Face to Face

Part 27

Jackson stood contemplating the young man before him. He'd sounded so hostile but he looked anything but. There was a defeated, an almost broken air about him. He knew Aaron hadn't meant a word of what had just come out of his mouth so why the hell had he said it?

"I'm not going anywhere." Jackson stated with a finality that had Aaron shake his head and look away. Closing the distance between him and Aaron, Jackson raised his left hand, resting it on the side of the van just inches away from Aaron's head. The younger man took a step back only to find his retreat halted by the vehicle. As he made to sidestep around the taller man Jackson lifted his other hand placing it palm down on the bonnet. Aaron was now, to all intents and purposes trapped between Jackson and his van.

Their faces were just inches apart now, so close Aaron struggled to put rational thought together, he could only look at Jackson, into the brown eyes searching his so intently now.

"Did you honestly think I would just walk away?"

"Jackson please ..."

"Please what?" Jackson snapped angrily, "Give up on you like you suddenly seem to have given up on yourself? I care too much about you to do that." He watched as Aaron bowed his head, what little fight had been left in him now all but drained away. Instilling some calm into his voice he said, "We need to talk but not here."

They'd returned to Paddy's, Jackson steering Aaron into the living room and sitting down beside him on the sofa. He had an idea what this was all about now, but he wasn't sure how best to handle it. He had a lot to lose if he got it wrong. "What are you frightened of?" He asked softly.

That's an easy one, Aaron thought, "Me! I'm frightened of me and you should be too."

Jackson shook his head, "Well I'm not."

"You think you know me but you don't. You don't have a clue what I'm really like, about the things I've done. You wouldn't want to be with me if you did."

"You've made some mistakes, made some bad choices but there isn't a man alive who hasn't."

"Yeah I suppose you could say running drugs. Stealing from Paddy's drug stock and selling it on was me making bad choices." Shaking his head in self disgust Aaron continued, "And that me spraying Carl's place and his dad's grave with paint was me making mistakes! But what would you call me beating up a gay kid in school? Battering Paddy? Punching you? Laying in to Carl just now? They weren't mistakes or bad choices. That was me losing my head! Me losing control. Aren't you scared I'll lose it with you again one day?

"No." Jackson answered honestly.

"Well you should be!"

"I walked into this relationship with my eyes open, I've seen you scared, hurt and angry but I've seen nothing to make me think you'd ever hit me again. What I have seen is you trying and succeeding to do the right thing. You scared the hell out of me when you went after your dad but you turned it around and showed yourself to be the better man. As for what happened with Carl, there's history between you, not easy to forget but just five minutes later you were willing to do just that. Give yourself some credit Aaron because you've earned it."

Aaron sighed and sank back into the cushions. He was trying; trying to sort out the mess his life was. The mess he'd made of it. But that didn't mean he wouldn't mess up again at some point did it? And what if that meant he hurt Jackson in some way?

Sensing he was beginning to get through to Aaron, Jackson said, "There is one thing that scares me."

"What?"

Jackson sighed wearily, "The thought of waking up tomorrow and finding that you're not in my bed or in my life."

Aaron hung his head, suddenly realising just how much his insecurities were hurting Jackson.

Jackson was unashamedly ready for the kill now, "Do you really want to wake up in the morning and find me gone from yours?"

"No." Aaron met Jackson's steady gaze, he hadn't had to think about his answer that was the last thing he wanted.

Jackson breathed a sigh of relief, "Good. Because like I said before, I'm not going anywhere."

Aaron shifted into Jackson's waiting arms, absorbing all the reassurance and comfort offered him there.

Then with a little coaxing from Jackson and some manoeuvring of limbs and cushions the two of them were soon stretched out on the sofa. Aaron's back resting against Jackson's chest, his head on his shoulder. Both needing a little time to get their thoughts and emotions in order.

Jackson's insides were still in knots. Aaron had really thrown him this time. For a minute there he'd begun to think it actually could be over between them. Aaron could be so bloody stubborn. If he had convinced himself it was best to end things then Jackson doubted he would have been able to talk him around. But it hadn't been so difficult in the end. Aaron liked to think he was hard and he was to a point. But he was also extremely sensitive and that was why life had been able to scar him so badly. So Jackson had appealed to his sensitive side and it had won out.

He had been surprised, no shocked was a better word, to hear some of the things Aaron had done, although he'd tried not to let Aaron see that. He knew troubled kids acted out and played up, and Aaron seemed to have excelled at both. Paddy really had had his hands full with him, but he'd never given up on him. No wonder Aaron loved and respected him so much now.

But Aaron's past was exactly that as far as Jackson was concerned. He was part of his present and hopefully his future.

He'd liked Aaron from the start, really liked him. Right from the time he'd seen the panic in his eyes when he'd thought he was being chatted up. He hadn't been chatting Aaron up as such, more checking him out. There had been plenty of men cruising the new face at Bar West but he'd got there first. He'd been on a rollercoaster ride ever since, and he had no intention of getting off. He'd fallen in love! Quicker than he'd ever thought possible but there was no denying it at least not to himself! He knew Aaron cared for him, he'd proved how much today even if it was in a cack-handed way. Still that didn't necessarily translate into love. But maybe one day soon Aaron would look at him and realise he was in love too!

It was so quiet he could hear Jackson's heart beating, just like that first night when he'd fallen asleep in his arms. So alien a place to his thinking at one time, but then and now a place of warmth and comfort. Somewhere he'd found the strength and courage to share something of himself, something other than anger and spite. All the thoughts and emotions he'd tried so hard to keep locked up inside.

It was so easy to talk to Jackson, to explain and express himself. Jackson expected it and just like a few minutes ago if he wasn't happy with what he was hearing he'd keep on at him until he was.

He never thought he could feel so at ease with someone, trust in them so completely. Was that because they'd shared both body and soul? It was all a bit too deep for him but still he was sure that's what tied you to someone. What set a relationship apart. What made you look at someone and smile inside. The truly knowing them.

Was that what led to love? Was he in love? His racing heart told him he was!

TBC