bit unfair," Cedric admitted, "you do have less upper body strength than the rest of us."

"It is more technique and stamina than just muscle," Krum said shaking his head.

"Technique does play a large part of it," Harry added, "And I'm pretty sure you could beat me in an arm wrestling contest."

"Oui," Fleur said considering her options.

"Gottem' Headmaster," Hagrid announced as he approached with a pail of fish.

"We don't have to use these particular herrings, do we?" Harry asked.

"If you wish for someone to bring you a particular herring you'll have to wait until the contest starts and it'll count against your time," Dumbledore warned him.

Harry laughed. "That will be fine."

"Remember it can't be pre-enchanted or magically altered by others," Karkaroff warned.

"I know."

Minerva raised walls of hedges between each of the trees, while each champion except Harry chose a fish.

"Take your places!" Crouch announced sending the champions to their trees. "Go!" Crouch shouted as he let loose a cannon blast charm with his wand.

The crowd watched as Cedric transfigured his fish into an axe and started chopping away at the five foot wide tree.

Krum, having some experience with woodcutting, transfigured his fish into a bow saw and got to work a bit clumsily with only one person on the saw, but making better time than Cedric.

Fleur, hearing the chopping noises enlarged her fish before casting a number of charms on it and sharpening one side with a conjured sharpening wheel.

Harry snapped his fingers and an elf appeared. Handing the elf some money, he whispered in his ear and the elf vanished with a pop. Five minutes later the elf returned, handing harry a muggle device before popping out again.

Dumbledore chuckled while talking to the judges, who seemed equally amused.

Harry checked the blade tension and fuel level before pulling the ripcord and firing up the chainsaw, which roared like an angry dragon, startling the other contestants who weren't sure what had happened but quickly redoubled their own efforts. Harry kept steady pressure on the chainsaw and in a little under two minutes the tree fell.

Fleur, wielding a heavily enchanted fish, finished not more than five minutes later thanks to some impressive sharpness charms.

Krum came in third just a few minutes after Fleur.

Finally Cedric finished last, forty five minutes later, having done quite an impressive job with an axe.

Crouch cast sonorous on himself, "Champions, bring your herring to the judges!"

The four stepped away from their stumps and set their tools on the table in front of the judges.

"Fourth place using a simple transfiguration of fish to axe, Cedric Diggory," Crouch announced receiving a loud cheer from the Hufflepuffs in the stands.

"You cut down a tree that size with just an axe in the short an amount of time?" Harry asked in shock. "I'm impressed!"

"I still came in fourth," Cedric said.

"It was still an impressive feat," Krum told him. "I have some experience with woodcutting so I transfigured a bow saw."

"In third place, Victor Krum who transfigured his fish into a bow saw, which is commonly used in his land for cutting down trees." The applause from the stands rang out a little louder.

"I had some knowledge, but it's been a while since I've even seen a saw used and I don't know the enchantments on them," Krum admitted.

"Still it exemplifies the phrase work smarter not harder," Cedric said with a grin.

"In second place we have Fleur Delacour who enchanted and sharpened her herring into a quite superior wood cutting tool."

The crowd cheered loudly.

"That's quite possibly one of the most impressive things I've ever seen," Harry admitted.

"I was just being stubborn," Fleur waved it off though she did blush prettily.

"Impressive is a good word for it," Cedric agreed while Krum nodded.

"And in first place we have Harry Potter with… I have no idea what this is or how it qualifies as a herring," Crouch admitted. "Judges?"

"Harry, would you care to explain?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

Harry stepped forward and Dumbledore cast a sonorous on him. "I was raised in the muggle world so I know quite a bit about muggle tools," Harry explained. "This is a muggle chain saw, it cuts through trees rather quickly as you saw me demonstrate."

"But how does that make it a herring?" Karkaroff demanded.

"Well the muggles are always inventing new tools and improving on old ones," Harry explained. "So they have to give them individual names. This chainsaw, is in fact, the Benford Herring 2600."

Dumbledore laughed. "Well done, Harry. It appears as I've always said, there is no such thing as useless knowledge."

There was laughter and scattered applause from the audience.

When the scoring was done Harry and Fleur were tied for first, as Karkaroff did not think muggle knowledge was appropriate in the Triwizard tournament and Fleur's use of charms had been very impressive. Krum came in second and Cedric third.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Dumbledore held the fish in one hand and his wand in the other. "Diffindo!" he cast, slicing the tree down in a single spell. "As you can see the fish is with me, so I did indeed cut down the tree with… a herring!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Then came the ball, but with the alteration of events Ron and Harry hadn't made up and Fleur had allowed her sister to witness the contest, so it departed even further from what would be referred to as the canon timeline.

Madame Maxine had invited Gabrielle to join them as her guest so she could cheer her sister on. Thus Gabrielle was there at dinner when Dumbledore announced the ball and that all the champions would be required to attend.

Harry suddenly froze aware of the number of girls staring at him speculatively and feeling like a mouse in a room full of cats. Feeling a tugging on his sleeve he turned and found himself looking at an adorable little girl who couldn't have been much older than eight.

The little girl said something in french that Hermione translated for him, knowing he didn't speak a word of french, "Would you like to go to the ball with me?"

Harry wasn't sure how to respond, when he realized this was the perfect way out for him. He wouldn't have to worry about anything if he played his cards right.

Gabrielle began to get nervous as Harry didn't answer, but then he smiled and Hermione translated his response, "I would love to go to the ball with you."

Fleur, who had finally spotted her sister was shocked at his response, any of the boys she knew would have simply turned her sister down.

"Seriously?" Parvati asked.

"When a lady asks you on a date only a complete berk would turn them down," Harry said. "Besides how can you say no to that adorable face?"

Lavender giggled. "You can beat the imperious, but a young girl asks you for something and you fold like a cheap napkin."

"What reason do I have to say no?" Harry replied honestly. "I'm not dating anyone and have no prior commitments."

"Malfoy is going to have a field day," Katie predicted.

"Malfoy would have said something regardless," Harry waved it off, "and if he insults my date I believe I am allowed to respond violently. A nice reducto to the family jewels is the appropriate response, I believe."

McGonagall pursed her lips as she approached. "Mr. Potter while protecting your date's honor is moral and even legal, removing Mr. Malfoy's ability to reproduce could cause a blood feud."

Harry smiled broadly. "So If I neuter the ferret I can legally kill a Death Eater?"

McGonagall frowned. "I really hope you're kidding, Mr. Potter."

"Anyone seen Quirrell?" Harry replied. "How about Lockhart? Care to see what I did to the basilisk who petrified my friend?"

Everyone around fell silent as they considered his words.

"When a young man is escorting a young lady I believe he is honor bound to protect her. Knowing how I respond to threats to my friends how do you think I'll respond to someone threatening one directly under my protection?"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Harry presented himself at the carriages and was unsurprised to find Fleur's date, Roger Davies waiting as well.

"Potter," Davies said politely.

"Davies," Harry replied.

Fleur poked her head out of the door. "Sorry for the delay, I'm having a hard time convincing Gabrielle that she can't dress as a fairy princess."

"Why can't she?" Harry asked.

"What?" Davies asked in surprise.

"The point of the ball is for her to enjoy herself. If Gabrielle wants to dress as a fairy princess while every other girl tries to look like a normal one I have no complaints. In fact," Harry paused before calling out, "Dobby!"

* POP *

"The great Harry Potter Sir, is asking for Dobby?" the small house elf asked excitedly.

"I need a favor," Harry said. "How fast could you and the others get me dressed as a knight of the fae for the ball?"

Dobby grinned widely. "Elves can have Harry ready in time it takes to boil two eggs!"

"Gabrielle wants to be a fairy princess and that requires a knight, so lets get started," Harry said.

Dobby grabbed Harry's hand and they both vanished with a pop.

Fleur chuckled. "He is unique."

"That's one way of putting it," Davies said diplomatically.

A few minutes later Harry appeared in crystalline plate armor minus the helm wearing a scarlet cape with gold trim, and an ornate sword at his side. "The girls ready yet?" he asked.

"Not yet, but I believe I heard some elves pop in to help them, so it shouldn't be much longer," Davies said amused.

"You could dress up too," Harry pointed out. "Tell Fleur she should go as the angel she obviously is and go for a demonic look yourself."

"Think she'd go for it?" the Ravenclaw asked hopefully.

"Rather than be upstaged by her younger sister?" Harry replied with a grin.

"You've got a point there," Davies admitted.

AN: Just a quick idea for a Triwizard fic, but they were rather thick on the ground so I didn't finish it.

Typing by: Stephenopolos

TN: Shame wizards don't know about High-elves and Drow… some enterprising muggleborn should've introduced Tolkien...