Chapter 31
I sat in my hotel suite in Costa Rica on October 2nd, finishing up Ignazio's video for his birthday on October 4th. It was almost finished, and I loved how it had turned out. I had a lot of footage to choose from in all my hours of taping the boys in the studio over the past few months, and I also had an infinite number of fan-made greetings and birthday wishes to present to him.
It was too bad, though, that he had so much to do on his birthday. First Il Volo had an appearance on a Costa Rican news program in the morning, then they would head to another news program for a quick performance, and after lunch they had two radio interviews to complete, both in-studio. In the evening, though, we were going to have a small party for Ignazio in Barbara's suite, with dinner and cake and happy conversation.
When I woke on the morning of his birthday, I felt strange. I couldn't understand what it was, but as I got up and got ready to head for the studio, there was a strange, subtle instability that permeated my body. I did my best to ignore it, and when Ignazio came over I forgot about it completely as I leaped into his arms and covered his face in kisses as I sang happy birthday to him.
"…Dear Ignazio…Happy Birthday to you!"
I pulled the flash drive with his birthday video on it out of my pocket with a flourish and held it out it to him.
"Alright!" he said eagerly, taking it from me and hugging me. "I can't wait to watch it! I'll save it for tonight, when we're all together at Barbara's, okay?"
"Sounds great!" I said, and then I got my camera and we walked out of the hotel room arm in arm, headed to the studio of the news place.
I sat in the lounge of the studio and watched the boys have their interview, talking quietly with Barbara as I took pictures of the monitor every once in a while.
After some time of sitting still on the couch, though, the strange feeling returned, a small fluctuation through my body. I sat still, watching the monitor and wondering about it.
Was I uneasy about anything? I didn't think so.
I tried to detect exactly where the feeling was coming from, but couldn't decipher it.
As the day wore on, the feeling persisted, and I began to feel a little fatigued. I had stayed up late the night before putting the finishing touches on Ignazio's video, and I decided that I must be tired. I wondered when I'd have time to take a nap.
In the afternoon, when we went to the last radio studio for the boys' final interview, I felt weary and cold.
"You have a funny look on your face," Ignazio observed quietly to me as we sat in the studio waiting for the boys to be summoned into the sound booth. "Are you okay?"
"Of course," I said cheerfully, smiling at him. "I'm just cold. And a little tired, too, but that's all."
"I brought along a jacket, but I left it in the rental car," he said. "But Michele has the keys if you want to get it."
"Actually, I think I will," I said, and when the boys left to go into the booth I went out to the car, leaving my camera in the guardianship of Barbara.
I wrapped Ignazio's fleece-lined jacket tightly around me, but I was still cold as I sat in the studio beside Barbara. As I held my camera, I felt the coolness of the metal on my hands, and I set the camera down beside me and looked down at my palms, feeling the pressure where I had been holding my camera. My hands felt weak, and I began to think about the bones under my skin and the joints between them, and I opened and closed my hands thoughtfully.
"What are you doing?" Barbara whispered.
"You ever think about the bones in your fingers?" I asked, and then began to feel a little nauseated as I said it.
"What?"
"Never mind."
I reached out to pick my camera back up, but felt the weakness and the bones in my fingers and took my hands back into my lap, clasping them together to warm them up so maybe I could forget the weak feeling.
The boys finished the interview, and when they came out, smiling and energetic, I stayed quiet and still as they came to us and said they were ready to go. I rose quietly from the couch and was forced to pick up my camera, which suddenly seemed heavier than usual. I winced as I thought about the bones in my weak hands, and then Ignazio came beside me.
"You've been quiet. How'd I do?"
I nodded and offered him an encouraging smile.
"Did we mess up all the promotional work you and Michele did?" Piero asked teasingly, stepping up to the other side of me, and I shook my head and smiled at him too.
"What, no sass?" he asked, smiling, and I winced as we stepped out into the blinding sunlight and wished it would go away.
I was quiet as we drove back to the hotel room, feeling the weakness spread from my hands up my arms into my chest, and I wearily leaned my head against Ignazio's shoulder and closed my eyes.
"Hey," he said gently, placing his hand on my arm, "Are you okay?"
"I'm just tired. I'll take a nap when we get to the hotel."
"Okay. Make sure you do."
When I entered my hotel room, I shrugged off Ignazio's jacket and flopped down on the couch, setting down my camera and closing my eyes.
When I opened them again, it was almost time to go to Barbara's room for Ignazio's little party, and I got up and took a quick shower and changed, then left my suite.
I felt good, and I smiled and kissed Ignazio's cheek when I met him in the hall, taking his hand and skipping playfully with him into Barbara's room.
When we had all gathered in the room, we had dinner- pasta that Barbara had cooked for us, and then we sat around talking for a while until we were ready for cake. We all sang happy birthday to Ignazio, which he bashfully enjoyed, and then Barbara pulled out a bottle of red wine.
"Since it's a special occasion, would anyone like a glass of wine?"
I accepted a piece of cake, and then sat beside Ignazio at the table as he and the other two boys told me of previous birthday celebrations.
"He did a concert on his nineteenth birthday," Piero told me, and Gianluca laughed as he remembered.
"Yeah, and we brought out a cake for him and sang Happy Birthday in Italian. His cake had the kind of candles that re-light themselves, and after trying to blow them out a few times he turned them upside-down and shoved them into the cake!"
"Brilliant!" I said, and we all laughed.
"And then he got cake on his pants and ran offstage to clean it," Piero said teasingly, and I turned to Ignazio.
"You did not!" I said, but his small smile proved him guilty. "Oh, Ignazio!"
We all laughed, and Piero said, "It's true! The whole thing's on Youtube!"
"Well, then I have to look this up!" I said, and Gianluca immediately handed his phone to me.
"Here, I pulled it up already!"
I laughed and took it, and then Ignazio and I bent our heads together to watch it, and I laughed and kissed his cheek as we watched the scene unfold.
"Brilliant!" I exclaimed, and he laughed.
After our cake, we all gathered in the living room to talk, and I sat between Ignazio and Gianluca on the couch. As Michele was telling them about the response to some of the interviews they did in the U.S., the weird feeling returned to me, stronger than before.
All of a sudden, I felt tired and weak, and I only feigned interest in what Michele was saying.
"Isn't that great, Tamzin!?" Ignazio asked, putting a hand on my knee, and I stopped myself from wincing.
"What?"
"People loved our interview on the Ellen show! Ellen says she wants us to come back soon, maybe if we want to announce a tour or something!"
"Oh…good," I said, smiling, and he turned back to Michele and asked something I didn't pay attention to.
I sat quietly on the couch and tried to listen to the conversation, and after a while Gianluca turned to me and said, "So Tamzin, can we see the birthday video you made for Ignazio?"
"Oh, I have it here," Ignazio said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the flash drive as he smiled brightly at me. "Barbara, can I borrow your laptop?"
"In the bedroom," she said across the room from the kitchen, and Ignazio got up and went into the bedroom attached to the suite's living room to get it.
As he did, I got up and went to the kitchen, where I sat on a barstool, separating myself from the action across the room.
"Hey, Barbara," I said quietly as I watched her save the cake in plastic containers.
"Hey, Tamzin, I know you didn't want a full glass of wine, but would you like to try a little bit before I pick up the bottle?"
I shrugged.
"Sure, I guess so."
She handed me a glass, and I reached out for the bottle and touched it, but then took my hand back when I felt the weakness in it. I looked at it and winced when I thought about the bones inside my fingers.
"Tamzin?" she asked, giving me a strange look, and I wrapped my fingers around the bottle and lifted it, grateful that it was lighter than I imagined.
Ignazio came back a moment later and set the laptop on the coffee table.
"Tamzin, come here and sit with me!" he said, turning and smiling brightly at me.
"That's okay, I'll just watch from here," I said.
"Oh, come on, my dear!"
"She's just being modest about it," Piero teased, but I barely heard him.
"I've seen it enough," I said, watching Barbara take the bottle of wine and bring away from the cabinet.
The boys relented and gathered together around the laptop with Michele, and Barbara left the kitchen to watch it with them.
I sipped the wine, and found it strong and bitter. I made a face, but a pleasant warmth ran through me, and I looked down into the deep red liquid. I felt weak and tired, and I rested my chin in my hand, deciding to go straight to bed after the party.
I closed my eyes for a moment, but then opened them immediately when the five of them laughed. I smiled when Barbara looked back at me, and then I curiously sipped the wine again, feeling the warmth run through me. I sat quietly leaning against the cabinet, sipping every so often and watching them enjoy the video from behind.
The weakness inside me strengthened steadily, and as the video neared its end I lowered down my glass and realized that the warmth from the wine wasn't fading, and it wasn't pleasant anymore. I felt very weak, and the heat within me felt very uncomfortable. I was so weak, and it felt as if it took a lot of strength not to drop the wine glass on the floor. I carefully set it down on the cabinet and rested my head in my hands. I lifted my head when they all laughed at something in the video, and the heat suddenly felt stifling and unbearable. I stepped down from the stool intending to find the air conditioner and turn it on, and for a moment I thought I was going to fall. I caught myself, but then I felt so weak that I wanted to get away from the party, if only for a moment. I saw the open door to the bedroom and walked dizzily toward it, entering the dark room and shutting the door quietly behind me. In the dim lighting I saw a saw a chair against the wall and I went to it and sat down heavily, leaning my head back against the wall. I was glad to be away from all the noise, and I breathed loudly in the darkness as I wished the heat would subside.
"Mmmm…" I moaned softly to myself, bearing the discomfort of the heat. I closed my eyes, giving in to the weakness and the fatigue, waiting for the feelings to pass.
They didn't, and after a minute I heard the music from the video fade away and everyone talking eagerly about it. Then I heard a confused commotion and my name being said, but I was too weak to move or speak or even open my eyes.
"Tamzin!?" Ignazio called, close to the door, and I wanted to call back to him but couldn't. I heard him say something about going across the hall to my suite, and Barbara and Michele agreeing with him. I heard the door to the hallway and the door to the balcony open simultaneously and my name being called searchingly.
Then after a few moments I heard the door to the bedroom open slowly, and I saw the light pouring in from the living room behind my lids. It was enough to persuade me to weakly open my eyes and turn my head slightly to see, and I saw Piero peer into the room, Gianluca behind him.
"Tamzin, there you are!..Tamzin?" Piero said, and then the two of them rushed over to me, flinging the door open wide and letting in the blinding light.
"Tamzin, are you okay?" Gianluca asked urgently as they knelt in front of the chair, and Piero touched my arm and then pulled his hand back suddenly.
"Ignazio!" he called, getting up and hurrying to the doorway as I closed my eyes again, "Barbara! Michele! Come quickly!"
Gianluca inched closer to me, resting his hand on the knee of my jeans, and I allowed my eyes to close.
"Tamzin, what's wrong? Talk to me!"
"Mmmm…" I murmured weakly, and then when I heard feet thundering down the hall and into the suite I opened my eyes and saw Ignazio appear in the doorway, looking scared as Piero followed behind him.
"Tamzin!" he said, and Gianluca moved quickly to my side as Ignazio hurried forward and crouched in front of the chair. "Tamzin, what's wrong!?"
"Too much wine," I muttered, and he shook his head.
"Yeah, right. I'll bet you didn't even have half a glass."
Piero crouched on the other side of me and the three of them were looking up at me in the dim lighting. I saw Barbara and Michele appear in the doorway as Ignazio reached up toward my face. He took my face into his gentle hands, and they were blissfully cool as they held my face, moved down around the back of my neck, and then went back up to my face.
"Mmmm…" I murmured, closing my eyes. "Feels good."
"Tamzin, you're burning up!" he said.
"Let me see," Barbara said, and a moment later she laid her hand on my forehead. "Yikes," she murmured, and I opened my eyes a little to see Ignazio stand up and move to the side of the chair as Gianluca got out of his way.
I felt his arms move around my back and under my legs, and I looked down at the ground moving away as I was lifted and held gently in Ignazio's arms.
"Come on, my dear," he said gently, and everyone moved out the way as he carried me out of the darkened bedroom and into the bright living room. I turned my face into his shirt, away from the light, and Piero and Gianluca ran along beside him, opening doors so the trip would be as smooth and gentle as possible. I had left the light on in my suite, and now regretted it as we entered the bright room. Ignazio carried me into the thankfully dark bedroom and pulled back the covers on the bed before he laid me very carefully atop them. I closed my eyes and felt a wave of weariness overwhelm me, and I heard Ignazio move away from my side.
"Ignazio?"
"Shhh…relax, my dear."
I felt him begin to take off my red high-tops.
"I double-knot them," I feebly managed to whisper.
"I know," he whispered back, "This isn't the first time I've done this, remember?"
Oh, yeah, that's right, I thought.
"Ignazio?"
"Yes?"
"Happy birthday."
He paused in taking off my shoes, and I felt him smooth back my hair and very gently kiss my forehead.
"It's okay. I love you, Tamzin."
"I love you, too."
He went back to taking off my shoes, and a moment later I heard someone come in and him asking softly, "Hey, Barbara, you have a thermometer, don't you?"
"Right here," she said, and Ignazio brought it to me and told me to hold it under my tongue, which I did.
I felt another hand on my face, and Barbara whispered, "How long have you been feeling bad?"
"I felt funny this morning."
"You could have stayed here."
"It wasn't bad. And I had to work."
"Oh, sweetheart."
"Barbara, I'm so hot," I whispered feebly with the thermometer in my mouth, and I heard Ignazio leave the room, having successfully removed the high-tops.
Barbara closed the door and locked it behind him, and then she carefully helped me take off my jeans and change into pajamas. She opened the door for Ignazio and set the clothes on top of my suitcase, then came back and sat on the side of the bed.
"Don't worry, Tamzin," Barbara said softly, touching the back of her hand to my cheek. "I'm going to make sure you get better."
"Can Ignazio take care of me, too?"
"Of course, my dear," he said from the doorway, and Barbara moved for him to sit beside me instead. He leaned down and kissed my cheek, and then one of them took the thermometer from my mouth.
I opened my eyes and saw Ignazio holding a damp rag, which he gently wiped my face and neck with, then folded and laid it on my forehead. The cool water felt great, and I sighed softly in relief at the momentary release from the heat.
"What is it?" he asked, moving away from the bed.
"A little over a hundred-three," came Barbara's response from outside the door.
"Oh wow…Should we bring her to the hospital?"
"No, we'll just give her some Ibuprofen and keep an eye on her."
They both came back into the room, and Ignazio sat on the side of the bed and flipped over the cloth on my forehead.
"Is she okay?" I heard Michele ask, entering the room, and I opened my eyes for a moment and saw him standing in the doorway with Piero and Gianluca beside him, watching me curiously.
"I think she has the flu," Barbara said.
"The fluuuu?" I moaned, and Ignazio took my face in his blissfully cool hands, quieting me instantly.
"Shhh…it's okay, my dear."
"Oh, yeah," Gianluca remembered, "She didn't get a flu shot with us when we were in New York."
"I believe her exact words were: "Mass immunization is oppressive"," Piero said, and when I didn't even open my eyes to glare at him, he observed softly, "Gosh. She must be really sick."
"Yes, so don't tease her," Ignazio insisted.
"How long do you think it'll last?" Gianluca asked softly.
"Few days, probably," Barbara answered, and I moaned again.
"Shhh…shhh…it's alright," Ignazio said softly, leaning closer over me as he tried to soothe me.
I opened my eyes and looked at all the people gathered around in the little hotel bedroom, and suddenly felt self-conscious lying on the bed in my pajamas.
I mustered my strength and pointed to the door.
"Everyone out," I said weakly, but as clearly as I could, and they looked at me in surprise.
"She's right," Michele said after a moment, "We are crowding her. Let's go, boys."
"Except you," I said, reaching up clumsily and wrapping my hand around Ignazio's arm. "You can stay, Ignazio."
"Thank you," he said, and I heard the smile in his voice.
I heard everyone file out, murmuring get-well wishes to me, but I was too weary to respond. Ignazio's cool hands were still cradling my face, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed his cool touch.
"The Ibuprofen's in the luggage somewhere. I'll go and find it, and then you can give it to her, okay?" Barbara said.
Ignazio agreed softly, and I heard her leave. I reached up weakly and wrapped my hand around Ignazio's arm again, lifting up my chin and begging silently for him to move his cool hands down to my neck again, and he obliged, to my relief.
I opened my eyes after a minute when he took my face in his hands again and saw him watching the doorway, the light coming from it enough to illuminate his dark, silky hair, the deep brown eyes, the thick brows and sweet, worried expression. He turned his gaze down to me and found me looking up at him, and he smiled slightly, encouragingly at me, and then gazed at me, moving his hands from my cheeks. He rested one hand lightly on my arm and he touched the back of his other hand lightly to my cheek. I gazed up at him for a moment, taking in the image of him, and then allowed my eyes to close.
"Ignazio?" I asked after a minute, breaking the quiet.
"Yes?"
"I love you."
My voice was very soft and weak, and he leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose.
"I love you too."
"Ignazio?"
"Hmm?"
"Aren't you worried you'll get the flu too?"
"Nah. I got the flu shot. Even if I did, it'd be short. But it doesn't matter. I intend to take care of you."
"Oh, good. Does that mean you'll stay with me tonight?"
"Absolutely."
"Thank you. Can you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"Can you sing to me?"
He was quiet for a moment, and then he moved and knelt beside the bed, taking my hand in his. He was so close to me, and his voice was the only sound in the room, helping me to focus only on that and not on the discomfort of the illness.
"Questo amore splendido…Questo immenso senso di felicita…Lo devo solo a te…Questo amore splendido…Questo immenso desiderio dentro me…"
Soon I was dozing, still faintly listening to him, and he awoke me to get me to take the medicine.
He took the cloth from my head and left the room, and he and Barbara talked outside for a minute as I longed for him to come back. He did soon enough, bringing with him Barbara and the cloth, which he had wet again. He laid it on my head as Barbara went around to the other side of the bed and kissed my cheek.
"Ignazio will stay in here with you, Tamzin. I'll be in the living room. The doctor will come to see you in the morning, okay?"
"Mmm-hmm."
She turned on the closet light and then left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
It was silent in the room, and I realized Ignazio had not sat beside me when he laid the fresh cloth on my head. I reached out with my eyes closed and felt nothing.
"Ignazio!?"
"Right here," came his voice from the window, and I relaxed. I heard him come around the bed and sit beside me. "I'm not going anywhere, Tamzin. You just relax and go to sleep, and get better, deal?"
I wearily lifted up my hand, and he took it and kissed it, then began to sing again.
"Questo amore splendido…Questo immenso senso di felicita…Lo devo solo a te…"