The Lost

…

I had a nightmare last night… freezing steam surrounding me, blinding me from every direction. I could hear her voice and smell her hair and no matter how much I tried to reach for her, the cold wafts of mist cut through me. I wake up in a cold sweat. This is not how I want to remember her.

It has been one week since I've been back home. Seven days. And I'm not taking the loss of Sasha very well. I pick up where I left off back in February before I was kidnapped. I go to the large, empty basement of the building next door to the bookstore and continue setting up my lab. I'm ashamed to say that I'm afraid to move on. I wish I could suck it up and be more emotionally available to Anya at least but… her eyes remind me of her and I lose my strength.

Anya hasn't spoken yet. She sticks so close to me. She sits with me, watching me work silently, eating only when or if I eat and continues to sleep in the cot beside my bed because she refuses to stay by herself in one of the empty bedrooms. We have lost her mother, the only woman I have ever loved and I'm failing at helping us move on.

I promised Sasha that I would but I don't know how. Who can show me how? Then it suddenly occurs to me that Anya has yet to formally meet my father. Splinter usually keeps to himself, enjoying his comfortable home and private rooftop garden. We bring him down when we have a family dinner or when my brothers and I go up to train. I should take Anya up to meet him now. I need to talk to him anyway.

"Anya, how about we go up to meet your granddad?" I turn to her… but she's not there. She was sitting on the stool just behind me… I guess she got tired of me ignoring her and found something else to do. I am really bombing this 'dad' thing.

I groan and run a hand over my face. I am really no good to anyone right now. I figure Raph and Mikey haven't asked me to train with them because of my obvious grief. They just don't know how to deal with me… because they've never gone through what I'm going through. I pray to God that they never will. Not in the way I did.

I stare at my work table and find all my efforts futile. I'm not making any progress. I slide everything back in a cardboard box and rest my head in my hands.

"Donatello?" Arimi whispers from my lab door, seeming to come out of nowhere. I almost jump out of my shell. It's not all her fault; I was lost in thought.

"Arimi, you startled me… what's up?" I swivel in my seat toward her; she looks like she's seen a ghost. "What's wrong? You're shaking like a leaf."

She drags her feet toward me, as if taking longer to say what she needs to will be less of a blow. The bundle in her hands looks very heavy. "I… have wanted to show you this for a long time. I was going to tell you, but you and Leo…I found this at the bottom of our family chest; the old heirloom trunk my father gave me." I nod as I recall the ancient-looking crate. It was sitting in the corner of the living room. I saw it sitting on the coffee table this morning. Arimi must have had Mikey move it for her. It's much too massive for her to carry by herself. Arimi looks pale as she hands me the ancient scroll. I shake my head with confusion at her, but handled the parchment delicately. I unroll it across my desk. I look over the crisp black lines of script. My Japanese is rusty but I understand the patterns portraying a list of names and dates.

"I'm sorry, Arimi. What am I looking at? Some sort of timetable?" I ask.

She stands beside me, leans over and traces her finger lightly along the yellowed document. "The first names here start at the relative date of 1603 A.D… Donnie, this is essentially, the start of my family line."

My eyes grow wide. "Wow, Arimi! What an amazing find. This is a historical treasure. You must be excited to discover your family in this way."

She then places her hands on my shoulder and sighs softly. "Donnie… I, I think it is much more than that.

I stare at her quizzically. The way she's speaking sends chills down my spine. "What do you mean?"

"Let me show you."

She slowly begins translating the names and dates:

Line of Norinaga

1604 Kenshin and Mitsu marry

1606 Kenobe is born, later marries Asaki

1628 Nagamo is born, later marries Unae

1650 Kenshin is born, later marries Sasami

1672 Tensin is born, later marries Mi Ho

1699 Mitsu is born

She stops. "Donnie, if this is indeed my family history that means I am directly related to Kenshin and Mitsu Norinaga. Some part of Mitsu still lives in me which is why I believe Michelangelo and I were destined to be together."

"Oh, my God. That's incredible! But why are you telling me this? Why didn't you tell Mikey?" I ask.

"Let me read the rest of the line and then you will see why."

She continues:

Line of Ryo Kenoshi, marries Mitsu Norinaga

1723 Kanshin is born, later marries Nikonae

1748 Kito is born, later marries Shin Jako

1769 Tenshi is born, later marries Ayama

She hesitates:

1790 Haruto is born, later marries Anju Goba

1813 Yoshi is born

"Did you say Haruto?" I exclaim.

Arimi nods. "Mikey told me a little of what had happened to you. He mentioned the name Haruto. This is the same Haruto you saw come through the scepter."

"How can you be so sure?" I practically squeak.

"This is where the Kenoshi Line ends… and a new line suddenly begins." She whispers.

Line of Leo Hamato, to whom Anju is remarried.

"What?" My voice breaks. "L-Leo Hamato?" I shake my head. Arimi keeps reading:

1836 Yoshi later marries Rumi Ko

1837 Leo is born, later marries Chiako

1863 Satoshi is born, later marries Aniki

1890 Kimoru is born, later marries Kikio

1909 Jin is born, later marries Haruna

1930 Jinji is born, later marries Yaromi

1962 Yoshi is born, later marries Tang Shen

Line of Hamato ceases.

I cover my mouth in disbelief. This can't be happening.

Arimi says. "My father, Hiro Kirisawa married my mother Yayoi Hamato and continued the Kirisawa Line with me. My mother Yayoi is the twin sister of your Yoshi Hamato. I descend from the royal family of Norigana… and so do you."

My heart throbs in my throat, my eyes are watery but my mouth is dry. Could it all come together so perfectly…? So horribly perfect? How will I tell my family of Arimi's discovery? How will they react? The last thing I want is to cause more pain. My fingers caress Leonardo's name on the scroll. No! They may be mournful but they will no longer wander in doubt. Time may forever separate Leo from us but now I understand that Leo's separation completes our family. I gingerly roll up the scroll and tuck it under my arm. I take Arimi by the hand and lead us out of my lab.

"Where are we going? What are you going to do?" Arimi says.

"I am going to tell them all about Leonardo. I'm going to give them a chance to say hello again, and goodbye."

She blinks at me but allows me to pull her along. I can't help the smile that grows over my face as the warmth of the sun through the window washes away my sorrow… at least for a while.

My brother had lived!

…

I call everyone into the living room with more excitement that I'd shown about anything in a good while. Amber and April come up from the bookstore. Raph and Casey come in from the kitchen and Mikey comes down from the apartment above.

"What's goin' on Donnie?" Raph asks.

"Something wonderful! Amazing! Mikey go up and get Master Splinter. Where's Anya?"

"She's right behind you." Amber says.

I see Anya sitting on the couch crocheting with a white bolt of yarn. Who gave her yarn?

"Ok everyone, you have to see what Arimi found!" I say as I look to the staircase and see Mikey carrying Splinter and setting his feet on the floor.

Splinter walks over slowly and sits in the red, comfy chair next to Anya on the couch. She looks at him and blinks a few times… then goes back to her yarn.

Hmm. Best reaction ever.

Once everyone is seated I unroll the scroll and Arimi reads it aloud. They all gawk and awe at what is written thereon. They stare a while at the parchment and at each other, no one knowing what to say.

April speaks up first. "So, there were two Hamato Yoshis? Leo's son," She smiles "…and Splinter's master?"

"Yes." I say. "I'm sure that's where Leo got the name from."

"So, Leonardo got married and had a family?" Raph asks.

"Uh, yeah, it seems like it." I answer softly.

"So, he's really alive? Leo made it out ok?" Casey asks.

"Yes, he made it out ok… no he's no longer alive."

The room went silent for a moment.

"But that was over two hundred years ago. Leo could have lived a full, long life." Arimi offers.

"But how would we know?" Amber asks.

"Is there anything else in your family chest that might tell us, Mimi?" Mikey asks her.

Arimi shakes her head. "No. Once I found the scroll, I checked every artifact in the chest more than a few times. I did not find anything else."

"It don't seem like Leo would just disappear without givin' us some sign, would he?" Raph asks.

"I don't know. Maybe he did but two hundred years is a long time to hope that we get his message… he would have remembered that this family trunk would get to us someday. Maybe he thought us seeing his name on the scroll would be enough of a sign." I say.

I look at Splinter and he gives a slight nod. "What we have is a wonderful gift. It is even more than what I had hoped for him. Thank you, Arimi, for bringing Leo back to us in this small and priceless way."

Arimi bows and we all look back at the scroll. Should we hang it? Frame it? Or just put it back in the trunk? Mikey raises his hand and I look at him oddly. "Yes, Mikey?" I say.

"So, does this mean Leo's like, our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great-grandfather?"

"Uh, sure Mikey." I grin.

"You're such a doofus…" Raph spins Mikey's bandana out-of-place.

"Quit it, Ralph". He says playfully.

"How many times I gotta tell ya to stop callin' me that?"

Everyone starts to chuckle or giggle. I shake my head and glance at Anya. She's looking at Raph and Mikey's heatless bickering and the tiniest smile grows from her lips. My eyes grow wide. "Anya! Anya, you smiled."

She looks up at me startled and her ball of yarn rolls onto the floor. The smile is gone. She slides off of the couch and crawls under the coffee table to reach for her white bolt of thick, fluffy thread. I wait for her to come up but she's just lying there. I can't see her through the glass of the coffee table; the family chest is blocking my view… I hope she's not crying again.

"Anya?" I say softly.

"Are you alright?" Amber gets up to move closer to her.

Anya shimmies out from under the table frantically. She runs over to me and points at the table.

"What is it? What are you trying to say?" I look under the table. Maybe her yarn is stuck. No… what does she want? "Anya, please… I don't know what you want." She taps the trunk. "Do you want me to open the trunk? No… I don't…"

"Somebody get her a piece of paper…" Casey says.

I cut my eyes at him, but Arimi leaves to get some paper from the kitchen. "Anya…" I say. "It's ok, just tell me what you want… Just say it. Say it." But then she looks hurt. She shakes her head, grabs my arm and points sharply at the trunk.

"Donnie." Amber says.

"Just speak to me, please." I urge. Anya's hazel eyes are beginning to shine. Those are Sasha's eyes… Why did you have to leave me so soon?

"Donnie, do not…" Splinter says.

"Talk. Come back to me and just talk."

"Donnie!" Amber yells.

"Just speak to me, Sasha!" I scream. But I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to say that. I didn't mean to shout and I didn't mean to say her name. Anya steps back from me. Her eyes are smoldering gold. She places both hands on the family chest and, with all her might, pushes it over onto the floor. Everyone gasps as the old trunk hits with a crunching sound. Its corners are shifted. She runs out of the room and Amber goes after her. Arimi covers her mouth and tears form in her eyes.

I want to apologize to Anya for provoking her. I want to apologize to my family for being so weak. I want to apologize to Arimi for ruining her treasure… but nothing I have to say has any value right now.

Of all people, Raph stands beside me and places a hand on my shoulder. "It's ok." He says.

Mikey kisses Arimi on the cheek and gets up. He and Raph grab either side of the trunk to carefully place it back on the table. I can fix the trunk. I know I can. I just don't want to say anything right now. As Mikey and Raph lift it up I look at the bottom of the trunk and see what Anya was trying to tell me.

"Guys! Don't turn the trunk right-side up. Put in down on the table on its back!"

"Oh, my God!" Casey says. "Do you see that?"

"Jesus…" April whispers.

Raph and Mikey come around and look at the bottom of the trunk.

"Holy shit…" Raph remarks.

"Is…is that?" Mikey squeaks.

I nod my head.

Splinter gets up slowly from his seat and comes over to inspect our findings. He opens his mouth. "Leonardo."

…

…

A/N:It's LEO! ANY comments are appreciated.