Chapter 39

Several days after our reunion in Los Angeles, we all headed to New York, and the day we arrived we went to the theatre where the boys would be performing that night. They boys did a sound check, and then we went out together for dinner at a fancy restaurant Michele had chosen. We were all having an especially good time together after spending weeks apart for the break.

We were excited to be on tour yet again, and we joyously toasted its beginning. The restaurant was filled with good food, good music, and rich red decorations; my kind of place! Ignazio sat beside me joking with me and making me laugh as we happily discussed yet again the concerts a few nights before in Los Angeles.

"This tour is going to be the best yet!" I declared.

"Hear, hear!" Piero agreed from across the table, holding up his glass of water, and I laughed and clinked with him and Gianluca, only vaguely aware of Ignazio's sudden quiet.

After we returned to the hotels and we all went to our suites, I spent some time fervently reviewing the new photos of the boys on my camera and reviewing the U.S. tour schedule. Soon I stretched and turned off my camera and went to take a shower. As I emerged feeling clean and refreshed in my pajama pants and T-shirt, I decided to go and tell Ignazio goodnight.

I quietly left my suite and went down the hallway to Ignazio's. I smiled when I found the door unlocked, toying with the idea of sneaking in and surprising him. He was probably expecting me, but I soundlessly turned the knob and cautiously opened the door, quietly entering the short hallway leading to the small living room of the suite. I reached down and carefully removed my red high-tops so I wouldn't make any noise, and listened.

"Yes, that sounds great! Would you mind running the times by me again so I can make sure I've got them right?" I heard Ignazio say, and I straightened in surprise at the sudden sound. His voice was coming from the kitchen, and when there was no response I figured that he was on the phone. I inched along the wall, and when I reached the corner I slowly leaned forward and peered around it, smiling to myself. He was standing with his back to me in the kitchen, on his cell phone as I had suspected. He had changed into his sweatpants and a thin T-shirt, but despite the comfortable clothing he stood up completely straight, alert and ready as he listened to the person on the phone.

"Thank you; that will be great! I'll make sure we'll be there… Okay, thank you!" He sounded happy, but when he hung up he just stood there motionless, holding the phone at his side as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. I stood motionless also, peering silently around the corner at his back, all thoughts of jumping out at him vanished. Then he turned, and his face was so somber and forlorn that it scared me. As I watched, he reached out and quietly laid his phone on the kitchen counter. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he let it out, reaching up and fingering his damp hair.

He reached up his other hand and ran them slowly over his face, and then he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the cabinet, his face dejectedly buried in his hands.

I chose this moment to step out from behind the wall, and I stood out in the open of the room.

"Ignazio?"

He jumped and jerked up, looking up at me in shock.

"Tamzin! Have long have you been here!?"

"I just came in a minute ago. Ignazio, what's wrong?"

For a moment he just stared at me, still looking surprised and a little unnerved by my sudden entry, but then he smiled and shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong."

There was not even a hint of a shimmer in his dark eyes, and I knew his smile was only a cover-up.

"No," I said, shaking my head worriedly. "You have to tell me."

He sighed and just looked at me, his smile fading.

I moved forward and went around the cabinet, joining him in the kitchen and standing in front of him.

"Ignazio, are you okay?"

I reached out and gingerly touched his face, and he took my hand in his and leaned forward to kiss me softly.

"I'm okay," he said when he pulled back. "Don't worry. Everything is as it should be."

"Really?"

"Yes. Everything is fine. I did everything I had to do today, and nothing's wrong."

I stared up into his eyes and there was a sadness about them that scared me.

"Then why do you look so upset?"

"I'm just…really tired."

He opened his arms to me, and I moved into them, feeling them move gently around me. I looked up at him, at his somber expression, and then pulled back slowly and stood in front of him.

"Then why don't you go to bed now?" I suggested softly.

We looked at each other quietly for a moment, and then he shook his head.

"I know this will sound strange, but I don't think sleep will help me."

"You're scaring me, Ignazio."

That seemed to get his attention, because he moved quickly to me and embraced me again, enveloping me in his arms.

"No, Tamzin. Don't be scared. I'm sorry I worried you. I promise, everything is as it should be."

I looked up at him questioningly, and he kissed me tenderly, and then released me.

"I'm going to go sit down," he said, and I stood there in the kitchen and watched him go to the living room and trade the overhead light for the smaller brightness of a lamp. Then he went to the recliner and lay back, stretching out and propping up his feet on the footrest. He rubbed his face with his hand, his eyes closed, looking exhausted.

I watched him silently for a moment, and then left the kitchen and went across the living room to the chair. I wordlessly went up to it and cautiously began to climb into it with Ignazio.

He opened his eyes and reached out to carefully help me get settled on his lap. I sat sideways on him, leaning back with him into the reclined chair, my feet hanging in between the chair and the footrest with my face beside his.

His arms were gently around me, holding me to him and securing me on his lap. I reached up and took the other side of his face into the palm of my hand and tenderly kissed his cheek. I gently kissed him again and again, trying to comfort him, and I smiled slightly when I saw his eyes close contentedly.

He turned his face to me, and I kissed his lips, and kissed them again and again, and moved slowly up the side of his face and back down.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too."

He opened his eyes, and the somber look was still present, though perhaps lessened by my presence. I kissed him again, lingering to feel his lips against mine, and I moved my hand down to rest on his chest as he closed his eyes again, surrendering himself to my efforts to console him. I lay against him in the recliner, gently kissing him again and again as the brilliant glow of the lamp illuminated us and fading into darkness around the rest of the room. I kissed his lips, his cheek, his temple, his chin, and his neck, and he was quiet, silently experiencing the comfort I tried to bring him.

After a while I rested my head in the crook of his neck, listening to his breathing and feeling his chest rise and fall under my hand.

"Feel better?" I whispered.

"Yes," came the soft reply, and I lifted my head and kissed his lips again. Then we both fell silent, sitting there together as the clock across the room counted the passing minutes.

I closed my eyes and kept listening to him, and soon heard his breathing change and his grip on me relax as he fell into sleep. For several minutes I just lay there listening, feeling him against me, and then I finally got up and moved cautiously out of the armchair.

"Goodnight, Ignazio," I whispered, looking down at his peaceful expression. I reached out and clicked off the light, and stood there for a moment as my eyes adjusted. I turned and carefully navigated through the room to the door. Leaving my shoes in Ignazio's suite, I opened it and looked back as the light briefly fell across his face. Then I stepped outside of the room and closed it quietly behind me.

I walked down the hallway in my socks and returned to my own suite, where the lights were all still on. I sat down at the table, thinking, and then got up and went to my camera. I flipped through the pictures I had taken only earlier that day, and in all of them Ignazio had that playful shimmer in his eyes.

I put down the camera and turned off the lights, quietly going to the bedroom and getting in the bed. I fell asleep worrying about what could have left him so somber in the room down the hall.