AY-BRO-HA EVERYBODY! SORRY THE UPDATE IS A LITTLE LATE! WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID GLUTTONY SWALLOWED ME? NO? OKAY THEN.

NorthernMage took out the last reference with 'Divergent'. GOLD STAR!

This time it shall be…

"I lost my shoe."

AAAAnd, here's the update! Apologies in advance for any mistakes, grammar or plot! I'm rushing to update a tad…

Of Mufti and Mental Tests

"Hhn…nnghf."

Warm. Warm good.

"Was that the Colonel?"

"No, it was me. I'm just making waking up noises over here while I read."

"Brother, no need to be sarcastic. I'm sorry Lieutenant, I think it's a coping mechanism."

"Oi! What are you insinuating, Al?!"

"Shhh, you two. You'll give Mustang a headache before he even regains consciousness."

"But Al's making fun of me and I can't figure out how!"

"A coping mechanism is what a person uses to deal with times of great stress, worry, grief or other such circumstances."

"I know what it means, but why would he say that?!"

"He's implying that you're worried about me," came a rough murmur. A cough. "How cute."

Roy blinked open his heavy eyes, trailing them over the guest room. Three gazes stared back at him; one sharp, gold and irked, the second a surprised pair of softly glowing red spots and the last a look of relief and curiosity from a pair of beautiful brown eyes the exact same tone as the feathers on a hawk's wing.

"'Morning," the Colonel mumbled, starting to feel awkward in the silence.

"Bit late for that one, Colonel Dainty Man-faint," Edward remarked, setting aside the book he held. "It's noon already. A full day after our epic battle, us almost getting killed a couple of times, your wrestle in the river and temporary death before Tyrell resurrected you and finally your spectacular fade out downstairs."

A rush of memories surged into Roy's head, clarifying that day for him. Everything reached him, each event cascading back like tiles sliding into place in a complex mosaic. From his tiring extensive planning, the terror of almost losing himself as he fought Claudio, the pain of barely avoiding a bullet, worry about his friends, a glowing sense of victory as they overcame Aerugo, his rage as he belted the Aerugonian prince with all he had after he'd had shot Edward, the panic and burning he felt as he fought for air in the river before complete calmness, the sudden cut to coughing out what seemed to be half the river that he'd managed to swallow, breathing air again and the clawing cold of it, and then the crushing exhaustion of everything that had brought the whole world to a skidding halt as he collapsed under it all.

"Oh, wow," Roy said, clearing his throat. He hated how harsh and foreign his voice sounded. "That all happened?"

"No," Edward drawled. "It was all a dream. I just know exactly what happened in it somehow."

Roy looked to Alphonse. "He is feeling sarcastic today."

Edward growled. "Would you two just—"

"It's good to have you back, sir," Hawkeye interrupted before they could continue. It was good seeing her without her uniform on, Roy thought. The white shirt and thin jumper suited her. The only letdown was her loose trousers… He sighed a little. One day he'd catch her in something that showed a little thigh.

Although she had to wear high shirts that covered up the tattoo which reached the back of her neck, the Colonel still thought she was distinctly prettier than the other women who wore fancy low-cut dresses and little tank tops.

He shook his head roughly, chasing out those thoughts. No! I'm not attracted to her!

"Good to be back," he replied, looking just the slightest bit flustered. He sat up and rubbed his head. Then he jumped, looking agitated. "Oh, God!"

"What?" Edward asked, looking startled.

"My hair's a mess…" Roy said with an accompanying sigh. "I need a shower, but I really don't want to get wet. I've had enough of water."

Edward sneered and Alphonse's soulfire specks flickered a little in what Roy assumed to be a blink. Hawkeye rolled her eyes.

The Colonel let out a yawn before asking, "So, what's the story? Is your wound alright, Fullmetal? What's happening to us now? And the other correspondents? And Claudio?"

"We are welcome to stay in Kambei as long as we need to recover," Hawkeye began. "There's a ball being held tonight to celebrate our victory; whether you want to attend or not is up to you. The same applies for the other representatives, who all survived the battle. A few of them made plans to leave as soon as it all calmed down, but others are staying to celebrate. As for Prince Claudio, Tyrell tells us that he tracked him as far as a field outside the palace, where he met him and advised him on the best way to exit the country."

"In other words, he told him to scram or he'd beat the crap out of him," Edward elaborated bluntly. "And he managed to get the antidote for his father's poisoning as well! As for me, this wound'll be a hassle pain-wise, but it's not serious. I'll be fine."

Roy smiled. "So it's all back in order, then."

"Not quite," said Hawkeye. "I can't say for sure what awaits us upon our return to Amestris. We did launch an unauthorised retrieval mission and failed to notify the appropriate officers of a threat to our country, so…"

Roy shook his head slowly. "Actually…the chances are that after you left, Hughes would have informed the top dogs of Eastern Command. That way, he could argue that you had no time to waste getting the permission to launch a retrieval. Which means the General could authorise the mission after you left, and I'd say that the reinforcements that were sent when you contacted him to say the retrieval had failed could only have been organised by someone with a rank higher than his. Which means this mission was authorised and we've all performed a great service to our country."

"So you're saying we won't get in trouble when we go back?" Alphonse queried.

"Well we might get scolded a little, but I think the amount of good we did here more than cancels out the fact that we bent a few rules."

"Nice," Edward commented with a grin. "We're heroes then! We saved a bunch of people."

Hawkeye glanced at Roy, a little worried. Although it's true that everything has been sorted out, regarding his panic attacks… What should I do?

The Colonel smiled and nodded, but looked tired. "Yes. Heroes."

Hawkeye sat up straight. "Oh, sir."

Roy looked her way. "Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Would you like lunch?"

He nodded. "Actually, yeah. That would be good."

"Bring me food too!" Edward put in, waving a hand. "I'm starving."

A sigh came from Alphonse at this. "You're always starving. It's like you've got a whole other dimension inside you."

Edward folded his arms defensively. "I am a growing child, Al."

"Sure? Looks like less of the 'growing' and more of the 'child' to me," Roy teased.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY LITTLE BEAN SPROUT WHO'LL NEVER EVEN REACH THE HEIGHT OF HIS OWN BOOT?!"

"A clue; he's got one arm and a set of lungs too big for his little frame."

"Don't pick fights you can't win, Colonel! I'll beat your sorry ass to a pile of uniformed goo!"

"You're welcome to try, kid. As soon as you grow tall enough to see me over the coffee table."

"WHAT?!"

Hawkeye stood and walked across the room, leaving Alphonse to deal with the two bickering State Alchemists. She walked down the corridor with the intention of pulling a string to summon a maid, but was stopped by a tentative call.

"L-Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

She turned, a little surprised. The boy with the white hair stood a little way down the corridor, looking edgy.

Giving a slight smile to let him know there was nothing to worry about, Hawkeye cocked her head and said, "Yes, that's me. Tyrell, isn't it?"

The boy nodded - she caught nervousness in the movement - and he continued, "Can I talk to you for a moment? About the Colonel and Ed? It's kinda important."

"Of course." Hawkeye walked down towards the boy. "What is it?"

Tyrell looked down at his hands, fidgeting a little. "Okay, first I wanna say I'm really sorry for what I did… I really regret having to do those things to Roy and Ed—"

"That's alright," said Hawkeye. "It's over now. The past is behind us, and Edward explained to me why you had to do it."

The young shaman looked up, meeting Hawkeye's consoling gaze before glancing away again. "I'm happy you all forgive my actions, but…I still did some pretty bad things. If this meeting had lasted much longer, Claudio might have done some irreversible damage to their mental conditions. As it stands, I'm still worried about both of them…Roy in particular."

Hawkeye's expression hardened. "Yes. I've known the Colonel for a good while, so I know when something's wrong. There doesn't seem to be anything obviously disturbing him, but he's… He's a little off."

"He was on the verge of breaking," Tyrell mumbled. "Given a couple more days, Ed would be the same. If we'd been given the opportunity to toy with the Colonel for another week, he'd probably have Panic Disorder or even Post-Traumatic Stress…"

Hawkeye's lips twitched to the side worriedly. "Where does he lie in either of those now? And Edward?"

"It's hard to say," Tyrell murmured, deep in thought. "I think that Ed will always suffer from the effects of whatever it was he did… Bringing whatever that monster was to life and being in so much pain… He'll always have nightmares, probably for the rest of his life. It really depends on whether or not he comes to terms with it. Whether he gets driven to a state of grief and depression by it all or accepts it, ignores it and pushes through is down to himself. But…I think he's strong enough to cope. What I did to him was just another hitch - I believe he can kick it all aside and focus on his future. There's nothing holding him back."

Hawkeye nodded. "He is a strong boy."

"He might hit rough patches, like he did here, but with his brother and you and Roy all backing him, he'll get through them. As for Roy…"

Both of them fell into a contemplative silence.

"Ishbal isn't mentioned a lot in your lives, is it?" Tyrell asked.

"Not generally," Hawkeye answered. "They'll say the name, but it's never talked about in detail. And I've never seen it evoke such a severe reaction in him before."

"Claudio has a way of getting inside peoples heads and scaring them with things that would normally only make them very uncomfortable," explained Tyrell. He looked even more fidgety as he continued, "But anyway, I think that given time, and when this all clears up…Roy should be fine. My only concern is that…"

Hawkeye looked closely at him. "What?"

"I'd be worried that I'm wrong, and that he has got Panic Disorder. If that's the case, he could lose it at any given time, anywhere. It's unlikely, but I still worry. I mean, what if he has a nightmare and it sets him off? What if it's cemented when you go back through Old Ishbal? What if he does develop PTSD from all this? There are just too many questions…that I can't answer…"

Tyrell shook his head, falling silent.

Hawkeye frowned. "Tyrell—"

Clatter!

"Huh?" The pair looked back up the corridor in the direction the noise had originated from.

Roy stood there, cringing a little and picking up the tray he'd managed to knock to the floor. He set it down on the stand it had fallen from and said, "That was clumsy of me… Guess I'm losing my touch, huh?"

"What are you doing out here?" asked Hawkeye worriedly, looking the man up and down. He'd lost his ignition gloves and the red cloak tied around his neck and his uniform had been replaced by some dark grey trousers and a clean shirt, but his hair was still a messy black bird's nest.

"You were taking too long to get back, I came to see what was keeping you," he explained, trudging over.

"And how much of all this did you hear?" she asked more quietly.

Roy's eyes clouded. "Enough."

Tyrell held his tongue, looking shamefully at his feet. It looked like he was on the verge of tears, but nonetheless he said, "I really don't think that you have Panic Disorder, since it was always Claudio managing to do that to you, but I don't know if I'm right. I've been wrong before…"

Roy rubbed the back of his head a little, his eyes looking off at some spot in the distance that wasn't really there. Eventually, he looked back at the pair.

"I don't feel like I've got a mental problem," he ventured. "I know they've mentioned PTSD in some of my routine health checks, but…the indications were so slight we all just laughed it off. Of course I feel terrible about Ishbal sometimes, but I don't ever feel like there's anything wrong with me. I know that's no excuse, but if you tried to make me panic like that again, I don't think it would work. Last time it happened, Ed said something that really clicked in my head. He'd said he figured it all out; Ishbal didn't scare me. I scared me. Everything I'd done there, all the lives I took, it just left me with a sense of… I don't know. Guilt. I didn't want it to happen again. I hated what I'd done but…I wasn't scared of it."

"But then…why would you get so scared when Claudio said those things?" Tyrell murmured.

Roy shook his head. "You said Claudio had a way of making things scarier? Maybe that's just what happened. The only time I really panicked without him talking was when we first came through Ishbal, and that was when I saw the place I nearly died. It was…mortal terror that was the real issue. And surrounding that was the knowledge that I had caused that fear in other people, and then…" Roy started to shake a little. "…killed them. It was really… It was just like Fullmetal said; it all really leads back to me being afraid of hurting others."

"But you would never willingly…" Hawkeye trailed off.

"That's my point. With what Claudio was doing to my mind, I was scared I'd lose it and start burning everything and everyone. Hawkeye, you and I both know the effect Flame Alchemy has had in the past - anyone that even slightly mastered it was nearly always driven mad with power. I was always scared that might happen, and that I might end up hurting the people I wanted to protect. That's what scared me most of all."

He shook himself roughly, Hawkeye and Tyrell both staring at him in mute intrigue.

"This is embarrassing," he grumbled. "I'm sick of always seeming weak all the time."

"You need to be a strong man to reveal your fears," Hawkeye said softly.

"But anyway." Roy's became firmer, more confident. "I don't think you'd be able to make me panic again. It's happened enough times, and from Edward's words, I know how to keep myself together."

"But how would we know for sure?" Tyrell asked, sounding concerned.

"Try it." Roy said, his dark eyes resolute. "Do what Claudio did. Try and scare me into a panic attack."

He flinched as Hawkeye snapped, "Sir, that's a ridiculous idea! What if it doesn't work and we end up seriously hurting you for no good reason?"

Roy looked at her, his stubborn gaze not changing. "I want you to try. If the people closest to me can't scare me, no-one can. Those who know you the best of all will know your fears the best of all. I need one of you to do this to me."

"Sir," Hawkeye said quietly, shaking her head. "You know I'd never be able to do that to you. I said I'd watch your back, not violate your mind. Besides, I haven't a clue how it's done or what to say."

Tyrell shook his head as well. "I've done you enough harm already. If another attack breaks you, I don't want to be responsible for that."

Roy's eyes narrowed. "Alright then."

Hawkeye's mouth opened a little in protest as Roy looked over his shoulder at the door to the guest room.

"You two might not be able to hurt me, but I know someone else around here who has no trouble kicking me in the face."

"You freaking what?"

Roy didn't falter as he repeated, "I want you to try and give me a panic attack."

The pair were sitting in the guest room, Hawkeye and Tyrell having run down to the dining hall to see what there was to eat after the maid had not arrived. Alphonse was loitering outside after Roy had asked for privacy.

Edward closed his notebook, shutting his eyes in disbelief. He took a couple of seconds to compute what Roy was telling him. "Okay, so…"

Roy sighed again as Edward opened his eyes and said, "What?"

"I think I know how to keep myself together if someone hits a raw nerve again," the Colonel explained. "But I need you to try and give me a panic attack first so I can see if it works."

"Why me?" Edward asked dubiously. "Surely Tyrell would be a better person to ask."

"He can't do it. He's scared of hurting me," explained Roy. "And Hawkeye doesn't want to either. I know you for one won't have a problem, will you? You know I can take it, right?"

Edward hesitated.

"Oh, come on!" Roy complained. "Come on, Ed! You too? No-one thinks I'm strong enough anymore! Why doesn't anyone just trust that I can hold my own? I have a couple of panic attacks and suddenly I'm made of glass! Stop treating me like I'm liable to break with every impact!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Roy, you are not made of glass. You are made of jerk. For your information, I was not about to say no. I was about to say I don't know if I can scare you the same way Claudio did—"

"You—"

"But," Edward broke in, cutting Roy off by raising a finger, "I can try."

Roy straightened a little. A smirk appeared on his face, but he suddenly looked a lot more nervous than he had when first pitching his idea. Edward noticed a flash of doubt tarnish the conviction behind his gaze.

Roy felt a zing of fear run through him. True, he had wanted Edward to do this - it was the only way he'd know for sure if he was strong enough to resist the terror that had struck him down on those previous occasions. But a small part of him had been hoping the boy would say no, that he'd flat out refuse and Roy would never know the answer. Part of him would rather not know the truth than risk finding out he was still vulnerable to panic attacks…

…or finding out his mind had been damaged beyond his control.

"Great." Roy clasped his hands, placing his chin on top of them and continuing to smirk tensely. "We'll just await the return of Hawkeye and Tyrell, in the unlikely scenario that something should run awry from the planned circumstance…"

"It's funny when you talk like that after so long," Edward said, a little smile forming on his lips. "I've seen you so lax recently, the return of Mustang the Uptight is somewhat refreshing."

He straightened, unfolding his arms and placing them on his knees. "So…"

Lax? Lax? I'm getting lax? Roy thought worriedly as Edward steeled himself.

"Get ready," the boy said. "'Cause I'm going to do worse that Claudio ever could."

Roy took a deep breath.

Standing outside in the corridor, he leant back against a marble wall and exhaled in a sigh. He ran a hand through his hair, a movement that had become something of a comfort to him through the course of his life.

It turned out the Colonel was able to hold his own, managing to keep in control with Edward pushing and pushing at him with the sharpest words he had.

Which, being the snarky, intelligent teenager he was, meant machete level sharp.

Hawkeye, Tyrell and Alphonse had been in the room too, waiting a little way off in case something went wrong. Although it was somewhat unnerving having them there for it, their presence was also a little comforting.

Killer. Merciless. Cold. Destructive. You're all of those things. You'd snap your fingers and kill anyone if they got in your way.

Everything the boy had said circled in his head, like vultures around the weakening form of a lost desert wanderer. Although the words hadn't been enough to force him into a state of panic, they'd still hurt. And hearing Edward say them - especially after the two had grown so close through the past couple of weeks - made it much worse.

You don't have any regard for others, do you? No. You only care about yourself. When someone is a risk to what you want, you kill them. You don't care. You hit me too, remember?

Roy felt his face flush as that tide of shame and guilt washed over him again. That slap he'd given Edward was one of the things he regretted most. He'd probably feel the same about if for the rest of his life.

You could lose it someday, y'know. Then we'd take a step up. It wouldn't just be people who got in your way… It'd be everyone. You'd burn and burn until there was nothing left but ashes. You could destroy everything. And everyone.

Roy twisted his messy hair around his fingers, feeling the tug on his scalp as he pulled lightly and then untangled his hands. He folded his arms and breathed deeply again.

Finally, the great issue.

He stood in turmoil for a few moments with his fingers clutching his white sleeves. He thought long and he thought hard. He looked at the situation from every angle and he added everything up. He put the positives against the negatives and reasoned with himself.

He smiled.

If I was able to keep my wits about me through that, there's nothing anyone can say that'll drive me insane.

"Hey, Colonel Bastard!"

Excepting perhaps that.

"Mm?" Roy's head turned in the direction of the bedroom.

Edward approached slowly. He had his hands in his pockets and looked to be in a state of curiosity mixed with concern, and finally caution. Roy squinted as he caught an out of place glimmer about the boy's hair.

"You alright, Mustang?" the boy asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah," Roy replied with a nod. "I'm fine. I was right - no problem with it anymore. The dye is washing out of your hair."

"Huh?" Edward grabbed a handful of the short bangs hanging beside his face and held them to his eyes. He squinted. It was true. The tips of his black hair were quite clearly a shiny blonde colour, to one who looked close enough. "Hey. So it is."

Roy said nothing, leaving an awkward silence hanging thick in the air of the corridor.

Edward cleared his throat. "Sh… Should I redye it?"

Roy looked his way again. "I'm not sure. Should we let everyone keep thinking we're father and son?"

"It would probably be better to come clean, but…" Edward trailed off. After seeing how Ryuumaru had spoken to the Aerugonian invaders…

The pair both shuddered and muttered together, "The Emperor's scary when he's mad."

"Speaking of our father-son 'masquerade'…" Roy cocked his head and gazed at Edward thoughtfully. "The other day… Downstairs, when we fought Claudio and you were talking to me…"

Edward nodded. "Yeah, I remember. Good thing my pleading got through to you then?"

"Well…" Roy shifted his weight.

"Well?"

"It was that and it was something else," Roy said softly. "I'm not sure if you realised, if you did it on purpose or just because Claudio was there, but…you called me 'dad'."

Edward blinked. There were strands of hair still caught between his two fingers. His brow furrowed the slightest fraction and he echoed, "'Dad'? I said that…?"

"Yeah," Roy murmured, looking back to the other side of the corridor. "You did. It's weird, but…that's what I remember the most. I'm not a parent. Never have been, never planned to. But that's the word that got through to me."

Edward lowered his hand from his hair, clearing his throat. He noted angrily that an embarrassed red tone had heated and probably coloured his cheeks, and that anger just made him flush harder.

"Yeah, well, I didn't know what else to say," the boy muttered. "He was gonna kill me, y'know. I'm glad it got through to you. That's all."

Roy shrugged. He cast Edward a sidelong glance. "I dunno," he said carefully. "I'm happy you think that highly of me."

"Don't get me wrong!" Edward snapped. He was going redder by the second. "I still hate you as much as ever! Just 'cause I call you something else doesn't make you any less of a jerk!"

"I understand that," answered Roy. "I'll still be the same person, but now that you've called me that as well as admitted you felt that way about me…and I you as well…I do feel morally obliged to act as something of a role model to you. That's what fathers do, isn't it?"

"How would I know?" Edward grumbled.

"You wouldn't," Roy responded. "But then again, neither would I myself, I suppose, so…I'll just assume it's so."

Edward folded his arms as well and tucked his chin into his chest huffily. "Whatever you say. Take a slip of the tongue as something deep and meaningful…"

There was a pause as Roy carefully thought out his next few words.

"You don't have to say 'dad' out loud, but I'll try my best to be here if you need me," said Roy quietly. "How does that sound?"

Edward looked sulkily in Roy's direction, met his gaze, then looked at his feet. Finally, he mumbled, "That sounds fine."

"Alright." Roy turned his head towards the door that used to lead to Claudio's room. The prince's suitcases had been handed to one of the exiled Aerugonians to pass on…transmutations intact. The Colonel closed his eyes, not really thinking about anything.

"You know I'd never really mean that stuff I said back there, right?" said Edward, breaking the silence.

"I know."

"Good."

Another silence for the boy to break.

"Are you okay, then?"

"I believe so."

"I'm glad."

And a third.

"Will it always be this awkward between us?"

"I'm not sure." A pause. "Well, when you start trying to punch me again, it'll probably be more natural."

"Mm. Yeah."

A fourth.

"I don't have to start punching you now, though, do I?"

"No. Unless you want to."

"Not really."

"Then you don't."

And a final.

"W… Would you rub my head instead then?"

"Pardon?"

"Don't question me! It-it just feels nice, okay?! It's not like I really want you to touch me or something weird like that, it's just because when we get back to Amestris we'll be snapping at each other again and I just wanna have one last memory where we weren't trying to kill each other!"

Roy opened his eyes in surprise.

Edward was twisting uncomfortably, arms folded and little puffs of steam erupting from him angrily. "I just like how it feels," he muttered, looking at the floor.

Roy smiled. "Sure."

"Well you can't now!" the boy grouched. "It won't feel good if I'm angry at you!"

Roy's smile grew a little wider in his amusement. He stepped over towards the boy. "Don't be stupid. And besides, you've only got yourself to blame for being grumpy."

"Psssh." Edward scowled, but the corners of his mouth twitched up a little as Roy placed a firm hand on his head and ruffled his hair.

"Does this please the Wind Spirit?"

"Yeah. I accept your offering, puny mortal. Now stop almost dying or I'll sacrifice you."

"I'll try."

"Colonel?"

As Hawkeye's face peered around the doorframe, Roy and Edward simultaneously switched attitudes.

The Colonel pressed down roughly on the boy's head, and he responded in the same instant by growling and shooting his arms up in a convincing attempt to grapple with his apparent attacker's face.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" he replied, holding Edward down with one arm and looking her direction.

"Just checking you were alright," she explained, surveying the scene. "All is in order, I assume?"

Edward growled like a dog as Roy carefully removed his hand and backed away from the possibly rabid teen. The pair settled down a little as she walked over and folded her arms calmly.

"It seems so," Roy confirmed and Edward gave an accompanying nod. "I'm not feeling any ill effects of that test…bar a small amount of uncomfortable feelings at the fact that he knows so much about me."

Edward shrugged as Roy pointed with his thumb, saying, "Equivalent exchange. We both know a lot about each other."

Hawkeye smiled a little. "It'll help you both to know things like that eventually. Maybe now you'll bicker less."

"Or more, now that they know how similar they are," Tyrell added from just inside the doorway, successfully making them jump. "Ed, your brother wants you. He says when you're done talking, he wants to know what you found out from your research."

"Huh?" Edward took a couple of steps towards the door before he jumped like he'd been zapped by lightning. "Oh! I did find something interesting!"

He dashed inside past Tyrell.

A second later he popped back out, hanging from the doorframe.

"Hey, Lieutenant…" he said slowly, looking suspiciously at said sniper. "That book you mentioned before we left… Did you make that up?"

"Well, yes," she admitted. "I'm very sorry I lied, but it was necessary to get the assignment underway. Please accept my sincere apology, Edward."

The boy's eyes narrowed. Then he shrugged and said, "Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I read a lot of other cool stuff anyway… 'Pology accepted."

With that said, he vanished again.

Tyrell lazily followed his path with his violet eyes before they widened and he too ran back inside.

"Edward!" Roy heard him shout. "Watch out for my supplies case! There are needles in there!"

"THERE'S WHAT IN YOUR CASE?!"

Thud! Clatter! Ting-ting-ting!

"Brother! You spilled them everywhere! This'll take forever to clean up - I can't even see them!"

"JUST DESTROY THEM! DESTROY THE LITTLE PESTS!"

"Ed! You're such a klutz!"

"Oi! Am not!"

"You so are, brother! Remember the time you broke Winry's toy truck? You slid the whole way across the room and knocked over a bookshelf!"

"Oh yeah?! Well who's the doofus who set the carpet on fire using Hoenheim's Bunsen burner?!"

"Still you!"

A smile flickered on Roy's lips as he listened to the three teenagers shouting at each other.

"I'm not clumsy, Al! Shut up or I'll turn you into a magnet and roll you over the stupid needles!"

"Impossible! I'm not the right type of metal! You're clumsy and dumb!"

"I WAS JUST KIDDING!"

"And short."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU SHAMAN WEIRDO?! DID YOU SAY WHAT I THINK YOU JUST SAID?! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY MIDGET-SHORTIE SO SMALL HE COULD HAVE BEEN CRUSHED BY ONE OF THE DUMB NEEDLES FALLING ON HIS HEAD?!"

"No-one! Now get down here and help me clean this up…"

Roy tuned out of the trio's argument as Hawkeye started speaking.

"That was brave of you," she commented. "Stupid, but brave."

"It's a fine line, so they say," Roy answered. "Or maybe they're the same thing…or both at the same time…or maybe we're all just saying it because it sounds intelligent."

"Well, if they are the same, you've been doing a lot of stupid things of late." Hawkeye looked Roy straight in the eye. "Time to sharpen up, Colonel."

"Fullmetal said the same thing as well," Roy mumbled, rubbing the back of his head and glancing down. "I suppose it is about time I cleaned up my act."

"It's odd that you should abandon caution now, in the time where you had so much to lose," Hawkeye mused.

Roy looked back at her. "Maybe that's because I hadn't realised what was at stake. I thought I was the only one who would suffer if I messed up here. I know that in itself is bad enough, but…"

Hawkeye cocked her head. She looked curious, and Roy couldn't quite figure out why.

"…I guess I hadn't realised that by being slack, I would put Edward in danger. Sure, I knew that if I didn't do well here, I'd leave Amestris and the Fuhrer looking bad, but I never thought this whole fiasco would escalate to leaving the lives of so many hanging in the balance."

"I have to admit, none of us saw that one coming," Hawkeye agreed. "Although Hughes did find out eventually."

There was silence for a moment.

"Sir…"

"Yes?"

"Permission to speak to you as a friend instead of subordinate for a moment?"

"Uh—granted."

"How are you coping right now?" she asked. "Are you alright? It seems natural that you would be a little stressed out by these events."

Roy blinked.

Hawkeye's face was sincere, but didn't hold the slightest trace of feeling. The only thing that betrayed her honest emotion was the worry glinting in her eyes.

"To tell the truth, I did start to feel the pressure once the meeting got underway," Roy admitted. "But you know me - I work best in tough situations."

"Yes, although I can't say they're the best for your wellbeing."

"I did get sick from it at one point," recalled Roy. "And it was a lot of work I really didn't need, but…I'm fine with it. If I'm to be Fuhrer, I need to get used to things like this."

"Like saving countries?"

"Yeah," murmured Roy. "Like that. That was one of the worst parts. Knowing that the fate of so many people laid in my battle sketches…that wasn't a good feeling. I was nervous then, even a little scared, but…the victory was all I could have hoped for. Imagine if it had been someone else on this assignment. To think this would have ended a lot differently if General Hakuro's brother hadn't been KIA."

Hawkeye nodded. "The world can be odd in that way."

"And now, I'm just tired and sore and I think I'm catching a cold," Roy said with a sigh. "And I've got to go back home and face everyone's interrogations and—"

He fell back against the wall dramatically. "—the paperwork!"

Hawkeye smiled a touch, amused at his antics. "Such is life, Colonel. Ready to head back in? Lunch should be right up."

"Of course," Roy replied with a nod. "Oh, and Lieutenant?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for helping me that evening," he muttered disconcertingly. "In the alleyway. Something terrible might have happened me if you hadn't been there… Thank you."

"Just doing my job," she said. In a lower voice, she added, "And I'm glad to hear you're alright."

Wow! The chapter was hella short! But the next one is long, so I guess that'll make up for it.

Hope you liked it nonetheless! As an added note, I posted a short story called 'Brotherhood' for Brother's day on the weekend. If you're bored and outta stuff to read, you can check that out.

And remember back when Roy was working through defensive strategies in the middle of the night? And he drew a big diagram of the city? That exists. I actually had to draw a diagram of Ranri and figure out where to attack and defend. And then I wrote 'a simple fifteen-step invasion plan'… Yes. Simple…

REVIEW RESPONSES:

A Small Voice; MAYBE THE FUHRER DID PLAN THIS
AND HE'S DOING AWAY WITH FRATERNISATION LAWS RIGHT NOW
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN?!

Victorious-Mind; Actually, Claudio does have one last appearance to make… In the epilogue… WHICH IS ONLY A CHAPTER AWAY! AAAAAAAAH

Do a Barrel Roll; Well, Roy was dead briefly, if you think about it… S'why there's a '?' in the title. This is not that 'Grease' conspiracy theory - it's not an after-death epiphany thing… Everyone is still alive. XD

Scaehime; Yes, the question mark. And yum, tacos!

AsianVegetablesLLC; You did get the Captain America reference, but I haven't heard of those others. Ed's nightmares are hardcore. Thanks for your reviews! (I don't know if I ever said, but I love your profile pic!

waytheballbounces; Yes. That was a Hetalia reference. *fistpump* Oh, good! Fahrenheit! I freaked out for a second when you said 75 degrees… 'XD

wibblywobblyfandom; HI MY FRIEND! I'M GLAD YOU LIKE MY FIC I'M SO HAPPY!

Not so human; Ja. Ed has been shot. Sorry it wasn't anything that dramatic, but…

MAYBE THAT'LL HAPPEN SOON

BECAUSE YOU GUYS ASKED FOR A SEQUEL

AND

I WANT TO DO THAT

SO I SHALL

AND IT SHALL BE EPIC

HOPEFULLY

Also, I got the two FMAB Soundtrack CDs I didn't have! *obsessed FMA fan is obsessed*

'Til next time, guys! Thanks for all the nice things you say and do! ZAKURO AWAY! *cries to sad OSTs*