Chapter 42
As we landed in Washington D.C., I quietly clung to Ignazio's hand as we left the plane and gathered our things. Ignazio called a cab and asked to be driven to a specific hotel. As we were being brought to the hotel, I looked up curiously at him.
"Soon?" I asked.
"Almost," he replied, and I nodded and jiggled my feet nervously as we sped down the cold roads to the hotel. After Ignazio had claimed our apparently pre-made reservations for adjacent suites, we went up together and put our things down. After I had set down my bags beside the sofa in my suite, I went to the window and pulled back the dark blue curtains to peer out at the city. A light snow had just fallen, and everything was cold and icy and bare. Everyone was used to the snow, and no one was outside playing in it. The freezing weather was too routine and expected here. I touched the glass and shivered. I hated the cold, and I let the curtains fall again when I heard the door behind me open.
Ignazio smiled sadly at me and closed it behind him, and then came forward and stood in the middle of the room. I watched him quietly for a moment, and then slowly moved away from the window to stand a few feet in front of him. We looked quietly at each other for a moment, and then I decided it was time to ask.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"Washington D.C."
"I know that. I mean specifically."
"The home of the National Geographic Headquarters."
His gentle voice could not stop the blow the realization delivered me, that my muffled suspicion had been right.
"I knew it," I said softly, and he nodded, his eyes sad and lonely. "That's why you didn't want me to know where we were going. You thought I'd resist."
He nodded sadly. "The closer you were to getting on that plane, the harder it'd be for you not to get on the flight with me."
I fell quiet, watching him sadly.
"You're sending me away?"
"No! Oh, no, Tamzin!" he exclaimed, coming hurriedly to me and taking me by the arms. "I'm letting you go."
"But how can you do that? What about the contract?"
"I talked to Michele, and he agreed to break it."
My breath was fast and unsteady, and I stared up at him in stunned silence.
"I sent them your pictures when we were in Marsala," he explained, "The day you couldn't find the flash drives. I told them you were available to try working with them, and they snatched up the offer right away. They want you, Tamzin. You're an amazing landscape photographer, and they want you. You're going to work for them instead of us. They'll give you an entry assignment, and they'll see how you fare on that and decide where to put you next."
My heart leaped in excitement, but then in a wave of fearful sorrow I pulled away from him and shook my head.
"You can't do this. I can't stay here!"
"Yes, you can! Don't you want to!?"
I stared longingly into his face, reluctant to admit it.
"But, Ignazio, what about Il Volo!?"
"Don't worry about us! You did so much for us, Tamzin, but now it's time to let you go. I knew you were always still thinking about being a professional landscape photographer, but I wanted to believe you could stay with us and forget about it. But you can't forget about it, Tamzin. You'd never have been able to forget about it if you stayed with us!"
"I could have tried!"
"No, Tamzin! This is your dream. Since you started working with us, this has been your dream, and it still is your dream, right?"
It was. He knew it was, and so did I. Excitement pulsed through me at the idea of it, but sorrow at the idea of leaving Il Volo overwhelmed me and muffled it. But I couldn't yet bear to say yes and accept what he was doing.
"Tamzin, I don't want you always chasing down a dream that's out of your reach!"
"But I told you I'd give it up to stay with you! I told you I'd learn to accept not knowing!"
"Tamzin, we both know you can't do that!"
I was crying now, tears running down my cheeks, and he started crying too as he spoke, raising his voice to make me listen.
"For so long you've been doing everything you could to give me my dream! Do you remember what you said before the AMAs!? You told me I deserve to have my dream! Well, you deserve to have your dream too, okay!? And maybe that's not with me!"
I fell into his arms, crying, and he held me tightly to him, enveloping me in his grasp, crying with me. I clung to him, my face buried in his shoulder, scared that the moment I let go he would vanish.
"I don't want to leave you! I'll miss you so much!"
"I'll miss you, too, but you have to go, Tamzin! You have to."
He held me tightly as we cried together, and he held my head against his shoulder and leaned his head against mine. After a few minutes of sobbing I looked up at him and asked, "But I can always decide to come back, can't I?"
He sighed and pressed my head into his shoulder again.
"Tamzin…I don't…think…you'll be coming back," he choked out, and I kept crying because I realized he was probably right.
Ignazio went out into the freezing D.C. weather to find us something to eat, and I stayed in my hotel room to think, holding my camera in my hands and sitting on the sofa. Excitement coursed through me at the idea of finally being able to be a full-time landscape photographer, and thinking of places I could be sent by National Geographic exhilarated me. I pictured myself romping through the mountains of Germany, or the French coasts, or even vast Egyptian deserts with my camera and my laughter echoing around me.
It was what I had desired for so many years, my dream ever since I was a little girl! Now that I was so close, I was overjoyed and excited and terrified all at once.
I was about to start something amazing, but the knowledge of what I was leaving behind crushed me and made my heart sink. Leaving Il Volo would be the hardest thing I'd ever done, and the thought of never seeing Ignazio again made me what to run into his arms and latch onto him forever. My chest already ached with sadness as I missed cheerful Barbara, steadfast Michele, and sweet Piero and Gianluca. The sorrow almost made me want to throw away all of my National Geographic fantasies and stay with them forever. But I knew Ignazio was right: I would never be able to accept not knowing. My dream was so dear to my heart that I could never just forget about it.
Ignazio returned and I leaped up and raced into his arms, and then we sat down to eat. Neither of us was hungry, but Ignazio encouraged me to eat before I went to meet the National Geographic people in the afternoon. So I tried, but my chest ached with sorrow as I gazed at Ignazio. As we watched each other, we came close to tears over and over again and had to regain our composure or we might not be able to stop the crying that would commence.
"When are you leaving?" I asked softly.
"Midday tomorrow I'm leaving for Boston."
"Oh. I'll come to the airport with you."
"Thank you…Are you excited about the meeting later?"
"Yes…excited and terrified."
Soon it was time to leave, and I pulled on my red coat and scarf and my high-tops, and after slinging my camera over my shoulder and filling my pockets with flash drives, we were off. When we pulled up to the Headquarters in downtown D.C., Ignazio and I both stared up open-mouthed at the enormous white building rising elegantly into the sky. There was a gargantuan slotted square building, and on its side was a huge geometric slightly s-shaped building with a garden on the ledge of every level.
Ignazio and I walked silently beside the huge garden separating the two buildings, staring around us at the place's majesty and splendor.
"Brilliant," I whispered, awestruck, and he nodded, his eyebrows raised, and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket noting where we were to enter. We made our way along the side of the square building to where the private offices were located and were let in by a worker at the door.
"Ms. Montgomery! Welcome!" the man said, stepping aside and letting us into a huge waiting room. There were elegant chairs and sofas circled around the spacious room, with a huge N.G. logo stuck onto the wall aside dozens of framed iconic photographs.
We sat for only a minute before a woman raced into the room and greeted us exuberantly.
"Tamzin Montgomery! It's a pleasure to meet you! We've had our eye on you for a while now!"
She took us into her huge white office filled with past magazines and photos, and we sat in front of the desk looking around as an intern came in and poured us coffee.
"So," the woman said, folding her hands on the desk and smiling eagerly at me, "Let's discuss your entry assignment, shall we?"
"Africa? The communities are in Africa?"
She nodded, smiling eagerly. I stared blankly at her, trying to process this information, and I turned my head to look at Ignazio, who continued staring stonily forward.
"Yes, that's where the communities are. Like I said, you'll be staying in four different ones along the southern part of the continent, for a week each. So for you, this will be a relatively short project."
"My starting project…" I comprehended, and she nodded. "So explain to me again what happens after I finish it."
"This is to see where your expertise lies. We know already you'll be able to handle the photography, but we want to see how you fare in the environment. From this project, we'll be able to gauge where we should place you next, and then you'll sign your contract promising to continue working with us. Right now you'll be operating without a contract to make sure you can handle the lifestyle."
"I'll be traveling alone?"
"No. The reason we wanted no delay in getting you here was because the project's overseer, Monica, is returning to Africa to check on its progress. While you are out doing your landscape photography, she'll be working within the communities, reviewing the work of the journalists who have been there for several weeks now. Monica was displeased with the work of their former photographer, and when Mr. Boschetto here contacted us she demanded she get to have your entry project."
"Oh."
I sat quietly, staring straight forward as I processed all the information. I was a mix of both excited and horrified as I thought of the opportunity, and then of how far it would be from Ignazio.
"Tell me about life in the communities," I said, and she smiled and pulled a folder out of a drawer, which she slid toward me across the desk. I opened it, and Ignazio and I looked at the photos of the different places.
"You'll be living as the people in the communities do, in huts within their reserves. You'll live as they do, eating their food, sleeping on a mat, and washing in a community water supply or outdoor shower. I know it sounds rugged, but we like that you'll be completely immersed in the culture. It will help you to be able to get the best photographs if you understand the lifestyle of the country's inhabitants, and you'll be able to most accurately reflect the feel of the country."
"Look at that background," I murmured, entranced by the dark purple of the sky in the photo. My heart rate was picking up excitedly as I flipped through the photos, looking past the people into the rich colors of a vibrant, far-off realm. "Wow."
"It looks amazing," Ignazio said softly, and I looked up at him, pulled suddenly from my trance with a deep burst of sorrow. "I know you'll love it."
We looked at each other quietly, and I felt heat behind my eyes, feeling the agony of missing him rising in my chest.
"I'll send you pictures," I responded, also speaking softly, as if raising my voice would make him break into pieces and disappear forever.
"Actually," the woman at the desk said, her voice quieting, and we looked up. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but there will be no cell service whatsoever."
"No cell service!?" I asked, my eyes widening.
"None. For this project there will be minimal contact with the outside world. This will help you to be fully engaged in these places. However, you will be able to send letters to loved ones whenever the plane bringing supplies comes, about once every two weeks."
I stared, stunned, and then I shut the folder with a snap and dropped it on the desk. I stood up suddenly, and Ignazio looked up at me in surprise.
"Tamzin?"
"Excuse me," I said to the woman, "Ignazio, can I speak to you for a moment outside?"
He got up immediately and followed me out the office, and I quietly shut the door behind me and turned to him.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his stony expression replaced by a tender, worried sincerity, and I shook my head.
"I can't do this."
"You can," he said quickly, taking my arms firmly. "And you will."
"No!" I exclaimed, pulling away from him, "You can't make me go!"
"You're going to love it! I know you will. Don't you know?"
"But, Ignazio!" I protested, not answering his question, "No contact with the outside world!?"
"Shh!" he said, looking worriedly at the door. "It'll be okay!"
"When is your flight, again?"
"Midday tomorrow."
"I'll go back with you! It doesn't matter; I don't have to know!"
"No, Tamzin! You know you can't do that! Just wait! It'll be okay, you'll see!"
"You don't know that! I can't go, Ignazio!"
"Just wait! Everything will be okay."
His anguished expression revealed he was trying to convince himself as well, and I started to cry, stepping forward and throwing my arms around him.
"I'll miss you!" I said, my breathing fast and sharp, "I'll miss you so much!"
He held me tightly and kissed the top of my head.
"I love you, Tamzin. You'll be always in my heart."
"I want to be in your arms, too!" I exclaimed suddenly, and turned my face upward and kissed him.
He released me and gently took my face in his hands when I pulled back, and for a moment we just gazed at each other. He was trying not to cry, and he tenderly wiped away my tears.
"Do you remember that Il Volo means "the flight"?"
"Of course!"
His voice quivered as he spoke, but he finally managed to get out the sorrowful words.
"Tamzin, thank you for flying with us, but this is where you get off."
I stared silently at him, and then all the fight went out of me at once and my body relaxed. He moved his hands and my head drooped.
"I love you," he said softly. "You have to go."
"I love you too," I whispered, and then, "...I know."
I reached out my hand uncertainly, and he immediately took it and held it tightly. I took a deep breath, and then stood up straight and looked toward the door. I strode forward with Ignazio walking beside me and opened it. I went up to the desk and nodded at the woman.
"When do I leave?"